[Log] Brownies, Dango, and Awkward Interactions Who: Uchiha Itachi, Balfour Vallet When: October 6th Where: Balfour’s room, Kitchen What: Balfour gets a surprise visitor and learns to make dango. Warnings: Talk of death and murder Open or Closed: Closed Observable: Yes
Now that Itachi was feeling better, he thought he could stand more human interaction. That, and he thought some sugar might help bring his mood up. While he did feel better, Itachi was still tired and a little depressed. He was also starting to think there was something wrong with him, and he needed to figure out why.
These things in mind, Itachi went in search of Balfour. First, he went to check the kitchen. If Itachi had any luck, Balfour would be cooking something tasty. If not, Itachi would try in the man’s room.
Balfour wasn’t in the kitchen, though, having already stocked up on rice balls and brownies. He’d finished baking some not long ago, after all, and had wrapped them to take to his room and curl up with a book.
So, at the moment, he was laying on his stomach on the bed with a cookbook in front of him, looking at a recipe for lemon meringue pie and trying to decide if it was sour enough. Perhaps he could make it with grapefruit?
After scouring the kitchen, Itachi went to Balfour’s room. He knocked and tucked his hands into the dark red hoodie he’d stolen from the lost and found--it was too big, which he considered strategic. Also very arm. Itachi also had blue fuzzy socks. He stared at those as he waited for Balfour to answer.
Balfour got up off the bed to answer the door, then beamed when he saw that it was Itachi, stepping forward to wind his arms around him in a tight hug.
“Hey! Where’ve you been? I’ve missed you,” he said fondly, pulling away after just a moment. “So you use the door now?”
Itachi tensed as Balfour hugged him. He didn’t try to attack the man--really, he might have been too surprised to hit him. Itachi stared at Balfour, completely dumbfounded that he’d been hugged. People did not hug him! Only Shisui.
Balfour looked at him for a moment when there was no surprise, pulling his hands away and taking several steps back.
“Ah, sorry,” he said. “I just...got... I’m sorry. I forgot.”
Forgot that, had Shisui seen that, he would have lost his head. Forgot that Itachi wasn’t touched by anyone other than his cousin.
He put on his best smile and bounded over to his bed once more, glancing at the recipe, shoving a ribbon in the book, and then closed it.
“You forgot I’m a known killer who guts people for giggles?” Itachi asked, still feeling poleaxed that he had been hugged. Hugged!
Itachi stepped in and closed the door behind him, not sure if he should be happy or just disturbed. Balfour seemed far too happy. Itachi almost didn’t trust it.
“Actually I did forget about that until you reminded me, but I don’t care about that,” he said with a chuckle, waving him in when he closed the door. “I was more referring to the fact that your cousin would have my hands for touching you at all.”
A quiet chuckle, then a shrug.
“Suppose I don’t care much about that, either. What brings you here?”
Itachi cocked an eyebrow at that. “He would not.” Itachi didn’t think. That did make him wonder. “He’s just protective.”
Itachi sat on Balfour’s bed, nosing open the cookbook. “I thought I should come visiting, since I’m not dead anymore--and I can’t sleep more than fifteen hours a day.”
“You...were dead?” Balfour found himself asking after a moment, shaking his head. How was that even possible? Once you were dead, you were dead...right?
He shook his head and stood, walking over to his desk to get two brown bundles, two white.
“Rice ball and brownie?” he offered.
“Twice,” Itachi admitted wearily. “I guess you missed that broadcast...” Itachi tried not to smile. Balfour was predictable. However, Itachi found that comforting.
“Brownie?” Itachi smiled a little.
“Yeah,” Balfour said softly, shrugging a little bit and handing him the brownie, putting the rice ball down beside him. “I guess I did. I’d been wondering where you had been. I was starting to worry, after all.”
“Death isn’t permanent. They grew me a new body. I’m fine.” Itachi smiled thinly and took the brownie with a nod.
“Last I checked, it was,” Balfour said with a confused frown, curling his knees up to his chest.
If Itachi had been dead... He needed to check on Shisui, soon. He wasn’t sure how he would be doing, but it wouldn’t be good.
“How’s that go, growing a new body?” Did it apply to--
No. NO! He couldn’t think like that. He had all he needed, didn’t he? He had friends here, and he’d never really been close to his family.
