dangodragon (dangodragon) wrote in strangergamesrp, @ 2012-11-30 19:14:00 |
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Entry tags: | balfour vallet, log, uchiha itachi |
[log] Cursing Like an Airman
Who: Balfour Vallett and Uchiha Itachi
When: November 5th
Where: Cafeteria
What: Itachi craves sweets. He goes to find Balfour, saves the man from a fall, and gets rewarded. Talk of love and family ensues.
Warnings: Angst and emoness. Hugs. Crying.
Open or Closed: Closed
Observable: Yes
Balfour was in a bad mood. He had popped open his snack drawer to find that he was out of brownies. Out of brownies! Of all things! When he needed it the most.
He stormed down the hall, dressed in a baggy shirt and pants, his hair up in a tight bun, handling words that no lady should ever--which was just fine, because despite the sudden lack of his package between his legs and the sudden appearances of the packages on his chest, he was not a lady. He was a man, and an Airman at that. And being stuck like this was infuriating.
“Bastion fucking breasts hurt like a son of a--SHIT!”
Stupid hips that swayed and stupid feet that crossed and stupid thighs that rubbed and stupid breasts weighing him down.
He tripped halfway through his rant, hand shooting out to catch himself on the wall, slipping, missing.
He hated this body.
Itachi had been going to visit Balfour and see if his friend could be persuaded to let Itachi have some brownies and be still. Balfour was good for feeling accepted and liked, as well as good snack. Itachi did not expect to be almost bowled over.
After instinctually almost stepping out of the way, Itachi caught the falling woman, sticking himself to the floor with chakra to keep himself from falling down as well.
Balfour grabbed the arm that had grabbed him, stepping forward to keep his body from hitting the floor, and opened his mouth to let out another stream of curses, cursing his body, whoever had done this to him, their mothers, and their horses, as he stood up and pulled his baggy shirt back where it belonged.
And then he realized he had just said all of that in front of a sixteen-year-old boy.
He blushed a little, but didn’t apologize. He was sure Itachi had heard worse, especially if he was friends with Izumo--which he assumed was the case considering they were both from the same world.
“Hey, Itachi. Uh. What are you up to?”
Itachi carefully set Balfour back on his feet, keeping a hold of the man in case he should become wobbling again. “I was going to see you...but if you’re busy, I can go somewhere else.”
“I’m not busy,” Balfour said, still looking rather pissed off, but not as angry as he was when he had straightened up. Itachi was a friend, and was, thank the gods, unaffected by this mess that had put him in the wrong body and made it so hard to walk.
“Just...frustrated. This stupid body is so hard to get used to. And I want chocolate.”
“I guess you’re out of Brownies, then,” Itachi eyed Balfour carefully, not certain that Balfour wouldn’t just fall over if Itachi let him go. “Do you need help getting somewhere?”
“Yeah, I am. And no, it’s fine. I was just walking too quickly, is all.”
He hoped that was the only reason he had toppled, at least.
“I’m going to go make some if you want to join me.”
“I would appreciate some brownies,” Itachi admitted. It felt like a good day for brownies. Between Shisui and his brother... Itachi sighed and smiled. Please feed him brownies.
“Yeah, come on. We can make some.” He sighed and shook his head. “These past couple days have been crazy. Half the floor has turned into girls and the only one I’ve seen take it well was that drunken redhead from the party,” he said, looking sort of confused. “I ran into him. He seemed...excited.”
Which was odd considering that they had been torn from their bodies and thrown into these strange ones that didn’t work quite right.
“How about it for you? You know anyone turned into a girl? Shisui? I hope not...” Because it was traumatic. Not because Shisui as a girl was scary.
Okay, it was somewhat that, too.
“I’m glad you weren’t. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.”
Except Rook because the man really needed to learn what it was like to be treated the way he treated women.
Itachi shook his head. “Only Adriel and Izumo. I haven’t...” Itachi paused as he considered his words.
“I haven’t seen Shisui this month. We’re taking a break.” From each other.
