Hereeee

[He looks 26.]
Check in.

Get your free ham here!

[He's sitting in the kitchen alone and the kettle's whistling. He's pissed. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he knows something's off. This isn't right.

His Nat. His Bucky... following around this Cap like they belong to him when they really don't. Nat moved out and Bucky's in meetings and press conferences all day. He didn't approve of this. This is on him for being lax. He needs to fix this.

In his mind, there was an unspoken agreement that each Cap doesn't touch each other's stuff.

He has some house calls to make.]

[Nat (version1)]
Hey, I was thinking about the new team and something about this situation doesn't sit right with me. I get wanting a smaller more intimate team, but what I don't get is why he'd pick my team over his own. You've been the Natasha he's been with all these years, not mine, and yet she's standing there by his side.

[Bucky (version1)]
Hey. [He lets himself into his place and sits on his bed]

[ETA: Avengers; Retired including rehab team]
The other version of me has taken 6 of us to join him in his Hollywood rendition of who we are and what we stand for. The rest of us still have work to do. The rehabilitation team will be on standby until we figure out what's going on.

[ETA: Cap!Bucky]
How's work?

Right the fack here

Hereee

Okay we need to talk. It's not enough that you immediately broke your promise to me. Oh don't worry, Nat, I won't bring anyone home with me -- then you take your conquests home to fuck in our bed. Then you sabotage my dates. Charlie told me what you said. You told him that my jeans didn't do my ass justice? Who even talks like that! He ran away so he didn't get "entangled" in whatever I had with you, which according to you, is nothing. Jesus Christ, Steve, what's your deal?

MOAR

Hello, this is Howard Stark from Stark Industries. I'm excited to be here today introducing the newest cutting edge advancements in technology and bio-chemistry.

As many of you know, Captain America is a super soldier. What you may not know is that the serum that changed his body into this ultra capable fighting machine was created by me and my colleagues. We struck gold and since then, we've never been able to recreate that serum. Until now.

Introducing Vera Munch and her Liberty League. [A group of 5 girls (including Marina and Thaleia) walks onto stage following Vera. All physically fit girls ranging from 16 to 18 years old. They're dressed in matching black uniforms and standing like soldiers] I know I saw some news buzzing around about these girls fighting crime, they're fantastic. I know they're young, but they've been trained in every fighting style that exists in this universe. Every one of these girls is as strong and as fast as Captain America himself, and they'll be out to help the Junior Avengers and police officers keep you safe.

[The audience erupts into applause] But wait, there's more. The geniuses at Stark Industries have developed [introduces technology that was stolen by a local who entered a sweepstakes].

And last but certainly not least, I'd like to introduce the world to my son. The man who is truly worthy of inheriting this company when I pass, my pride and joy who has never in this universe joined me on stage. Roscoe Stark, come on out here. He's the most brilliant man I know.

[The talk continues with several more super impressive stolen inventions and medical advancements derived from super serum. He fills the full 30 minute segment he was booked for with fantastical theatrics that would inspire any young scientific mind. When he leaves the stage, there's a standing ovation. The girls, Vera, and Roscoe all Howie exit the stage.]

[Tony;Each seperately]
After years and years of wishing and waiting for any version of you to become a real man, I finallqa found a son who's capable of leading a company.

Here

[Friends includes everyone she considers a friend, so every version of Bucky and Steve can see this too. Anyone she's friendly with is included.]
Our big Easter party is coming up! We'll have games, food, an egg hunt, free drinks for the grownups... You name it, we'll have it. You all have to come, it's been too long since we've all been together!

That goes double for you Buckys.

Someone tried to assassinate Bucky. We need to figure out who and why.

[He makes a killer robot out of the alarm clock in his room and sets it free to go kill Bucky. It jumps out the window on a seek and destroy mission.]

Drunk Post
I haven't gotten laid in literally days. It's time. Come on ladies. Hop on my [censored].

Here

[ACDC plays in the background]
Hello Stepfurt, you may be wondering what the Hell is going on right now. Let me break it down for you, there are many people walking around with my face who aren't me and many people who are walking around with my name who also aren't me. Well, technically they are but they're weird variants of the actual me. Who am I? I go by many names.

The Prodigal Son
Merchant of Death
Wonder Boy
Genius
The Greatest Hero of All Time
The Maverick...

But most of you probably know me as Iron Man, the best Avenger. I know you probably have questions and I'm going to ask you to hold them so I can ask a question directly to Bucky Barnes. Why the fuck do you still have one good arm? I sawed that thing to pieces the last time I saw you.