¢ℓαякє gяιffιи (borninspace) wrote in storybrooketown, |
She could tell he was pained, as she was pained. It was hard to see Bellamy this way. She thought he was so strong, brave. Without him, they couldn't have even gotten into Mount Weather. Bellamy had been the key to the entire plan. And then without hesitation when it came down to it, he'd been the one to pull that lever with her. She was sure he'd do it again, too. They'd done what they'd had to do, the only choice they had, to save their people. How could either of them be leaders now, though? Were they not tainted by the blood that was on their hands?
It was easier for her to carry this on her own, to not involve Bellamy in the pain and guilt she was feeling. But one look at him told her that it couldn't be that way. He was feeling it all too. She could have stayed away, but they were still in the same town. What good could it have done? They would bear this together, and there was no other option now. It had been the only thing to do. And he'd done it with her, without a second thought. Maybe he didn't want her to feel it all alone, but she thought it would have been better if she had. Then he wouldn't have to be feeling the way he did now. It would have been hers to bear alone, and clearly he couldn't have that.
She was silent for awhile, or for what seemed like awhile, as she took a seat and stared at the fire. What could she say? What could either of them say that would make it all better? She didn't think there was anything. There was just the pain and guilt that was rapidly consuming her. Her feelings for Bellamy were overwhelming too. Maybe that could be what saved them from the grief, pain, and guilt swallowing them whole. But how could he still feel for her after what she'd done? Was love something they should even deserve to feel?
"Guess I just couldn't stay away." Clarke finally spoke. She'd tried. She'd tried like hell, but there was nowhere else to go here. And it wasn't like she could really even stay away from Bellamy if she wanted to. Even if it was better for him if she was not around, her feelings were too strong. She kind of hated herself for that.