sg_pollux (sg_pollux) wrote in supergleerpg, @ 2012-01-24 14:11:00 |
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Entry tags: | !type: thread, -2012: january, character: pollux stuart, character: quinn fabray, ~complete |
Who: Quinn and Pollux
When: January 23, 2012
Where: Pollux’s house
What: Quinn decides to see Pollux after the JBI issue breaks, cuddles and comfort.
Warning: Pollux’s slightly odd perception of the world, hints of incest, discussion of sexual themes, mentioned miscarriage & past infidelity.
Beyond the usual crap that follows all of Jacob’s slander and lies, Quinn was just a little bit on edge about the stuff happening with Jadyn. It wasn’t even just the mention of her in the blog, but the rumor about Castor didn’t help matters and Quinn found herself angry for Rachel and Puck too, even Olivia.
It was why, when presented with the option, Quinn was happy to go over to Pollux’s grandparents house and visit him. She’d been worried initially when she’d heard rumor of Castor being attacked, when Jadyn practically accused her of being to blame for Pollux not having protection and being the one hurt, she’d grown even more worried but felt it wasn’t her place to visit.
It wasn’t the case now.
So, there she stood, worried about her appearance, on Pollux’s doorstep. She was being foolish, worrying about how she looked, shaking her head (and then fixing her hair) Quinn knocked on the door, hoping Pollux would be the one to answer and not his grandparents or Cas.
Pol had been waiting, his bruised ribs still on the mend, but most of the rest was taken care of. He was still mottled from the fading bruises. He blinked to the inner door, the motion of getting up was more painful then using his power. He opened the door and immediately smiled.
“Quinn. I’ve missed you.”
The smile was easy to return, just as always, Quinn stepping forward and carefully looping her arms around his neck. She didn’t want to hurt him further, but she definitely needed to show him she missed him too.
“Sorry it took me so long,” it wasn’t like her to keep her distance, but then it wasn’t like her to have real friends beyond Brittany, and Santana to a degree. “How’re you feeling?”
His arms circled her lower back. He stepped close into her space, taking in the scent of her hair, the warmth form her skin. All of it was beautiful, soothing. “Better. Understandably nervous.”
Nervous, he was nervous because of what happened, she knew it. Jacob and his stupid blog. “Hey,” she pulled back slightly, stroking a hand over his cheek, “don’t worry about that. It’s not happening again.” Even if Pollux didn’t want her to resort to mindless violence, and even if she did, it wasn’t like she was doing it herself. Even Dave offered to help.
“You just focus on getting well, and don’t worry about the rest.” With the rumors going wild, it would take an act of God to let Azimio anywhere near either Castor or Pollux now.
“Upstairs.” He kissed her once before blinking into in bedroom. “Much better.”
Quinn was definitely getting used to the sudden changes in location, not to mention the very casual and simple affections. “You ever worry that you’re going to miss?” She didn’t give much thought to other peoples powers. Not really, not more than what they could do or how it worked. But she’d witnessed Puck’s control and lack of control, Britt’s wavering surges, her own abilities were unpredictable thanks to her state of emotional stability.
But the mechanics of it sometimes baffled her.
Drawing away from Pol, slowly because she wasn’t sure she wanted to, Quinn had a look around his room again, fingers drawn to the carvings he’d explained before. “Ever wonder if you’ll end up in a wall?”
Pol let her do, slowly easing himself to sit on the twin bed. His carvings spotted most counters, scattered half finished wood pieces and tools lay in the spot he’d ended that day’s work. “I used to. I still do. But I’ve gotten better. Practice makes perfect and all that.”
“That’s something,” practice made her tired. And even then it wasn’t for the best. She turned away from one of the counters, finger tips tracing the smooth lines. “Should you be sitting?” He moved stiff, she saw that, and even if he didn’t look terrible, it didn’t mean he didn’t feel it.
“What was the damage?” She crossed the room again, perching beside him on the bed, hand sitting on his knee, just for the contact.
“Not bad as it could have been. Mainly alot of bruising everywhere, ribs are the worst. I was bleeding internally in the hospital but it stopped pretty swiftly.” He traced his hand over the top of hers. He wasn’t trying to scare her, but it didn’t seem to benefit to be dishonest. “Broken nose.”
Her own imagination had been worse, especially since she knew what Azimio was like, seen him on the football field many a time, how strong he could be when he put his all into it. But the fact remained that Pol really could’ve died.
