[Log] Not Drunk, Just Fuzzy... Who: Uchiha Itachi and Adriel Carson When: November 4th Where: Commons What: Itachi is sick and Adriel offers comfort and some likely bad advice. Warnings: None Open or Closed: Closed Observable: Yes
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Gala, a collaborator, had told Itachi to recruit new people. A new Other had arrive today, and Itachi had been chatting her up in the Cafeteria. All he’d been trying to do was make friends with her, as instructed, though she’d seemed more freaked out by him than anything else.
Itachi walked down the hall, feeling both cold and warm. His hands felt oddly tacky, but he’d already wiped them off several times. Itachi suddenly stopped and look around, opening and closing his hands. He was in the commons.
His room...
It was this way. Itachi started to turn, then thought he might like to sit down, then decided he should go to his room.
Adriel had been lounging sloppily over one of the sofas when he—currently a she—noticed Itachi walking through, stopping, turning. He seemed lost, so Adriel stood and tugged his skirt down a little bit, walking over to him.
“Itachi? Everything okay?” he asked, fingers ghosting over the young man’s elbow. It didn’t occur to him that Itachi might not recognize him as a woman.
Itachi didn’t jump. He thought he should have startled, but he didn’t. Instead he looked at the person holding him, going up and down for a few moments before he remembered people were running around as women who shouldn’t be women. Or weren’t women normally.
“How did you turn into a girl?” Itachi asked. That was one of the big questions. How did people turn into girls?
Adriel just beamed, spinning slowly in a circle when his new body was mentioned.
"I don't know, but I like it!" he declared with a nod. "I'm so pretty, now! Do you like it? I do hope this new body isn't throwing you. I'm Adriel."
He hoped, too, that the name meant something.
"How are you?"
"I knew who you were." Itachi patted Adriel's arms to make sure he was really there and still, then turned his head to get a better look at Adriel. He was much fluffier than before. Itachi poked Adriel's added fluff. It felt real.
"I'm okay." Itachi decided after a moment's deliberation. He looked at Adriel solemnly. "You're very warm.
Giggling when Itachi poked his chest, Adriel looked down at them.
"I like them," he said confidently, his fingers wrapping around the hand that wasn't poking him.
"You wanna sit down?"
He was worried. Itachi didn't act like this last time he saw him. He was actually rather eager to get rid of Adriel last time they met.
"Come on. Let's go sit down, okay?"
"I think that would be a good idea," Itachi admitted, though he made no move towards a couch. His head felt a little...full. He still couldn't decide if he was too cold or too warm, but being small and still sounded like a good idea.
"But you can't let anything get me, because I think something's wrong." Itachi held on very carefully. "I don't think I can run away." If you couldn't run, then you probably wouldn't fight very well.
"I have my knife," Adriel said with quiet reassurance. "So anyone who tries to hurt you will be rather rudely introduced to it."
Gently, carefully, he wound his arm around Itachi's waist and led him to the couch. It only served to accentuate how tiny Adriel was in comparison to Itachi, but the redhead was confident that he could defend the ninja.
"Do you know what happened?" he asked, referring to the fact that something was all too clearly wrong.
"Don't cut yourself," Itachi admonished as he let himself and herded off to the couch. "I think I got poisoned a little. On accident. Or not. Her skin was slimy."
Itachi sank into it and curled into as small a ball as he could manage. He wasn't so sure Adriel could really protect him, but maybe they'd get lucky. Maybe Itachi should find Shisui and then he'd be really safe, but he wasn't supposed to be around Shisui, because they were bad for each other. So now Itachi wouldn't be safe, because Shisui wasn't safe, so Adirel was probably as safe as Itachi would get.
Itachi sighed. He missed Shisui. A lot.
"I'm not," he assured him. He wrapped an arm around Itachi, squeezing gently, then shifted to stroke his hair. It was what Sarah did when he was sick, after all.
"Whose skin was slimy?" Adriel asked.
Itachi made a very pleased noise as Adriel touched his hair. That he liked. Itachi closed his eyes and carefully wedged himself as close to Adriel was comfortable. Adriel didn't smell quite right, but that was okay. He was pretty soft. Shisui always had bad angles that bruised if he lay on them too heavy.
