[Log] Drug Dreams Who: Uchiha Shisui, Uchiha Itachi When: October 7th Where: Itachi’s room. What: Shisui has a nightmare, Itachi’s there for him. Being Shisui and Itachi, they rip the moment to shreds the second Shisui’s coherent. Warnings: Nightmares, discussions, emoticon abuse, Shisui still runs away. Open or Closed: Closed Observable: No
The nightmare was soft.
Shisui was still taking drugs to sleep every night, as part of his whole routine, but. As the days continued and he tried not to take a harsh amount, he started building up a tolerance. If he was honest, it had happened fast, but he could still manage to get to sleep on it, it just wore off quickly, and left him in an unrestful doze.
What mattered, though, was that he didn’t have nightmares. So long as he didn’t dream, it would be okay.
But that night, Shisui dreamt.
He dreamt of Izumo's long-term lover, and knew that he’d told Izumo a lie. Oshima was too half-dead to do more than hurt, but he hurt bad. His mind was a sullied stir of pain and confusion and longing for Izumo when Shisui had got to him.
Shisui hadn’t told that much.He’d given a flat report to his sensei, and let him choose. Let him deal with it, because he was just a ninja who followed orders.
The dream continued, and sometimes he didn’t know who he was. He couldn’t really tell who he was crying over, who he was trying to kill himself over, who he was fighting over. It didn’t really matter, in the end, except for the fact that it all hurt, it was all disturbing as faces blended and voices distorted.
Shisui bled into the waking world slowly, and once he had, he sat up. Stared at nothing for a long while, then slowly started crying. The sobs were not loud, but in the dark and through his hands, they seemed to ring out. It hurt.
Itachi woke up when Shisui didn’t immediately go back to sleep or get up to go to the bathroom. He’d quickly become reattuned to his cousin’s presence, knowing where Shisui was when they were in a room together, and even when Shisui was about to open the door. Itachi didn’t know if he could sense Shisui through chakra, or simply picked up on other things--suchs as the sound of his breathing or his footsteps. Whatever the reason, Itachi woke up and lay still, eyes closed, before he realized what was happened. Then, Itachi rolled to his feet and walked across the cold floor to his cousin. He trusted that the noise would alert Shisui--or hoped it would.
Itachi glanced at the glowing emoticon over Shisui’s head. D: He then sank down onto the bed behind Shisui, and wrapped his arms around his cousin, hugging him tight. Itachi at least knew how to handle nightmare crying. He even went as far as to kiss Shisui behind his ear while he kept at eye on the emoticon.
Shisui didn’t startle, but his emoticon shifted to XC over his head. Moving, he gripped Itachi’s arms and curved his own back, so he could feel his cousin around him. It really made things worse, after the dream he’d had, but at least he wasn’t alone. At least Itachi was there.
It hurt, though. That was why his sobs turned incomprehensible, and Shisui leaned back into Itachi. Mumbled an apology and tried to calm himself down by taking deep breaths, but it just made him dizzy.
“It’s okay, Shi.” Itachi murmured. “You’re fine. We’re safe.” Important things. Itachi didn’t know if Shisui struggled with his memories or someone else’s, but the result was the same. Itachi would only worry more if Shisui were slipping into other people’s nightmares. Itachi hooked his chin over Shisui’s shoulder and pressed his cheek to Shisui’s jaw, eyeing the emotes hovering above Shisui’s head.
:c He thought the best thing he could do would be to wait it out.
Shisui nodded and bowed his head forward, shoulders shaking. He turned his head to look up at Itachi. A tiny heart formed under the face, but it shriveled, turned blue, and half fell off. His face crumpled, and he leaned into Itachi. He felt like there was a physical pain in his stomach. >~< “Just... a stupid dream.”
“Mm, and stupid things make you cry, huh?” Anything that bothered Shisui mattered to Itachi. Itachi tried to tug Shisui around, checking the emoticon. Still bad things. “Do you want me to turn on the lights? Or light some candles?” Itachi asked.
“I...” Shisui sniffed, turned around and rubbed at his eye, and hesitated. Looked up at Itachi. He felt sick, almost. The grief that didn’t belong to him was that bad. Leaning forward, he put his head into Itachi’s neck. Nodded.
Itachi hugged Shisui and formed signs behind Shisui’s back and sent a clone to get some candles and light them. Itachi had found candles in different colors, and for now, the clone set the blue candles around the room and started lighting them.
Itachi rubbed Shisui’s back. “It’s okay, Shi.” He could still feel Shisui’s backbone. He dismissed the clone as the last candle was lit.
After a few minutes, Shisui managed to settle, and watched the clone light the candles. The occasional sniff, but it wasn’t too horrible. Not anymore. “I know...” He had left Itachi’s neck damp. Reaching up, he rubbed it away with his hand. “Thank you.” For the candles.
Itachi kissed Shisui’s jaw. “You’re welcome. As long as you feel better.” Itachi reached up to mop Shisui’s face with the hem of his shirt. <3 Itachi let his hands trail around to rub Shisui’s arms.