“Oh.” Well now he felt a bit like a fool. He rubbed his face a little, looking off, away from Itachi. He understood what he meant.
“Is...everything okay?”
Why had he just asked that? Why? He knew better! He groaned and put his face in his hands. “Bastion. I’m sorry. That was rude.”
Itachi looked at Balfour. “No. It’s really not, and it’s probably never going to be again.” Itachi smiled faintly. “It was rude, but I’ll let you make-up for it in brownies.” Itachi decided with a faint smile.
Balfour offered a small smile right back and wound his arm around Itachi’s shoulders, squeezing him in a side-hug as they walked, sighing softly. He didn’t know what to say about the whole thing, so he just kept it simple.
“I’m here if you want to talk about it...or if you only want brownies. Don’t worry.”
That was what friends were for, after all, and whether Itachi liked it or not, Balfour was his friend.
Itachi wondered if Balfour hung off people like this at home. Protesting would make Balfour look rejected and apologize more, so Itachi didn’t pull away.
“There isn’t much to say.” Itachi shrugged. He’d come to decide it would work or it would not. Crying about it wouldn’t change how badly things had gone.
“Well, there’s always brownies,” Balfour said with a soft smile, letting go of Itachi after just a moment. His statement was usually true, though. He didn’t often let himself run out of brownies, but he was out this time.
Ah well, at least there would be some soon.
“But the offer stands about anything really, anything you want to talk about. I don’t mind.”
Itachi tugged on his shirt and looked down at himself. He suddenly smiled.
“My brother’s here, but. . .” Itachi looked at his fingers. “He’s older, and I’m dead...how would you feel if your brother arrived here?” Balfour’s older brother had been considered ‘better’ than Balfour, and he was dead. “How would you want him to act?”
“Your brother’s here? Really?” He smiled at Itachi, happy for him, but when he was asked about his own brother, he seemed sort of surprised, and then the smile faded. That would take some thought.
“I don’t know,” he said softly. “I mean, it’d be great to see him again, but...” But that would mean that people would compare them again, that he would have to act more like Amery, that he would have to give up what little identity he had finally began to form.
Because, as a younger brother, he was supposed to reflect well upon the elder.
“I guess...it would be nice if he didn’t...you know, let people compare us like they did in my world. It would be a complicated thing, having him here.”
Because secretly, Balfour disliked his brother.
“Are you happy your brother is here?”
“Sasuke’s....he’s as old as I am and he’s already killed me. I think...for all I know, he’s actually a better fighter than I am.” Oh, wouldn’t that be something to see? Itachi got a delighted shiver up and down his spine. See Sasuke fight now? See what he had become?
Itachi couldn’t help the ridiculously pleased smile that crossed his face when Balfour asked if he were pleased to have Sasuke here. He looked like an idiot.
“Yes. I have missed him.” Itachi tried to grimace, but it didn’t work so well with his cheeks cramping. “Though it’s horrible of me to be glad he’s here.”
Balfour smiled brightly, his whole face lighting up as Itachi spoke of Sasuke. He could tell that the boy truly cared about his brother.
“I understand that it sucks here, but...he’s here...and both of you are happy to see each other, am I right?”
“I’m not sure...what’s happened to him, but I am glad to see him. It’s...” Itachi thought slowly for the best word. “Nice. I don’t know how to keep people from comparing us, though...”
“I don’t know if you can,” Balfour said softly, shaking his head. “Really, it seems that most people compare siblings. I suppose if they tried to make one of you live up to the other, you could just say no...” But that was harder than it sounded. “Just both of you should remember that you’re your own person.”
Itachi nodded, though he didn’t know if Sasuke would call himself his own person or not. He had to be, right? By now, Sasuke would be someone other than the eight year-old being constantly over shadowed. Surely he’d grown out from under Itachi’s shadow by now.
“People are going to compare you, whether you like it or not, but you can at least say something,” instead of standing by and allowing it as Amery and his parents had. “But...there’s only so much you can do, right?”
