Star Nomad Cast (starnomadnpc) wrote in starnomad, @ 2016-04-03 20:52:00 |
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"Oh no you don't." Lyric chided gently as he scooped Derek up. The child was getting better at crawling, pulling himself up to the small table in the living room. While they didn't have much in the way of belongings, Lyric and Elix never had, there was still enough that Lyric needed to move things out of Derek's reach now that he was actually getting more mobile. Derek was instantly distracted from his quest of Lyric's cup, instead reaching up and grabbing fistfuls of Lyric's hair to toy with. He sighed affectionately, untangling strands from tiny fingers and looking around for a tie to pull his hair up and out of his face. Maybe he should cut it, the thought was idly in his mind every so often. But Lyric had always had his hair, it was as much a part of him as his eyes. Then there were the memories of Jacen's affections, the way his eyes always grew soft as his hands ran through Lyric's curls, and Lyric quickly dismissed the idea. Balancing Derek on his hip, he tied his hair back with on hand only to be distracted by it with a knock on the door. "Who could that be?" he asked quietly down at Derek, the child reaching up for his nose now. Smiling just slightly he walked over to the door. Rogan had sent him a message over comms so his arrival wasn't unexpected. What was unexpected was the fact that Lyric felt almost a little fond at the sight of the pilot coming to see them. Derek's eyes went wide as his hands reached out towards Rogan. Lyric chuckled slightly. "Oh, is that how it is? Anyone but me?" Rogan couldn't help but smile at the sight of Derek reaching out to him. Whatever else might happen tonight, he genuinely hoped that he could keep this little boy around as someone that he reached out to help and take care of upon occasion. "Hey there kid," He reached out to take Derek easily from Lyric and swung him around just slightly for the giggle that he knew would follow. "Have you missed me? I missed you too. I might have even brought you a thing or two - check it out," and he reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a small rattle shaped like one of the many marine animals you could find in Mon Calamari's oceans. As he stepped in the door he brought his attention up to Lyric. He had no idea how to begin the conversation, so the answer then obviously was, not right now. Instead he bounced Derek gently and he leaned forward to place a soft kiss on Lyric's cheek. "It feels like it's been forever since I saw you two last," he said warmly. This seemed almost normal in a fashion that made Lyric's gut twist. While Jacen had been with them, working all hours with the Jedi and the New Republic's remains, a warm and familiar greeting as he took Derek into his arms was the norm. And for Rogan to reach for the small boy and to lean into Lyric, it was jarring how easy it felt to slip into, a pattern that Lyric hadn't entirely realized happened. Fora moment he looked at Rogan, lost in that memory before quickly pushing it away and keeping the small, nearly invisible smile in place instead. "It's been a month." Lyric offered as he closed the door behind them. A month since Elix had nearly driven Rogan off. But here he was again, just like before. Somehow the pilot kept luck on his side, Lyric had to only imagine that he was a much better pilot than most in the fleet. He knew enough families with military loses as well as civilian. A month and Rogan had come back, the warm kiss still felt on his cheek. Instead he reached up, catching Rogan's cheek to guide him into a proper kiss before pulling away to look at Derek. "He's crawling now. Careful if you let go of him, he's getting quick." The kiss startled Rogan a bit, although it probably shouldn't have. It was something they'd done frequently enough over the scattered times they'd spent together. But it was a warm welcome, a very warm welcome, and it brought a smile to his lips that he couldn't explain away by the lightness of shore-leave, or the news that Derek was moving. "You're crawling?" He turned to Derek with a pleased look on his face. "Good for you kid. I'm still a fighter pilot though, so I bet you can't quite keep up with me. Shall we try?" He teased lightly, taking his fingers and tickling Derek's round stomach. The fingers brought giggles and hands waving at his to push them away - or attempt it in baby fashion. "It has been a month," he looked over at Lyric as he stepped fully into the apartment, walking over to place the bag he'd brought with him on the chair next to the table. As he dropped that weight he turned around and with Derek on his hip, he considered Lyric thoughtfully. He hadn't had the opportunity to really speak about Elix either - but having not seen her yet, he assumed she was out. Hopefully this time she wouldn't walk in on them naked. So he tilted his head and met Lyric's gaze evenly: "How have you been?" The smile that resulted from the kiss was almost startling with how bright and warm it was. Maybe Lyric shouldn't have been surprised, Rogan smiled an awful lot really. But there seemed to be something different there, something