Kanuna Oliver (kanuna) wrote in summerview, @ 2019-03-20 21:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | complete, samuel ward, zkanuna oliver |
Stuck In A Holding Pattern
It was fast approaching the full moon and like every other full moon Sam could feel it coming as he got more worked up, shorter in his temper, and felt very much like something was trying to claw its way out from under his skin.
This lead up to the full moon was no different so to try and offset the mood he'd gone for a very long run and one that had left him retching and dry heaving before he turned back towards the shared apartment. A hot shower was what came next and this was followed by clean underwear and rubbing a towel over the wet strands of dark hair that were so much longer than they had been when he'd first arrived. Clara and Kanuna were both out or so Sam thought which meant he comfortably strayed into the kitchen with the towel draped around his bare shoulders, hands rummaging in the fridge to dig out some fruit juice. Sam leaned back against the nearby counter and filled up a glass before simply downing the juice in a few short swallows. "Feeling it?" Kanuna's voice rang out from the living room where he was lounging stretched out on the couch that was also his bed when in its unfolded form. He had a book resting on his chest, opened, its cover missing, and he'd been watching Samuel since the other wolf had come in. "The moon," he clarified in case that wasn't clear enough and sat up to adjust the pillows behind his head. His eyes tracked over Samuel's mostly naked and freshly showered form. "But I guess you could also be feeling a bit of a chill, by the look of things." A slow smirk spread on his lips. Okay so he wasn’t alone. Good to know.. He rolled his eyes at Kanuna's slow appraisal and use of the word chill but it wasn't like he had anything to be ashamed of so rather than finding clothes he just put the juice away and rubbed the towel through his hair again “Always do in the days leading up to it.” "When you and I and Matt get together in three days for it, you'll feel better." Kanuna chuckled and lifted his book to return to his reading. Not that he was really seeing the words. Not with Samuel standing there in his underwear drinking juice. Kanuna cleared his throat softly and shifted a bit. Sam's eyes flicked up to Kanuna as he mentioned Matt and running with him and Kanuna on the full moon. He might not have known Matt from well Adam but he knew enough to know that he wasn't overly fond on principle alone. Ever since becoming a wolf he had become a lot more... possessive and territorial over people he considered his and apparently he felt that way towards Kanuna. Not that he'd ever said that aloud because people didn't belong to anybody and the human side of him was aware of that but the wolf? Definitely had other thoughts. "Yeah, about that," he muttered as he strayed through to the living room area, curling his hands around the edges of his towel. "I don't think I'm ready for that, running with you and Matt that is." He also didn't trust how he'd be as a wolf towards Matt so it was better for all involved if Sam just did his own thing. "And it's not my first moon." "What?" Kanuna frowned and dropped the book to his chest again before sitting up slowly, letting it fall to his lap. "What do you mean, not ready? If it's not your first moon, then you're ready. It's Matt who needs our help." He squinted, brows furrowed. "I thought we talked about this." "Yeah, we did," Sam agreed with a nod of his head. "And it isn't my help that he needs. It's yours." He hadn't signed up to be a werewolf mentor as he was in no shape or form experienced enough to tell anybody else how to wolf. "But I uh don't trust myself to be a decent wolf on a full moon towards Matt what with everything that went down." He perched on the edge of the nearby chair. "And from the sounds of things it's the last thing anybody needs." Kanuna sighed slowly and put his head in his hand, rubbing his brow slowly as though fighting off a headache. He'd really fucked up taking Matt on, apparently. And it wasn't something Samuel was going to just magically be okay with. The old Kanuna, the one before telling Samuel that he'd been the one to turn him, would've just dropped Matt. But he had a feeling Samuel would take issue with that, too. Just another example of his cowardice and giving up on another new wolf. "So, the second moon since we've been together, you want to spend away from me again, by yourself - or is it her you're going to seek out?" That would explain a lot, actually, and he looked up at Samuel. He'd caught Bree's scent on Samuel since the last moon, of course, and hadn't pried. Samuel was too touchy for that. But this was different. Sam folded his arms across his chest and closed his hands around his upper arms, one of which had a full half sleeve of grey and black designs, all of which paid homage to his upbringing. "That isn't the plan." And it wasn't. She had her territory and Sam had his, last full moon they'd just crossed paths and apparently gone tooth and nail over it as well. Thankfully he'd healed up since then. "But I know