All Out Of Faith Title: All Out of Faith Author:emilie_burns Fandom: Stone Soup RPG Pairing: Could be seen as Jordan/Anna Rating: R Wordcount: 2492 Warnings: Incest, child abuse, rape Disclaimer: The Palingo family is entirely original. The song cited is "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia. Summary:"You start respecting my wishes, and quit pampering Anna, and Billy as well for that matter, and I will not sign this bill of sale."
All Out Of Faith
I am all out of faith, this is how I feel. Illusions never turned to something real You're a little late, I'm already torn.
~*~
"Ouch! Be careful there!" Anna's reflection glared at him, wincing.
"Sorry, Anna, I'm trying to go easy," Jordan replied, glancing up to the mirror at his twelve year-old sister with a small smile briefly before turning his attention back to her hair. Taking more care not to pull on the locks as he continued French-braiding twin pigtails down the sides of her head, he was careful not to let his expression reflect the anger he was feeling.
She sighed, swinging her feet slightly. "It's okay, it just hurt. You do a better job with my hair than Mother does."
He winced then, bending forward to gently kiss the top of her head. He had become a better hairdresser than most girls his own age, but out of necessity. Their mother always made Anna cry whenever she did her hair, or really, whenever she did anything to her. He always tried to be the one to do her hair instead, but sometimes She didn't bother to tell him she wanted Anna's hair braided or styled in any of the other manners that was difficult for his sister to do herself.
Like a few days ago. She had done her hair up so viciously tight, several locks of hair were pulled out by the roots, and her scalp had been bleeding slightly. Brushing and parting her hair, Jordan could see the sporadic bare patches, and the scabbed-over bruises on Anna's scalp. When he had realized Anna was bleeding, he had been so close to decking that woman, and who knows what kind of wrath that would have brought on him, or worse yet, on Anna. The last time he hit her, when he was Anna's age now, she had locked him in a closet for a week. What she'd done to Anna scared him enough to stay his hand from then on out.
Not only did he not want to go back in there, but he couldn't very well protect Anna and their four-year-old brother, Billy, from inside a closet. So he held his temper in check, and treated the injuries the best he could.
"What do you suppose is gonna happen to us today?" Her brown eyes were far too large, haunted and solemn in too young a face.
Securing the end of the second braid, Jordan sat down on the vanity seat beside her, holding her close. "I don't know, Anna. But you'll be okay. I'll be there."
"This is gonna be forever, isn't it?" she asked quietly.
"No, it's not. Just two more years, Anna. I promise. Two more years, I'll be eighteen, and I'll take you both far away from here. I'll take care of you, I promise."
"What if she doesn't let us go?"
"Shh. I'll figure out something. We will get out of here. We will. I promise."
"I don't want to go down there today."
"I know. I don't want you to either. But we'll get through this."
That woman told him to make Anna as presentable as possible, and then bring her to the living room at a certain time. Not a single comment was made regarding him, so he knew it was just for Anna. Usually, requests like this meant a private entertainment. In the last few years, his own demand had thankfully dwindled. But that also meant he couldn't be there even sometimes now for Anna, even if he couldn't protect her, they were at least together. Jordan sometimes worried what might happen to him if She decided he was no longer useful, but so far, she seemed content to let him play nanny.
Unless she was in one of her sadistic moods, and played at being a mother.
Jordan had no difficulty understanding how 'mother' could be considered a swear word.
Reluctantly, he let Anna go and stood, walking over to her closet. "C'mon, we've only got five minutes left," he reminded her, pulling out the plaid skirt and white blouse She had requested.
Anna made a face, but quickly started changing into the clothes as he searched the closet floor for her black, buckled shoes, then rummaged around in a dresser for white socks. He pulled the socks on her feet while she finished buttoning up the blouse, and buckled one shoe while she put on the other. One minute to spare to get down to the living room. Holding hands, they trotted down the wide, gracefully curving staircase, and raced through the cold, elegant main hall to the living room doors.
Just barely. That woman did not tolerate even a five-second tardiness. Walking into the living room with Anna, her grip on his hand tightened like a vice, and his stomach turned. Stalking restlessly over by the window was a well-dressed Sakkra, and Jordan's stomach turned into a knot of ice.
