John (theskintalks) wrote in summerview, @ 2019-03-08 18:02:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | complete, player: mj, samuel ward, zkanuna oliver |
Long Time Coming
Sam was pissed off, Kanuna could tell that. Not that his friend was a very verbose person to begin with in conversation, whether written or spoken, but it was hard to mistake the short clipped answers and subsequent refusal to answer any more for anything but anger. Anger and other emotions, too, Kanuna assumed. So after he'd finished with Matt, Kanuna went in search of Samuel to talk about it in person, like he should have from the start.
Not finding Sam at the apartment, Kanuna traced his scent back to the tattoo parlor, and from there, discovered that Sam had left town. Tracking a car wasn't impossible, he'd done it before when Sam moved to a new city, but Kanuna decided to give the other wolf his space. He'd wait for him to come back and then they could talk. Having carried his guilt over what he'd done to Sam around with him all these years, he knew he'd gotten off too easily when he'd finally come to Sam. He was glad this was happening, truth be told. It was healthy, it was just for Sam to be angry. And Kanuna wanted to be available for him to vent his anger to. Kanuna sat on the steps of their apartment where he could see the parking area and knew when Samuel's car pulled up. He waited still. It was early in the morning and cold outside, but Kanuna was wrapped in his jacket and standing in the shadows out of the wind. He didn't speak as Samuel approached, knowing the other wolf would smell him before he even got to the door. Honestly Sam had no idea how much time had passed but it had been long enough that he'd managed to drink his entire body weight in alcohol as well as gotten into a fight while being remarkably outnumbered. Not that it had been a problem, he'd been a good fighter before being turned and now he just had advantages on his side. Eventually however he'd peeled himself out of the bar and began back to Summerview though admittedly the thought of staying away was tempting but he had promised Clara that he'd be home and so he was. He pulled his car into his allocated parking space and cut the engine before just sitting in the darkened driver seat as he flexed his hands around the wheel, hearing the leather creak under the strain, until he finally stepped out. A slight crunch of gravel underfoot and it was as he shut the door that he became aware of Kanuna's scent on the air. Not just Kanuna's scent. No, that would be too easy. It was Kanuna and the other wolf and Sam felt as though his nose was being assaulted. Ugh. Sam shouldered his emotions and began towards the apartment steps. As Samuel approached, Kanuna breathed in and caught a variety of scents, including faint traces of blood from humans and the smell that came from a lot of people packed into a tight space. Alcohol permeated from Samuel’s skin and Kanuna sighed as he braced himself for this conversation. He wouldn’t blame Samuel if he didn’t want to talk at all, but he wanted to put himself out there in case he did. “A bar fight? Really?” His voice was low and soft from the shadows. “Do you think that was the smartest thing to do after getting angry? Go surround yourself by a room full of humans?” The look Sam gave Kanuna was cutting. “You’re in no position to lecture anyone.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys, sorting through them to locate the one that would open the door. It wasn’t the smartest move but it had definitely helped. He no longer felt like something was crawling under his skin. Kanuna shook his head sharply and looked away, swallowing down the wave of shame that threatened to crash over him. He stood his ground and even put an arm out to block the door. "Maybe not, but someone has to. You're not going in there smelling like this. Clara is in there trying to sleep and you smell like enough alcohol to wake the dead." As Kanuna blocked his path Sam inhaled and pressed his tongue to the bottom of his canine while a muscle twitched rather distinctively in his jaw. “Fine,” he bit out. “I’ll get a room at the Satyr.” He might be pissed at Kanuna but that was no reason to go ruining Clara’s night. The keys were put away and Sam turned on his heel. Aggressively now, because Samuel was starting to piss him off, Kanuna grabbed Sam's shoulder and hauled him back around, rough enough to send him against the wall of the apartment building. "We're going to talk about this." Sam snarled as Kanuna manhandled him before he jerked forward from the wall, hands planting themselves very firmly on Kanuna’s chest where a very strong shove was given. “Do not fucking touch me right now.” Kanuna was forced back and stumbled against the steps to their door, landing hard on his ass but coming back up again immediately and tucking some fallen hair behind his ear. He didn't touch Samuel again, but didn't shy away from getting back into his space. "Then talk to me! I've been here, living in your place, for what now? Almost a month? And the second I try to help out another wolf, that's when you decide to take the high road against me?" Sam