mirageflicker (mirageflicker) wrote in strangergamesrp, @ 2012-10-04 22:10:00 |
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Entry tags: | closed, log, observable, uchiha shisui |
Making Lists to Fight Insanity
Who: Shisui
When: September 12th
Where: Everywhere and nowhere? It’s a musing piece.
What: Itachi dies. Shisui is shockingly mature about dealing with his demons and dead cousins.
Warnings: Blithe mentions of suicide, cynicism, quasi-drug abuse, craziness.
Open or Closed: Closed
Observable: Uh, you can notice his habits/absence/weirdness?
*
Two days of secluding himself from the world with nasty traps and sedatives, Shisui was tired. He was tired of feeling like shit, tired of feeling betrayed, tired of not knowing and tired of sleeping.
The first thing he did was henge into his seven foot tall lizard-person, the one he’d been using to hide from people, and wobbled his way to the cafeteria to get a drink. He was fairly dehydrated. Refusing to function did that.
As he drank his water slowly, he thought. About Minato killing Itachi, and how he’d gotten the news from Erol - his friend with a mastiff dog. A friend of his had been there, and the rumor had spread from there. He had and was not even completely clear of the details, but desperate searching of Itachi had proven fruitless. People said he was dead.
Why he’d tried to kill himself by not functioning was less because of Itachi’s actual death, and more because of who had killed him. Shisui had stopped Minato from attacking Itachi before, if not with the complete intent to kill. He should have kept a closer eye on Itachi, and he should have been there.
But he wasn’t, and his hero had killed his best friend. How spectacular. Shisui wanted to cry all over again, but that would help jack shit. Adjusting his fuzzy blue hat (the henge looking like it was scratching its head), he breathed, took a pull of his water and decided that he needed a list.
First. Wait for the sedatives to wear off. This involved sitting in the living room, drinking water and slowly eating a sleeve of crackers. Once they wore off, it meant that he was constantly glancing around the room, twitching and feeling bad if he took off his hat. Which he had done, because he wanted to save it for when this got worse.
Second; eat fruit for breakfast, and drug the tea up with a mild sedative. If not, he would be freaked out all day. The problem was, he couldn’t stop thinking, which led to horrible things. His mind jumped from topic to topic, broached where he shouldn’t, and suspected that everyone was out to get him. While paranoia was good for a ninja, he didn’t like it like this.
Third was to sign up for one medium game every day. If he could work and function, than he would be okay. So long as he wasn’t babbling nonsense and could move.
The list went on to include a set of kata (or genjutsu or flickering or whatever needed to happen) for a few hours every day, one rice ball of fish, a shower, playing one game of basketball with Erol, fighting, and then sleeping.
For the sleep, Shisui found that he had to use sedatives.
It all sounded good in theory and on a sheet of paper, but it was riddled with problems. He was never hungry anymore, and eating made him want to be sick. The sedative would wear off in the middle of the day, and he was terrified of losing his mind, more for Itachi than himself.
Right now, Shisui wasn’t very stable. It was mostly stirring things up in the mad search for the person who had released the backstories, and then trying to make sense of the information that was there. It meant straying into the parts of his mind that he usually didn’t, and once he unearthed the memories he needed, the others followed and started pinging off around his head until -
- the whole cycle started all over again, and Shisui was tempted to drug himself into oblivion.
So the list had its flaws, but after a few days, it became habit. A quavering habit that was more going through the motions, but habit.
Maybe sleeping next to Erol’s huge dog, helped at night.