The lizard turned to face them as they came in, his tongue snaking out of his mouth in a leer as he looked Anna over, and instinctively, Jordan moved between them, shooting Her a glare before he caught himself. He'd hoped it was someone else, but there was no mistaking the guest. A rather wealthy weapons dealer, that particular Sakkra wasn't a stranger, and his tastes ran toward rather sadistic extremes.
"Ah, good, you're on time." That woman smiled coldly. "Now, Anna, be a good girl and entertain our guest."
"You can't--" Jordan started to protest, only to be cut short as she slapped him.
"Don't you dare talk back to me," she hissed, her lips curled into a dangerous smile. Anna bit her bottom lip to stifle as yelp as she was grabbed by the arm and pulled away from him. "Go with our guest, now."
Propelled by a hard shove, Anna staggered toward the Sakkra, and cringed when he picked her up, shooting Jordan a terrified glance. Feeling utterly powerless, he could only watch as she was carried into the adjoining room. Once the door closed, he glared murderously at his mother. "You can't let them back there unsupervised! He'll hurt her," he snapped.
She shrugged in a dismissive manner. "You break it, you buy it."
He was almost as tall as she was, and probably outweighed her by a good fifty pounds. It wouldn't take much. Maybe if he got his hands on that poker by the fireplace without her noticing...
"You and I need to talk."
Anna's screaming, although muffled by the old, thick walls, still reached his ears. "Yes, we do," he growled, clenching his hands to fists.
She only looked amused. "Sit down."
"I'll stand."
"Sit. Down." She still smiled, but her eyes were dangerous. Reluctantly, he sank down onto the edge of a chair. "We need to talk about your little role in this family. For a while now, I have tolerated you filling the other childrens' heads with nonsense, such as how you'll keep them safe, especially your sister." She paused, tilting her head in an obvious show of listening. "You're doing a rather poor job of that, aren't you?" she asked, chuckling.
Jordan imagined his hands were around her throat.
"I tolerated it at first because it was cute, but now, it's grown into something of a nuisance. You will stop your little activities."
"What do you mean?"
"No more coddling her. Anna is becoming rather difficult to manage."
"You can't make me," he replied, his voice dangerously soft. She smiled, a chilling sort of superior look that made him feel ill.
"On the contrary, I can, I will, and I am. You see, our guest and I are negotiating a deal."
Jordan immediately turned wary, his alarms going off. "What kind of deal?"
She walked over to a table, picking up a piece of paper. "Do you know what this is?" Mutely, Jordan shook his head. "It's a bill of sale. I haven't signed it yet, but I'm seriously thinking about it."
His blood went cold. "A bill of sale for what?" he asked softly.
"For Anna, of course. Our guest wants to purchase her, not merely lease her from time to time."
Jordan pressed his fist against his mouth, growing ill. "You can't do that."
"Oh, but I can." She looked pleased with herself. "But I'm prepared to offer you a deal."
He didn't feel like speech was a possibility, just staring at her.
"You start respecting my wishes, and quit pampering Anna, and Billy as well for that matter, and I will not sign this bill of sale."
Jordan closed his eyes.
She chuckled. "In fact, I'm prepared to deny our guest any further access to Anna if you punish her for raising such a fuss and making him feel he's not wanted."
He stared at her, the bile rising in his throat. He couldn't do that, not to Anna. But what was the alternative? Lesser of the two evils. Maybe he could make her understand, maybe they could fake it. Only two more years...
"And if you tell her about our little bargain, I promise you that you'll live to regret it." She paused for a heartbeat. "And I will make your life such a fucking nightmare this will seem like paradise if you go through with your ideas of running away with them."
How did she know? He closed his eyes, trying to stop the room from spinning, but it only made it worse. Opening them slowly, her saw her lips curled in a victorious smirk. What was he going to say? What could he say? Anna's screams were still audible, mixed with sobs. He could control himself. He could keep himself from hurting her. It was better for him to make a deal with the devil herself than to let Anna be sold to that monster. She wouldn't survive the year.
"You have a deal," he whispered.
"What are we agreeing upon?"
Jordan swallowed hard. "I'll do as you say, just keep that sonovasnake away from her."
She laughed, a sound of smug victory. "I knew you'd come around to my point of view, son." Walking over to him, she pulled something off her hand. "Here. Put this on."
Jordan looked at the green-jeweled ring she held out. She wore it almost constantly. It was a family heirloom, a gem he couldn't identify that seemed to glow from within, set in ancient gold. It was slightly bulkier than what one would expect a woman's ring to be, yet not quite as solid as a man's. "Why?"