“It’s a new body. Grown from scratch from your DNA.” Itachi shrugged. He hadn’t asked too closely. “It...it doesn’t feel right for a few days. Things don’t respond exactly as they should, but you get used to it. Or it gets used to you,” Itachi shook his head and took a big bite of the brownie, wriggling back into a corner of Balfour’s bed.
Balfour smiled, nodding a little bit before looking over at Itachi. It was tempting to ask more about it, but he didn’t say anything, just reached over and touched his foot.
“I love your socks. They’re soft,” he said, then cringed a bit. That sounded strange.
“Sorry. Uh. I’m really very awkward, have you noticed.”
Itachi looked at his feet, Balfour’s hand, them flopped his feet out, wriggling his toes. Itachi looked up at Balfour. “I am too--though people usually storm off mad or try to kill me when I talk to them.” Itachi gave Balfour a tiny little smile.
“You’re my friend,” Balfour stated simply. “I don’t try to kill my friends or storm off from them unless I get really angry.” He chuckled. “They’re...sort of hard to come by. For me.”
A sad smile this time, just a tiny hint into his mind.
“Don’t worry. We can be awkward together.”
“I make no such promises.” Itachi admitted. He’d killed his best friend. Who knew what he could do if pressed? Itachi wouldn’t protest being friends. He thought he needed more of them.
“That’s alright,” Balfour said with a giggle. “I don’t think I’d mind if it was you, you know, because you’d have a good reason.”
He forked over the other brownie, unwrapping one of the rice balls.
“What other desserts did you like? I can’t remember. Did I ever ask?”
Itachi gave Balfour a flat look, then rolled his eyes. He was trying to be more normal and not so grouchy. “I like dango.” And he could make that himself. Maybe not perfectly, but good enough to eat.
“I don’t know how to make that,” Balfour said, seeming a little more eager than he should have been, but it was a new food after all. Maybe Genma would teach him how to make them? Or did Itachi know?
“Do you know how to make them? I can probably figure it out if I have a recipe, but I like being taught, too.”
And anyway, it would make a good gift.
Itachi nodded. “I could teach you.” He didn’t mind doing that. He would be taking a break from Games for a while, so he would need something to do.
Itachi tipped his head towards the book. “Who are you making lemon meringue pie for?” Itachi asked.
“Oh, you can? Excellent,” Balfour said, quite happy. He was looking forward to learning to make the dango. He then chuckled when Itachi asked about the pie, shrugging a little bit.
“Ah, I’m not sure I’m going to make lemon meringue pie, but I’m looking for some decent sour desserts. Izumo won’t eat my brownies.” He gave Itachi an exaggerated pout, then chuckled again, clearly teasing. “I don’t know why other than that he doesn’t like sweet stuff. I love it.”
“Izumo is weird.” Itachi decided. He’d decided that several times over. Itachi couldn’t think of anything very sour that could also be considered a sweet. Did Izumo like umeboshi? Itachi eyed Balfour.
“Are you and Izumo good friends?” Itachi asked slowly.
“He is, but I like him,” Balfour said quietly, chuckling a bit. “Yeah, we’re... Well, he’s one of my closest friends...ever.” He shrugged. “Why?”
“I was just wondering...” Closest friend ever? Really? Itachi wondered if Izumo felt the same way. Izumo being intel, it wouldn’t be hard for him to fabricate a relationship with Balfour, but there wouldn’t be much of a point, would there?
“That’s not saying much,” he said, sounding amused. “And believe it or not, you rank up there, too. Like I said, I don’t have many friends. Actually...I have more friends here than I had even during my time at the Versity.”
His lips pressed together, then he hummed and shrugged. He hadn’t realized that.
“Not close friends, but...friends. I’m sure Izumo doesn’t feel the same, and that’s fine. I’m aware that it’s one-sided, mostly.” What did Izumo have to gain from a friendship with him, anyway, other than just a warm body to sleep beside at times? It wasn’t something to dwell upon, however, so he didn’t let himself.
Itachi watched Balfour babble off about his lack of friends and wondered why other people had such an easy time talking and admitting things. Maybe it was upbringing, or Itachi could be broken.
Always that.
“I’m not sure you can tell what Izumo really thinks unless he’s drugged,” Itachi offered, trying to make Balfour feel better. Maybe he was covering for Izumo.
“I...shouldn’t have said any of that, should I?” Balfour said with a shy laugh, dropping his head as his ears heated a little bit. “You really shouldn’t let me ramble like that.”
He appreciated the words from Itachi about Izumo, but he just shrugged, reaching over and squeezing the boy’s wrist gently.
