Someday, somehow, I'm gonna make it alright Who: Anthony & Maddie What: Guilty conscience When: Tuesday, Evening Where: Their home Warnings: None
It had not been an easy day for Maddie. She had slept late, Anthony already having left for work. Maddie normally made him breakfast and packed his lunch in the morning, but she had been tired and aching from the night before so it seemed Anthony had just let her sleep. She woke up around ten and found movement hurt. She forced herself to get up, walking gingerly as she went about her morning routine, which was exhausting this particular morning. While brushing her hair she noted all the bruises peppering her body in the mirror. Most predominant was the ones on her neck, both from biting as when Anthony had put his hand around her throat the night before.
She didn’t bother dressing properly for the day either, instead just slipping on a pair of sweats and a tank top. Maddie pushed through her chore, but by 3 o’clock she was in a lot of pain and completely spent. She took three vicodin with a glass of whisky and fell back into bed. She intended to only sleep a little while then get up and make dinner, but the clock ticked away and Maddie stayed asleep in bed, wrapped around Anthony’s pillow.
Anthony had felt badly that morning when he awoke to find Maddie covered in bruises. While the occasional bruise from their sex life was fine, seeing the prints of his fingers around her neck made his stomach churn. He hadn’t bothered to wake the girl, letting her sleep in instead. He got ready for work and went about his day as he normally did. He checked in on her a couple of times via text message, but for the most part, he let her be. After work, he went by the local Chinese Restaurant and picked up some food for the evening, figuring that she probably spent the day in bed - not that he’d blame her.
He also stopped to pick up a bouquet of her favorite flowers to make up for the pain he’d put her in the previous night. When he got home and walked into their house, Anthony saw no sign of his wife. Setting the food in the kitchen, he made his way to the bedroom with the flowers, finding her curled against his pillow. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he gently brushed her hair away from her face. “Wake up, sleeping beauty.” he murmured, a little smile on his lips. “How are you feeling?”
As heavily drugged as she was, Maddie managed to open her eyes as she heard her husband’s voice and felt his hand in her hair. She was grateful she had taken pills before sleeping because the moment she came to conscienceless she felt the sharp pain of guilt emanating from Anthony. It was blunted from the haze in her mind but she still reached out and grabbed his hand, trying to comfort him. “I’m fine.” she murmured a little slurred as she forced herself to sit up, wincing.
Even if she was assuring him that she was fine, that little wince and the slurred, medicated way she said those two words showed him she was anything but fine. “You don’t sound fine.” he told her as he handed her the flowers. “I hope you’re in the mood for Chinese. I would have called to see what you wanted, but I didn’t really want to wake you up if you were still sleeping.” he explained.
Maddie bit her lip as Anthony handed her the flowers. She could feel how awful he felt and the flowers showed he was trying. She took them, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Chinese sounds wonderful.” she said softly, giving him a smile. No, she wasn’t fine, but she would be. Her bruises would heal, soon to be replaced by others, but she would be fine.
He gave her a little smile, but it was a weak one. Lifting his hand, he cupped her cheek and gave her a soft kiss. “I love you.” he told her as he got up from the bed. “Lemme go grab the food. We’ll have dinner in bed.”
“Alright...” Dinner in bed sounded perfect as she didn’t want Anthony to see just how much it hurt for her to move. She arranged some pillows to lean on as he got the food, hissing a bit as she got herself settled. Everything from the waist down ached and the bruises on her throat stung.
Grabbing the bag of food from the counter, Anthony went ahead and got them both a beer from the fridge and made his way back to the bedroom. Handing her a beer and the bag of food, he sat his own beer on the side table and toed off his shoes. “Can I get you anything else?” he asked her.
She shook her head and popped open her beer, taking a swig as she grabbed her container of shrimp lo mein. It was her favorite and always had been. Anthony knew her order from any place they liked. She even used chop sticks, enjoying the ethnicity. “Thank you, this was a nice surprise.”
“I figured you deserved it after last night.” he told her as he settled on the bed and pulled his socks off before situating himself against he pillows and picking up his own little box of food. “I’m still sorry.” he told her. “But I’m sure you already know that.”
“Tony...” She leaned up to kiss his cheek once more. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about...” Oftentimes he did have things to be sorry for, but not last night. At least, not in her mind. “We both got carried away.”
Regardless of whether or not he should feel sorry for anything, he did. “I still shouldn’t have let myself get that carried away.” he told her. “I shouldn’t have... I’m always doing something I shouldn’t do.” he muttered, eyes flicking to his food as he let out a sigh. “I hurt you even when I don’t mean to hurt you. I hurt you all the time and I shouldn’t ever mean to, let alone ever do it at all.”
Maddie let out a sigh and set her food to the side. She wasn’t very hungry anyway. “Tony, please, it’s ok....” she said softly, looking up at him with those big dark eyes of hers. “I love you. I’ll always love you. Isn’t that all that matters?” She cupped his face, turning him gently. “And I know you love me. That’s something I always feel.”
“You shouldn’t have to feel it.” he told her, his blue eyes searching hers, aggravation in his voice. “I should show you, I should tell you, I should do things that prove it to you.” Anthony said annoyed with himself and with the conversation. “You shouldn’t have to reach inside my feelings to decipher what I feel for you. It should be apparent in everything, not just in the bottom of my soul.”
“It doesn’t matter how I know, just that I do.” she said, a scowl coming to her features as his own aggravation reached her. “So we have fights, what married couple doesn’t? You brought me flowers and dinner tonight, that shows it.”
He sighed and sat his food aside and laid back against the pillow, reaching up to gently guide her to lay against him. “I wish I knew why I did the things that I do.” he told her. “And I’m just worried that one day I’m going to do something... awful...” he admitted, his fingers gently brushing through her hair. “If I can hurt you this bad when I’m in a good mood... I’m just worried about what exactly I’m capable of in a bad mood.”
Maddie snuggled into his hold, her pain forgotten in lieu of wanting to make him feel better. “You’d never do what you think you would, Tony.” she said softly. All the pain he had put her through, she always healed from it. She couldn't believe he’d ever kill her in a fit of rage. Even in their worst fights, the most she ever had was bruises and a few broken bones.
He hoped that she was right, but that nagging feeling that perhaps he was capable of much worse than he’d done before still tugged at his insides. “Okay.” he told her, letting out a little breath as his fingers gently stroked through her hair.
Her eyes slid closed a his fingers works their way through her long hair. “Trust me, honey.” she murmured softly, putting one of her legs over his as she snuggled against him. “I’d feel it.”
He supposed she was right. She could feel things inside him that he couldn’t even feel himself. He held her closer to him and pressed a soft kiss against her hair. “I guess I need to just accept the fact that you’re stuck with me.” he teased.
Maddie smiled softly as she fought the urge to yawn. “Mhmm. No getting out of it now.” she murmured with a giggle, gently stroking his arm with her fingertips. “I pretty much accepted that when I was what, 14?”
“You should get some sleep.” he murmured. “I’ll clean up later and you can have leftovers for dinner.” he smiled. “You need your rest.” Probably more than she even realized. “Maybe when you get up I’ll run you a nice warm bath for you to soak in.”
“Mhmm.” was all the response he got from his wife. She was already mostly asleep, looking fragile in such a vulnerable state.
Anthony gave a little smile and gently brushed her hair away from her face and over her shoulder. Pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, he decided that a nap sounded pretty damn good to him too. He allowed his eyes to close and pushed away any guilty feelings that still moved around inside of him. There would be other times for dealing with guilt. Right now all he wanted to do was hold onto Maddie.