warm and precious that Lyric couldn't quite understand. All he knew was that it was likely not a smile that he deserved in any way, a sinking feeling in his chest that he pushed away as soon as it attempted to make itself known. Instead he watched Rogan with Derek fondly, enjoying seeing the boy laugh. Derek was fussy, though he seemed to be growing out of it in some ways. Still outside of when he cried or laughed he didn't seem interested in making noise or learning how to talk. Lyric had no idea if this was unusual or not. But Derek smiled around Rogan, something Lyric appreciated. "Still here." Lyric answered easily, which seemed as much of an answer to him as anything. This planet hadn't been invaded or destroyed like so many others. "Derek's getting bigger. Elix apparently has tricked someone into teaching her how to fly." He allowed himself the slightest twitch of a smile. "And you managed to make it all the way to shore leave again. It could be worse." "Is she?" Rogan shook his head with a smile. "I can imagine she's pretty happy about that. If I had more time, well, and more freedom with my ship, I'd let her come see it. Although that might not be bribe enough to get her to like me." Although Rogan got it now in a way he hadn't before. Which wasn't to say that he hadn't understood before, he just hadn't had the full picture. For the moment, he squatted down, putting Derek down on the floor in a sitting position and then following down to join the boy on the carpet. "I'm not going to be able to stay down here forever," he told Derek. "Cause I brought some pasta, and some fish I want to fry up with it, but I want to see this crawling you're doing. I think you've grown at least six inches in this month." He sat back to watch Derek sort of stare at him for a moment, before rolling over and catching himself on his arms. It seemed that he wasn't going to move on command so instead Rogan looked up at Lyric. "I also brought dessert," he added. "And I'm glad you're still here. Gives me a reason to come back to shore leave." "I wish she'd just stick to repairs." Lyric sighed, shaking his head slightly. While he knew that Elix had always dreamed of flying, even when all he could think about was how they would eat that day, he couldn't help but hope she would stay on the ground. The galaxy was dangerous enough as it was and he didn't want her to risk her life needlessly. They had lost enough, he couldn't lose her too. But that thought was pushed away along with all the others as he took his place on the floor and held out his arms to Derek to encourage him to crawl back to him. "You here that, Derek? He's brought dinner and dessert. We're getting spoiled." he chuckled soft and low. His chest felt tight for a moment at Rogan's admission. Certainly Lyric enjoyed these visits. They made Derek happy and Lyric's own life seemed to be a little less hopeless and dark. But getting attached would do nothing for either of them in the long run, it was all just an illusion and a cruel one at that. "Well if you need a reason, I'm glad we can give you one." he offered quietly in return. Rogan looked up at Lyric's comment and smiled and shook his head. "If she's got the pilot's bug, then you're in trouble," he said softly. "But... that doesn't mean she'll be up there flying around in danger, necessarily. There's a lot of steps to go through before they put you somewhere really dangerous on purpose." Admittedly, those steps were a lot fewer than they used to be, but Elix was still young, and not old enough to be considered for any sort of military flying. That didn't mean she couldn't find her way up where it was dangerous, but it certainly would decrease her chances. "Do you know who is teaching her?" He tossed the rattle to Lyric to encourage Derek further. "I should actually put the dessert in the cooler," he admitted, jumping up to his feet and digging in the bag. He brought out the small pre-made cake, and the fish both, and crossed to find space for them in the refrigeration unit in the apartment. The fish wouldn't really have time to spoil, but it'd be fresher if they kept it cool. "Oh the Jedi, of course." Lyrics voice was cool and measured as he took the rattle to hold out for Derek. The Jedi had given and taken everything from Lyric. Rikki had believed in them with all her heart and jacen had followed in their footsteps. But for all the Jedi had brought them to him the Jedi had thrown them into a war they could never have survived. And now Elix was being drawn in as well, another pawn in their great plans with the force. As much as lyric wanted to try and believe in the Jedi for the sake of those he loved, their losses hung too heavily on his heart. But that was kept tucked away, his expression and tone trained from the undercity. Instead he held out the rattle and watched Derek's eyes follow. "How long do we get to keep you for?" He asked, holding back becoming hopeful. Rogan didn't think the Jedi trained non-Force sensitives particularly, but on the other hand, if Lyric had been involved with Jacen Solo, then likely Elix knew people, and piloting didn't require Force sensitivity, although he'd been around pilots like Jaina Solo and heard