“It’s fine, really. He actually likes me or he wouldn’t tolerate me, and that’s what matters.” He was used to his feelings not being returned.
“Are you okay, though? You look like...like something’s on your mind.”
Balfour blushed very easily. Itachi didn’t tense as he was touched again, but he didn’t see why Balfour was touching him so much. First he had said that he shouldn’t touch because it would make Shisui jealously protective, but now Balfour had touched his feet and had now squeezed Itachi’s wrist. Itachi kept his face perfectly flat, but he did flicker his eyes to the hand around his wrist. Balfour claimed him as a good friend. Could this be a simple show of affection?
Also, the inside of Itachi’s wrist was sensitive, and the gentle press of Balfour’s skin against his skin--such that Itachi could feel the throb of his pulse against Balfour’s hold--raised goosebumps on his air.
“Something someone said...” Itachi didn’t want to talk about things like this with Balfour. Talking with Shisui had been enough of a confirmation, he thought. Anymore talking would just be depressing. Now--now he needed to plot.
Balfour frowned, not liking that someone'd said something that seemed to so deeply disturb Itachi. He gave his wrist another gentle squeeze.
"Who said it and what'd they say?" he asked softly.
"Izumo." Itachi now looked down at Balfour's hand on his wrist. Still the touch. Did Itachi like it? It just felt odd, like wearing a glove with fingers, or one with a strap that wrapped twice around his wrist. Not bad, but different and not comfortably familiar.
"Something to think on. That's what he said..." Itachi looked at Balfour and touched the back of Balfour's hand with two fingers.
He frowned, not quite sure what Izumo might have told Itachi, but then gave his wrist another squeeze, pulling back. He wasn't sure if the contact was welcome, after all, and it wasn't worth pushing.
"I take it that it wasn't a very good thing, what he said?" he questioned softly. "The question, though, is whether you believe him. Maybe he's wrong. What'd he say?"
"Just a thing. It doesn't matter." Itachi shrugged and leaned back against the wall.
Balfour sighed softly, shaking his head a little as he leaned to bump his elbow against the younger male.
"Well, for the record, I'm glad you're back. You can talk to me, though...if you want. Don't see a need in talking to anyone about what others tell me."
A grin. He knew some small things about Izumo, things he'd never tell anyone else, even things as trivial as the fact that the Izumo everyone was accustomed to seeing was an illusion. Balfour wasn't that good at lying, but he was good at secrets.
Something else began to niggle at his mind, a disturbing question he hadn't asked himself since a year after he joined the Airman. It slipped out as he sat there.
"What's it like?"
"There's just something I need to do," Itachi admitted. Talking about it wouldn't help anymore, he didn't think.
Itachi glanced over at Balfour. "What's dying like?" Itachi asked.
"Whatever it is, I wish you luck," he said softly, his smile just as soft. When asked for clarification about his question, his smile faded and he nodded once, sharply.
"I shouldn't have asked, I know, but I've wondered for a long time and you're the only one I can ask."
Itachi shrugged. "I suppose you don't want to know what the actual dying is like--painful depending on who kills you. After that.." Itachi rubbed at his eye--the socket that had been crushed. "I don't remember some happy afterlife or hell. All I remember is dying and waking in the infirmary with the sense that time has passed, but no knowledge of what happened between then and now..." Itachi rubbed at his shoulder. "And your body's new but you remember the pain of dying-you injuries, and your mind doesn't let them go easily. And...you feel...there's this sense that you don't belong anymore. That..."
Itachi stopped and cupped his shoulder, staring out across the room. He looked at Balfour, naked emotion--dead and confused. "Things should not come back from the dead."
So, death was a great nothingness. Balfour assumed that the impact killed his brother, so there was no pain, but finding that there was nothing--
Those feelings could wait, he realized as Itachi looked over at him. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around him tightly. He didn't know what to say, wanted to say something about making life meaningful...but found that no words came.
All he could do was hug Itachi. So he did.
Itachi squeaked. He couldn't categorize the sound as anything else. His instinct was to pull back. Push Balfour off, but...
Instead, Itachi leaned into the touch, bringing his hands up to touch Balfour's encircling arms. He felt a bit more suffocated than comforted, but it was nice to feel solid warmth around him while thinking of death.
"Oh, and the angry pigeon who gets pissing off if you die too often," Itachi added, trying to make himself and Balfour feel better.
