heartmachine (heartmachine) wrote in superbabies, @ 2012-11-26 03:26:00 |
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Entry tags: | billy sinclair, luka romanov |
WHO: Luka and Billy
WHEN: Friday, Nov. 23rd
WHAT: Part 2 of 2. After taking some time to run around in the woods, Billy comes by Luka's room. They're clingy and flirty, as per usual, but they find some kind of peace in their situation. They chat a bit about Mark and then decide to mess around instead, because Luka might die in three weeks. We also cut a lot because we didn't want to post anything porny, but just so everyone can laugh at them: at some point, Sebastian walks in and nearly catches them, and Luka deflects it by pretending he was watching porn. And Sebastian asks for a link. Because he's thirteen.
Luka breathed a sigh of relief when Steven left, taking a second to himself before going in for a kiss. “Hi. We were just talking about you.”
“If I’d known he’d be here I wouldn’t have stopped by.” Billy’s ears and tail came out again, and he nuzzled Luka----then tugged him into a tight, desperate hug. He smelled like fresh grass; he’d been out running in the woods for the last two hours. “You told him? Everything?”
“Yeah. I couldn’t keep it all in, it would drive me crazy. And Steven can keep a secret.” Luka pressed his nose to Billy’s neck. Mm. “You smell good. I’m glad you came by.”
“Mm.” Billy kissed his ear, his throat, his cheek, like he just couldn’t get enough of him. Luka might be dead in three weeks, and Billy was trying to process that. He knew it was coming, but having a definite date was just … jarring. “Can I stay? All night?”
“Yes. Please do.” He lovingly kissed Billy’s mouth, cradling his face in his hands. “I was telling Steven what a tease you are.”
Billy’s cheeks went pink. “You what?” Oh, God. “You didn’t tell him that. You didn’t.” Despite being hideously embarrassed, his shoulders straightened with a hint of pride. Luka was attracted to him. Even now, even with how tired he was.
“You might hate what I actually said,” Luka admitted. It was late, he was a bit tired, and it was easier to sit down, so he led Billy over to the bed.
“Why?” Billy quirked an eyebrow and sank down onto the bed. He crossed his legs and pulled Luka down with him. There were things they needed to talk about, but right now Billy just wanted to push them out of his mind. Luka was probably going to die in three weeks. He had to make the most of this time.
“I was a little crass.” As soon as he was settled again, Luka leaned over to kiss his neck. There wasn’t much time. He wasn’t going to stay out of Billy’s personal space longer than he absolutely had to.
“He’s your brother,” Billy scolded, but he was pulling off his coat and letting Luka kiss and touch. “What did you say?”
“We talked about a lot, it’s just hard for me to talk about you without mentioning how much I want you.” Luka wished he was more energetic, but he was never anything less than affectionate and loving. He did have to remind himself not to leave hickeys, though. “I told him you liked to flaunt how gorgeous you are in front of me and how difficult it is not to touch.”
Billy pushed his coat onto the ground and unwound his scarf from his neck to give Luka more room. “Nobody said you weren’t allowed to touch,” he said softly. “In fact, I’d prefer it if you did.” They’d already talked about how they didn’t want to have sex, for several reasons, but now that Luka’s time was most likely finite, Billy felt like he was already in the future and looking back on this like a flashback in a movie. He needed this time with him.
“Mm, but we have a deal. The no-sex deal. Remember?” Luka slung an arm around Billy’s waist. They had some serious things to talk about, but if Billy wanted to stay, they had all night to talk about the serious things. “And the touching makes it worse.”
“Don’t,” Billy breathed, turning to face him. He gave Luka a little shove and crawled over him, kissing his jaw. “Not touching makes it worse. Lying makes it worse. I only get so much time with you and this is how I want to spend it----”
Nerves twisted his stomach. Kissing, messing around, talking about wanting to be together and kiss each other was one thing, but actually doing something was … well. “I don’t want you to be disappointed,” Luka blurted.
Billy lifted his head. His ears twitched. He just wanted to forget for a little while that Luka was sick, but that wasn’t the reality of it. Luka was exhausted. He just didn’t have the energy to be fooling around, with or without clothes. Billy was sixteen, incredibly healthy, and had an unbelievably high sex drive. Luka couldn’t keep up.
He tipped his head and nuzzled him again, his breath hitching. “I just want your hands on me,” he breathed, and he was close to tears. He wasn’t going to be able to forget what they’d talked about, no matter how much he’d tried to put it in the back of his mind. “I just want----I just want you while I have you.”
It was intense; Steven had been right, even if Luka had accused him of not understanding normal people. They’d only known each other for a few months, they’d only been together for a few weeks, but Billy----as sensible and clever and mature as he was----was just a whirlwind of adolescent emotion. Maybe it was unfair to blame his age, but he didn’t seem like the type who’d otherwise fall in love so hard so fast. The drama of the situation was overwhelming.