"Someone new. I was being nice to her, and my hands got all sticky." Itachi explained, vaguely following the train of events back through his mind. "She was nice. I'm supposed to be making new friends."
"Hmm..." It made Adriel wonder, when Itachi mentioned that someone new was there with slimy, sticky skin. "In my world, there are some frogs that you can't handle, or you'll get sick," he said softly, voice pitched low and relaxing as he continued to stroke Itachi's hair. "Perhaps it was like that? What exactly feels wrong?"
At home, Adriel was an elementary school teacher. He had broad knowledge of several different things, and amphibians were a particular passion of his. Frogs, specifically, were very colorful and interesting.
"And you have made a new friend." Whether he liked it or not.
"She wasn't a frog," Itachi assured Adriel. He knew better than to touch strange frogs. "I keep the frog in my room." Technically, it was a frog-cat hyrbid Izumo had assaulted him with at the Halloween party. It made a good friend. Itachi blinked, trying to keep his eyes open and think through Adriel's question.
"'M all tired and warm and stuff. Or cold." Still not sure which that was. "I don't think I should be friends with people who poison me, even if they do it on accident.
"Similar to a frog, though. Only on the slimy, poisonous skn aspect, but still similar."
He sighed and shifted, his fingers going deeper in dark locks.
"Definitely not a good idea to be friends with people who only hurt you, whether they mean to or not. You can take my word on that one. Been there, done that way too many times."
Itachi made only a vague noise of agreement. Adriel's fingers on his scalp had gone from feeling good to feeling wonderful. Agreeing was easiest when someone was turning you brain into a puddle of pleasure.
Adriel chuckled a bit, wrapping his other arm around Itachi and giving him a gentle hug. It was cute, how much he seemed to like his head scratched. It would be so terribly easy for someone to take advantage of him like this, drugged, drowsy, enjoying the head scratches. Adriel wouldn't.
"You should be more careful," he whispered.
When Adriel hugged Itachi, it rolled him forward, so he was snuggling his head on Adriel's collarbone. It wasn't as bony's as Shisui's. Shisui gave better head scratches.
"I'm careful." He was alive. Obviously he was careful. He was a criminal. People wouldn't let him live if he wasn't careful.
"Be more careful," he said softly, tilting his head downward a bit. His fingers dug in, began going in circles instead of just in the one spot, and he sighed. He felt rather comfortable with his arms around Itachi.
Unfortunately, he didn't know what else to say, so he kept silent from there. It was probably better to let the drug or poison wear off anyway.
"You worry more than Shisui." Itachi grumbled. He arched into the touch, then reached up to pull his ponytail down. Might as well go all the way.
Of course, Shisui wasn't worrying now. Shisui didn't worry about Itachi at all. They weren't connected anymore.
"Who's Shisui?" Adriel asked rather than saying he didn't worry. But he did. There was just something about Itachi that made him worry, made him wonder who was watching out for him.
"He's my friend, but we broke up, so he doesn't worry anymore," Itachi explained softly. He sighed and sat up a little more. He missed Shisui. missed him like a wound carved deep in his chest.
"I'm sure he does," Adriel whispered, shifting with Itachi, fingers slipping through the rest of his hair. "I'm sure he does. You might have broken up, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care or that he doesn't worry."
Adriel glanced down, then took Itachi's hand, just gentle warmth around it.
"I always worried about my exes, how they were doing. I might not have wanted to be with them, but that didn't mean I didn't care. I'm sure it goes the same for Shisui."
Itachi shook his head. "We kept hurting each other whenever we were together, so I decided we needed to stop." Itachi hand twitched and he wondered if Shisui did worry. If this was making him more paranoid than before. Was he scratching his arm raw or wondering who was going to kill him or Itachi or try to take over his mind?
Itachi stared blearily at his hand in Adriels. It made him feel guilty, actually, to be held like this. It felt good because he was lonely and cold, but he didn't know if it was okay. Or right. To let someone hold him because he missed someone else.