Balfour allowed the hug to loosen slightly, more a gentle holding than a squeeze as it had been before, and smiled softly.
"There's an angry pigeon?" he asked instead of saying what he'd wanted to say, that being that he didn't know what to say. Sometimes it was best to just...be quiet.
“I think he was a god of death, but he had feathered wings,” Itachi admitted. He turned his head and shifted, wondering if he could find a more comfortable spot. Balfour like touching people, but Itachi did not-except Shisui. Was that another way Itachi was broken?
Balfour rubbed Itachi’s arm gently.
“What was he like?” he asked, smiling again. “Mean? Or was he half decent?”
A god of death. Balfour had never met a god.
“He was mad. He wasn’t nice.” Itachi tried not to squirm. Yes, Shisui could practically lay on him and Itachi felt fine. Why would Balfour’s touch be so different. Itachi shook his head a little.
“That doesn’t sound like it was very fun,” he said, drawing back after just another moment, one more gentle squeeze. “But then, angry birds rarely are, I can vouch for that. Wait until they come at you when you’re in the air.”
He laughed, a fun memory from home coming back, being attacked by crows while on his dragon’s back.
“He was mad. He wasn’t nice.” Itachi tried not to squirm. Yes, Shisui could practically lay on him and Itachi felt fine. Why would Balfour’s touch be so different. Itachi shook his head a little.
“That doesn’t sound like it was very fun,” he said, drawing back after just another moment, one more gentle squeeze. “But then, angry birds rarely are, I can vouch for that. Wait until they come at you when you’re in the air.”
He laughed, a fun memory from home coming back, being attacked by crows while on his dragon’s back.
"You shouldn't assume anything involved in the process of dying is very fun," Itachi returned with just a little sting
Balfour didn't know what to say about that. His statement had been a jest, after all. He remained silent, getting up for more snacks, handing Itachi a brownie as he sat down with the rice balls and pulled the cookbook back to him, flipping through it for whatever dango were.
"I suppose you're right," he settled on after an awkward silence.
"I'm not good at talking to people," Itachi admitted. He tended to get annoyed. To say things too bluntly.
To be a jerk.
"It's alright. It was a stupid thing to say, anyway," he said with a soft laugh. "Don't worry about it." He grinned at him brightly.
"How many times are you going to call what you say stupid?" Itachi asked as he started nibbling on the brownie. "You were trying to make me feel better." Nothing wrong with that. Itachi just didn't want to feel better, it seemed.
"Well, I can't help it if it's the truth," he said, shrugging again and unwrapping his rice ball, nibbling at a piece of rice that had stuck to his finger. "I shouldn't have asked about dying at all. Now we're both somewhat down."
He grinned again, this time obviously fake. He was pretending, and he was letting Itachi know that was exactly what it was.
"I can't seem to find a recipe for dango in here, though. Do you think it's in another cookbook?"
Time to change the subject.
"People are always curious about death. I'm surprised that no one else has asked about it." Itachi cocked his head to the side. "I think...death here for us is a special case, though. Maybe I'll ask the pigeon next time I see him," Itachi suggested around a mouthful of brownie. Manners didn't seem as important here as they might at a table.
Itachi shrugged. "It could be. I haven't looked through many cookbooks since I've been here."
"No one else has asked because it's rude. Unfortunately, when my curiosity gets the better of me, my manners go out the window." He stuffed his mouth full of rice, then, and continued to flip through the book.
"Mm, pity. I don't see it in here. Means you'll have to show me how to make them. No getting out of it."
Itachi shook his head. "I obviously find your presence abhorrent. Why would I want to spend time with you making dango?" After he'd already said that he could, implied he would, and had sought Balfour out.
"Clearly," he said with a laugh, reaching over to nudge Itachi's arm gently, then scooting forward on the bed. He'd been hiding in his room all day, anyway, so why not make his presence known? "You want to do it now?"
“I don’t know.” Ah, depression. Everything became a struggle to decide. The fatigue he knew wouldn’t go away sat heavy on all his joints, making them ache just a fraction. If he did sleep, he ran the risk of nightmares, which would mean he’d have to sit awake and try to reason himself out of crying or screaming or something like that.
Balfour looked over at him after a moment, just watching, judging, trying to make sense of what he was seeing.
“You look tired,” he said softly. “You just want to nap? I’ll read.”
It wouldn’t be any trouble at all.