“He’s a much better person than I am.” Itachi admitted easily. He pushed his hands into his pockets and looked up at Balfour.
“What kind of brownies are we making?”
“It’s probably for the best that you don’t compare yourselves, either. My brother was also better than I was at just about anything, but...if you don’t bring it up, maybe they won’t say anything...or notice?”
But Balfour didn’t exactly think that Itachi was a bad guy, either.
“And chocolate with chocolate chips if you’d like. Otherwise we can omit the chocolate chips.”
Itachi shrugged. He liked sweet things. Things that made his sweets sweeter could only be a good thing, right?
“I’ll bake a batch of each. How does that sound?” he asked. He liked chocolate chips in his brownies, but not everyone did, and it might be too sweet for Itachi if he wasn’t used to the sweet.
“What else do you put in brownies?” Itachi asked. He didn’t do much cooking beyond things you cooked over a campfire.
“You can put nuts in them, or put frosting on them,” he said. “Dried strawberries are usually a hit. There’s this white chocolate that you can put in it as well. White chocolate doesn’t taste anything like chocolate, though.”
“Dried strawberries would be good,” Itachi decided. Very good. Strawberries and chocolate were good, so this had to be good too.
“You want to make them like that? I haven’t made strawberry brownies in a while,” he said with a grin, folding his hands behind his back and allowing his back to stretch.
Itachi did think he should have brownie dictating power, so he shrugged. “If you want to.”
“Yeah, we’ll do that, then,” he said, nodding to himself. Dried strawberries and tiny chocolate chips in the brownies. Oh, they would be so rich and delicious. Perfection.
Itachi made a mental note to find good tomatoes. If he had sweets, then he would need something for Sasuke to eat as well. Itachi wasn’t sure how his brother could be so in love with tomatoes, but that didn’t matter. Itachi just had to make sure Sasuke had them.
“Did you cook a lot back home?”
“My brother taught me to cook,” Balfour said. “So I enjoyed it quite a bit as I grew up. It always ended up with all three of us covered in flour.” He laughed softly, remembering the time that Amery had ended up dumping a bag of flour over Carina’s head. She had wanted to be a cookie.
“And in the Airman, well, not many of the men could cook. There was a man there who would probably burn water if given the chance. So yeah, I cooked a lot.”
“Somehow, I doubt that made you popular with the other Airman.” Itachi thought Balfour would have been probably picked on for his cooking prowess, not praised for it or anything like that.
“Only when they were hungry,” he said, laughing at the memory despite the fact that it hadn’t been the greatest. It was funny, though, that the only time most of them treated him decent was when they were hungry. Because he cooked.
“Otherwise, no, I wasn’t very popular, but then I wasn’t popular, anyway, so that doesn’t really matter in the long run, does it?”
Itachi wondered if he should pat Balfour on the head and tell him it would be okay. Instead Itachi eyed Balfour as they entered the kitchen. “Do you want to go home?”
“Hmm...”
Did he want to go home? That was a hard question to answer, really.
“I don’t know. I like it here, really, but...I miss my sister.” He missed a lot of people, but his sister most of all. It wasn’t like he could do much for her, now that she was married, but he did truly miss her and worry about her.
“If she were here, would you go home?” Itachi pressed, tipping his head to the side as he waited for Balfour’s answer.
“Probably not,” he said with a shrug. “Like I said, I like it here.” He had friends here. He didn’t have to pretend to be his brother, nor did he have to try and live up to others’ expectations. His parents weren’t pressuring him to be the perfect soldier Amery had been, the perfect son they had lost when Amery died.
“You?”
Itachi shook his head. “I don’t really know anymore...do you have to put dried strawberries in the brownies? Why can’t you put fresh ones in?”
Balfour could understand not being sure. He, personally, wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay here forever. He did truly miss his sister and his home, even his parents somewhat.
“Well, I use dried ones because fresh ones sort of squish up, but we could use the fresh ones. I’m...not sure we even have dried strawberries, today.”
Because he had seen someone munching on a big bowl of nothing but dried strawberries earlier.