"I don't want him to worry. He'll get paranoid." Itachi sat up a little. "If he stopped caring, maybe he wouldn't be so crazy." The idea seemed inspiring.
"If you kept hurting each other, then maybe it's better you're apart, but that doesn't mean he stopped caring. I'm sure he'll be fine. If anything, it will help him feel better, hopefully."
He smiled softly, deep, dark secrets held within him. Perhaps he needed to know. Maybe, just maybe he needed to hear about some of it.
"I've been in bad relationships, where all we did was hurt each other. I always got better after time passed, but I never stopped worrying. I hope that they found people who made them happy." And hoped that they never came around again, but that was beside the point. "It's okay to worry about him, too. Maybe you should talk to him? Make sure he's okay; let him know you're okay?"
Itachi made a scornful little noise and sat up. He'd intended to look Adriel in the face and speak, but once he looked at Adriel, he found that he couldn't do it. Instead, Itachi collapsed back down, shifting position so he could lay his head in Adriel's lap.
"Last time we fought I puked and he pulled my hair." Itachi felt himself glaze over at those words. Shisui had pulled his hair. Shisui had never pulled his hair on purpose before. Never.
Adriel sighed again as Itachi collapsed back into his lap, putting his fingers back in his hair, gentle, comforting. He didn't mind playing this role. It made him feel needed, necessary, and that was a good feeling for him. He felt like he had the opportunity to help, to make Itachi feel better.
That feeling was better than lust, the fleeting urgency of sex. After sex, you were no longer needed. In his experience, helping people made him necessary for longer.
"That's not good," he whispered. "Not nice at all. And why did you puke?"
"I didn't want to have to kill him again," Itachi explained simply. He turned his face more into Adriel's thigh. He'd much rather think about Adriel's fingers in his hair. That felt better. Shisui made him ache.
"Then don't kill him," Adriel said softly, truly believing that it was just that simple. Oh, how little he knew.
He had to bite his lip and hold his breath a second to keep from making a noise when Itachi moved his face and turned further into his thigh. His hands only continued to do what they were doing, playing and stroking gently.
Itachi's shoulder jerked in a laugh. Bitter. "He goes crazy, and then I kill him. You can't let crazy people like him run around--they hurt people." So you drowned them in the river. Itachi wanted to cry, but his eyes were dry. He still wanted to bawl. Like a kid. He felt like a kid. That was the last night he'd been sick and his mother had taken care of him.
"You remind me of my mother," Itachi added. His mother was dead too, but everyone was dead. Ha. He should cry about that.
Adriel made a soft, soothing noise as Itachi laughed bitterly and explained. But, in his world, they didn't kill crazy people. They helped them. He kept that bit to himself, not seeing a need to make Itachi feel any worse. He began to gather hair in his hand, braiding it for a lack of anything to do, fingers sliding through his hair only halfway through the braid, taking it out.
"Is that good, that I remind you of your mother?" he asked. He had to ask. Sometimes it wasn't a good thing to be compared to someone's mother.
"She was nice. Mostly. I wasn't her favorite, though, but she still loved me," Itachi decided not to say his mother was dead. And that Itachi had killed her. "Is it good that you do?"
"Yeah," he said softly, running his fingers along Itachi's ear, then going back to the head-rubbing. "Yeah, it is. I'm flattered that I remind you of her. It's a good thing."
He let out a soft breath, thinking, watching, looking around the room. He was alert, despite feeling relaxed. He was taking his job seriously.
"Have you ever wanted to be someone's mother?" Itachi asked. It seemed, he thought, that Adriel would make a good mother.
"I've never thought about it," Adriel said softly. "See, I'm not sure I would be a good mother--" or father "--but I wouldn't mind. I like kids. I don't know if I can, though."
"You don't have to be perfect." Itachi rolled over and looked at Adriel. "You're nice, I think you'd be a good mother...or father." Whichever Adriel ended up being.
Adriel shifted his fingers when Itachi moved, running his fingers along the young man's hairline, tracing the hairs there, brushing them back into the rest of his hair.
"You are very kind."
