InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Better call Saul!"

Tesla Spencer (Psych OC) (futureofficer) wrote in syncraticsd,
@ 2008-11-02 22:38:00

Entry tags:

logan echolls, tesla spencer

Who: Logan Echolls and Tesla Spencer
Where/When: Echolls Poolhouse, this evening.
What: At the very least, a fight.
Warnings: Definitely language, entirely possible that she might hit him too. Beyond that, I'll edit.

Tesla drove straight from Rene's, had shut her phone off to avoid any more possible phone fighting. She was way over the speed limit, Linkin Park blasting off the stereo of Henry's car, and she couldn't have cared less right then. Pulled in to the Echolls drive past Trina's Beemer rental, was half tempted to crash into it on purpose but knew Henry would kill her for that and that was the absolute last thing that she needed just then. Got out and made sure not to slam the door (despite desperately wanting to) so as not to attract his older sister's attention.

Wasn't trying to be so stormy, but cutting across the yard to the poolside she was just getting more enraged at his repeated cowardice. How he couldn't seem to see how much better it would be. . .how it would be. . .Her fists were clenched into balls at her sides and she finally stomped the length of the pool, paused at the door before throwing it open. Glared at him. "I don't love you anymore," It was painful to say but she hoped it hurt, her own painstaken features fighting to remain angry. "Bye." There, she'd said it and that was all she'd said she would do. Turned on her heel and made to go back around front, arms folding in front of herself as tears finally began to burn their way out of her eyes.

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epicbadboy
2008-11-02 11:43 pm UTC (link)

Logan still wasn't sure why he had gotten so angry; Tess constantly pushed and demanded more and Logan gave it, or tried to. But there was only so much he could give, he thought, it was unfair for her to keep asking. He had meant it more as a throw away, more like let's just get out, 'cause if there was one more thing Logan needed was his fucking sister raiding what was left of the savings and his trust fund. So her saying yes, saying Henry won't be there, then calling him on it was just more than he could take. He had regretted the FUCK YOU as soon he sent it.

"You're such a liar," he yelled after her as she began to walk away. "You love me, you can't just suddenly unlove somebody, especially after Friday night, Tess." He followed her out the door, conscience already stinging from the tears refusing to fall from her eyes, trying to steal himself against it. "You're my girl, always will be." Ran his hand through his hair, looked at the house and saw Trina standing at the french doors leading out to the pool, watching them.

Tess was still walking away from him, and he growled in frustration, took quick steps to catch up to her and grabbed her elbow. "You don't get to walk away from me, and you can't expect me to just get up and leave just because you say so. I told you, I want to do this right. Not run out of town because our problems got too big."

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futureofficer
2008-11-02 11:58 pm UTC (link)

Tess yanked her elbow out of his grasp, reeling on him. "I can expect, or do, whatever the fuck I want to, Logan, just like you." If she had anything in her hands she would have thrown it at him, and her arms shook with anger, with hurt. She hadn't ever felt this upset towards him, and she knew, deep down, this wasn't entirely about him. But he'd lit that fuse, and she had to blow. Had contained too much of it for too long. "Why I am the only one who has to follow the ethics code of life? Huh? Fucking tell me why I'm the only fucking person in this goddamn world who people expect to be so fucking upright?"

She wanted to throw something so bad, had picked up on Trina from her peripheral vision and was tempted to fling something at the door. Trina was still the least of her problems. "Your Mom is dead, and you have that closure. You know where she isn't and what she isn't doing. My mom left us for a job. My dad begged her to stay and do counseling and her fucking job was more important to her than her kids and the man that would die for her!" Any holding of the tears was gone, they were trailing down her face and in between breaths she inhaled hard so she wouldn't have rivers of snot running down it as well. "Dad tries to stay at work as much as he can so he doesn't have to come home and deal with Shawn's angsty shit and me always getting into trouble and fighting with him. You don't like your sister, I love my brother and he'd talk to a dog before he came to me with any of his problems."