“I thought they didn’t run out of things here,” Itachi looked back at Balfour and thought that fresh strawberries would be tastier, but what did he know about cooking?
“Do they not?” He blinked. Itachi had a point. They rarely were out of anything, and when they were, it was because someone had taken the entire box, not because they actually ran out..
“Huh. I hadn’t noticed that. You have a point. We can still make it with the fresh strawberries.”
“I think you can ask the drones for new things, and they’ll get it for you, but I haven’t done much in the kitchen,” Itachi shrugged. It wasn’t as if the cabinets magically restocked themselves. “I can eat the raw strawberries, and we can cook with the dried ones.”
Itachi thought this sounded like an excellent solution.
“Ah, well now I know,” Balfour said with a smile, feeling rather embarrassed that he hadn’t known this, especially as he spent the majority of his time in the kitchen. “And that sounds like quite the solution, there. We should do that.”
And he would be helping Itachi with the strawberries, too.
Itachi shrugged. “Or it’s magic.” When it came to food, Itachi could usually find a way to get himself something extra. He was probably spoiled in that regard, since his parents had never really denied him anything (or been able to deny him anything since he was climbing walls by five), and Kisame found it amusing that Itachi could eat so much and not explode.
Balfour fulfilled basically the same function, though he probably fed Itachi not out of some morbid amusement to see if Itachi would kill himself with overeating, but a rather needy desire to take care of people and be needed.
“Hmm, it could be. Whatever it is, it’s convenient,” he said softly, nodding to himself. It was nice to never run out of food, at least. There was nothing to worry about. When he--or anyone else--was hungry, he could just go eat.
Once he got into the kitchen, he smiled and pulled out the flour, cocoa, sugar, both dried--”Hey, you were right. We’re not out.”--and fresh. He put the fresh strawberries on the counter, stole one to pop in his mouth, took his gloves off, washed his hands, and then went to cooking, humming as he did so.
“You’ve had fudge before, right?”
Well, it wasn’t that hard to assume such as he had made some fudge sometime last week.
“Yes.” Itachi took the little box of strawberries and washed off a few before eating one. He wanted clean food!
Balfour wasn’t exactly sure why he had asked that, but he just smiled and nodded. “I’m not actually that fond of it. It’s a little too sweet for me, plus rather difficult to make. I made some last week at one point. It...was only my second successful batch.”
“Things can be too sweet?” But sugar was sugar. You could have too much of it, but something be too sweet? Itachi had never tasted anything he would call too sweet. Maybe something so sweet it should only be eaten in small portions, but too sweet?
“Maybe you’re spending too much time with Izumo,” Itachi offered, since Izumo didn’t like sweets. Obviously he was corrupting Balfour.
“That may be the case, but I don’t think it has anything to do with fudge being too rich. I have to only eat a little bit at a time.” He chuckled, shaking his head. Yes, he knew he was spending too much time with Izumo. Which was why he was in the kitchen and not bothering the other male.
“But hey, what can I say?”
“You’re being slowly brainwashed by good sex and soon you’ll be a mindless alive,” Itachi suggested. “You could say that.” Itachi popped a strawberry in his mouth and curled his toes.
Balfour laughed brightly at Itachi’s accusation, shaking his head.
“Actually, I’m sure I’m getting more from it than he is,” he said with a shrug. After all, what did he offer? A warm body and someone to vent to...when he could get Izumo to vent. “So don’t worry about me being brainwashed.”
He laughed softly.
Itachi looked at Balfour. He thought explaining how an Intel agent worked would make Balfour’s brain explode, so he left that alone for now and simple looked at Balfour while he snagged another strawberry.
“Oh ye of little faith,” Balfour said with a quiet chuckle. “Believe me, there is very little he’s even getting from me. Don’t think too much on it.” After all, if he were being used, he would feel wrong about being around Izumo; being around him now, however, felt oh so right.
Soon, the batter was done and Balfour scraped most of it into the pan, leaving still enough batter for Itachi to scrape out and enjoy.
“Want to scrape the bowl?”
