jacen solo (jacen) wrote in starnomad, @ 2016-06-11 11:48:00 |
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Entry tags: | character: derek solo, character: jacen solo, character: lyric, date: [63.04], location: mon calamari (dac) |
Who: Lyric, Jacen, and Derek Solo.
When: 63.04
Where: New Coral City, Dac (Mon Calamari)
What: Jacen is home and Derek has something to say about it.
Rating: Low
Status: COMPLETE.
Waking up had been a dream Lyric had never anticipated having again. There, hair messy against the pillows, was Jacen Solo with his eyes closed and heart even with sleep. Just seeing the gentle beauty of his face pressed to the softness of their bed was enough to catch Lyric's breath. His arms were around a perfect, beautiful man who had traversed death itself to come back to him. But then again maybe Lyric should have expected that, his Princess always kept his promises. It would have been easy to drift back to sleep, sleep warmed lips pressed against Jacen's nose, but it was interrupted by the burst of energy provided by Elix with Derek stumbling behind her to keep up. Soon the whole family was piled into bed, a haphazard breakfast pulled together by Elix who left with a promise to be back and that she would bring Rikki back for all of them to see. While Lyric's heart ached to see his lost friend come back from the grave, for now he was enjoying the quiet peace of watching Jacen with his arms around Derek. There was an ease that maybe Jacen had been lacking when he last held the boy. But now it seemed all of Jacen's fear was gone, replaced by the simple joy and gratitude of returning to their family. "My handsome boys." Lyric sighed, pressing a kiss to Jacen's cheek as he smiled. Jacen lifted his gaze to take in Lyric's face beside him. He was completely opened to the Force in a way he hadn't been for months and months. He was dancing in it really, in every emotion from the beautiful man next to him, to the joyous delight of Elix earlier, and the utterly unrefined sense of the youngest boy in the room. Derek's emotions seemed almost to mirror Jacen's own and he wondered if it was intentional or just the reality of him being so open to the Force in the moment while Derek was unused to that. At some point Jacen might pull back but right now he wanted to drown in all of it. "I love you," he said softly, nuzzling his own nose gently back against Lyric's cheek while his hand played in Derek's hair. "And I love you, sweet boy," he murmured gently I Derek's direction. "I've missed you both so much." His mind thought back to the time spent on Coruscant when he would inevitably run into something that would pull his mind back to the family he'd left behind. It happened frequently and in times when Jacen would be completely not anticipating it and over things like a bottle of wine discarded, or a once lit sign, odd things he couldn't even completely explain the connection to. He looked over at Lyric, his gaze gentle as he considered the man next to him. Everything had changed and nothing had, and Jacen didn't really know how to deal with that except to bury into Lyric and hold on. "I should go talk to my Uncle sometime today," he said, a slight sigh escaping him at the idea of leaving what felt like a safe place. "I know he wants me to rest, but there are other things I should tell him probably. I just didn't want to in Republic custody." "I can hardly blame you for that." Lyric shook his head gently. Even with the galaxy on the edge Lyric had no real faith that politicians wouldn't find a way to mess up what little there was left. It wasn't lost on him even now just how lucky he had been with Elix and Derek, first by Jacen and then by Rogan. So many others had never had the chance to make it off the planet. Of those that had, Lyric spent nearly every day helping them just try and scrap together a meager existence. Even if Lyric was in a better position than he had ever been in his life despite the crumbling galaxy, he knew it was only because the man next to him was in love with him. Still someone would have to know Jacen's information and at least maybe his uncle wouldn't be as willing to just throw Jacen back to the battles that had nearly lost him to begin with. Pressing a kiss to Jacen's cheek, he leaned pleasantly against his heart and watched Derek with a smile. "You'll be able to come back home with us after though." Jacen smiled back, one hand still on Derek's little head as he relished the peace of the moment, even as his mind catalogued all these different things from what he had grown used to. Sometime in the past few months he'd left everything he'd known behind. Furniture, holos, the solid feel of four walls around him, and the air he had become accustomed to had been filled with change and growth and difference. This air was filtered, if more humid even than Coruscant had become, and the bed he sat on softer than he