“I’m depressed.” Itachi admitted plainly. He blamed his death, and thought he would be back to normal soon enough. He didn’t see anything wrong with admitting it. He would like to know if there were something to make it better, but he didn’t think so.
“I probably shouldn’t sleep so much.”
“Sometimes sleeping helps, and really you look like you haven’t slept for a while,” he said softly. He didn’t know how to help, otherwise, because Itachi was clearly uncomfortable with hugs and talking about death definitely didn’t help.
Why had Itachi come to him again? Right. Probably the brownies.
“I just woke up from sleeping...fifteen hours.” Itachi rolled up to his feet, stretching up as far as he could and turning to Balfour. “We can make dango.” And Itachi would stop thinking about how broken he was. How he wouldn’t even know how to initiate a relationship...
Itachi looked at Balfour, considering.
“Alright, we’ll make dango, but then you’re coming back here and resting, even just for an hour, alright?”
It was clear he was worried about the boy.
Itachi raised an eyebrow and opened the door. “You’re so sweet when you worry.” Sarcasm, but Itachi held the door open for Balfour.
“Ah, well, someone has to worry,” he said with a soft smile, touching Itachi’s shoulder as he walked by. It seemed like no one was worrying for him, after all.
“Does someone have to touch too?” Itachi asked as he followed Balfour. He fell into step beside the man.
“If you’re referring to me, of course,” he said with a laugh, wrinkling his nose in Itachi’s general direction. He’d keep in mind to limit the touching. It would be for the better.
“Someone always has to touch you? That’s demanding.” Itachi raised an eyebrow.
“I meant that if ‘someone’ referred to me, then yes,” he said, unable to hold back his snort of laughter. Clearly he wasn’t used to having someone around like that, at least someone who wasn’t Shisui.
“So, I never did ask what you did in your world,” he said after a moment.
Itachi looked at Balfour. He smiled. “I killed people. Sometime because I was told, sometimes because I wanted to.”
He looked at him a moment, his head tilting, the smiled softly.
“I think we covered that. What else did you do, though? What... Did you always want to be a ninja?”
Itachi shook his head. “Being a ninja was the only choice ever open to me,” Itachi explained.
He knew that feeling well, but he kept that sentiment in the emptiness of his smile, lips curling softly but not meeting his eyes. Oh no. Itachi didn’t need to hear that again.
“That...is a terrible life,” he said softly, reaching to touch his elbow, but then letting his hand drop to his side. “You can be something else here, though, if you want?”
Itachi glanced back at Balfour. “I’m a killer. I’m not going to pretend to be something else.” Itachi shook his head. “I don’t know how to do anything else anyway.”
Balfour frowned at Itachi, not liking his train of thought, and shook his head. “It’s not pretending if you choose to learn something else, and I’m sure you can learn. You don’t have to pretend, but you don’t have to continue to be something you don’t want to be.”
Not to mention, he didn’t like that he was playing in the nastier, deadlier games. He wouldn’t say anything about that.
Itachi looked at Balfour. “Killing...I would be hiding if I chose to do anything else. This is a burden I chose to carry, and I would be dishonoring those most important to me if I chose to run from it.” Itachi thought of Shisui’s bloody face and swallowed. He stepped into the cafeteria and headed for the kitchens.
Balfour felt badly for Itachi, but he reached out, putting a friendly hand briefly on his shoulder as they stepped into the kitchen, nodding once.
“And I respect that. Even still, if you ever want to learn healing or cooking...well, I’ll be happy to teach. You don’t have to even turn your back on what you want to do.” He smiled, then stepped forward, rummaging through the cabinets.
“I know healing--I can stitch up a wound and things like that. You learn to take care of yourself,” Itachi explained.
Balfour dug dutifully after the ingredients, coming out with everything that he needed except for the water, arms loaded as he placed everything on the counter, then went after the water, filling a bowl with it. He’d put it in a smaller container as he measured it, but it was always better to have too much than not enough.
Then he turned to Itachi, nodding a little bit. “Well, you know, I could teach some about medicines…if you want. I just…” He laughed, shrugging slightly. “If you were in my world, I’d tell you to go to ‘Versity. You’re smart, Itachi. You should use that, be it for effectively terminating a target—” He didn’t want to say ‘killing someone’ “—or something else completely.”
Itachi scoffed. “I’m a genius.” He’s known that since he was five. Itachi grabbed a pot to boil the water in and took the water from Balfour. “It doesn’t matter. You can be as smart as you want, but unable to change your place or better the world.” Itachi lit the stove with a carefully concentrated breath of chakra and fire.