myself well enough to know that I'd clash with Matt on a full moon." "Really?" Kanuna asked doubtfully. He'd like to ask more about Bree, find out exactly why it wasn't the plan when they'd so clearly gotten along, but he'd learned that Samuel was touchy on the topic of girls in general and he didn't want to ruffle up his fur any more than he already was with Matt. "Alright. If that's really what you want. Mr. Lone Wolf," he smirked at that to let Samuel know he was teasing, but it was more to hide his own pang of hurt. A hurt he knew he had no rights to and couldn't express around Samuel. Kanuna wet his lips and stood up, setting the book down on his duffle bag cautiously. "I... want to run something by you. See how it sits with you." Rubbing his palms on his black jeans that had seen better days and fewer holes, Kanuna straightened to his full height. "In light of everything going on with Matt, how much you hate when I bring him up any time I do, and now this business with the moon, I think... I mean, I think maybe I should find somewhere else in town to crash at." He knew he came home with Matt's scent on him and every time he did, it seemed to draw a wedge further between them. "I think that might make it easier on you. Make it easier for you to stand being around me if I'm not in your--" he gestured around the place "Well, your territory." They’d both always know that Kanuna staying here had always been a temporary thing. How could it not? Sam definitely didn’t expect him to live out the rest of however long they were in Summerview on a couch in a two bedroom apartment. Still, half naked as he was and pre full-moon he felt unusually vulnerable and tried to temper it by rubbing a hand over his tattooed arm and getting to his feet. Clothes he thought, clothes were needed. He strayed over to the nearby washing basket and bent at the waist to rummage through until he’d found a t-shirt and jeans. “You’re probably right,” he muttered after a moment. “It’s not like living on somebody’s couch is what you wanted for the rest of your life.” He unfolded the t-shirt and used it as a means to keep his hands busy. “And it can’t be any fun for you with me getting it wound up every time you mention Matt’s name.” It wasn’t like Kanuna was in love with the guy, he was just helping him and yet Sam couldn’t make himself want to reach out or even like Matt. Not fair on Matt considering he’d never met the guy but apparently his more base self was completely irrational. And possessive. That too. “I got some shit I gotta work through.” Sam tugged on the t-shirt and then reached for the jeans. “It seems amongst the many other things becoming a wolf heightened it made me more... possessive and territorial. Not so much over space but uh, people.” He’d begin to see people in his life as his which was not okay in any shape or form. Honestly? It would have been better for all involved if Matt wasn’t a werewolf. That added even more complication into an already complex mood. “Which is why you getting your own space would probably be good. For you and for me and also for Matt so if you guys wanted to hang out you could without me being a total dick about it.” That was more like the reasonable and thoughtful Samuel that Kanuna remembered, one who would think through a problem and go with the answer he knew was best. Unfortunately, Kanuna thought, that thought process hadn't been applied to Matt and Kanuna's training sessions. It still wouldn't be, it seemed. Samuel was going to let him go, leave to find somewhere else to stay, rather than think it through rationally. If it was really because of an instinctive possessiveness brought on by the wolf, then why was it so easy to let him go? Not even a word of a fight to get him to stay. Kanuna sighed and turned away, crouching beside the duffle bag to replace the few items that he owned inside. He wasn't to the point of regretting ever having come out to face Samuel, but he did regret letting him convince him to stay here. It was too soon. Having the constant reminder of what happened to him sleeping on his couch, how was Samuel ever going to come to terms? If he ever did. On the bright side, Samuel had made friends with another wolf. Maybe this Bree person could be the shoulder for Sam to cry on. His own possessiveness was faint, having avoided attachments to people for so many years, but feelings of rejection were universal between human and wolf. Sam was doing fine here before Kanuna had come along and the cowardice side of Kanuna told him that he'd be fine again if he left altogether. But he rejected that thought. Whether he was a masochist who wanted to stick around to keeping feeling Samuel's rejection or whether he had a stake in this too that no amount of guilt was going to push him out for, Kanuna wasn't going to disappear again. When he faced Samuel again, he looked much like he did when he'd first arrived. The strap of his duffle bag over one shoulder, the guitar over the other, jacket frayed, pants worn, and boots having seen better days. "Alright. Since we're both in agreement, it seems. I'll get out of your fur." He smiled tightly. Okay so apparently Sam couldn't fucking