“Don’t do it again.” She shook her head, watching his hand trace hers. “If he gets near you, if anything like that happens, just use your powers.” Even if it wasn’t mortal danger, even if it wasn’t Azimio. “Please?” Quinn twisted to face him, leaning ever so slightly against his shoulder and turning her hand to catch his fingers in a grip. “You say you’ll protect yourself, so do it. Use them and don’t let it happen to you.”
The concern in her voice, it was so like what had wavered in Jadyn’s and yet he was still surprised. He couldn’t imagine that his hurt would effect so many people. He squeezed her hand, turning his head to kiss her forehead. “I promise.”
Content with the response, Quinn nodded, closing her eyes as his lips touched her head. It was things like this that calmed her, something she wasn’t feeling a lot of lately, least of all about school and the goings on there. Between her continuing issue with accepting Puck and Olivia’s baby, then the fact that there would be no baby and she didn’t know how to react, this thing with Jadyn was thoroughly confusing her and she just had no idea how to deal with it at all.
“When you come back to school, don’t be surprised if Azimio is dead.” She tried to make it teasing, even if her mind had started to go all over the place. “Or Jacob.” If the weasel could be found. “When are you coming back to school?”
“Very soon. I’m well enough to face the halls. Betsy has been clinging a little hard to me. I have a feeling that George is going to kick it in a few days and she won’t survive much longer after him.” He closed his eyes, listening to her voice and feeling her body, letting himself settle into the connection. It was clear she cared for him, that she loved him, as Jadyn loved him, as Gracie loved him and as Eoin loved him. He had so many people who cared he was injured, who tried to help him in their own way... He could feel an emotion pushing up.
He was preparing to lose his grandparents? She knew that his grandfather had been ill for a while, often you heard of elderly spouses not outlasting each other by much. But Quinn couldn’t really believe that you could ever just tell. Then again, there was something different about Pollux.
“I’m sorry,” condolences seemed to going around right then. Her hand gripped tighter to his, her other one circling his back to stroke his hair. “It can’t be easy.” Being thrust into a place he didn’t care to be and then having that taken away from him too. Quinn ended up kneeling on the bed, her body turned towards Pollux to hold him in a awkward angled hug. She still wasn’t used to this hugging business, but it just seemed the best thing to do.
Pollux wrapped his arms around her middle. Slowly he eased himself back to lay on his bed. He petted her spine, taking comfort in the warm press of her body. “Few things are easy. But it makes like better in the end I guess.”
Sighing into the embrace, Quinn carefully rested herself beside him, head resting on his shoulder. She’d prefer if things would just work out easily enough, if the drama wasn’t so constant, if there wasn’t always the fight to just stay above the mountain of crazy. It seemed never ending at times.
“I’d like easy,” one hand sat over his heart, fingers pressing to feel the thump below. The last time she’d been this close to anyone had been Jadyn. She didn’t really want to think about that. “It’d be a nice change in pace I think.”
“Serenity.” He said remembering the hope on New Years. “Perhaps we can have it next year.” He closed his yes, letting himself soak in the affection. “Being near you helps.What about you? Can I help bring serenity in any way?”
Smiling against his shoulder, Quinn hummed softly, “This is nice.” She sort of enjoyed the lack of sexual charge; with Finn he’d been avoiding of cuddles unless he was getting kisses, with Puck it wasn’t anything but sex that one time, Sam had been short-lived and ill-advised. She’d never really just laid with a boy for the sake of being close.
“I kind of see what you meant, about how we view things.” Even her contact with Jadyn had been nothing but the heat of the moment, try as she might repress it. “Everyone seems to want something.” No matter who it was apparently.
“What were you taught? About sexuality?” It might’ve been a little random, but maybe Pollux was a good sounding board for an unbiased opinion.
“Sex is an expression of life. It’s an outpouring and a sharing of the human experience with another person. It’s pure emotion, at it’s most beautiful and terrifying.” He could remember the same words spoken by his mother, her body softened by the smoke drifting near the main fire. She was bare, unashamed of her body because what shame should she have? Their family, the little pocket of people trying to life happier, freer swaying to the soft playing of the drum, his brother dancing, all of it was brought forward by the simple and complex life view.
“I was taught it was a secret thing, sacred maybe.” Her father’s method of teaching was fairly minimal, although his opinions were expressed and they were right, regardless of what they were. “He was probably homophobic, very vocal in his desire for me to be married before I engaged in any kind of sexual intercourse.” Her father would’ve probably reacted worse to Quinn announcing a female lover than he did when she told them she was pregnant.
Not that Jadyn was her lover. Not even in the slightest. It was one time, one mistake, that was all. Quinn was not like that.