"So excuse me if I don't want to be here anymore wondering who the fuck is going to disappear next, or when Shawn's going to stop talking to me period or when you're going to find someone better." Voice broke at the last part, and her legs were weakening under her weight. And she crumbled to her knees next to the pool, ducking her face out of his and Trina's view to cry quietly.

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epicbadboy
2008-11-03 12:47 am UTC (link)

Logan for a moment just stood there, fighting it. Her words about his mother hurt, brought up that sting all over again, and he wanted to punish Tess for bringing it up. But he had never been able to handle her tears, and Logan sat next to her, spoke softly. "Tess. I'm sorry. You get to be the upright person cause the rest of us are so fucked up. It's sucktastic job, I know, but the rest of us would be lost without you. Me especially."

He was still afraid to touch her, knew she would probably just push him away. He deserved it, had gone off on her just cause she had been handy, didn't matter that he was pissed at Trina, pissed at the fact that there's no way he could just leave it all behind. "There's no one better than you, hot stuff. C'mon, you rock and you know it." He paused again, scooted a little closer. "I can't leave, I've got Henry's trust... I've never had that before. I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna make it great, okay? Me and you. Just because, Tess, you... I love..."

There was a sound of the french doors opening, and Logan looked up; Trina had opened the door to hear better. Logan scowled at her but otherwise ignored her, turned back to Tess. "Come in the poolhouse with me, or let's go back to your house, okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I lost my temper at you. It's not your fault."

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futureofficer
2008-11-03 01:01 am UTC (link)

Say it. Fucking say it or I walk. The words were on the tip of her tongue, and she couldn't bring herself to utter them because she knew deep down he'd probably just point her in the direction of the door. When he stumbled on them she met his gaze a moment, and when he steered away she couldn't mask the look of hurt that passed over her face, looked away again. There was just a long moment of her staring at the pavement, the sound of her choking back the sobs. Eyes were squeezed shut and she felt the tears that were on her face already dripping to the ground, shook her head a little as she found the strength to stop crying, bottle it all back up.

But if he was right about one thing, it was Henry. Henry always had a cheerful greeting for Logan when he came down the stairs every morning, started up conversations with him, told Tess no late night junk food runs without Logan right next to her. She knew why, she knew it was him looking at himself and her mother more than twenty years ago. He wanted it to work there since it hadn't in his reality, and Tess almost didn't have the heart to deny him even the chance of that. Wiped her face quickly in the sleeves of her denim jacket before standing and helping Logan up, eyes pausing on Trina before she took his hand to walk into the poolhouse with him. "Sorry for doing the same, you're not why I was worked up and I took it out on you."

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epicbadboy
2008-11-03 03:25 pm UTC (link)

Logan quickly brought her fingers up to his lips, kissed them, before she could pull away. "Nah, I was an ass." Quickly gave Trina the bird before closing the door to turn back to Tess. Was silent for a moment, fighting with himself, trying to figure out what to say to Tess. He still wasn't sure what he wanted, beyond the next week, and had firmly stayed in the here and now as he tried to sort out shit for the long term. He knew he planned to go to Hearst, if a combination of grades and money could get him a spot, but wasn't sure where Tess would fit into his future. If he was being a collosal jackass for dragging her along with him, making her a part of his own fucked up life.

High school, here, now, Tess had Henry, had that stabilizing influence in her life. Logan wasn't sure he was good enough to be her sole source of support, if it came down to it, despite how much he loved her. And he knew telling her if did love her would cement the bonds between them, once said there was no way he would let her out of his sight. Which was problematic, given he wasn't sure she should remain in his sight. It was part of what had spurred him to tell her Halloween night, fuck the Jasmine costume, just to let her know how she meant to him.