win. If he got pissed and angry at the fact Kanuna was off helping some other wolf then Kanuna would have a go at him but when he tried to do the right thing, to agree that Kanuna should find his own place so that he and Matt could hang during this wolf journey or what the fuck it was Kanuna acted like he'd kicked him. Apparently Kanuna still didn't get it and probably never would. Kanuna had made a choice, an active choice, to help Matt and that was his choice and his path but Sam, well, he had his own shit to work through after the revelation that his brother had been the one to turn him and left him to handle his shit on his own. That did not make him good company especially in wolf form and he knew how aggressive he could get at the perceived or actual invasion of space and possession. "First off," Sam began. "I wasn't saying you had to leave right now. I'm not gonna throw you out when you have nowhere else to go, Kanuna. What kind of friend do you take me for?" He did hold up a hand to prevent any comeback. "Maybe don't answer that." He shook his head. "And right now you're looking at me like I kicked you when literally all I did was agree that you coming back here with Matt's scent all over you is not a good thing and all it does is make me want to rip his throat out so..." He pushed out a breath. "Trust me, it's better that you just keep us separate." He could feel the start of a headache and pinched the bridge of his nose to try and stave it off. "Well sorry, Sam, but I can't help how I look, okay?" Kanuna muttered with a roll off his eyes. He shifted the weight on his shoulder. "You agreed to this. Don't try and convince yourself that you didn't. I'll be fine." He made one last check around the room, fixing one of the pillows on the fold-out couch, and then moved to the door, brushing past Samuel as he went. "When I can afford a phone, I'll text you the number so you can get ahold of me, if the need strikes you." He doubted it would - Samuel seemed pretty fixed on not being around him if he was at all involved still with Matt. Kanuna opened the door and turned to face Sam one more time. "This is for the better. We both said it." Nodding curtly, Kanuna still lingered on the doorstep, letting Samuel have the opportunity to get the last word in. Sam felt the tension in his head shift to his jaw as Kanuna moved to the door apparently set on leaving right away. “Yeah, well, I’m sorry that I’m not okay with the idea of having Matt shoved down my throat every time you come back. Sorry for feeling hurt, angry, possessive and territorial. It never used to be this bad but it is what it is and no matter how much I try to rationalise it I can’t.” He’d already explained how he was legitimately concerned about how he might be towards Matt as a wolf because right now in his human form he definitely wanted to rip his throat out so times that by a hundred and that’s exactly how his wolf felt about this whole stupid situation. If Kanuna couldn’t or wouldn’t understand that then Sam really didn’t know what he could do or say. It did feel like he was in a no win situation. “Yeah,” he muttered after a long moment of just looking before he pushed to his feet, moving towards his bedroom though he stopped to turn to look at Kanuna. “What do you want from me, Kanuna? To be a happy wolf pack with you and Matt? Because if so... I can’t do that. Not because of you but because of him and how this whole thing just hits way too close to home and I know rationally I should be happy and thrilled that he’s getting guidance but at the same time I really fucking hate him for it.” He bit out a mirthless laugh. “Which in itself is totally messed up as I don’t even know him. I just-“ he sighed and waved a hand as he shook his head. “But I get the feeling that no matter how many times I try to explain this to you you’ll always take it personally and that doesn’t leave us in a great place.” Kanuna might have been feeling rejected by Sam but if he could just see this situation from Sam’s point of view then he might be able to appreciate where he was coming from. Honestly it was better being alone at this point because it hurt less. He pushed to his feet, wandered over and tugged Kanuna into a brief hug before he was pulling away, hand moving to squeeze his shoulder. “Hope you have a good moon.” Kanuna stayed quiet while Samuel railed. He'd told himself to let Samuel get the last word in, and so he would, but it was hard not to point out that Samuel wasn't willing to look at this from Kanuna's perspective. It just went to prove that Samuel needed more help with his werewolf side than he knew, and now that now Kanuna was taking a step back, maybe Samuel could breathe. Kanuna knew he was the villain in this. Damned if he did, damned if he didn't. But he was trying to make right. Giving in to Samuel's wolf-induced tantrums wasn't going to make anything right and would only be a temporary balm on Samuel's ego, not the problem at large. It would all just take some time. His tight smile returned and he gave back the same kind of hug Samuel delivered. "You too. Tell her I said hello, will you?" With a smirk, he turned out the opened door. |