Star Nomad Cast (starnomadnpc) wrote in starnomad, @ 2015-09-08 13:28:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | character: jacen solo, character: tenel ka djo, date: [61.10], location: myrkr |
Who: Jacen Solo & Tenel Ka Djo
When: 61.10
Where: Yuuzhan Vong Worldship, Myrkr
What: Two friends and an understanding - of sorts.
Status: COMPLETE
Night sounds could be comforting, or could be terrifying. Jacen had been in places in his life where they had been both, but right now, in this night, the sounds were not really either. They were background noise to the pounding of his heart and the constant glancing at the boy who was still in a healing trance that Jacen Solo had put him into. Others were on watch, and others were sleeping, and they could worry about safety and the Yuuzhan Vong and whether or not they would need to move again - and when - but Jacen couldn't bring himself to do so right now. Jacen sat with his back against the wall of the small hut they'd commandeered as headquarters. There was no light, and the only warmth was from a blanket they'd pulled out of a pack. He'd wrapped Lyric's around him, and then he'd moved so that his back was against the hard wall and his hand could drop to Lyric's head, his fingers wrapped up in dark curls just to be certain Lyric was still there. Jacen should have slept, likely, but he couldn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he felt claustrophobic and like he needed to be doing something. He could tell himself that he'd done everything in his power to do and that there was nothing to do but give it the time and wait until morning and have faith that what he'd asked of the Force would help Lyric in the end - he could tell himself these things, but Jacen Solo was struggling to believe them. Maybe he'd always struggled to believe. Maybe that wasn't anything new. But he couldn't lose Lyric because of that lack of belief or understanding. He just couldn't lose Lyric. His throat tightened and his fingers tightened slightly upon Lyric's skull. Lyric had given so much of himself to Jacen, he deserved the chance to have something more than the Undercity, something more than all of this, even if that something more didn't include Jacen -- Lyric deserved life. Jacen's eyes closed even though in the darkness he couldn't really see more than outlines of anyone but maybe he was hiding from the others as much as trying to avoid looking at them. Despite this the presence of an arm against his wasn't exactly a surprise. Tenel Ka had asked to take the earlywatch and now she was back and now she'd found Jacen. And that was not a surprise at all. Much of what had happened earlier had been a blur, but Tenel Ka stepping over to offer him strength hadn't been, and it was possibly one of the few reasons why he hadn't fallen asleep despite himself. At some point, maybe some point after this mission, Jacen was going to have to spend some time considering what had happened. In retrospect, he hadn't exactly played his and Lyric's relationship very close to his chest. It hadn't been something he'd even been thinking about when he'd been trying to pull the other boy back to life. He'd just been throwing himself into it with everything he could think of to use, and touch, soft words, those things had always been a part of their relationship - every bit as much as teasing was. And when Tenel Ka had come over he'd been desperate for help and when she'd offered it he hadn't stopped to think about anything except whether or not it could save Lyric's life. It might, so he'd reached out and pulled her in too. And he was pretty certain she knew everything. Or might have. "Rikki said we'll review conditions in two hours," Tenel Ka spoke finally, her words low and matter-of-fact. Jacen nodded, no words, but opened his eyes. The entire environment felt artificial to him - ironic considering the entire base would have been made out of naturally grown things due to the Yuuzhan Vong's dislike of technology. Her arm against his was fighting it out between being comfortable and uncomfortable and he couldn't decide which it was. That seemed about how the vector usually was set with Tenel Ka. He'd had a crush on her for years, and eventually that had settled into friendship and the possibility of something more. A flash of a memory of the two of them on her ship flying back from the crystal reef - days in hyperspace with just them and a ship and she seemingly had accepted him as her co-pilot - finally - and they had talked a lot that trip and even laughed some between them. But then a war. And his own uncertainty, and lack of clarity, and Tenel Ka seemed to not suffer from either of those things in any sense. There was her duty and her responsibility, and she knew what to do. Not unlike his younger brother, but with such a different personality. Somehow with her he never worried about the dark side either - unlike his little brother whom he sometimes wondered if that certainty would lead him straight into darkness, with Tenel Ka Jacen was certain that it never could. Jacen let out a breath, his hand still on Lyric's head. He felt as if he ought to speak, but he didn't know what to say. He felt bone weary and exhausted, and there were things that had passed between them that he wasn't certain he knew how to acknowledge. Whatever words he could come up with caught in his throat as the beginnings of a sentence he didn't know how to finish. He left his arm against hers though, because comfortable or uncomfortable, maybe he just needed the reminder of a trip made under different circumstances where despite the dangers they'd made it through and there had never been any real doubt that they would. It had been a different time - before Chewie and billions of other beings had been lost into darkness. "Thank you," he finally said softly. It was the only thing he could come up with even if it did not begin to cover the reality of all of it. She didn't respond for long enough that he was afraid that maybe she had fallen asleep while he'd been searching for words. "You have done everything you can and whatever the outcome it must be enough," Tenel Ka returned. "But what if it isn't-" "It will be. He knows it, and you know it here," Tenel Ka placed a finger on Jacen's temple and she watched him for a moment. "To doubt that is to court fear." Jacen felt his insides churn with no small amount of dread at her words. Because he was afraid and he knew that he was. Because no matter how much Jedi training he had it couldn't erase the fear when faced with the possibility of losing someone that he cared about. Because it wasn't as simple as the code made it out to be - no emotion, just peace. What did you do with emotion in the meantime? What did you do with fear? Trying to force the fear away seemed to only create more of it punctuated by the recognition that he shouldn't have any at all. Tenel Ka's words only reminded him of that particular failing, because Solo or not, Jedi or not, Jacen Solo never seemed to be able to completely brush away fear. "Feeling fear is different than courting it," Tenel Ka said softly and startled that she had seemingly followed his train of thought he turned to look at her. She was looking back at him and he could see the outline of her face in the moonlight and he could see a small smile form on her lips as she formulated her explanation. "I know you're afraid, Jacen Solo. You let me in earlier, and you haven't completely blocked me out again. Do you think I am never afraid? Do you think Master Skywalker is not? Or your brother or sister? We are not so immune as you might think. Fear for your friend is understandable. All Jedi feel fear - but it must be the decoration on the ships wing, not the engine of the ship." Jacen opened his mouth to say something and closed it again instead turning her words over against his emotional state. There was still a mission to run despite the fact that he wanted to not leave Lyric's side - that he was dreading leaving it. But he had also promised Rikki, and he believed this was important. He would have to move forward somehow fear or no. "Answer me this, did you give all that you had to give?" Jacen hesitated, moistening his lips and staring down at Lyric for a moment. "Yes. And then some," he lifted his eyes to meet Tenel Ka's eyes cautiously. "Then it is enough. I cannot promise that it will bring him through this. But I can promise that you gave enough. He would say so as well, I suspect." As he glanced down at Lyric Jacen knew she was right. Whatever his worries, Lyric had trusted him. Lyric had trusted him - should Lyric have trusted him? He breathed out and straightened his shoulders. Feeling fear is different than courting it and Jacen could feel the difference between how the two felt: one could be borne, the other pulled you under. "Tenel Ka-" he started and he turned to look at her. "You are my friend, Jacen Solo," she said simply. "And he is yours. You should rest. I will watch him while you do." |