felt like he'd sat on for an entire lifetime. The four walls, though the room was small, were another reminder of what he had stepped back into, and it was possible that without Lyric there it might all have felt claustrophobic and wrong, but with Lyric pressed against him, he felt home. A younger more naive Jacen had once thought that he could leave everything for the Undercity if he had Lyric by his side. It had been the sort of thought that could be easily thrown out in the throes of first romance and be blatantly untrue. But as Jacen sat here he realized perhaps there was more truth to it than he'd realized. This apartment wasn't home, and Daq could never be home. Jacen had tried to go home on Coruscant to find it a nightmarish vision of what he'd once known. There had been times he'd wondered if he would be forever destined to wander through the galaxy, a traveler within it rather than a citizen of it. But right now he felt as if he were home in a way he hadn't since he'd been taken by the Yuuzhan Vong. Right now he suspected that the foolish, naive thought had passed closer to truth than he'd realized. "You promised to marry me," his gaze searching out Lyric's, even as a small smile played at his lips. "You don't get out of that so easily." "It was the other way around, Princess." Lyric leaned in to press a quiet kiss to the smile teasing him. "I asked you. And if you think I'm going to let you back out now, you're wrong." There was a sudden brilliant flash of want over Lyric was he watched Jacen. His entire world had become wrapped up in this man and he had walked too long without him. All he wanted was to be married, to be Jacen's and Jacen to be his, for everyone to know and no one to ever be able to question or take away from them. But it was a selfish want and Lyric knew it. Jacen had gone through so much and running off to elope within a day of coming back wasn't exactly the wisest course of action. That didn't change the fact that Lyric still wanted it, wanted that connection. Derek pulled himself up, getting onto wobbly legs on the bed. "Careful there." Lyric cooed as he sat up, holding his arms out to brace the boy as Derek giggled. Jacen couldn't help the smile back a teasing smirk coming to his lips even as he was somewhat distracted by Derek. "You're telling me I've been remembering it wrong all this time? That every moment that I held onto that memory of me on my knees staring up into your beautiful brown eyes, holding out a bouquet of flowers and asking you to marry me and make me the happiest man in the galaxy, that I made it all up?" But as Derek pulled up Jacen found his attention pulled from teasing Lyric towards the young boy on the bed - his son. Something that was incredibly bizarre for him to think about, and had been something he hadn't quite come to terms with before he'd left, even though he'd been attempting to for Lyric, but his response to seeing the boy, and the response now to seeing him move with more study and persistent motion than he'd moved the last time Jacen had seen him caused a burst of warmth and affection towards the boy. It might be Lyric who had persisted in their keeping him, but Jacen was suddenly grateful for it. A boy who had somehow been fortunate enough to avoid everything he'd seen on Coruscant. A boy who was Force sensitive, supposedly. right now he felt like a gift. "Look at you," his gaze turned to Derek was all adoration as he reached out a hand to catch Derek's and give him a bit more support outside of Lyric's arms. There was some wonder in his voice as he added. "You're practically walking." He turned his gaze to Lyric as a shadow crossed behind his eyes. "I've missed so much with him." "I already make you the happiest man in the galaxy." Lyric mused with easy boredom as he watched Derek with a smile. Jacen's eyes went shadowed as he watched the boy on their arms. None of what Jacen had missed had been his fault and Lyric wouldn't stand for Jacen holding himself accountable for leaving them. The Yuuzhan Vong and this war had ripped them apart, not Jacen. But there was no way for Lyric to give Jacen back those months he had missed, months of Derek growing into the boy he was now. "You should give your papa a hug." Lyric offered gently as he watched Derek step closer to Jacen with determination. "That's right, you can get to Papa can't you?" Jacen kept his hand there on Derek, letting him hold on with little fingers. There was such trust there, trust that Jacen wasn't certain he'd earned, and that he knew probably one day the entire galaxy would try to beat out of this little boy. It inspired a sense of needing to shelter him for as long as it was humanly possible to do so. One day maybe he'd know what he had lost, but the only thing Jacen could do really was to try to keep him from losing anymore. To try to give him a galaxy that had the possibility of being maybe just a