Shisui gave a small scoff, but closed his eyes. He felt mentally tired, but not physically. It was strange, and made him feel worse.
But when he opened his eyes, there was a heart floating above his head. Shisui smiled at it, and curled his hands against Itachi’s legs. Swallowing, he strove for clarity. “What is this, Itachi?” It had to be soft to avoid his voice breaking. “We’ve always been all over each other. Always touching, always the need to be close...” Maybe with less distress, and maybe it would have faded, given time, but now...
They were both broken enough to need it, but what did they need? What was the touch? Shisui decided that these thoughts came from his dreams of dead lovers. They weren’t lovers, but the connection was so similar...
His mind jumped to a memory of one of them - who even cared who it was? - and Shisui’s stomach twisted. It went from .~. to >_<.
“I was waiting for that...” For Shisui’s face to crumple in on itself and cry. Itachi kissed Shisui’s forehead and rocked back, pulling his cousin into him again. Whatever nightmares or memories Shisui faced, Itachi was there. Right there.
“There isn’t anyone else to touch. I guess everyone needs human contact.” He’d never questioned touching Shisui. Shisui was comfort and love and everything good. Besides, comforting words could be faked. Touch could not. Itachi loosened his hold. “Do you want me to stop?”
Moving with Itachi, Shisui crushed himself to Itachi and hugged him around the waist. “No. I don’t.” A shake of the head into Itachi’s collarbone. He didn’t like crying, with the tight throat it gave him. “Was just... thinking. S’like...” He rubbed Itachi’s back. “Therapy. Something that...” Helps, but he couldn’t get the word out. Shisui moved to cough into his own arm, trying to get rid of mucus.
“Of course it is. It makes you feel better.” It probably triggered some kind of chemical reaction filled with happy feel-good hormones and things like that. “Need a tissue?” Itachi asked as he settled one hand on Shisui’s shoulder and he ran his other hand up over Shisui’s hair.
Shisui agreed, but he thought that there was more to it. Maybe. He was too scattered to make sense, so he shook his head, leaned back, and made to stand. “Gonna clean up in the bathroom.” He squeezed Itachi’s hand as he left.
Itachi watched Shisui go, then got up and followed him, just in case. Shisui still wasn’t over his nightmare, so it wasn’t okay to leave him alone. Itachi leaned against the doorjamb, waiting but not speaking.
Shisui just rinsed his face, spat into the sink a few times, and swallowed the tap water. He know Itachi was there, but what could you do? He didn’t mind it overly, just dried himself off with a towel and went to kiss Itachi’s cheek. “I’m not going to bed. ‘Ma read.” He wasn’t sure if he would be able to, like this, but it was better than thinking about his dream.
“Do you want me to read to you?” Itachi asked, wrinkling his nose as he was kissed and following Shisui back to his bed. No, Shisui still did not get to be alone. Itachi sat on the bed and pushed his bangs back behind his ear.
Shisui looked at his cousin. “You make me feel like a five year old. No,” He sniffed, almost insulted. Maybe he was a little petulant. Maybe he wanted to needle Itachi, just because Itachi was there and trying to be nice. Maybe he was a horrible human being. Pulling his book from the night table, Shisui sat next to Itachi and considered claiming the top of the bed for himself. /<. Instead, he just breathed, pressed his face into Itachi’s shoulder, and rolled so he was close to the wall.
“Aren’t you?” :D Itachi leaned over and bit Shisui’s ear before sliding down and rolling over to set his head on Shisui’s chest, right above his heart. If Shisui didn’t want Itachi’s help, then Itachi would be a warm body and nothing else.
“No,” Shisui protested, then jumped and gave Itachi a mean look for biting him. |: But when Itachi settled down, he wasn’t so mean as to push him away. He even drew a hand through Itachi’s hair, then put the book next to his elbow so he could do that. Mythology could wait, Itachi’s hair needed attention.
As Shisui’s hand touched Itachi’s hair, the emoticons above his head flickered wildly. First was a smile, then something resembling a cat arching its back. Itachi tightened his hands in Shisui’s shirt and made a very soft noise. A very pleased, flushed face appeared, followed by a contented little cat face with ears at half mast.
Shisui had a very good view of the faces above Itachi’s head, and as he looked, he started snickering. “You’re cute,” Because Itachi was. He was adorable. Just to see what would happen, he got two fingers just behind Itachi’s ears and massaged in circles.
“I’m a vicious killer. Not cute.” A question mark, flicking cat tail, then the little pleased face as Itachi sighed. He got an odd tingle across his scalp, but not a bad one. If it would distract Shisui, he could do what he wanted.
“No, you’re my cute little cousin who loves me,” Shisui told him, teasing, and then drew his nails over Itachi’s scalp. Rubbed, and felt pleased with himself.
“No,” Itachi protested without any force. He smiled and the emoticon flickered to something obscenely pleased as Itachi settled more heavily onto Shisui, pleased with himself and how things has turned.