barked out a sharp laugh which was totally devoid of humour. “You really don’t get it, do you?” He honestly had no idea how Kanuna just did not get it. Did he literally not see how that might come off? “This isn’t even about Matt. This is about us, Kanuna. This is about the fact you fucking left me to struggle with this whole thing and you just let me figure all this shit out by myself but now? Now that I don’t “need” you, you think it’s okay to help another wolf out when you didn’t even try with me?” Sam was so so very angry but more than that he was hurt and jealous. There, not ashamed to admit it to himself. “The only fucking reason I don’t need you is because I had to do this shit by myself and that does not give you the right to assume that just because I have it together that I’m not struggling.” And exhausted and wanting it to all stop but that he kept to himself. Fuck. He’d said too much. Way too much. Kanuna was stunned. Not by the first part of Samuel's angry rant, but by his admission at the end of it. It stung hearing Samuel say he didn't need him - it was awfully close to him saying he didn't want him. He knew that Samuel hadn't perfected the wolf thing just judging by how beat and exhausted he was after the last moon. "Sam," he spoke softer now and reached out tentatively to touch the other wolf on the arm. "I didn't assume that. I didn't assume you weren't struggling." Sam’s jaw twitched again and he jerked his arm out of Kanuna’s touch. “And then you go and tell me that you’re just going to go help some wolf that has no-one and I’m just supposed to be cool with that?” Newsflash, he wasn’t. “And you may not have assumed that but that is sure as shit how it came across.” It was becoming more and more clear to Kanuna that Samuel's anger was more than he'd ever let on before. More than seeing past it to recognize that Kanuna was trying to right an old wrong and find some way to redeem himself, just a little. He knew if their situations were reversed, Samuel would've helped Matt. Of course, if reversed, Sam wouldn't have run off like a coward and let him fend for himself in the first place. He dropped his gaze, knowing he had no ground to stand on. He gave a slight shrug and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Samuel. I..." letting out a slow breath, Kanuna looked up at him again. "I fucked up in a big way, alright? I know that. I fucking know that. But I'm here! I'm here for you now and you either want me around or you don't. I gave you that choice from the start and you told me to stay. I want to stay. I want to help you." His blue eyes had gone darker gray and Kanuna scowled. "But if you think I'm going to let you get away with this bullshit?" He gestured to Sam's car angrily. "Let you go be a fuck up just because I'm a fuck up? Throw a tantrum like a goddamn child and put yourself and all those humans at risk?" He pushed against Samuel's chest and then scoffed. "I won't. I don't care how much you hate me, I won't." Sam tipped his to regard Kanuna more closely as he talked about being there for him and yet he was busy trying to go and rescue some other "lost wolf". How did that work out exactly? Didn't really come across to Sam as if Kanuna was doing anything to really help him. "I did tell you to stay," he agreed. "But that's got nothing to do with what's going on right now, Kanuna. This is all about the fact you are putting all your energy into helping somebody you don't know, somebody who isn't even a friend, and you just expect me to somehow magically be okay with that." Which just made Sam look like an asshole in all honesty. "I'm not for the record but like I said you do what you need to do but just don't expect me to super thrilled about it because it's great for him that he's got your help and your guidance but I didn't and that fucking hurts." It really hurt, way more than Sam could really articulate. "Also last I checked? I make my own decisions, my own mistakes, and that's not on you so what I do is what I do. Whatever consequences come of that? I'll deal with them." He shook his head a moment later. "Hate is a strong fucking word, Kanuna. And I don't for the record, hate you that is." "I'm not putting all my energy into Matt!" Kanuna's voice had risen again and he checked himself as he heard it echo back from the other buildings. He lowered it to keep from waking everyone but his tone was still as intense as before. "I've been sitting around scratching my head waiting for you to need me for something for weeks now! The moment I do something else is when you decide to fly off the handle and claim I'm neglecting you? If you need me so bad that you don't think I have the brain capacity to help another person and you, then just fucking say it." Samuel at this point folded his arms across his chest and waited for Kanuna to rein himself in like he'd been fond of lecturing him to do. "Okay how about we flip this," he muttered coolly. "What if you were me in my shoes and I was in yours, how would you feel about this whole situation?" Kanuna sighed and rolled his eyes, seeing that Samuel was shutting down and that this wouldn't be productive if they continued at this