“My life is already set in stone. I’m going to die--preferably brought to justice by my younger brother. No wishing can change that...”
He smiled over at him, wanting to say something else, but said nothing more about it. He would have liked to see Itachi do something more than just fight, but then it wasn’t fair for him to tell the boy what to do. He wasn’t even his brother, wasn’t even exactly his friend. He barely knew Itachi.
“I suppose you’re right, but...if you’re unhappy with the role...” He shrugged, leaving it at that. One thing he’d learned here was that you could--if only for a while--change who you were, what you did. There was no one to answer to here.
Itachi looked at Balfour. “I murdered my best friend. How happy do you think my life is?” Itachi snapped, not meaning to, but Balfour, of all people, should know what Shisui meant to him. He shouldn’t have the skewed vision of Izumo that accepted comrades must die.
“I...I know,” he said softly, wincing a little bit at the harsh tone but going on with what he was saying. “But here, that doesn’t matter. He’s alive here.”
At least, he thought it wouldn’t matter. He grinned a little, silly and sloppy, a hasty mask.
“But then, what do I know? I don’t even understand your world at all.”
With that, he turned away from him, schooling the smile into something a little more placid as he brought the flour over.
“Now how do we make these?”
“But I can’t stay here with him,” Itachi protested weakly, automatically rubbing at his eye. It wasn’t bleeding, but it ached suddenly. Itachi pressed the heel of his hand to it and tried to push the pain away. He hadn’t come here to make Balfour miserable as well.
Itachi took a deep breath. “You wait for the water to boil, and then you mix it in with the rice flour.”
Balfour sighed, any will to leave the subject gone when Itachi protested and rubbed at his eye.
“Itachi,” he murmured, leaning in, a secret between the two of them. “If I could see my brother again, spend time with him, I would make the most of it. All I can suggest is that you do the same. Alright? That doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time, or that you have to constantly spend time with him...but, while you’re here...” He frowned, rubbing at his own eyes tiredly. The conversation was almost exhausting, not to mention it bothered his conscience to give his inexperienced opinion. “Just...make the most of it.”
He reached out, fingers skating briefly along his arm, curled slightly in an invitation for him to step closer.
Itachi eyed Balfour’s hand, still scrubbing at his face until it hurt. Why did pain make him feel better?
Itachi sighed. “I think I’ve forgotten how to be happy.” He dropped his hand and couldn’t quite bring himself to step into Balfour, though he might have wanted to. He wanted to stuff his ears full of cotton, close his eyes, and just be still. Be warm and still.
“I guess I really am broken...” Itachi flipped off the water as if started to boil and leaned over to measure the rice flour into his pot.
“I don’t think you’re broken,” he said softly, allowing his hand to drop when Itachi didn’t take the offer, tucking it into his pocket as he watched what the younger male did with the flour and the water, nodding silently to himself. “If that helps any.”
“I’m not sure it does...” Itachi pointed. “Here, you mix this together and I’ll make the sauce for them.” Itachi stepped around Balfour and began dragging the rest of his ingredients together.
“Well, if you ever want to talk about things, you know where my room is,” he said softly, nodding once, then stepping closer to mix the ingredients he was told to, stirring carefully, making sure that it didn’t stick.
“Or you could always just come by for brownies. Maybe some of these once I learn to make them.”
“Dango is easy,” Itachi assured Balfour. He looked up and smiled widely. “Even you can make them.” See, he was happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
That big, wide smile all but broke Balfour’s heart. It didn’t seem to fit, not with what they had been talking about, not with how Itachi had been a moment ago. He allowed a chuckle at the statement, then leaned close again, his lips at his ear.
“Don’t fake it. It makes it worse,” he whispered, then leaned up.
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m sort of incompetent in the kitchen, didn’t you know?”
Back to the happy teasing. It was best to just go along with it.
Itachi twitched his ear as Balfour’s warm breath raised prickles on his neck. Itachi eyed the man, smile dropped, but he cocked an eyebrow. “That was no faking. If I was faking, then you wouldn’t know it,” Itachi assured Balfour.
“So your intention is to poison Izumo with the pie--there are easier ways,” Itachi offered.
Balfour cracked up. There was no other word for it, the way his head tilted back and he had to hang on to the stove to keep from falling to the floor when his knees went weak. Oh, that was rich, poisoning Izumo.
“Oh?” he asked, an eyebrow raised, asking for elaboration.