tiny bit safer. "That's right," he offered Derek encouragement as one foot was lifted and placed down again, a little wobbly, but with the largest of grins at the accomplishments, and Jacen couldn't help but return that grin back as he watched the next step being taken. "You've got this, kid," he added, bringing his other hand down to offer support to Derek as well as he inched closer to Jacen and further away from Lyric's gentle hands. "Next thing you know you'll be running obstacle courses, huh?" "He's already trying to." Lyric settled back into his spot against Jacen as Derek stumbled closer. The little boy's smile twisted brighter as he concentrated, stumbling into Jacen's arms with his own small ones rising up to grab onto Jacen's tunic to keep himself held up. He looked so determined with his little eyes focused on Jacen's face, as if somehow the little boy was studying it to recommit to memory. Or maybe somehow he was reaching out in the force, Lyric had no idea how he would tell. "Papa." Derek reached out and pressed his small hand against Jacen's cheek, pressing against his face as he watched Jacen. Immediately Lyric sat up, staring at the small boy who had always remained silent outside of laughter and tears. Jacen's eyes widened slightly his heart swelling with a burst of pride and delight. He couldn't have imagined what it would feel like to hear that name from the little boy in front of him, and it felt like water on a hot day, sliding down and oozing worries and uncertainties that Jacen hadn't quite realized that he had. His eyes welled up briefly as he reached out to pull the child further up into his lap, into a hug warm against his bare chest. "That's right, your Papa's home again, and I've missed you, kid." He felt bewildered, wondering at the small hands and the certain press of Derek's chest against his. Something felt different, no, everything felt different, and Jacen didn't know how to explain any of it to anyone. Not to Lyric, or to his Uncle, or even to himself. He felt as if he'd come back a different person, but in this space he could fall back into something familiar, but it was different too. Derek's small hands were reaching out and trusting him, and Jacen felt more like a father than he'd ever felt in his life up to this point knowing how hard he had worked to be able to come back to this child and the man beside him. But they were different hands than he had left behind, the ones he'd left behind had been simple in their demands - even if the demands had felt far greater than the toddler in his arms right now. And this bed, the man beside him -- that felt different too in a way that Jacen couldn't put words too. For a moment he was afraid he was going to squeeze Derek too tightly, and he released him purposefully, swallowing past a lump in his throat even though he couldn't find words to speak again. "You talked." Lyric breathed in awe as he reached out for Derek's free hand. The little boy's head swiveled up to Lyric's and he beamed a smile over at him as his small fingers wrapped around Lyric's. Months Lyric had wondered if maybe something was wrong with Derek, if somehow what he had gone through on Coruscant had ruined part of him. But the doctors and droids hadn't been able to find anything wrong with him. Several of the refugees had told him that Derek would simply talk when he finally felt it was the right time, that's how children were. He remembered that a little with Elix. Even though she had known how to talk it took a few weeks before she was willing to talk to him instead of just point or reach for something she needed or wanted. Apparently what Derek had wanted was Jacen. It wasn't a want that Lyric could fault him for. "He hasn't before." Lyric offered to Jacen. "He's always been so quiet since you left." "Papa," Derek said again, as if in testing out the sound of it he had decided that he liked it. A hand waved along with the words and his little cheeks crinkled into a grin. Jacen was left hardly knowing what to say to Lyric's admission. Has the little boy been this quiet for this long? Wasn't he old enough he should have talked already? But then Jacen knew next to nothing about children and even less about babies. Regardless of which it seemed that he was currently speaking. Jacen leaned forward to drop a kiss on Derek's head while he struggled to get his emotions sensible. For so long he'd been allowed nothing, and now he was given everything and like a man who had starved faced suddenly with a feast, he felt a little sick. "Lyric," he said, but nothing would follow it. He didn't know where To begin. He handed Derek over to Lyric quietly, moving to stretch his own legs and stand up and breathe. "I'm sorry," he pressed his hands across his face before turning his gaze back to Derek who was watching him with intensity. "This is - I - he's our son, Lyric." Lyric took Derek into his arms, holding