about Skywalker's feats enough to know that it certainly could help you stay alive. Regardless, if someone there had the skills, then she had the connection despite the lack of Force sensitivity - at least Rogan assumed she wasn't because she wasn't training to be a Jedi so far as he knew. Instead at Lyric's question he looked up and there was a small smile at his lips. It was possibly too much to hope for Lyric wanting him for more than a day, but he couldn't help but wish that he did. He shrugged lightly. "I've got 72 hours. Well, technically probably I'm down to more like 65 or something, but - three days. I was kinda thinking, that I could probably take Derek for an afternoon, if it'd be helpful. Give you a little time to do things that might be more difficult to do with a bundle attached to you." "Usually that's what the droid's for." Lyric commented mildly. Tenel Ka's gift had been put to more use with the refugees than with Derek since their arrival here. Maybe it was not in the spirit of the gift but lyric had only agreed for Jacens sake and now Jacen was gone. That left lyric with the urge to hold Derek as tight as he could, as Elix pulled further away as she grew older. He looked up at Rogan for a moment to study him. The pilot was heavily invested in Derek and it was something Lyric wanted to encourage. And he did trust Rogan, as much as he would trust anyone with the boy who had become his son. "Unless you wanted an afternoon of just the two of you. I don't have an issue of that's what you want." Was that what Rogan wanted? He didn't mind the idea of it although he certainly wasn't trying to play himself firmly in Derek's affections in that way. He did like the kid, and did feel a bit of responsibility for him, even though he'd handed that responsibility over to another, but he didn't necessarily need the time alone just for having it. Derek was too young to remember either way. Maybe part of him wanted Lyric to know he really wasn't here just because of the sex, but alternatively he wasn't here only because of Derek. Derek may have been the person that introduced them, but he kept coming back largely because he enjoyed the conversation with Lyric. "That's not it exactly," he said finally. "I mean it's not not it either. I just, I know it's mostly you and Elix. And you've got the droid, I know but I figured sometimes it might get..." He trailed off not certain where he really was going. What did he know about any of raising a child anyway? "I would like to help some when I'm here. You've given him a home and stability and made it worth that extra I did to get him here. I guess if there is something I can do to help during the brief time I'm on planet I'd like to do it for you. "Look, Lyric, I -" he frowned and looked down at Derek for a minute. "I don't really know how to say this so I'm probably going to kriff it up. I- I didn't know about Jacen," he looked up to study Lyric's face. "But I learned... Well I know you weren't doing this alone originally. And I can't replace any of that. But I care about you guys and if I can help beyond just showing up once every month or so I'd like to. If I can." Lyric could feel his heart stop in his chest at the mention of Jacen. Years in the undercity had taught him how to keep his expression perfectly calm and serene, devoid of any emotion even as he felt the chill of blood leaving his face. Rogan wasn't supposed to know about Jacen, he wasn't supposed to be involved in their lives outside of these little arrivals. That would make all of this real, it would mean that the sorrow that he'd feel when eventually Rogan didn't come back and no one would think to tell them why would be just as real. Lyric kept his breathing under control, pulling in and drawing on the emptiness that made everything, all of this, so much easier to handle. He knew the pause had gone on just a little too long and he quickly organized his thoughts in his mind, pulling away from thoughts of Jacen which would only lead to more heartache. "You're already helping." he answered, his voice measured and calm. Rogan studied Lyric for a minute. He wasn't certain if he entirely believed him, but he didn't really know what to push back with. And maybe it was true. And so he nodded, trusting, even if he wasn't half-certain that it was a little foolish, that Lyric would at least be honest with him if not necessarily detailed in that honesty. And it wasn't what he was asking for. At least, he kept telling himself that, and if he said it frequently enough then it would be true, even if he could feel the lie every time he told himself that of recent. "I don't feel like it's much," he said honestly. