Rikki Barnes aka Nomad (nomaderwhat) wrote in starnomad, @ 2015-04-26 00:01:00 |
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Rikki had no idea what the Force felt like. There had been many times where Anakin had attempted to describe it, the way it felt and flowed through him. What she did know was how Onslaught had felt, the sickening fire that had burned through her entire consciousness. And she also knew how memory felt, the precognition that came from knowing bits and pieces of the future as they fell itno place in a world not her own. It felt like ice. Right now her veins had turned to ice, the creeping chill climbing from her limbs towards her heart as time marched forward on Duro. Each piece of information that they uncovered began to feel just the littlest bit more familiar and the picture they were leading to was one that led to complete disaster. Duro was not a word that had come up often from Anakin and right now Rikki was kicking herself for not prying when she could have. There had to have been something she could have done, some knowledge she could have used to at least change something. Her body was being pushed to the limits, who knew how long she had gone without sleep and yet the people she was following could just keep going. Usually the difference between her and the Jedi she kept company with was not so noticeable. Rikki had spent her life around those with powers and all she needed to do was try to push herself a little bit harder. But she was running to her limit and she knew that. "Anakin, I can't just." her voice stopped slightly as she frowned, looking at the bed by her and then back at him. "I can't just be useless." It did not take the Force to see how exhausted Rikki was. Anakin could see it just by looking at her. They had spent too much time together and been on too many missions for him to not be able to see it. And it was no wonder. They had been going for days, and hardly stopped and while he and his Aunt and his Uncle could pull on the Force to give them strength and refreshing, Rikki didn't have that option. And to be honest, even his Aunt Mara seemed more tired than normal. The break, although they might not have truly had the time for it, was essential and his Uncle had firmly recommended they all rested. Had it not been for Rikki, Anakin might have protested, but he'd taken one look at her and he'd agreed with his Uncle. They all needed it. Not just Rikki, but he could understand Rikki's frustration better than she might think. He didn't care for sitting still when there was something he thought he could do. But none of them could run on nothing at all and even Anakin, Mara, Jaina, and Luke would need to meditate and recharge. "You're not useless," he said gently and he crossed the room to her. "We all need rest. Aunt Mara looks tired, and you're tired, and we can't afford mistakes right now." Especially not if everything they had found right now seemed to work out to be true. He avoided that thought for the moment, and instead put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a serious look. "Listen, you're all the time telling me I can't solve everything on my own. Neither can you. And you're not being useless to rest when you need it." The sudden touch had been unexpected but not unwelcome. Instinctively she reached up, wrapping her own around the hand on her shoulder and holding on. With the dizzying chill that fogged her mind, Rikki could focus on his touch, that grounding to the present and the ever familiar heartache that it brought along with it. "This won't end well." Her voice was quiet and she wasn't sure what was stirring her to speak. But she knew it and she had to say it and this was a pause that they wouldn't have had to take if it wasn't for her. Was her own weakness going to end up causing more lives in the end? "I just. It's a feeling I can't shake. If I wasn't. If I were someone else you wouldn't have to stop, you could keep going." Anakin knew better than to lie to her She would see through it because it felt like, at least with him, she always did. It could drive him nuts but it just was what it was. If it was just them they could probably keep going but the other part of the truth was that with the possible exception of Uncle Luke, who Anakin doubted would spend the entire time at the hostel anyway, they did all need it. He turned his hand upwards to find hers and he gave it a squeeze. Anakin was grateful that the cots in this hostel weren't super large. It helped to keep his mind from wandering other places it might go. Places that involved him sliding into the for next to her and holding her as she fell asleep. Just to be sure she didn't get up, that she would actually rest... In the end all the reasons he told himself for doing this were just excuses for the fact that he really just wanted to know what it would be like to hold her and they didn't have time for that - not right now. Because Rikki was right. There didn't seem any likelihood this was going to end well. They still hadn't found the Jedi Apprentice they'd been looking for. There was every likelihood there was at the very least collaboration between Peace Brigade and CorDuro and possibly between SELCORE even and it was possible...maybe even likely that SELCORE had been infiltrated as well. There were thousands of people on the planet below protected only by synth domes and orbiting cities that would be toast if the Yuuzhan Vong showed up. There was no time to think about the things he'd like - impossible things that would never happen. He offered her a reassuring smile and squeezed her hand again. "We all need it. Maybe not Uncle Luke," he admitted. "But just because we could keep going doesn't mean we should. We'll take a few hours and regroup and we'll all work smoother for it. Yeah things look bad, but we'll do what we can. We'll do our best. That's all anyone can ask us to do, right?" He tilted his head towards the bed and asked pointedly. "Now are you going to lay down on your own or am I going to have to tie you down?" She had been about to tell Anakin that in that moment he sounded far too wise. The moments where he reminded her of the man he would be were becoming more frequent and as she listened she could hear Steve in his voice. The advice was the same thing she would have told him if he was being stubborn, the same thing she had in another world. Anakin was getting older and the war was showing him glimpses