“But then, my father is a hypocritical ass with a harlot fiancée almost half his age.”
“Was he homophobic or misogynistic? They are closely tied. A woman’s body isn’t owned or mandated by anyone with any right yo tell what you should feel or how you should act with it. You father didn’t want you to have sex before marriage.... marriage.” He said it with complete disdain. “Sounds like another form of cage to me.”
Quinn wasn’t sure her own views of marriage anymore. Her parents marriage broke down quite spectacularly, having been based on nothing but possessions and money for the better part of Quinn’s life. Several of her classmates were from broken homes or single parent families. Marriage as an institution wasn’t all she’d dreamed it would be from her youngest years.
“He was possessive, controlling. My father’s most beloved objects were just that, objects.” She pushed her arm over his chest, settling closer into his side but wary of his ribs and hugging him just a little more closely. “If my father had his way, I would’ve been a nun.”
“He was controlling you on every side, your sexual being and body was one of the ways. You can be free of it. Love who you want how you want. I love you Quinn and if you wished to share sex with me I’d be overjoyed, but it doesn’t change my love for you, just like it wouldn’t change my love for Gracie if he wished to be in my arms. If you found another man or woman to love I would want you to share yourself with them. Because that’s love to me.” He moved his hand up to pet her cheek.
His admission made her blush just a little bit, but he was inclined to love freely, wasn’t he? She wasn’t sure just what his whole idea was on the matter, but it definitely didn’t sound like monogamy was all that high on his list. Was that just another cage? Sharing yourself with one person and one person alone? And if love and sex were so casually entwined like that, did that mean that love could be without sex, and vice versa?
“Is that what sex is to you? Another way to show affection?” She wasn’t just as restrained as she had been, not with the truth about her father being so obvious. But she couldn’t help but think that sex should be something special. And there she was, not three days ago, engaging in intimate acts with a girl she didn’t even like.
“In it’s basic essence yes. I show affection and share an experience with another person. It’s also trust. I trust that person to treat my body well and care about my pleasure. I give them that in return. It doesn’t really matter what kind of sex you have. I’ve been with people I didn’t know the name of at raves and shared a moment of pure bliss with another human. It’s all an experience of life.” He smiled, speaking freely. He was glad that Cas and Dave were ‘engaged to be engaged’ but he didn’t understand it.
Absently, Quinn wondered what Pollux would think of the term ‘hate sex’. Maybe that’s what it was with Jadyn; anger in a baser form. It definitely wasn’t anything like what Pol described; there wasn’t care for the others pleasure, just the pure need to have it. Quinn still didn’t understand it herself, least of all enough to explain it to Pollux. She half didn’t want to, just because he knew Jadyn as well.
“I hope no one ever takes advantage of you, just because you feel so freely.” Turning her head up, Quinn gave him a small smile. “Maybe I’ll be able to see it like you do someday.” Right then, she wasn’t intending on trying to though.
“Anytime you feel the wish I’m here. Cuddles and kisses and time talking without judgement are all here too.” He pressed a kiss to her temple, seeing as it was the part he could reach would having to lift his back. “Haven’t you have had physical desire and acted on it despite or without a relationship?”
The question led her to think about Puck, and then about Jadyn. Her two sexual encounters and neither were during a relationship. At least not with them. “The first time I had sex,” she sighed, turning her head to lay back on his shoulder, unable to actually look at him right then, “it was with a boy who wasn’t my boyfriend. And I got pregnant.” It had sort of put her off even thinking about it for the longest time.
“I didn’t exactly do it with the right feelings in mind.” She’d done it because she felt insecure, and Puck was there, and she just wanted to be wanted for however long. Not exactly the love and care he was talking about.
He petted her, remembering how his brother had begged and pushed and needled him into touch after their first time together. “Sometimes it’s not. I...” He frowned, remembering Man-Mountain’s heady handed and intense warning against telling anyone. He hated secrets, hated how many lies this place was seeped in. He couldn’t tell her about he and Cas. “I hate Dave... I feel like he’s chaining Cas. He’s good for my brother, very good but this ‘engagement’. It feel wrong. So wrong to me. I want to tell them no but I can’t. It’s... it’s like he’s cutting off his love for anyone else... for me.”
“Like he’s stealing him?” Quinn was pretty sure she knew how that felt, in a few different ways maybe, but still the same. When Thea had gotten married, Quinn hadn’t exactly been thrilled with the idea. She wasn’t exactly close with her sister, but it still felt like someone was coming in and stealing away her big sister from her.
