Carr Wallace (lupine_scot) wrote in supernextdoor, @ 2012-05-23 19:15:00 |
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Entry tags: | #solo scene, 10.10.11, carr |
Who: Carr (closed)
Where: Upstate New York cemetery
When: Monday
What: Saying goodbye
Warnings: Um...tissues at the ready, maybe.
Carr had left Kris to deal with the lawyers, his own self-control too ragged right now for a conversation that would likely require a lot of patience. Needing patience three days away from a full moon was bad enough; doing that when he was newly-mated and away from Gio was suicidal. He had driven his bike to the cemetery where Mel, Rose, and the rest of the pack were buried. The funerals had taken two weeks - two weeks of hell for Kris and Carr, and those few human friends and relatives that had been left behind. Carr hadn’t set foot back here since.
He still knew the way to Mel’s grave. Bunch of slightly windblown red roses in hand, he wove his way through the gravestones until he reached the oak tree that stood over his wife and daughter’s graves. He took a moment to clear the fallen leaves from the stones, the grass around them. That done, he gently placed the roses on Mel’s grave, pulling one half-opened bud from the bouquet, and laying it carefully on his daughter’s gravestone, reaching up to gently run his fingers over the words carved there. Rose Rachel Wallace, always in our hearts. Sniffing hard, he sat down between the two graves, still touching Rose’s headstone as he looked over at Mel’s grave. Melanie - Wallace. Beloved daughter, wife, and mother. With us always.
“Hello, love,” he murmured, voice thick. “I’m sorry I haven’t been by to visit.” He could barely get the words out, dropping his head into his hands as tears began to fall. His wolf was howling miserably inside him, both of them distraught at just being here. But he had to do this. He had to say goodbye. He drew a ragged breath, his chin wobbling as he forced his head up, blinked away tears.
“God, just look at me, Mel,” he murmured, laughing through his tears. “I’m a bloody mess.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, sniffing again. “Always was when you left me alone more than five minutes.” He sighed, raggedly, brushing a few specks of moss from Mel’s headstone, carefully wiping the stone clean. “I miss you, both of you, so much...” he had to pause again to breathe, the ache of losing them sharp and severe in his chest, thickening his throat, making his tongue feel like it was three sizes too big for his mouth.
“Kris is doing ok,” he continued, when he’d gotten breath enough to speak. “He’s found himself a girl. Wee slip of a thing, a shifter.” He smiled, just a little. “Sounds like he charged in, white knight to the rescue. His wolf’s bloody overprotective.” He reached out, picking at a few stray weeds, clearing the grave bit by bit. “But then he always was, eh?” His eyes were still brimming with tears, but he had his emotions a little more under control. Just a little. “We’re thinking of settling down for a while, buying a house.” He looked down at the grass, picking idly at a long strand, shredding the blade of grass with his fingernails, piece by piece. “Never touched the insurance money, either of us. Didn’t want to.” He swallowed hard. “But I don’t think we’ve really got a choice now. Kris won’t leave Arabella, and I’ve...” His lower lip trembled hard, voice thick as he kept talking. “I’ve made such a mess of things, love. There’s this girl, Gio...God, Mel, I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing. I’m mated to her and I barely know her.” He rubbed his face roughly with his hand, as if he could stop himself crying, force himself to man the fuck up.
“I lost control,” he said hoarsely, voice quiet. “I bit her, and now...I’m going fucking crazy, here. You remember how I was, when we mated...I thought that was bad. It’s nothing compared to this.” He threw the shredded pieces of grass away, squinting as he looked up, hoping he could blame the bright autumn sunlight for his watering eyes. “I ran away. She’s human, I don’t-” he stopped suddenly as his phone beeped, taking it out of his pocket on reflex. Another text from Gio. ’I don't know what you're doing but please just come back. I'm worried about you. Everything is going to be okay, just please please talk to me.’.
Carr let out a ragged breath, switching off his phone and sliding it back into his pocket. His wolf howled again inside of him, pushing a soft noise out of Carr as he bowed his head. He ached to run back to Gio, to talk to her, to hear her voice. But he couldn’t. Not until he’d said goodbye properly. “She’s even more stubborn than you, love,” he murmured softly, reaching out to touch Mel’s gravestone again, his fingers trailing down the face of it. “And gorgeous. You’d hate her.” He smiled wryly, knowing it wasn’t true. Had Mel and Gio met, they’d likely get on like a house on fire. “I think...” He bit his lip, the words hard to force out. “I can see me falling for her,” he admitted softly. “I feel something, for the first time in years. And it’s fucking terrifying me.”
He poured his heart out, sitting alone by his wife’s grave, pouring out all the hurt and the loneliness which had consumed him since the death of his family. It was cathartic, almost. He didn’t feel healed, when he was finished. He felt raw, aching inside. But it was like cleaning a wound, washing away the dirt and the darkness, allowing the healing to start. Slipping his fingers into the breast pocket of his shirt, he pulled out two gold bands, glinting in the sunlight. He held them in the palm of his hand for a moment, allowing a few more tears to fall. Reaching out, he carefully laid them on top of Melanie’s gravestone. “Goodbye, Mel,” he murmured softly, letting the tips of his fingers brush her name again. He reached out with his other hand, doing the same to Rose’s grave. “Bye, poppet,” he breathed. “I love you both.” Standing on shaking, weary legs, he made his way back to the gates, his head bowed.