"Because I wish for you to. Because you will wear it. Because it's part of the bargain."
A hundred ways to kill her ran through his mind as he took the ring from her, looking at it as he slipped it on. On closer inspection, the gem seemed to be similar to the ones set in one of their fireplace mantles. That woman had worn it on her index finger, although it fit his ring finger better.
Staring in the soft green glow, he had a feeling it was important to figure out what kind of gem that was. A soft sound, like the murmuring rush of voices tumbling over a small waterfall, filled his mind like white noise, drowning out the sounds from the next room. He felt cold, but it was delicious, like ice cream. He felt stronger.
Then, the door opened, and as Jordan looked up, his eyes went to the clock. Fifteen minutes had passed, and it didn't seem like that long. The Sakkra came out, but he ignored them, walking to the doorway, feeling numb as he looked in on Anna. The Sakkra's tone turned angry as he spoke with his mother, but it was so far away.
Anna lay curled up on the bed in the corner, her clothes in tatters, strands of hair messed out of the confines of the braids. She was sobbing, bleeding.
Jordan had the distinct feeling of watching himself cross the room to the bed, floating and detached, like something out of a surreal movie. Anna crawled across the bed to him, clinging. Automatically, he put his arms around her, and began stroking her hair.
A shadow crossed over the doorway, and he looked up at Her. Her expression was displeased. "You know what to do," she said coldly.
Jordan looked down at Anna and closed his eyes, swallowing hard as he gathered up the strength to push her away, throwing her to the floor. It wasn't as hard as he thought it was. It was easier to listen to the faint rush of voices. The sound was soothing, invigorating.
Anna looked up at him, her eyes shocked and confused, the tears temporarily slowing in her bewilderment.
"She was a bad girl, making our guest feel unwanted, isn't she?" Deborah purred, walking into the room, circling around the edge.
Mutely, Jordan nodded, and his hands seemed to work on their own accord, unbuckling his belt, pulling it off, looping it in his hand.
Anna started babbling hysterically, staring up at him, terrified. "Jordan, stop, no, what are you doing? Don't do this to me, no, please, Jordan!"
He hesitated, but the voices were calming, assuring him it would be all right. Viciously, he brought the belt down, cracking it across her back. Anna screamed, curling up, shielding her head with her arms.
Again and again, the leather smacked flesh, and red welts were starting to form. It was easier with each passing blow to bring the makeshift whip down the next time, and a heady sense of power and strength flooded him. The voices grew louder.
Who took care of you? No one. She needs to learn to take care of herself. Ungrateful little bitch, always wanting more, needing more. You survived just fine on your own. She needs to toughen up, grow up. It's all her fault, anyway. If she wasn't such a little brat, this wouldn't happen. She needs to learn her place.
Narrowing his eyes, each lash grew harsher, until the welts started to bleed.
"All right." His mother's voice cut through the other voices. "That's enough. She's bleeding all over the place. She's a bad girl, making a mess like this, isn't she?"
"Yes." His voice seemed to come from a long way off.
Their mother reached down, grabbing Anna by her pigtails, and pulled her to her feet. "Go clean yourself up, you little brat, then get in here and scrub this place!"
Anna went sprawling again, sobbing hysterically as she was shoved toward the door, and crawled weakly away from them, staggering to her feet. Pausing in the doorway, she looked back at Jordan with such an intense expression of betrayal, he almost dropped the belt, almost took her in his arms to carry her back upstairs, to tend to her injuries.
Ungrateful bitch. You did all this to save her from a worse fate. Let her suffer.
Almost. Instead, Jordan closed his eyes and turned away from her.
~*~
I thought I saw a man brought to life. He was warm, he came around like he was dignified. He showed me what it was to cry. Well, you couldn't be that man I adored. You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for. But I don't know him anymore. There's nothing where he used to lie, My conversation has run dry. That's what's going on, nothing's fine, I'm torn! Well, I guess that the fortune-teller's right. Should have seen what was there, and not some holy light To crawl beneath my veins, and now, I don't care. I have no luck. I don't miss it all that much. There's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn! I am all out of faith, this is how I feel. I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor. Illusion never turned to something real. I am wide awake, and I can see the perfect sky is torn. You're a little late, I'm already torn.