of who he should grow up to be. But before Rikki could admire him Anakin had continued. It was just a joke and she knew it, logically in her mind. Logic didn't stop the quick widening of her eyes, the catch in her heart, and the hot bright red of her cheeks. The cots were not that big and while her mind had been occupied with dark, haunting thoughts Anakin brought her right back to the immediate present and the heat of his hand against hers. "You wish, Shadow." She quipped back once she felt that her voice wouldn't completely betray her. She pulled away, ducking her head out of view for a moment to breathe. Anakin realized somewhat belatedly that the connotation could have been a bit different than he'd intended it to be. It was a joke, mostly related to the fact that she seemed to be completely unwilling to rest even though she undeniably needed it. But by the time he'd realized it, the words had been out of his mouth, and suddenly he was once again very aware of the cot and Rikki's warmth and the amount that he'd been trying not to think about how much he'd like to simply wrap his arms around her. Rikki's embarrassment was echoed in his own, particularly with her comment, which while equally light, came far too close to the truth for his comfort. His own cheeks flushed warm and he was afraid his hand had turned sweaty with nerves, and he had to intentionally calm himself and the rush of warmth that had spread through him other places as well. They didn't have time to be thinking about this and he didn't have time to be wondering if she'd been literally just teasing, or possibly flirting, or if she'd just been embarrassed because he was so young -- he cut the thought train off and pulled himself back to the present moment and the idea that it hadn't been intended as anything other than what he'd originally intended it to be. Pressing on along that line of thought he gave her a lopsided grin. "I'll do it if I have to. You need to rest, Rikki." He managed to bring his eyes up to search for hers without blushing. "I was going to do a bit of a rest as well. Uncle Luke's not going back out for another few hours. We'll see if we can find any thing about Thrynni Vae around Port Duggan." Mission. Focus. They didn't have time for anything else, well, rest, but that wasn't anything else... She wanted to kiss that stupid grin off his face. Part of her wanted to punch him as well. There was no way that he understood the terrible thrill that he sent along her spine, almost enough for a rush of energy. Except her body caught up and her arms felt like lead as she tried to keep herself standing. Every muscle was screaming for her to lie down, to take the out he had given her. With a soft, weary sigh Rikki resisted the urge for her knees to just give out beneath her. "You could try." She offered as she looked up to flash him a tired but cheeky smile. Even her eyes ached. What a useless wreck she was. "You know, most of the time I'd say it would be a fight, but right now I'm thinking it probably wouldn't be much of one," he offered, smile still firmly on his face. For an instant he stood there undecided. She looked like she might be about to fall over but she was also unwilling to lay down. It was sheer stubbornness that kept her standing upright and he'd spent enough time with her to know this was the truth. After the moment they'd just had he wasn't certain he should stay. He wasn't certain he trusted himself... But almost as quickly he realized she was too tired. Even if she were interested in anything more, this wasn't the time. Not with his uncle and aunt and sister in the next room. Not with her too tired to make a good decision. Not while there was the possibility of the orbiting city they were on facing attack within anywhere from a matter of weeks to days. He still held her hand and he took a step towards the cot pulling her with him. "Sit down before you fall over, Nomad. Talk to me. You said you had a bad feeling - is it anything specific?" He could get her into the cot, let her talk through things, maybe have something to take back to his Uncle, hopefully it would be enough to put her to sleep. Gravity took over more than any choice that Rikki consciously made. In the back of her mind she could think of all too many far more pleasant arrangements that had led to Anakin Solo pulling her towards a bed. But this wasn't New York and he wasn't her Jedi. Even so when Anakin Solo beckoned Rikki Barnes was hopeless at resisting. She was all limbs collapsing as she sat on the cot beside him and she landed on the cot as more of a fall than actually sitting down. While joints felt too loose she kept a grip on his hand, her head lulling to fall against his shoulder. This was gone, right? It was innocent. Nevermind that he was warm and all Rikki wanted to do was wrap herself around him, to be able to kiss the back of his neck as she did. This though? This she could get away with, the gently support of his shoulder against her head. "I don't. I just know this won't end well." She didn't know the details of Duro and even if she did it wasn't like she could tell Anakin. If she managed to grab Luke or Mara out of earshot, but what good would it do? Events were already in motion Anakin frowned, shifting just enough to place his back against the wall for support as she dropped her head to his shoulder. He slipped his arm around her shoulders because that was what felt natural, because he knew she was exhausted and she needed to rest and maybe she needed to know for the moment at least she was safe. Maybe, truth be told, he needed to know that too. But however comforting the presence of her head on his shoulder and his arm around her shoulders might have been the truth of the situation was anything but. Her feeling might have been more akin to something his father would offer than any Force led vision of events, but Anakin couldn't deny feeling she might be right. "I just, I hope SELCORE isn't actually compliant in this," he offered softly. "If it is... If the government itself has been infiltrated..." He didn't really need to go on. They both knew that it would be bad. But Anakin also knew despite his words that it felt likely. No one on the committee was actually Yuuzhan Vong. He or his uncle could have sensed that when they met... But the Peace Brigade was from this galaxy, and while the brigade might be largely smugglers and riff-raff, it didn't mean that everyone sympathetic