Star Nomad Cast (starnomadnpc) wrote in starnomad, @ 2015-08-10 22:20:00 |
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Leia Organa Solo walked up to the bassinet, sliding an arm gently around her brother's waist. Luke Skywalker stood staring down at the face of his newborn son in the wee hours of the morning, and Leia knew what that was like and knew too that if Mara hadn't been sleeping - if her birth had not been as challenging - she would have likely been there as well. Leia most certainly had been. It did not feel like the nearly 19 years that it had been since she held her twins in her arms. Jacen and Jaina, little bundles of potential. Two perfect human beings who would grow, and learn, and struggle, and whom she knew she could never protect from all pain - even if she wanted to do so, and recently there had been moments where she had desperately wished to be able to do so. Luke's arm snugged around her shoulders and he didn't say anything, the two of them staring down at the fresh purity of Ben. It would change, he would change, and this moment would last only captured in a memory, but it would always be there. Tonight Leia could see Jacen's dark eyes, and his sister's lighter ones - later they'd darkened to the brandy brown they were, but for a while Leia had wondered if they would be blue like their Uncle's. But it had been Anakin's that had held onto the lighter shade, an icy blue that was even more piercing than Luke's, and she'd watched them, wondering, almost holding her breath until one day she'd realized that they hadn't changed - they weren't going to. He was seven... they were still blue. "How have you done it Leia," Luke's voice broke the silence with a soft, curiously awed tone. "I look at him, and the only thing I can think is how much danger he is in - how much danger the entire galaxy has - how many people, beings, will be trying to harm him. It's..." "Overwhelming," Leia squeezed Luke's side with her hand and reached over a finger to little Ben. He stirred and for a moment she was afraid she'd woken him, but he didn't open his eyes or otherwise seem to move. "And it never goes away," she looked up at her brother with a small smile. "They can be nineteen years old, and you can see them doing something - something you're sure is going to result in them getting hurt, or something you're afraid someone may hurt them - and you're still as terrified as if they were this small yet." "Thanks for that," Luke remarked dryly, but there was a smile on his face as he watched Ben. "I keep telling myself that Fear is not what brought him into this world. Fear of the future will not keep him safe in it. You can be right, and it can still be hard to make yourself do that thing." Leia nodded. Her mind moving from the babies her children had been to the young men and young woman they had become. She had spent too little time with them in that process, and she would always wishfully think of what might have been had she not been pulling a galaxy back together after a civil war. What could she have done with Anakin, with Jacen, with Jaina - would she have a stronger relationship with her daughter? And now they were grown... Anakin had run off on his own and she hadn't even known. Jaina had been injured in duty with Rogue Squadron, and she hadn't known it until they had stumbled across each other by accident on Duro. And Jacen... Jaina was the eldest, the head-strong, determined, fierce fighter. Anakin was the baby, equally determined, but with a quick smile that belied the weight she knew she had placed upon his shoulders with his name. Jacen was the middle child, and while in theory he and Jaina should have been the same age, Leia couldn't help but feel Jacen had become that middle child completely. Neither Anakin nor Jaina, Jacen was more sensitive, slower to act, and questioned more than she wished he would. And the past month had brought him back into the forefront of her mind - the worry sat there. The worry that this streetkid was just using him. The worry that Jacen would be hurt in the long-term, no matter how happy he might seem right now. "You just move, Luke," she said finally. "You tell them that you love them. You do everything you can to show them that. And you recognize that someday they will have to know the truth of that for themselves regardless of how many times you may have messed it up along the way. And you recognize that you can only protect so much... the galaxy is larger than we are. You release them to the Force, because after all, you are only their caregivers for a short time." "When did you get so wise?" Leia looked up at her brother and her brown eyes twinkled. "I'm not so wise, Luke. I thought that much would have been obvious. I'm just a mother. You're just a father. I love my children and I worry for them." There was a beat as Luke seemed to consider this and he stepped back from the crib for a moment, looking over at her: "Something specific?" Leia hesitated before saying softly: "Jacen. But this is not for right now, Luke. You have Ben. We can talk later." "Ben is sleeping, and I could use a cup of caf. Come Leia, walk with me to get it and talk to me along the way." It wasn't so very long to the mess hall, but somehow the distance expanded to cover the months between two siblings. Jaina's flinty determination, Anakin's bold recklessness, and Jacen's struggles with the Force. A tall boy with dark curly hair, and the question of whether he ought to be trusted. Mara's illness, the situation in Coruscant... quiet back and forth between one cup of stimcaf and then the next. "Love is so - impossible to predict. He says he loves him. I'm afraid it will only break his heart," Leia's gaze drifted out the viewports to the space beyond. "But I can't stop him, nor, when I start to think about it would I do so. For all the pain love can cause, it is worth the having of it. And so I hope for the best and stop dwelling upon the worst that might be -- which is not the same as ignoring it." "If it helps, I would consider him trustworthy. And if Jacen believes he is after all this time... that speaks well for him too," Luke spoke softly. "But it's good advice - hope for the best, don't dwell on the worst that might be, accept, but do not idolize. Really, it's what we must do with the Force and fear, isn't it?" Leia was silent for a moment and nodded. "It's what you've always seemingly done so easily, Luke. It's a struggle for some of us more. I fear Jacen has inherited those struggles more than Anakin may have done." "Then he needs someone who has walked through it before," Luke smiled. "Even if that path has been imperfect," Leia looked over at her brother. "Even if I haven't been a Jedi?" "Especially if it's imperfect," Luke said instead. "Jedi or no, our mistakes help us grow. And perhaps there's something there Jacen can learn from if you let him." "Is that what you'll do with Ben?" Leia asked. "It's exactly what I'll do with Ben." |