“I don’t want to push further than you’re comfortable with just because I’m---” Dying. “---exhausted.” Luka kissed one of Billy’s cheeks and gently caressed the other. “Your boundaries are still more important than my health, volchonok. If you want to go further because you feel pressured, we can’t do that.” If Luka died, his own frustrations wouldn’t matter anymore, but if Billy gave more of himself than he was ready to give, he’d carry it around for the rest of his life.
Billy lifted his head, squinting. His eyes were glassy with tears. “..What did you call me?”
“It’s Russian for ‘wolf cub’.” It took everything he had right then to smile instead of crumble when Billy was looking at him like that. “I thought you might like it.”
Billy nodded, fighting tears. “I like it,” he said weakly. “I do.” He kissed him hard to avoid sobbing, kissed him until he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “I’m sorry----I’m so sorry, none of this is a surprise to me, I’ve known this since I met you, it’s just. You put a date on it, and it’s the day after my birthday, and here you are having to calm me down. It isn’t fair.”
“Shh. Life’s not fair. This is happening to you, too, I can’t expect to dump all this in your lap and then not comfort you.” Luka smoothed down Billy’s hair, brushing over his ears. “I understand. I’ve been dying my whole life, and it’s changed in the last two years. My heart stopped long before I took it out. And I know this scares you, but please don’t think I’m running away from you, or from life. I’m near the end of a long road, and I don’t know if I’ll take a turn for the better or just stop. But I have to do this. I’m not myself, and I’m not someone that I’m proud of giving to you. I want you to be with someone happy, and I want to be happy. I can’t do that when I’m like this.”
Billy slumped, curling up beside Luka and resting his head on Luka’s chest. It was strange to listen to. His hearing was strong, and he could easily pick up the sound of a heartbeat like this, but there was nothing. Luka’s artificial heart didn’t beat. “You must think I’m incredibly naive,” he said quietly.
“No. I think you’re perfect,” Luka murmured. “And I think you love me and you’re reacting like someone who loves me.”
“I do love you,” Billy confirmed, holding him a little bit closer. “And that’s something I take seriously. I know I haven’t known you long, so maybe it’s just... I don’t know. I don’t feel like a stupid kid when I say that. I don’t make decisions lightly. I don’t do anything unless I want it. I wouldn’t put my reputation or my emotional happiness on the line for something I didn’t want this much.” The last thing he wanted was for Luka to see him as a child. If he told people, told adults, he knew his feelings would be belittled and dismissed.
“I just wish you knew me before it got this bad. I feel like a tired old man.” Luka had both arms around Billy by now, and he kissed his forehead only because he couldn’t reach his mouth. “I’m not really like this. I’m usually really energetic. Before my heart attack I could have actually kept up with you. I always feel like I’m giving you something worse than you deserve.”
“Don’t worry about what I deserve. I chose this, knowing the situation and knowing you, like this.”
“Honestly, Billy, it’s why I’ve been happy to put off sex. I don’t feel like myself. I’m not happy with the way my body works, and I want you to have someone confident and capable when you decide to start having sex.”
Billy kissed Luka’s chest, over his heart. “It’s not about the sex. It’s about the person. I’m ninety percent sure that Brön could have rocked my world in the boathouse even without making me his slave for twenty-four hours.” He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”
“I’m grateful that he didn’t, by the way. I’m not very jealous, but I’m possessive.” At least, Luka saw a significant difference between the two things. He liked Billy being his and he’d had a few inappropriate outbursts when someone else had been flirting with him, but now that Billy had made a commitment, he didn’t feel the need to butt in anymore. “But … I have to say, that’s kind of hot.”
“My feelings for Brön bounce between constant embarrassment at his behavior and being completely turned on at the fact that he flirts shamelessly at me,” Billy admitted, “but he’s not the person I want to be with. At all. And neither is Mark.”
“I wasn’t saying he should be. I was saying that---” Luka caught himself. They weren’t at a place where they were talking too much about sex or talking dirty to each other, and he didn’t want to put Billy off by blurting out something more sexual than he should. “Just saying that Brön and Mark are not unattractive boys and I don’t have a problem with you enjoying their attention.”
Billy nuzzled Luka’s chest, dropping little kisses here and there. “I don’t want their attention, I want your attention.” He’d take their attention and enjoy it, but it wasn’t the same.
“You have my attention. Maybe too much of my attention,” Luka replied with a chuckle. “Thank God I don’t teach your class anymore, I’d be a wreck if I could even show up for it.” He was ever-so-slightly grateful that the situation was what it was. He was a mess of barely contained lust as it was, and not being able to follow through the way he’d like to was making it easier on him to control it.
