[He fills his car with Thunderbolts, drugs, and liquor then speeds off with them to crash the show. They pull in and security lets them in. Cole pops a bottle of champagne and Lesley runs down to check if she heard correctly. She did. Unfortunately]
You guys can't be here! [Lesley says, attempting to usher them out to no avail]

[Announcer voice] Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. 12 teens broke out of the torturous dungeons of clubs from around town and redefine love. In this 12-way marriage, will they break through the barriers of HYDRA brainwashing, trauma, and fear to make this house a home? 12 From the Ashes.


[Anouk, Arianna, Doris, Freddie, Ivanna, Kimmy, Peach, Melinda, Miguel, Sara, Sarah, and Stiles move into their new home.]

[Mason expected to wake up next to Katherine. He didn't expect to wake up 17 of his exes (including Midge), Axel, his ex wife, Q, some weird guy, Nicky, Ronnie, Kitty, Marty, Ike, Alexis, Gwen, Alfie, Jane, some rich looking douchebag, Lorraine, Oz, Natalie, some other rich looking douchebag, Ricky, Johnny, Winnie, Lola, the dude who's dating Hazel, two hot displaced girls, and two weird looking guys. He rolls off the massive bed because he's at the edge and there are 44 other people in it and shouts]
Raise your hand if you woke up next to your ex. [He raises his hand] Okay, raise your hand if you're ready to fucking party. [He turns on the music and suddenly it feels like a club] Let's get fucking high.

[Jake wakes up with his girlfriend in his arms, he pulls Robin close and kisses her neck]
Good morning.

[Seph wakes up in another man's arms. For a moment she fears she's back in Stepford with a client. She knows him too. He's a regular.

The thing that snaps her out of it is realizing she's pregnant. There's no way she'd be hooking while carrying Jim's baby. She throws his arm off of her, effectively waking him up]
What the fuck is your problem?

[Eli's fangs are out, it sparkles in the light with a sound effect that happens when cartoons show something shiny. He's in a mansion in a giant pool on a floatie, there's a cocktail in his hand.]
Did you miss me?

My friends all decided to settle down and get married, have kids... but I'm a vampire and I missed my bags. I compelled all of my old roommates to come back for one final hoorah, and this time, I got their spouses too.

[Camera pans to the front of the house where Dime carries Robin in. Midge comes out of a car, followed by Lola, followed by Ricky. The whole montage makes everyone look very hot and glamorous. Skye and Mason fall out of their car, making out. Kitty tosses her handbag at Ike on her way inside and scouts the area for Nicky who emerges from a car with Q. She starts kissing Ike when she spots him. Lorraine comes in with Jermaine and picks a room, Oz lurks in the doorway. Alfie comes in with one kid on each arm and Gwen leads the way to claim a room with a violin case in hand. Dean's unloading the trunk of his 67 Chevy Impala while Merc sips her smoothie. Seph heads inside with Jim's arm around her shoulder. Johnny and Winnie are laughing as they tumble into the bushes. Axel steps out of his car looking like a model.]