“One day, your belief that ninja are good people will get you into very deep trouble,” Itachi said solemnly. Itachi nodded and took the bowl. He rolled a strawberry around the edge of the bowl and ate it, smiling around the mouthful. He thought this would be much better than brownies with dried strawberries.
“Everyone has good in them,” Balfour said, grabbing a strawberry and swiping it in the brownie batter. Ah, chocolate covered strawberries. He loved them. Unfortunately, they were sort of hard to get right.
“The dried strawberries in the brownie batter absorbed some of the moisture, so they’ll be almost like real strawberries once you get around to eating them.”
“Ninja are taught not to be good. We follow orders and nothing else. Good intel agents are vicious and unattached.” Itachi shrugged. “Izumo’s crazy, but he’s good, so you can’t really trust him unless he’s afraid of you.” And then you had to watch you back. “He’s also a war kid. We’re all warped.”
“Izumo has nothing to gain or lose by hanging out with me. If anything, he’s actually... Well, I don’t see anything to worry about,” he said with a shrug, shaking his head. It was the truth. Balfour truly had nothing to offer, at least as he saw it. Except sex.
Even still, he figured it was an okay price to have a close friend like Izumo. Izumo really was great to him.
“And I know he’s unattached. That’s why I won’t let myself get attached.” Any more than he already was, anyway.
“Yes. You’re completely unattached.” Itachi wiped a stripe of batter up with his finger and stuck his finger in his mouth.
“At least I’m not in love with him. Close friend is okay, though,” Balfour said with a shrug. And it was the truth; he wasn’t in love with him.
Yet
Itachi made a humming noise of neutral thought around his finger.
“Well?” Balfour said with a chuckle, pulling down a box of tea and digging out the teapot. “At least I’m aware of the fact that anything more is impossible. Would you like some tea?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Itachi asked as he pulled his finger from his mouth and went for another strawberry. “Tea would be nice.” If they were going to wait for the brownies to get done...
“What kind of tea do you like?” he asked, shrugging as he thought of what his words meant. It was pretty clear to him, at least.
“I mean that I know that it’ll be nothing more than friends, which is ultimately better than not knowing.”
“I sweeten it so much it doesn’t matter very much.” Itachi leaned on the counter and watched Balfour. “What the mind knows and what you end up feeling are two very different things.” Itachi shrugged. Just look at himself and Shisui. They were a mess.
“How about a naturally sweet tea, then?” he suggested, pulling down another that he couldn’t pronounce the name of and pouring two mugs of hot water when the kettle whistled, dunking the teabags in and shoving those tiny red straws in with them.
“And it doesn’t really matter what I feel, even if I do end up feeling that way. I know better. I might seem stupid and emotionally impulsive...but I know better than allow myself to fall in love with someone who won’t feel the same.”
So he was moving on before it happened, allowing Genma to take some of his attention, some of his affection. Perhaps it was wrong, but it helped keep him from getting attached in the wrong ways.
“You get to choose you you love?” Itachi asked just a bit caustic on the edges. If he’d gotten to choose who he loved, maybe it wouldn’t be his insane older brother figure. Itachi felt instantly guilty. First a normal guilt, then a stabbing, gut wrenched wave of it that made him feel physically ill and tightened his hands around the mug he’d just picked up. Itachi swallowed and looked at the tea, willing the taste of bile out of his mouth and his hands steady.
“I hope it works out for you.” Itachi managed to keep his voice even. He would like to know when his body had started deciding to be so treacherous.
“You get to choose what to do about it and whether or not to act on it.” And keeping Izumo as the only partner wasn’t wise. He was too apt to fall for him in that case. No, Izumo had it right when he got him and Genma together. He needed someone else to pay attention to.
“As it is, though, he’s a dear friend, but nothing more. Should I begin to feel more, I’m not going to act on it.”
Balfour made it sound so very clean cut and easy. He seemed to neglect that fact that emotions muddled your judgement. Any high or low could push you to bizarre or extreme decisions, and holding a feeling inside and waiting for it to die always worked so well..
