Losing Everything All Over Again Who: Felicity and Mouse What: Therapy When: Monday Morning Where: Mouse’s hospital room Warning: None
Felicity had decided to hold off until Monday for Mouse’s first session. Dr. Berkowitz had found out the girl was diabetic and her lack of medication and poor diet would explain part of the reason Mouse seemed so confused. With her blood sugar out of whack, she couldn’t be expected to make any kind of rational decisions, even without the memory wipe.
She waited until an hour after breakfast before knocking on Mouse’s door. “Hey,” she greeted as she peered into the room. “I’m Felicity Jones. Dr. Gibbons told you I’d be dropping by, I’m sure, so I’m hoping you’re up for some company. “
Mouse was adjusting to the new turn her life had taken. She wasn't a fan of being in a hospital, but she had her own room and everyone was really nice. She just missed her friends. And she really hated this new balanced diet and all the pills she had to take, but apparently she was a diabetic. She had been feeling a little better over the weekend since she did start taking her pills and eating right, but she really wanted a cupcake or something.
She was in the middle of reading a book when there was a knock at her door. She looked up to see the woman Jayne's brother had said would be coming by to see her. "Oh yea, um, hi. Come on in." she said, sitting up more on her bed.
They could do something about cupcakes. There were all kinds of diabetic foods these days. “Thanks,” Felicity said, coming in and shutting the door behind her. “Before we get started, I’m going to explain a couple of things. I’m a psychologist, and I’ll be helping with your therapy. Although from my experience, we probably won’t be able to help you recover your memories. But the main thing to know is that anything you tell me doesn’t go past this room. Unless I have to tell Rupert and then I’ll show you what I’m telling him so there’s no nasty surprises. Sound like a plan?”
Mouse bit her bottom lip as Felicity explained everything to her. She wasn't sure what she needed therapy. She didn't feel particularly unstable. If anything, since getting her sugars under control, she was a lot more clear headed. But Mouse, ever one to please, nodded. "Ok."
Most people thought that about therapy. But really, sometimes just talking things out to someone helped. “Mostly, all we’re going to do is talk,” she told Mouse. “We can talk about what’s bothering you, how you feel. What you want to do with yourself. Whatever you want.”
Now to get started. Felicity looked around, smiling at the stuffed animals and coloring books. She saw the mouse. “This is cute,” she said. “Mind if I ask you a question? Why do you call yourself Mouse?” That was a good place to start at least.
Mouse shrugged a bit as she picked up the stuffed animal Elias had given her and hugged it. "Well, I didn't have a name and Josh thought I was tiny and meek, like a mouse so it just sort of stuck, I guess. I didn't pick it, I guess." Mouse was as good a name as any and she kind of liked it. It was something that identified her since she had no idea who she was.
Ah yes. “Do you like it?” she asked. “Because you’re kind of lucky there. You can use any name you want, really. Not like the rest of us, who are pretty much stuck with what our parents gave us. I like mine, because not surprisingly, people have an easier time opening up to somebody who’s name means happiness.”
She shrugged again. "I dunno...It just sort of is, I guess. I don't I could get used to going by another name at this point." she said as she petted the stuffed animal in her lap. "But you're name is pretty."
Felicity nodded. “Thanks,” she said about the compliment about her name. “So, is there any questions you have? Anything you’re concerned about or want to talk about? Because that is what I am here for. Ask me anything.”
Mouse fidgeted in her bed as a lot of thoughts went through her mind. "I don't know...I only have a few weeks of memory so it's not like I can talk about my past." she said as she kept her eyes downcast, playing a bit with the stuffed animal in her lap. "The biggest question I have you don't have the answer too anyway...."
“A few weeks is still something to talk about,” Felicity pointed out. “I might not have the answer, but I might be able to find out or help you figure it out. But you have to tell me what it is first.” She suspected it was who Mouse really was, but she didn’t want to assume.
"I wanna know who I am..." she said with a shrug. "Guess that is an obvious one though." She looked up at Felicity and bit her lip. "But since that's not possible right now....I dunno. I feel really lost. I thought something was good but now that I can think better...I think that it's not so good and that I don't deserve to be treated like I am."
Now they were getting somewhere. “Well, we’re working on finding out who you are,” she told Mouse. “Since now we have a better idea of your medical history and what medications you were taking, we’re checking for women your age who were prescribed that medication in the area. It may take a little while, but we will find out who you are.” As for the other statement. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
Mouse had never thought her medicine would be a way to identify her. She hoped it panned out. She really didn't like knowing nothing. "I'm mostly confused about it...One minute he's all into me, the next he's telling me it's wrong and...I hate it. I want someone who's going to love me, not...not do things then run off."
Oh no. Felicity laid her hand on Mouse’s. “Is that what happened with Joshua?” Yes, Rupert had told her the basics. While the young man could have been good for her, it sounded like he was not. “Do you mind explaining more?” She knew the gist of it, but not from Mouse’s point of view, which was the important one here.
She looked down at her lap again, unable to look at Felicity while she talked. "Well...Josh is the one who found me and took me in so I was grateful to him...And it became a bit more than that and well...we started having sex. But after the first time it was horrible that he said he shouldn't of and it was wrong and then after that it was ok again then it was wrong and I just don't get it..."
Poor girl. That would be confusing for anyone, let alone one who was dealing with what Mouse was. Felicity squeezed her hand gently. “That has to be confusing,” she said. “It is not wrong, but some people feel like if circumstances don’t fit a certain criteria; like both partners being close in age, or the ‘right’ gender, or religion or so many other things that really have nothing to do with the feelings between two people, they will convince themselves how they feel is wrong. Sounds like that’s what Josh did. Which isn’t fair to you.” She smiled softly. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Mouse. Don’t ever forget that. Okay?”
Mouse nodded. "Ok...I don't really wanna talk about it anymore." she said, looking away from her. She was obviously hurt about the entire situation and didn't really know how to deal with it. She grabbed a pudding cup that was on her little table of food and opened it, focusing on the food.
Felicty nodded. “That’s fine,” she said. “But I have another question. Do you want us to tell Joshua that you don’t want to see him anymore? That’s entirely up to you and no one will blame you if you don’t. Right now? It’s all about you and what you want and feel.”
She bit her lip as she thought it over. "No, I don't want to see him." she said as tears filled her eyes. Not wanting Felicity to see her cry she lay down and turned her back to her. "I don't feel good...I think I want to take a nap." she said in a strained voice.
She nodded again, feeling bad for upsetting the girl. “It’s okay, Mouse,” she told her. “If you need to cry, then cry. You’ve been through a lot and it’s very hard and nobody expects you to be able to tough your way through all of it. Letting it out will help. Keeping it in is just going to make you feel worse.”
"Please...I just wanna be alone." she said, sniffling as she clung to the mouse stuffed animal. Her whole word was falling apart all over again and it was terrifying. Just when she thought she was getting the house of cards that was her existence stable, the wind blew and knocked it all down again.
“Okay, Mouse,” Felicity assured her. “If you need anything, let the staff know. My number is by your phone if you need someone to talk to.” She sighed softly. “I’ll see you later. Bye.”
Mouse didn't say anything, only covered herself completely with the blanket and turn her face into the pillow to muffle her crying. She didn't know what she was doing and she just wanted everything to go away.