the boy close as he watched Jacen. There was an uneasiness to the way he moved, the same tension that had crept up in their bed last night. It was as if Jacen was being cornered, too much going on and overwhelming what little he had. He had been gone so long, been through so much, maybe they were too much for him. But Lyric couldn't begin to think about letting Jacen go, he could at least try to protect him in this apartment. "He is." Lyric smiled gently, looking to Derek and pressing a kiss against his sweet cheek. "Aren't you? We're a family again, just like we're supposed to be." Looking back to Jacen, he held out his hand to catch his lover's hip. "Do you need some space?" he asked honestly, no judgement in his eyes as he watched. "We can go and make you dinner if you need space." Lyric's hand was warm. It served as a gentle reminder that Jacen was no longer alone and that he was wanted here. Derek's eyes were watching him again, drinking in his every move and Jacen wondered if possibly also his every emotion in the Force as well. This was a frightening thought in its own way, although perhaps it ought not to be. Derek's parents might not have known their son was Force sensitive but the Force had known and Jacen was more certain than he'd been ever before that the Force had brought Derek to Lyric knowing that Derek would be somewhere he would be understood. Jacen breathed in, slowly. He could make decisions. And those decisions were the bricks in building who he was and who he would be. Throughout everything he hadn't given up on this, exactly this, and right now he wanted it more than ever before. To be a father and a husband and to do those things well, maybe before being a good Jedi, something that was awkward to consider, but Jacen didn't know exactly where he fit with his Uncle or the Jedi Order, but that didn't need to be decided today. One decision. That was all this moment needed. "Space is all I've had," he looked down at Lyric's hand where it held Derek. "I should possibly try to clean up a bit. Derek could come with me while you fix breakfast?" He brought his gaze up to meet Lyric's finally, knowing there was more uncertainty in the decision than he wanted there to be. More hesitance on knowing how to return to options once again. But needing Lyric to know absolutely and without any doubt that this family was what he wanted with his whole heart. "If that's all right." Smiling gently, lyric stood and pressed a kiss to Jacens cheek. They had their whole lives ahead of them to adjust to each other again and while at the moment Jacen seemed overwhelmed lyric couldn't help but feel a small pearl of hope. Somehow Jacen always managed to bring hope when Lyric never thought it was possible. But somehow he had the unrealistic thought that as long as they were together then everything would be all right. And maybe it wasn't so unrealistic. "Over to your papa then." Lyric handed Derek over, melting at the sight of their son happily winding his arms around Jacen to hold on. They would be a real family, the kind of family lyric never thought would ever be possible for him. Leaning in, he stole a real kiss from Jacen as he smiled. "I'll make breakfast. He's got a basket of toys in the living room." Lyric's kiss pressed strength into Jacen, but then... hadn't it always? And there was a confidence and calm that came from recognizing that this hadn't changed. That whatever other bits of Jacen had changed, this piece - the part where Lyric could give him strength from simply trusting him - hadn't changed at all. His breath came a little easier as he pulled Derek to him. Derek, like Lyric was equally trusting, and though Jacen thought it probably should be odd to expect a child who was in need of far more care than anything else to provide comfort, in his own way he was. He wanted Jacen back in his life, and if Papa was the first word he'd said, Jacen couldn't doubt that. He offered Lyric a smile as he wrapped his arm around Derek a little bit more firmly, reaching out in the Force a bit as he did to see if he could find that sense that was Derek, a presence that he hadn't quite been able to recognize yet, but that he knew he ought to be able to find - particularly if the boy was Force sensitive. "We'll find the toys, but maybe first we'll go find the water," he looked at Derek with a quick grin. "That ought not be too difficult to find on this planet, huh kid?" Derek gurgled, and Jacen dropped his hand for a moment to reach for Lyric's, sliding his fingers through those of his lover's. It was an intimate gesture that somehow frequently felt more so than everything else they did. Apparently that hadn't changed either. The words he wanted to say were thank you, but he couldn't quite find them so instead, he simply squeezed Lyric's hand and let go. "We won't be long. I can't wait to find out what you've learned to cook for breakfast." |