Well, good luck to him. Itachi took a sip of the tea that scalded his tongue, which made the taste a moot point.
Balfour remained quiet, especially given the fact that Itachi hadn’t said anything, and sipped at his own tea, just a little bit to get the taste, trying not to burn his mouth. He did anyway because how can he not take a good swig of such deliciousness.
He glared at his tea. How dare it be hot?
Maybe Balfour possessed the ability to disengage from a relationship that would only end in pain. Maybe this was some adult skill. Itachi scoffed to himself and bit the tip of his scorched tongue.
“What?” Balfour asked, sipping at his tea again. He didn’t understand Itachi’s derision. He truly did think that he could ‘avoid’ falling in love with Izumo. His brother never fell in love, after all, and he was sure that his parents had never been in love with each other. Surely it couldn’t be too hard to not allow his heart to get too involved, right?
Itachi looked at his tea and watched Balfour for a few moments. “You’ve never really been in love, have you?” The helpless, gut wrenching feeling that led you around past reason and rhyme. The sick longing to see them even when you’d only been apart a few days...
And the feeling when everything had gone wrong, when you’d messed it all up. Itachi rubbed his thumb over the edge of the cup and looked down. Wonderful, now he wanted to cry.
“I have, actually. That’s how I know that’s not what it is with Izumo,” he said softly, glancing up at him to notice the look on his face. He wanted to hug Itachi, but figured he might as well not. If he did, he probably wouldn’t let go, not with Itachi giving his tea that look.
“Have you?”
“Probably not.” Itachi sipped the tea. He couldn’t taste it. His tongue felt scraped raw.
Balfour offered a small smile, reaching out to put his hand on Itachi’s shoulder.
“It’s...a nice feeling, I suppose, but it makes you do stupid things. It’s still nice, though. I hope that when you do fall in love, that the other person returns your feelings.” This said with a slightly sadder tone to his smile. There was nothing worse than loving someone who didn’t love you back.
Well, if that was love, Itachi had it in spades with Shisui. “Are we counting cousins? We do plenty of stupid things to each other.”
“And for each other?” he asked, the question quiet, simple, not judgemental at all. He had always suspected something between Itachi and Shisui, after all, if only by the way they were so affectionate. It was, admittedly, cute. And it wasn’t like cousins being lovers was a strange thing, not even in his world.
Itachi’s eyes glazed over as he thought back. Far back. “Yes.” Everything from stealing food during the war to killing each other. Itachi cupped his tea. “He practically raised me because of the war, and he was always taking care of me, even though he wasn’t much older.” Itachi smiled a little.
“It’s not uncommon for cousins to feel that kind of love for each other, or, at least, I don’t think so. I know many cousins who have become lovers--or even married--in my world.” He shrugged a bit. Okay, so the ‘many’ might have been an exaggeration, and most of those cousins were third cousins and further, but that part didn’t matter.
“It’s possible that you’re in love with him.”
“Izumo said I shouldn’t sleep with him,” Itachi added for thought as he took a sip of his tea. He knew he loved Shisui. He wasn’t clear on the difference between being in love and loving someone. How were you in love? Did you stand in it?
Marriage meant sex, usually for the purpose of having kids, so marrying Shisui would be useless.
“Perhaps, but the question isn’t whether or not you should, but whether you want to, or would want to in the future.”
He turned, peeking in the oven, and nodded to himself, grabbing a towel to pull the brownies out with, setting them on a cooling rack. It would be a few minutes yet before they were done.
“Or if you want to spend your life with him. Well, there are quite a few questions, actually.” Most of which Balfour had never even asked himself.
“It’s probably against the rules to sleep with someone you killed,” Itachi offered as he finished off the tea. Now he wouldn’t be able to taste the brownies.
Itachi turned the mug in his hands and looked up at Balfour. “If you asked me a month ago, or two, I would have said I wanted nothing more than to spend my life with Shisui. Now I don’t know.” He wanted to, but could he? After everything that had happened, he didn’t know. He didn’t understand why he’d panicked. Itachi touched his hair absently stroking the ponytail in a repetitive gesture.