But clueless. Itachi didn't know what he had grown up with as a role model as a mother.
"One day, maybe. I think I'll stick with teaching until then. That's what I do at home."
Itachi blinked, then patted Adriel's hand. "I'm very sorry."
Frowning, Adriel shifted a little.
"For what? You didn't do anything wrong or to warrant an apology," he said softly, giving his head a little bit of a skritch there at the front.
"That you have to teach kids. They're terrible." Itachi loved Sasuke, but more than one kid? Trying to make them all sit down and listen when all they wanted to do was run around and be crazy.
Ah. Sympathy. Now that made more sense. Adriel laughed, though, dipping his head a little as he shook it.
"Oh, no. They're not that bad. I love kids," he said with a grin. "Can't get enough of them, really. That's why I went into teaching."
"..so what do you do when they won't behave and keep hurting themselves?" Itachi asked, resisting the urge to reach up and touch Adriel's hair. Red was a very nice color. A fire color.
"Well, the kids I teach don't hurt themselves often, but I usually--when they're not behaving--try to talk to them." He shifted, eyes closing a little bit before snapping back open, glancing around. "Usually, if you talk to them, they listen. Sometimes kids just need someone to talk to."
Itachi had tried talking to Shisui. It hadn't worked very well. When they had talked, then they had broken up. Itachi still had no idea if this would even work or if they would keep fighting.
"Did you ever get back together with someone you'd broken up with?" Itachi asked after a moment's deliberation.
"Very few," he said. It was true. None of his recent boyfriends, no, but his first two. His first two he would have gotten back together with. He ran his fingers through Itachi's hair again. "But it would be possible, yes. Why?"
"Maybe, even if you love someone, you can't be with them forever." Maybe his relationship with Shisui had ended when Shisui had died. Maybe the reason they had such troubles was Itachi couldn't go back to that. Maybe that was why it hurt so much, because they were over and done. Used up and worn out, like favored but old weapons that should be laid to rest.
It made sense--sudden and piercing. Itachi felt his eyes burn.
“Sometimes that is the truth, but I wouldn’t just give up. Maybe... HOw is it with you two?” he asked softly. “Because sometimes things have to change--not end, just change. Maybe you guys can approach things differently?”
“He gave me a panic attack, and he pulled my hair.” That summed up their relationship. Itachi sat back up, fidgeting with his hands and ignoring his hair as it fell everywhere and got in the way of everything.
“We’ve been trying--a lot, but it never gets better.” Itachi shrugged. Sometimes he thought they got worse. Now, Itachi felt less fuzzy, but more miserable.
“Well, maybe...maybe the break is good. And then you can try again.” If they loved each other, they wouldn’t give up, anyway. “And try different things. Like, if you usually go to him when you’re upset, try calming a little before you go to him. That way there’s not as much stress. Same goes for him. I was just using that as an example.”
Itachi didn't like that very much. He went to Shisui for everything--if he was happy, upset, hungry, angry....anything. That had been one of the great things about having Shisui here. Itachi could take these things to Shisui and show them. He could me more than a psychopathic villain. He could laugh and cry and be loved. Cherished. Someone special and wanted and needed, but it wasn't that perfect. They hurt eachother and fought more than they should.
Shisui was just a child now. Itachi should stop expecting him to be an adult.
That hurt too--pain on top of pain on top of an old, festered wound. Itachi wanted to hit Adriel for bringing up it.Or maybe break one of his own fingers, because he had the horrific feeling he was just going to cry. Now he was enough himself to be horrified, but not enough in control of everything to stop the feeling.
Adriel ran his fingers through Itachi's hair again, frowning a bit at the look on his face. Apparently that was the wrong answer.
"Just a little," he clarified. "So that it's not so intense. I'm not telling you to avoid him or keep things from him."
No, he would never tell anyone that.
The fingers through his hair did it. The motion was an old one--a caring gesture that belonged to Itachi's mother and Shisui alone. No one else slipped their hand through his hair like that. No one else cared in such a tactile way or a protective way to do that to him.
The tears spilled over, and Itachi tried to pretend they didn't exist. He wasn't sad. He'd wanted this, hadn't he? Maybe he just wasn't good at being happy.
