bellamy blake (whoweneedtobe) wrote in storybrooketown, @ 2015-03-16 22:45:00 |
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Back home, this all might have been easier to handle. Or not, it was hard to say. Bellamy hadn't been back in Storybrooke for long, not even a week. The first few nights hadn't been bad, but the last couple... Bellamy had gasped awake, soaked in his own sweat with nightmares pounding through his veins. Not just for what he and Clarke had done - but from his own time at the hands of the Mountain Men. For what he'd done to stay there. He could still feel Lovejoy's death rattle before he let the man slump to the floor. He would wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, his hands shaking with the memory. But they were memories he bore silently. Part of him considered going to Octavia, but why burden her? Why trouble her with his demons when she was finally breaking free of her own? His little sister deserved to be happy and he couldn't bother tainting that with his struggles to justify his actions.
The days generally went smoother than the nights. He went to work and he did his job. But then he would see a kid and he would freeze in his tracks. A bookbag slung over tiny shoulders sent his heart racing because he could swear they all read 'Lovejoy' across the back. A soccer ball kicked around in a schoolyard sent fractures through his heart and so Bellamy avoided any area where he might run into kids. He knew it had to be done. He knew it. But it didn't make it easier. So he came home early and busied himself with making a fire in the fireplace before settling down in front of it. It took his mind off everything.
Except Clarke. She was omnipresent in his mind, both sleeping and awake. How small her hand felt beneath his on that lever. How distant she felt in his arms. How he hated a kiss on the cheek because it always meant goodbye - first his mother and then Clarke, slipping from his grasp and leaving him behind. How was he supposed to take care of their people on his own? Didn't she know he had been battered by the Mountain too? Maybe he should have told her he needed her. Maybe that would have made her stay. Bellamy tried not to deal in maybes and what-ifs, because he knew how dangerous they were. (What if he had planned Octavia's Unity Day outing better? What if he hadn't taken her at all?) It didn't matter anyway, because they were both here and she didn't want to leave. So that was something.
Now they would just need to figure out where to go from here. What to do for their people that were here. But most importantly for Bellamy, he needed to figure out how to show Clarke she wasn't the monster she thought she was.