It wasn’t that Billy was vain, necessarily. ---Okay, maybe it was. Maybe he was a little bit vain. He was intensely self-conscious about his natural appearance, but this form was manufactured, in a way. He didn’t have a whole lot of choice in how he shifted, but he did get lucky. Puberty had been awkward, and then he grew a foot and was starting to look more mature. Being human meant he had more opportunities. He could go wherever he wanted without risking danger. He was viewed as attractive by other humans, rather than like a freak. So yes, he basked in attention and yes, he invited it.
And at first, that had been the situation with Luka. He’d been able to smell the pheromones in the air and his flirting had been merciless. Luka was attractive and was attracted to him and Billy was just hopeless over it. But the fact that physical intimacy was off the table meant that Billy had to curb that instinct and really get to know Luka as a person, really come to adore him.
“You should have stopped teaching, anyway,” said Billy. “You’re in no condition to be dealing with a room full of teenagers.” He plucked at Luka’s shirt. “You can barely handle one.”
“I’m not doing my best not to jump every other teenager.” Luka worried that Billy thought he just wasn’t interested. That he liked looking but didn’t actually want to touch, and used his condition as an excuse. It was just Luka projecting his own body issues onto Billy, but the feelings were still real. “But you’re right, I’m not. I’ve been sleeping through Calculus. I might have to give that one to someone else for the time being, too.”
Billy frowned. “Luka, I think you’ve earned a vacation from something you don’t want to do in the first place.” If Luka had three weeks left to live, why would he waste it teaching?
“They had spaces to fill when I got here. I couldn’t justify not doing it. But. You’re right.”
“I know I’m right,” said Billy, satisfied. “I’m always right.”
“You’re really cute when you’re being arrogant.” Luka pulled Billy up by the front of his shirt to press a solid kiss to his mouth. “How is Mark, by the way? I know he’s had a rough time, making an idiot of himself.”
“Mm. Mark’s----” Billy sighed irritably. “Making an idiot of himself. I haven’t talked to him all that much, but I know there’s something wrong. He broke up with Owen and hasn’t been taking it well. I think he’s in the eat-cookies-and-cry period, but for Mark it’s a little more destructive.”
“He seemed all right with his mother around.” Luka barely knew Mark. He was Billy’s best friend, sure, but they were such different people that Mark was a mystery, despite being Mark’s teacher. There was something going on with him, right below the surface, right behind the eyes, and Luka hadn’t had the energy lately to suss it out. Still, Mark was Billy’s secret-keeper. Luka owed him one, so the least he could do was be concerned for his well-being. “He doesn’t seem like the type of person who’d mope that hard after only two weeks.”
Billy shook his head. “But he is. I mean, he does. He’s moody, he swings back and forth, sometimes you just don’t know what you’re going to get from him. I’ve known him since I started coming to school here and that’s just how he is.”
Luka shrugged. “Guess I just don’t know him that well.”
“It’s weird,” said Billy. “Sometimes things just roll off his back and he doesn’t care, and he’s fine. Other times he’ll hole himself up in his room for weeks and not talk to anyone. And he loves to just... get angry and push people away while screaming for attention at the same time. He came to me after he and Owen fought, talked to me about how his mom lost so much in the storm and couldn’t make it out here, and then got angry with me when I offered to help. That’s just what he does.”
“That seems a little off.” Luka made a face. It really wasn’t any of his business, but... “Is he seeing someone? Not to insult your friend, but that doesn’t seem right.”
Billy’s ears perked. “Seeing someone how? Like a therapist?”
“A therapist or a psychiatrist, yeah.” Billy’s reaction probably meant that he wasn’t, though.
“I don’t know,” said Billy. “I don’t think so. He’s never mentioned it, and I feel like we talk about everything. Do you think he should?” It was a silly question to ask. Billy knew the answer.
“It sort of sounds like he should. But what do I know, I’m not his mother or his friend, I’m just judging off of a few things you’ve told me.” It just didn’t sound right. And it was selfish, but if Mark had another outburst like that, it might be Billy’s secret on the line instead of Owen’s.
“No, you’re right, he’s always been volatile, and... yeah.” Billy cleared his throat and rested his head back on Luka’s shoulder. “I just don’t want to face his reaction if I suggest it.”
“It’s not your job.” Luka nuzzled, burying his nose in Billy’s hair. “You aren’t his babysitter.”
“Someone has to be.”
“Do you want to be?”
“Not particularly. I want to be his friend, though, and that means looking out for him when he can’t look after himself. I’ll look into it, but I’m not going to press the issue if he gets angry with me.”
“I’m glad he has someone looking out for him.” After a moment of consideration, Luka pushed Billy back---but only so he could crawl over him, nudging his leg between Billy’s thighs. “But enough about Mark.”
Billy made a little noise, shifting underneath him and raising up his hips to make sure his tail was comfortable. “Enough about Mark,” he echoed. “I’m here with you.”