“Who on earth would have a rule about that?” Balfour asked on a laugh, shaking his head. “Oh, no. I doubt there are any rules about that. Then there would be so many people going against the rules.”
Because necrophilia. But he didn’t exactly want to go into that. Face red--and oddly enough, it looked good on his new feminine features--he shook his head and went to the fridge, pulling out a container of milk and putting some in Itachi’s mug, then his own.
“It’ll cool your tongue and taste good with the brownies when they’re done. But anyway, back to the subject, what changed? Why aren’t you sure anymore?” Had something bad happened?
Normally, Itachi would have never talked to someone about this, but Balfour was...Balfour. Harmless and he was empathetic. He should understand how emotions worked, and, unlike Izumo or others Itachi knew, Balfour wouldn’t use what he had learned against Itachi or Shisui. He was nice.
“He’s going crazy again.” Itachi replied flatly. Tears suddenly flushed into Itachi’s eyes, not spilling over just yet, but there. His hands tightened on his ponytail. “He pulled my hair.”
“Oh...”
What else could he say? He looked at Itachi for a moment, then put his mug down, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder, nudging gently, an invitation for a hug, but otherwise just there as support.
“That...can’t be easy.” But Shisui probably needed Itachi. Maybe? Balfour wasn’t sure. He didn’t know Shisui very well. Maybe Shisui didn’t want to be around Itachi anymore?
Itachi tipped sideways against Balfour, looking down because Balfour obviously didn’t understand the significance and horror of Shisui pulling Itachi’s hair. Even as he looked down, the tears didn’t fall, but he wanted to be sick again.
Trying to explain it, he thought, would only make him more upset. “We’re taking a break.” A mumble.
Balfour was surprised when Itachi went into the hug, tightening his arm around him and sighing deeply. Whatever had happened, whatever significance hair-pulling had, it was very, very bad. Itachi was known for not really accepting hugs, after all, at least not from Balfour. And he knew this because he was always trying to hug him.
“I hope it helps,” he said softly, clearly unsure if those were the right words. He was terrible at comforting people, never knew what to say, exactly...but at least he was trying. “I hope he gets better. Maybe he will?”
Balfour wasn’t sure. Did people get better from going crazy? Or did they only get worse?
Itachi looked up at Balfour, eyes between dead and blanks as he remembered everything that had happened. “He doesn’t. I’ve already watched him go crazy.” Shisui just went down and down and down and never stopped.
Then Itachi killed him.
Now Itachi was shaking.
He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t and it wouldn’t make anything better. He wanted to cry because Balfour was warm, but he didn’t smell right. Right was Shisui, who wasn’t right, and Itachi wasn’t supposed to be thinking about him or wanting him. Itachi was the one who had asked for a break. Itachi was the one who wanted to be rid of Shisui.
He had his brother. He should be happy.
He should have more control.
“Are the brownies cool?” Itachi asked. He hadn’t pulled out of he hug. He felt small and cold.
Without a word, Balfour wrapped his other arm around Itachi and held him firmly, letting him shake or cry or not cry or whatever he was going to do. There was nothing else to say. The only thing that would fix things was the one thing that he knew Itachi didn’t want: Shisui’s death. Because people came back. But he also remembered Itachi telling him that everything felt wrong when you died and came back, that people weren’t supposed to come back from the dead.
All in all, the best option was to say nothing and just hold the younger male.
When asked if the brownies were cool, he glanced toward the pan, not actually sure. It hadn’t been more than a couple minutes since he had pulled them out, so he reached over with one hand and let it float above the brownies, just close enough to feel the heat.
No, they weren’t cool yet. He wasn’t sure whether or not to lie to him about it, though, because clearly Itachi was looking for a distraction.
“No, not yet.”
But it wasn’t nice to lie. So he went back to hugging.
“Give them a few more minutes and I’ll cut them.”
