My name is Jenny Whiteman. I don't know who needs to hear this but if your partner is hitting you or hurting you? They don't love you and you need to leave. Make a plan today.

[In an interview with one of the news reporters]... thanks for the question. Yeah, I'm here with Ike today instead of Nicky. That's because Nick and I broke up. I don't got a ton to say about it. It's been a long time coming. Nick and I, we love hard and we fight harder and honestly, the last fight almost landed us both in prison.

I'd kill for him and he'd kill for me, that's the fucking truth of the matter. But if we stayed, one of us would have ended up dead. So Nicky, because I know you're watching this, go fuck yourself. I fucking hate you and I hope you and your little bitch boy burn in fucking hell. You better hope I don't catch you on the street. [She turns to Ike who's been silently letting her speak and kisses him so passionately that they fall off the chairs. The channel quickly switches to a commercial break]

[Eli's fangs are out, it sparkles in the light with a sound effect that happens when cartoons show something shiny. He's in a mansion in a giant pool on a floatie, there's a cocktail in his hand.]
Did you miss me?

My friends all decided to settle down and get married, have kids... but I'm a vampire and I missed my bags. I compelled all of my old roommates to come back for one final hoorah, and this time, I got their spouses too.

[Camera pans to the front of the house where Dime carries Robin in. Midge comes out of a car, followed by Lola, followed by Ricky. The whole montage makes everyone look very hot and glamorous. Skye and Mason fall out of their car, making out. Kitty tosses her handbag at Ike on her way inside and scouts the area for Nicky who emerges from a car with Q. She starts kissing Ike when she spots him. Lorraine comes in with Jermaine and picks a room, Oz lurks in the doorway. Alfie comes in with one kid on each arm and Gwen leads the way to claim a room with a violin case in hand. Dean's unloading the trunk of his 67 Chevy Impala while Merc sips her smoothie. Seph heads inside with Jim's arm around her shoulder. Johnny and Winnie are laughing as they tumble into the bushes. Axel steps out of his car looking like a model.]

[Ieisha only got here a few days ago but this house feels so cold it's unsettling. Some of the girls are traumatized, other girls are in prison. She knows what she has to do.

She orders takeout from the local pizza joint. Then she turns on some chick flicks. She's in her jammies and she calls everyone down]
Okay ladies, it's time for a girls night. I have pizza, movies, booze, and brownies. I'm tired of living with strangers.

[She skips into his room and puts 5 grand on his desk]
Heyya handsome. Need some help with tuition?

Someone call a tailor because I think Stepfurt needs a Button.

[Stripper crew past and present]
Drinks at our place. [Address]

Is it just me or does 90% of this town need a cold shower. Isn't there anyone who just wants to be friends and not have meaningless sex? If so, can we be friends? Because I'm just not into all that and I have no idea if I'm alone in this or not.