"How well does that work?" Itachi tried to keep his voice steady, but it did waver. Just a bit.
Adriel had the sense to ignore the tears and just keep stroking his hair.
"It worked for me," he said softly. "But I only did it with one guy. I'm sure that if he cares about you, he'll go along with it." He thought for a bit, allowing memories to roll past him. "I was seventeen. He had just turned eighteen. We both had our problems, mostly stemming from family. We pulled back a bit, let each other have our space. We lasted longer than we would have."
But then Sam left and Adriel never heard from him again.
Longer than we would have. So it hadn't worked. Maybe some relationships were just doomed. Everything had to end eventually, right? Maybe Itachi just wasn't cut out for non-poisonous relationships.
So maybe...
Maybe he should just let go of Shisui and see what happened. Itachi bit down a slight panic. He had been alone before. He could stand he be alone again. It wouldn't be that hard.
He was still crying.
"Right." Itachi rubbed at his eyes and hiccuped. Ashes. He hated hiccups.
"He ran away," he said softly. "To get help. He was sick and his brother...well, wasn't very brotherly. It was for the best, really. I'm sure that if we ran into each other again, we'd get back together."
But Adriel was sure Sam had committed himself to the hospital.
"You never know if you don't try, though."
Itachi leaned into the couch. That didn't seem very promised or hopeful. He tried to smother another hiccup and hated it. His body just ached oddly now. He didn't know why, really.
"Maybe you shouldn't try to be friends with dead people." Itachi smiled oddly--something bitter and weak.
"Because we don't fit anymore, and it all goes off wrong," Itachi admitted. That was the problem. They didn't fit. They would never fit again, would they?
"Then try and make it fit another way," he said softly. "If the square won't go in the circle, cut the corners off."
Maybe it wasn't good advice and maybe it was, but it was the way he saw things. You fought and molded until you couldn't anymore.
"You guys have changed, so let the relationship change with you instead of trying to make it the same as before. It's not healthy to try and keep a changing relationship the same. What you guys should do is sit down and talk about how it needs to change."
"He freaks out when we do. So we took a break." Were taking one. Itachi didn't want his relationship with Shisui to change. Itachi had changed, but it didn't make it a good change. If he'd changed for the worse, that seemed to say his relationships would to.
Down in an awkward spiral.
"Well a break might help, but you two definitely need to talk about this all. That will help, too."
He offered a little smile, touched Itachi's shoulder.
"Communication is good."
Communication made Shisui freak out and run away because he was a schizophrenic nut job who wouldn't stop making himself insane. Except he wasn't really insane, if was just the stress of the genjutsu screwing with his head, so medicating him wouldn't fix him.
Or would it?
It could. It could make things better and maybe Shisui wouldn't be so crazy about everything. Maybe his mind would heal if it weren't constantly rubbed raw by the genjutsu symptoms? Maybe, maybe.
"I have to go." Itachi tried to scramble up, but instead almost fell on top of Adriel. He'd kept his legs cramped up too long, and his head spun as he tried to jump up too quickly.
"Oof!" Adriel caught Itachi when he nearly fell, holding him steady before helping him up, standing as well. Something seemed to have clicked, so he wasn't going to push any more.
"Be careful," he said, a passing wish, a goodbye. He planned on finding something fun to do.
"I'm always carefully." Itachi brushed Adriel off verbally, but clung while he waited for everything to settle back down into a more level state. His eyes were still wet, his nose leaking, and he was still hiccuping. But--BUT, he had a plan. Maybe it would work. Maybe not.
"Thank you."
"It's no trouble," Adriel said softly, brushing his lips across Itachi's cheek, glad that he hadn't used gloss. Gloss was sticky, but sweet, and he liked it, but it always left a nasty residue when kissing, and Adriel had planned to do a good bit of that.
Not on the cheek, innocent and friendly, as he had just done with Itachi. That was a surprise.
"Good luck."
“I’ll need it,” Itachi rolled his eyes but smiled despite himself. He didn’t even mind the kiss as he tottered away to save the world.