“Why else would someone incompetent in the kitchen make someone a pie--unless you’re smitten enough with him that you would ignore your incompetence in an effort to impress him with a skill you don’t have,” Itachi expounded. He glanced at the dough Balfour had made. “Now you need to roll them into little balls.”
Balfour snickered, unable to keep it to himself, even as his cheeks turned a shade darker at the accusation that he was smitten. Maybe, but he wasn’t going to admit it.
“Ah, maybe I just like to cook and since he won’t eat the one thing I’m good at, I’m trying to find something else?” he suggested.
Itachi watched Balfour’s face go deep red.
“Are you in love with him?” Itachi’s tone suggested this was a terrible offense. Balfour looked like the silly, tittering girls from the Academy.
“No, I’m not,” he said quietly, shaking his head. It was the truth, after all. He wasn’t in love with Izumo, not even close. Maybe somewhat infatuated, definitely in lust, but not in love.
Not yet.
“He’s a close friend, and...well, I’ll admit, I sort of look up to him and want to impress him. That’s all.”
“Pies are not going to impress Izumo,” Itachi said firmly, shrugging. He didn’t know if he believed Balfour yet. He’d blushed very badly.
“We need a steamer to cook the dango in,” Itachi left his sauce and went to find a steamer.
“Maybe not, but at least he’ll eat something I made. That’s...a step,” he said with a shrug. No, he figured he’d never impress Izumo, had accepted that ages ago, accepted that he wouldn’t impress much of anyone.
“So you’re trying to establish yourself as a caregiver?” Itachi set the steamer down on the counter and pawed it over, trying to decide how it worked. “Or trying to get on his good side by offering him things you think he’ll like so he think favorably of you, or be impressed that you went through such lengths to please him...”
Itachi trailed off and gave Balfour a very curious look. “Are your flirting with him by making him a pie?”
Balfour paused, only his hand moving in the stirring that he was supposed to do, biting his lip as he gave that one the thought it deserved. What was it that he was trying to do? Sure, he fed everyone brownies--at least those who came into his room--but why was it so important to make the pie? Why was it so important to have Izumo actually eat and enjoy something he’d made?
“I...I really don’t know...” he said softly, looking intensely confused. “I really don’t know what I’m trying to do.”
Maybe it was just wanting to have Izumo’s approval, wanting him to say something of his was good--other than the sex.
Itachi eyed Balfour. “I think you’re flirting. Or trying to replace the missing brother figure in your life.” Itachi managed to turn the steamer on and opened the steamer to plop a few dango balls in.
“I’m definitely not trying to replace Amery,” Balfour said with a quiet chuckle, shaking his head. No, he knew that definitely wasn’t the case. Izumo was nothing like Amery, after all. He was warm where Amery had been cold, willing to touch instead of distant.
No, he wasn’t trying to replace his brother.
“Probably flirting. I’m really bad at that.”
He laughed, shrugging a little bit. “It really is obvious that I have no idea what I’m doing, isn’t it?”
“I think it’s obvious that you’re trying not to think too hard about what you’re doing.” Itachi closed the steamer and shook his head. “I think...by giving Izumo a pie, you’re only letting him know the depth of your affections for him. Whether or not that will endear him more to you, I don’t know.” Itachi shrugged.
“You probably know him better than I do,” Itachi admitted.
“Actually, I just want to make a dessert he’ll enjoy, especially considering he won’t eat my brownies that I’ve all but stuffed in his mouth,” he said with a shrug, shaking his head.
That he was trying to let him know the depth of his affections was...not exactly on his mind at all, not to mention completely unwise.
“Maybe I’ll only give him a piece.”
Itachi frowned. “What would you do if you were trying to tell him you loved him--if you did?” Itachi asked slowly.
“Definitely not try to feed him. I feed everyone,” he said with a shrug. He thought a moment, giving it the time it deserved.
“I’d probably write things. Poems. Lame, sappy things like that.” That was what he’d done last time, only he hadn’t shown the man he’d loved. He probably would hide it, truly, but he didn’t admit that.
Itachi didn’t seem the point of writing someone bad poetry. That would probably be offensive to them, wouldn't it? Pie would be better. At least you could eat it. Bad poems were a waste of paper.
“Does that work?” Itachi asked, hopping up onto the counter to look at Balfour.
“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug, laughing a little bit. “I’ve never tried it. It probably wouldn’t work anyway, right?”