was -- not by a long shot. He sighed. "I think you're right. I wish I didn't think so." When she closed her eyes it was easy enough to imagine being home where she belonged. Even with the dirt and the grime of running for days, beneath all of that there was a scent that was all too comforting and familiar. As he shifted Rikki followed suit, leaning in as her head drooped down, settling against him. Rikki tucked herself in against him, curling up as her body went heavy and warm. She resisted the urge to wrap her arm around him, instead giving into the forgotten easiness of just being held. His voice rumbled through his chest and she felt more than heard him talk. Beneath that was the faint pulse of his heartbeat, lulling her gently. "I'm always right, you know that." Rikki frowned just slightly. "I just wish I wasn't." Anakin's chest lifted with a short laugh and he shook his head just briefly, glancing down at the head on his shoulder. What bewildered him about Rikki was how he could move from having so much tension he could do nothing about to the absolute comfort of just having her presence there with him. "You know, someday you're going to be wrong," he pointed out. "And when that happens, I'm never going to let you live it down. I'm going to be giving you a bad time about it when you're like, fifty-five." His words were light, joking in the face of the darkness they both could feel, holding onto the hope of a future that likely neither of them felt was certain, and more importantly, they were meant to give her some light, and some hope that what she was offering all of them and the galaxy was enough. Anakin knew only too well how difficult it was to believe that at times. He disconnected his other hand from hers and lifted his hand to her face, pulling a hair back from her cheek, so that it no longer fell into her eyes. The task done he slide his hand back into hers. "Maybe we'll find something at the Port," he added hopefully. "If that ever happens you can hold it over me till we're 70." Rikki yawned softly, the smallest sad smile on her lips. The rules of how this worked were constantly running in her mind. There was no chance with the force, anakin had told her that. But there was a balance to the universe as well. If they could both live Rikki would happily let Anakin tease her till they were wrinkled all over. She leaned into his touch before she could stop herself. More than anything she wanted to kiss him, just a small one. But that wasn't allowed so instead she just settled back in, eyes closed as the world felt smaller. Maybe for a small time the world could just be the two of them. "You will." She sighed as her thoughts became fuzzier. "Mmm," Anakin wrinkled up his nose. "You drive a hard bargain, Nomad, but I guess I could do it until we're 70, if you want." There was a lot he'd do if she wanted him to. He didn't know how that worked, exactly. He wasn't certain when that had become true and truthfully he tried not to think about it too much. She was his cousin, strictly speaking, maybe not blood cousin, but still... she was family, and this was beyond complicated. They were in a middle of a war, and he had no time to think of the things that still crossed his mind despite his intentions to stay focused on the tasks at hand. But he couldn't change it, even if he could ignore focusing on the truth of the statement. He let out a breath in a sigh and his entire body relaxed as she leaned into him, settled back in next to him. He would stay like this happily if it were allowed. He wondered idly if she let him, if he'd be able to help revive her with the Force. He drew on it so frequently for himself and while he knew she didn't believe she was Force sensitive, he wondered if she would be more so than she might believe, and if he could guide her through a restoration meditation like he might guide a non-Force sensitive person through a healing trance to help them heal. It wasn't a question he was going to answer today, though, and so he let the thread of the idea drift away. "I guess if we don't, that'll be something too," he said softly. "It doesn't seem good though that the apprentice just disappeared... she's a Jedi and I knew her... she's older than I am, she's been away from the Academy longer too..." His heartbeat continued to lull her closer to sleep, a warm fog beginning to haze her thoughts. As he spoke the rumble of his chest made her smile gently, her hand reaching up and pressing gently against his chest. She wasn't sure why, but it helped to know that he was there, solid and enduring as always. Anakin Solo was going to be an amazing Jedi one day and she hoped that she got to live to see it. Even if this was all she would have, if he moved on to Tahiri as his destiny was supposed to. At least she would have this quiet moment as her mind clouded. "*Go to sleep, baby Jedi*" she mumbled as she curled up closer to him. They could talk about the terrible things that could happen, that would happen, and honestly Rikki didn't know what had happened to this girl or if they found her. But she did know that she couldn't keep up anymore, she needed to rest. The Force wasn't with her after all, she was just a normal girl who needed to sleep. Anakin glanced over at her as she mumbled, half-words that even if she'd been speaking Basic he'd have had a difficult time catching. He'd figured when she finally stopped, finally got comfortable, finally gave herself permission to doze off, it would take no time at all for her to do so and he'd been right. Clock one on the board for things he knew about her better than she knew herself. Not that it would matter, because he was pretty certain she'd deny it utterly and completely when she woke up. But she didn't need to wake up just yet, which he realized meant he might be stuck. Initially he had planned to get her to lay down and go and help his Uncle, but right now he couldn't find the heart to move her. And maybe he'd been right when he said they really all needed it. He shifted a little bit more, finding a more permanently comfortable place against the wall and he closed his eyes, reaching deep into the Force for centering, and guidance, and restoration. A basic trance, and when he came out of he'd be refreshed, and if he was needed in the meantime, his Aunt & Uncle could come and get him. For the moment, he was taking care of the person in front of him. For the moment, he was taking are of Rikki. |