rate. "Don't try being patronizing, Sam. It doesn't work on me. Bottom line is you need help, yes? And since you seem incapable of outright asking for it, waiting for me to read your mind to know what you need instead, how about we start with the basics and go up from there." He too crossed his arms. "Not being patronising," Sam replied out as he unfurled but only to push out a breath, his chest tighter than he really wanted to let on that it was. "Just pointing out that if the shoe were on the other foot you wouldn't waste any time in telling me what a shit friend I was being." He rubbed at his hair, restlessly. "But this right here, it's getting us nowhere." And it wasn't, all they were doing was butting heads and letting raw emotion drive their every thought and every action. It wasn't healthy and this was the exact reason Sam tried to avoid any real strong emotion especially as he hadn't really allowed himself to feel anything of merit since his turning. Sam's body was sore but he gestured for Kanuna to follow him, figuring a walk might do them both some good. "There you go again with the patronizing, telling me what I think and what I'd do. You don't even--" Kanuna sighed and looked off into the distance, leaving it unfinished. This was definitely not productive. And it seemed Samuel was realizing that as well as he pointed out what Kanuna had been thinking. "So? Nothing to my suggestion of starting with the basics and going up from there? Or do you want to tell me what it is you need help with specifically?" Patronising. There was that word again. Actually what Sam was doing by assuming was jumping to conclusions and being presumptuous. If anything Kanuna had been the one who had been patronising from the get go. The whole semi argument thing about Bree and how Sam hasn’t been ‘man enough’ to do something about it proved that point rather beautifully. Sam however held his tongue as he was well aware that they’d just keep arguing if he did. “I know the basics, learned those pretty fucking quickly.” And to date he hadn’t harmed a single soul. “For me it’s not about the basics. It’s about everything else. Before during and after a full moon and how you process all the emotion, wants and needs in a way that’s productive. Plus the pain, that also fucking sucks.” Sam shook his head before tonguing at a still healing cut on his lip. “Honestly Kanuna? I don’t need a mentor. If anything I need my brother to just be here.” "I'm right here, Sam." Kanuna felt a spring of hope when Samuel was finally being honest with him and not patronizing - or in other words, trying to put him down, humiliate him with his own oppressive guilt, convey a sense of superiority with his moral high ground that they both knew Kanuna had no contest over. He reached out gingerly, giving Samuel the chance to pull away again, and touched his arm. "Okay? I'm right here." Sam this time didn’t pull away and just nodded, not really trusting his voice right now. He’d never been great at handling his emotions before he’d been turned and now that he was a wolf? It was so much harder. Honestly he wasn’t super proud of how he’d reacted to the news shared via text and identified that there was a thread of possessiveness and an aspect of territorial behaviour that he’d definitely not exhibited before. “I’ve been alone a very long time,” he managed after a quiet moment as his eyes flicked over to Kanuna. “I’ve gotten out of the way of looking to anybody else for help.” Kanuna swallowed down a lump of mixed emotions. He knew Samuel had been alone all this time because of him. And yet here he was being honest with the person responsible for all his pain. When Kanuna had finally drummed up the courage to tell Samuel what he'd done, he didn't know it would be this hard in the aftermath. Honestly, he thought that Samuel would either kill him or send him away. Both fates would've been easier to accept on his mind than this. This awkward and jagged route of trying to fit himself once more to Samuel's side, like they'd always been before. "Well," he began, gripping Samuel's arm firmly and offering up the faintest smile. "Time to stop bad habits." Things were not the same and would never be the same but that didn't mean they couldn't be better provided they improved at this whole... communicating thing. That also meant trusting one another again and being willing to be open and more vulnerable, definitely not something Sam had allowed himself to be in a very long time. He shouldn't have but he'd cut a part of himself off, severed a link, just to survive and just to handle things. "Yeah I agree, but right now? I need an ice pack." And check his ribs as he'd had a chair broken over them as well as slamming into a wall. Immediate concern filled Kanuna's expression. "Why, are you hurt?" His nostrils twitched as he tested the immediate air for any scent of blood that wasn't someone else's. Injuries could be hidden beneath the skin, though. Kanuna belatedly realized he was still blocking the way to the door. "Christ, sorry," he muttered and stepped back, getting the door for Samuel and standing aside for him to go in first. "Let me take a look at you inside." |