“I breath fire. Brownies are not going to burn me.” Itachi pushed gently and Balfour’s arm, a simple signal he’s been hugged enough and somehow crushed back into a firmer shape.
You are NOT alone here. You have Balfour and Sasuke, and the care about you because of who you are not because you can help them. And Tomas.
Three people who he could count as friends or something better even if Shisui left him alone. The thought os losing Shisui still made him feel like he’d been stabbed, but...he wouldn’t be alone this time. He wouldn’t be all alone with no one to touch or be himself without playing a role.
Itachi managed a small smile, because Balfour would fret, and Itachi shouldn’t make him worry. “I’ll wait.” He would follow Balfour’s rule, something significant because he found Balfour’s rules silly.
Balfour chuckled a little at the comment about breathing fire, giving Itachi one more squeeze for good measure, and backed off, smiling gently at him before turning to check the brownies again. Still too hot. He grabbed his milk and took a sip.
“You know, I’d like to see that. I’ve heard of fire-breathers, but I’ve never seen anyone do it,” he said lightly, latching on to the subject like a lifeline. Something fun and lighthearted--hopefully.
Itachi held out his hands palm down. “You blister your fingers a lot.” He had burn scars all over his hands. “And your lips, but I use chakra not civilian tricks.” Itachi flexed his fingers, happy to be distracted.
“Ah, well, I suppose that’s better than spitting flammable liquids or whatever the people down in Charlotte do,” he said with a laugh and a shrug. Considering they had been on the Mollyedge, he hadn’t really wanted to go anywhere near them. Things could be rather rough down there.
Itachi shrugged. “I can do that.” Weird experiments with Shisui, just in case. “I could probably teach you if you wanted.” It usually upset his stomach and gave him a sore throat, though.
“Itachi, nothing about spilling oil down my throat and lighting it on fire really appeals to me,” Balfour said, barely able to keep a straight face as he grabbed a knife, shaking his head. “I don’t want to learn to do it. I’d just...like to see it done. One day. The ones who did it in my world mainly were in a bad area. You couldn’t go see them without the risk of getting mugged or gutted.”
And if there was one thing Balfour was absolutely sure about, it was that he truly, deeply, did not want to die. Not even here.
“People who breath fire are dangerous,” Itachi agreed. He eyed Balfour, then smirked. “Watch.”
Itachi flipped his hands through signs, pursed his lips, then puts his hands up just under his lips. He breathed out a small flame, which burned yellow, orange, red, purple, blue, then green before spluttering out.
Balfour watched, fascinated, and then smirked.
“So, if fire-breathers are dangerous, does that mean if I learn how to spit flaming oil, I’ll be considered dangerous?” he asked, more teasing than anything else. Like he’d ever be considered dangerous off of Anastasia.
Itachi looked at Balfour. Balfour dangerous? Itachi snickered. “No.”
Balfour laughed. “I thought so,” he said, pulling the pan down off of the rack and putting it on the counter to begin to cut the brownies. He pried out some middles for Itachi, put them on a plate, and then pulled out a middle for himself, munching on it as he turned to his friend.
Well, at least the question had made him laugh.
“My dragon would make me dangerous,” he said, raising his eyebrows and half-pouting, just to be silly.
“My shark-man would make me dangerous too.” Itachi took a bite from his brownie. Yes, it was good. Yes, he could focus on brownies instead of drama and Shisui and wanting to run to Shisui crying.
“You’re dangerous on your own,” Balfour said with a chuckle, shrugging a bit. “But I’m sure the only reason I’m dangerous when I’m with Anastasia is because she’s a huge metal dragon and I happen to be riding her. So it’s still not me who’s dangerous.”
Itachi couldn’t argue there, and the small burst of verbosity seemed like enough for now. He nodded in agreement, trying to imagine what a giant metal dragon looked like and how you rode one.
Balfour, too, stayed quiet and continued to munch on his brownie, nodding in approval of the strawberries in the chocolate. They had rehydrated just enough to have a slight texture and oh, it was so moist and rich.
Yes. He liked this. The brownie, the company...everything.