Shisui started laughing. He couldn’t help it, with the face of a very pleased kitten looking at him. After a moment, he made himself stop so as not to annoy Itachi too much, but he was still snickering as he rubbed the back of Itachi’s head. The knob. His neck.
Picking up his book, Shisui switched hands and opened it carefully, angling it so he could still see Itachi.
“You’re enjoyin’ this too much,” Itachi slurred, hoping he started drooling on Shisui to spite him. Itachi closed his eyes and sighed, flexing his hand in Shisui’s shirt to encourage him to touch more.
“You’re acting like a cat,” Shisui replied, and drifted his hand up. He wasn’t going to absorb any of what he was trying to read, but oh well. Itachi was there. “Brat of a cat.”
“I’m not purring,” Itachi protested. He rose up and rubbed his cheek against Shisui’s jaw. Cat? He could be a cat. Itachi settled his head under Shisui’s chin, face turned to Shisui’s neck. “You’re the one petting me.”
“Your little faces are full of cats,” Shisui told him, and moved his hand up to part Itachi’s hair. “Therefore, you are a cat, because I’m treating you like one.” Poor cousin.
“If you treat me like a kid, it doesn’t make me one. Your mind powers are awesome, but you cannot bend the laws of reality with your thoughts. Only people’s mind’s to your will.” Considering the state of his brain with Shisui’s hands in his hair, Itachi thought this was a very decent train of thought. Practically eloquent.
Shisui sighed. “I could make everyone think you were a kid, and their perception of reality would change, along with yours. Then I wouldn’t have to break reality to change it.” Hah! He won. Somehow.
“But I would still not be a kid. You’re still just changing people, not reality.” Itachi protested. :\
“Well,” Shisui said, tugging Itachi’s ear and setting the book down again. “Reality’s just a bunch of perceptions, right? I have a friend who’s as human as us, but in his world, reality says that the first time you kill a lion on your own, man or woman, you’re an adult. Even if the chemical changes and shit aren’t there, they’re considered adults. We’re considered adults, almost, once we’re chunin! We have the right thought process for it, so it’s still reality that when you were ten, any twenty-year old genin would have to obey you.” Wait, he was losing his point a little. Frowning, he considered this.
“I could change the reality of you not agreeing with me by genjutsuing you into it.” ;D
“No, you’d still just be changing my perception--changing me. You wouldn’t be changing reality,” Itachi yawned. “You’re not all powerful, idiot. Culture doesn’t have anything to do with you changing reality.”
“Why doesn’t it?” Shisui twirled a strand of Itachi’s hair in his fingers. “If I were changing you, wouldn’t I be changing the reality of you?”
Itachi sat up and placed his hands over Shisui’s eyes. “You’re blind.”
Shisui blinked, feeling his eyelashes brush against Itachi’s palms. “I can’t see anything right now. If I didn’t know better, I would think so.” If he were a baby, if he had no concept of the future. He put his hands over Itachi’s, just to feel them there.
“You can’t see, isn’t that being blind?” Itachi asked, leaning his head on top of Shisui’s.
“Yes,” Shisui agreed. “I am temporarily blind.” He reached out and held Itachi’s face between his hands, gently. His thumbs pressed under the skin of Itachi’s eyes.
“This is like you using genjutsu to change my mind. You’re covering up reality. You’re putting blinders on me so I can only see what you want. You’re telling me I’m blind...” Itachi moved his hands to hold Shisui’s face. “But, the reality is, you have two eyes that see perfectly well.”
“But it has the same effect in the end,” Shisui told Itachi, and let his hands fall to the other’s neck. “As long as the same thing happens, it doesn’t matter much, does it?” He pressed his right fingers to Itachi’s pulse, counting it.
>C Itachi suddenly shoved Shisui back, gripping his chin. He pressed his pointed finger under Shisui’s eye, hard enough to hurt. “Does it matter if I take your eyes and call you blind? That is changing reality, Shisui. Minds are not reality. Minds are perceptions.”
The most powerful master of mind manipulation, but what could you change in the end? What could you alter in a way that really mattered?
Itachi sat back and stood up to walk back to his bed. “And stop dosing yourself. You’re going to get dependant.”
Shisui reared back at the sudden movement, then froze as Itachi grabbed him. As Itachi threatened his eye, and in that moment, he was absolutely terrified. He could feel his heart beating in his mouth, and he didn’t register what Itachi said.
As adrenaline and panic dropped into the pit of his stomach, Shisui was proud of himself for not killing Itachi.
His breath had caught. Shisui heard the words that Itachi said, but he didn’t care about them. Instead, at the end of his exhalation, he flickered away.
Gone.
Itachi jerked his head around as Shisui flickered. He stared at the empty space and sighed. A few weeks ago, he would have gone running after Shisui. Tonight, he just got Shisui’s warm blanket and blew out the candles before rolling into his own bed.
Why chase something that was already gone? The room smelled of dead fire. Itachi dreamed of fire gutting buildings filled with corpses.