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad to do it. And like I said, I look forward to seeing the two of you." If Rogan knew about Jacen, and Lyric could only imagine how he did or how much, then there was a question as to why he was bringing this up at all. Lyric already knew that Rogan wasn't here for him, that he was here for Derek. After all that night in the kitchen Rogan hadn't been the one to start this, it had been Lyric. Loneliness had been the motivation and Rogan certainly hadn't pulled back, but Lyric had initiated whatever it was that they gave into when Derek would fall to sleep. "Rogan." Lyric unfolded himself to pull up next to him. Derek stayed between them, reaching out to lyric's hand to grab onto the rattle that was no in reach without him having to crawl to it. It was sweet, something they both would have cooed over if Lyric was not giving his attention to the man beside him now. "What is it that you want?" There was no accusation in his tone, simply a question as to what this information meant. Rogan's eyes stayed on Derek for a moment. The child was growing so much. Every time he saw him, it seemed as if he'd grown just a little bit more, although Rogan had to admit he wondered why he wasn't talking yet. It was a distraction from trying to figure out the words to say to convey what he intended. That he didn't really want anything - oh, no, there were the things he wanted that he was ignoring wanting but even beyond those things he mostly genuinely cared about the man next to him in ways that went beyond the warmth of his body next to Rogan's. He took a breath in, thinking that once again he was likely to mess this up and wondering at himself for how much it genuinely mattered to him that he didn't. Then again what he wanted in the moment hadn't changed. "I want you as a friend. Look, I didn't know you'd lost someone so recently. Had I known, I probably wouldn't have - I was lonely, and I thought you were too - but I probably wouldn't have made overtures. I'm not sorry I did, mind you." He sighed at himself. Kust shut up, Rogan. "Look you're a good man, and I can see that easily enough. And I do enjoy our time together. I just, though you should know that I wasn't trying to - take advantage. But beyond that friendship, I don't need anything specific. I just want to help out where I can. And I enjoy sharing your bed, but if you ever don't want that - that's all right too." He reached out to touch Derek's head, placing his hand gently on the boy's hand. "Every day I go out in a ship so that the worlds the New Republic still owns can stay safe enough that people keep these days." It was a lot to take in a once, Lyric watching Rogan with a calm, impassive eye as he plead his case. There was no way that Rogan could have known about Jacen, not really. Lyric had never bothered to tell him, to let this man in on more than what was on the surface of their lives. And really that was what Lyric felt he needed, to be able to hold Rogan just far enough away so that he wouldn't have to shatter in his arms. The thought of Jacen was still to raw and fresh, even months later when he was beginning to wonder if he was forgetting just how Jacen's touch felt or the rumble of his voice. Rogan was a distraction, but he was a kind one who cared for the children in Lyric's care and likely for those throughout the galaxy. He had kind eyes and gentle hands, a smile that seemed to make Lyric feel a little less empty. Instead of an answer Lyric leaned in, pressing his lips against Rogan's with a soft affection and holding him in the kiss as his hand reached up to cradle his cheek. "You didn't force me into anything." Lyric's answer was soft as he pulled back enough to look into his eyes. The kiss was enough to shoot hope through Rogan that this wouldn't have to be over just yet, and maybe someday after the war they could both really allow themselves to explore something more than just quiet nights held in the comfort of someone else's embrace. But that kiss and Lyric's touch reminded Rogan that he was human - that there were things worth fighting for and things worth living for, and yes, even things worth dying for, but he didn't want to die - at least partially because he didn't want to leave this man alone again. That alone was a terrifying thought that he wasn't going to dwell on. But Lyric had lost enough, and it had been selfish perhaps to take from him in this way, although Rogan knew the sound of the truth, and he knew Lyric was speaking it. He knew because he had stopped a half dozen times, along the way, giving Lyric the option to push back or to say he wasn't interested, and that night his advances had been accepted enthusiastically. It was his turn then to lean forward, to reach his hand up and gently cupped Lyric's neck with it, as he moved his lips in for a gentle, insistent, but answering kiss. Lyric's lips were soft and warm and alive, and Rogan couldn't help the way his heart felt light when he pulled back, even as he tried to put the emotion in a box that said 'don't open today'. "I'm grateful for this - for you," he said softly, placing his other hand on Lyric's chest gently. "You can show me just how grateful later." Lyric sighed, the boredom put upon and undermined by the quick twitch of his smirk. But as much as he would enjoy just pushing Rogan back to take from him what was offered, the fact remained that there was a young boy seated between them who was still very much awake. For one last kiss Lyric leaned in, the slightest hint of an actual smile ghosting against Rogan's lips. "But before that, I believe you promised us dinner." Lyric reached down to pick Derek up, holding them smiling babe out to Rogan. "And someone's missed you." |