He scrubbed his hand through his hair again, looking at her now. Tears on her cheeks and he could she was still angry with him. "Tess. Um." Paused. "You mean everything to me, you got it? I want you to be happy and get a chance to do everything you ever wanted. If we ever do run away together," and he had to take a deep breath here, "if we ever do take that step, then it's gonna be right and it's gonna be 100% and its gonna be on our terms. There's too much baggage right now to make you shoulder, MY SHIT, and I don't want you to have to take that on." He looked at her again, kept his hands to himself no matter how much he wanted to touch her. "But you do and you are and you will always be the most important thing in my life. I wanted you to know that."

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futureofficer
2008-11-03 03:47 pm UTC (link)

And now, no matter how many times he said that, she couldn't bring herself to care. It burned, deep in her and made her shake a little. It was never going to happen. In eight months they were going to graduate, and it was going to be over. Done. She'd decided not to go to the academy, maybe even years before she had seen Logan in that light. She didn't want it, just didn't know how to tell Henry without hurting him, especially with Shawn the way he was about the police and following in their father's footsteps. Tess knew that losing him after growing to trust him was going to hurt far worse than it could then.

"It's not going to happen." First thing she'd been able to choke out past several attempts to speak. Still didn't want to look at him. "There's not going to be a 100%, it's not going to happen. And as flattering as that is to know," in regard to 'meaning everything to him', "This clearly is not going to work." Had to wipe under her eyes again. Ironic that these moments kept happening in this room. "I'm graduating with your class in June, testing out to get out early." Sniffled and finally looked at him. "I was gonna take Rene's advice, I was gonna do college instead of the academy. Stick close. But that's the gigantic difference here, I know what I want then, Logan. You barely know what you want now."

With most of the tears subsided she decided the moment of strength was the best to drive through, dug in her pocket for the keys. "Yeah you're right, I do love you. But that's nothing I can't get over in time. I don't want to see you in the social arrangement way anymore. But I'm always here if you need me." Moved to kiss his cheek, staying clear of his mouth, and what it did to her. "But hey, you won't." Managed a phony smile, gave his shoulder a little pat. "Good luck, in whatever you decide to do. Or whoever."

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epicbadboy
2008-11-03 04:19 pm UTC (link)

He couldn't let her go, let her think he wasn't hers down to his core. He tilted his head a bit, tried to catch the warmth of her mouth, but didn't push it when she withdrew. There were so many ways in which she was right, him stumbling from day to day with no thought for anything but fucking and getting high and loudly ignoring everything else.

"Tess," he managed to say, fighting a hoarseness in his voice, "I'll always want you. I'll always need you." Sniffed slightly, rubbed his face and looked over her shoulder, 'cause he really didn't think he could handle looking at her right now. "Just so you know. I guess... I guess you need more than that right now. I need... I need to make sure I can give that to you, before we're 100%." Finally lifted his eyes to hers, the blue he had come to depend on so much. "But I'm telling you, we will be, me and you. One hundred fucking percent. I promise."

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futureofficer
2008-11-03 04:42 pm UTC (link)

Oddly, she felt the resistance she was fighting to build against him crack. The look on his face, the sincerity of his words. Her own face crumpled, threatened tears yet again. She fought them off long enough to move in and hold his face in her hands, silently held it as she fought to get a grip on her racing emotions, thumbs moved back and forth over his cheekbones, held his forehead to hers. "That's a hell of a promise, Buster."

Laughed past the urge to cry, knew it would help, brought his mouth to hers, finally. Fuck if loving him didn't hurt so badly and she knew, in that moment, that that wasn't even his fault. Deepened the kiss with her grip still tight on his face, her tears wetting it, but her arms wrapped around him. Couldn't do it, not then, so close after he'd lost Lynn and with Trina sniffing around for scraps. "I'm sorry," Broke the kiss to look at him, wiping her tears from his cheeks. "I'm just so scared and I. . .It's gotta be okay, just. . .we've gotta make it okay." Forehead to his again, nuzzled his nose with hers. "I love you, I love you a thousand times over and I'm sorry I. .I'm sorry. I'm here," Tightened her arms around him again. "I'm not letting you go, I'm gonna take care of you until you can be mine." Kissed his eyelids, cheeks, lips, deepened it. "Already promised to be your girl."

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