“You have to know it’ll never happen though, right? You’ll always be Castor’s brother, you’ll always be his twin. Whatever he has with Dave, it’s not the same.” It took a long time for Quinn to realise that herself. “Dave and Cas might love each other now, but Cas is always going to love you.”
Pol nodded, the words making sense but... There was so much distance. Every time he and Cas patched things up there was still this yawning gap, this horrible sinking in him. Dave could give Cas everything that Pol had given him, every single thing. Pol was happy working from the shadows of Cas’ life. “I miss him so much. I know I was mean and jealous and we’ve been trying but.. I just miss him.”
Pushing herself up a little, Quinn pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, leaning on her elbow beside him. “I know that this isn’t what you really want to hear, but maybe you just need to give it a little time?” She hated being told to ‘wait and see’, she was terrible at it really. But it didn’t really seem like there was much else that he could honestly do. Stroking his cheek softly, much like he had to her, she smiled slightly, hoping she was helping somewhat. “I’m sure Cas misses you too, it just takes a little time to settle.”
And really, the fact that Pollux took a beating that landed him in the hospital should’ve surely highlighted to Castor just how far his brother was willing to go for him.
He nodded and smiled lightly. He petted over her cheek, the soft curve of her chin. “I know he cares about me. I doubt he likes me very much. He has a right to.” He smiled a little sadly. “I did try to keep him away from Man-Mountain at first.”
“Please,” Quinn smirked, leaning against the fingers at her cheek, “even I would’ve tried to keep him from Dave at first.” Cas was sweet, he was eager and fun, he was like Brittany. There was something about that, some child-like nature that brought out protectiveness in everyone.
“Dave wasn’t always as,” it took her a minute, working to find the right word. Quinn didn’t necessarily like Dave herself, she didn’t flat out loath him anymore, but she certainly wasn’t throwing him a party any time soon. “Calm? Mellow? Less likely to punch people?” Maybe Cas was good for Dave, maybe Dave was good for Cas. Didn’t change how people felt.
“He had issues. Cas came home a wreck in the beginning. He told me Dave fucked him and then demanded he leave. I hated him for hurting Cas.” He growled, the very old anger had fueled some of the resistance to Dave. “He did change.”
“You’ve probably noticed that being gay in this town isn’t easy.” She didn’t want to make excuses for Dave, she didn’t even want to defend him, but Pol and Cas didn’t have the same upbringing that they did, the homophobia wasn’t drummed into them. “Azimio’s response to everything, his reaction, that’s pretty much the normal reaction in this town.”
It didn’t make it right, but it made it understandable.
Pol closed his eyes, the injuries throbbing. “So much hate for no good reason. This whole place has so much hate.” His eyes blinked, tears threatening. “And it’s sucking me in.”
“Hey, stop.” Shuffling slightly, Quinn slid an arm under his neck, shifting them until he was leaning into her, stroking his hair. “Don’t think about it like that. You just need to hold on until it’s over.” She felt terrible that he wasn’t in their year, he was just a sophomore, had so much of this to deal with. “What about, I mean, if something does happen to your grandparents? Where would you go then? Maybe you could, I don’t know, maybe have your own place? Or is there another of the communities you were part of? Any of them nearby?” She didn’t exactly want to encourage him to leave, but Lima was likely to eat him up and spit him out broken.
“Places like ours didn’t exactly like outsiders.” He smiled a little, knowing he should be thinking about this. “If they die then... well there’s no other relatives. I can attempt to be emancipated as an adult. More likely I’ll head out to... There is a place I found. An abandoned farm house. I’ve been going out and working on it trying to get it livable so that when the government does come to round us all up we can have somewhere to hide. If they die I’ll probably go there.”
She wasn’t overly keen on him being off somewhere on his own, but it was probably more important that he be safe and happy than keeping him in Lima. “At least you’re prepared.” She still wasn’t sure about the government aspect of things, the more she learned, the more she wondered though. “Forward planning.”
Letting her hand stroke over his hair, Quinn tried not to let her mind dwell too long on the possible dangers coming. It might just drive her mad.
"I'll sneak you out in the morning if you want to just go ahead and sleep." He wanted to keep close to her. He hated sleeping alone. He missed hearing the breathing of another person, the heartbeat matching in time to his.
“That sounds nice,” sleeping with someone, just for the sake of sleeping, wasn’t something she did a lot of. But right then, she was comfortable and it felt safe. She was fairly content to continue stroking his hair and just stay with him for the night.