The best way he knew would to just come out and say it, but he was too nervous to do it like that.
‘Then why would you do it if it wouldn’t work?” Itachi pressed. Obviously, if you liked someone, you shouldn’t fumble around with methods that wouldn’t work. You should try what you thought would work best.
“Because I don’t know what else to do? You pointed out feeding them, but...there’s nothing all that special about me trying to feed someone. I feed you, don’t I, and no romantic feelings there.” Just a hope for friendship. “So it wouldn’t make sense unless it was a whole meal in a private place, but...that’s not exactly logical, especially here, when you don’t know whether or not someone’s eaten because of the cafeteria. That might just be a waste of food.”
“Why not just tell them?” Itachi tapped his heels against the counter and watched Balfour.
“It would come off all wrong, from me,” he said softly, shaking his head. “I’m...” He sighed, shrugging a bit, then poked his face over the steamer, checking on the dango.
“I guess it would be better if I wrote a letter. I’m better with the written word.”
But there would be no letter for Izumo.
“What’s hard about saying you love someone?” Itachi asked. It seemed simple. Horribly simple.
“Have you ever told someone you love them?” Balfour hadn’t, but he’d considered it. “It’s...scary. I never did get up the nerve to tell the one I cared about. I’m a coward; ask Izumo.”
Itachi nodded. He didn’t see what the big deal about that was. “So, it’s better to live wondering what they would say then to know what they would say?”
“Well, I know what he would have said, so there’s no wondering to it,” he said with a shrug, looking at his shoes. “It’s fine, really. In that case, it was best that he never knew.”
“You should have said it anyway,” Itachi decided as he opened the steamer. With tongs, he took the white dango our and set them on a plate to cool.
“He was my commander. That was not a good idea,” he said, raising his eyebrows slightly. “Maybe, if I go back, I might tell him...if the war’s over.” If he was still alive.
That changed things. “Maybe you should find someone else to fantasize over...” Itachi began putting the dango in threes on the wooden skewers he had found. Itachi shrugged. “Not that you should take any advice from me. I have no experience.”
“Well, you’re making sense, so why wouldn’t I take advice from you?” he said with a grin, shrugging a little bit. “Personally, I was thinking that I just need to get out more. Maybe I’d find someone to crush on if I did, right?”
Needless to say, he liked that plan.
“Because I’ve never been in a romantic relationship,” Itachi shrugged. Thus, he wouldn’t know how they really worked.
“I don’t see why you wouldn’t.” Itachi grinned. “It worked already, didn’t it? You left and started crushing on Izumo.”
“Exactly.”
No need in denying the obvious, after all.
“So all I need is to get out and meet someone else, preferably someone who isn’t a playboy and definitely not someone who reminds me of anyone in my family.”
Yuck. No.
“Playboy Izumo leaving a bad taste in your mouth?” Itachi poured the sweet-salty sauce over the dango and offered a sticky stick to Balfour.
“Nah, but I know that it won’t ever be anything serious, so there’s no reason in getting attached, right?” he said with a smile and a shrug, picking the stick from Itachi.
“Thank you,” he said softly, nibbling at the dango for a second, then grinning. “This...is good.”
“Dango is the best food.” Itachi agreed with a nod, picking up his own stick. He regarded Balfour for a few moments.
Nothing serious. That was what Itachi needed to try things about. Someone who wouldn’t be offended if it didn’t work out. If he really was broken. Itachi smiled a little.
“Thank you.”
“I have to argue in favor of brownies, but I can get quite spoiled to these, too,” he said with a grin, munching away. “You have to teach me more recipes like this one.”
“I don’t know very many,” Itachi admitted. He knew several variations for dango, and one or two other desserts, but not that many other desserts. Itachi gnawed on the stick of dango and suddenly whirled to get a plate. He pluck five of the sticks from the plate and put them on his own, giving Balfour a little grin.
“I’m going to go flirt with my cousin, so he’ll call me an idiot and braid my hair.” A very serious sequence of events that would lead to both of them being more relaxed, and maybe another nap.
Balfour laughed as he snagged five of the sticks, then mentioned flirting with his cousin, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder carelessly before picking up another stick of dumplings. Oh yes, he would have to remember this.
“Have fun. I’ll clean up here,” he said with a grin.
“Antagonizing Shisui is always fun,” Itachi admitted with a smile before he turned and walked away. Yes, he felt better despite the ups and downs on the conversation. And, he thought he had a start for an experiment.