It had been a warm day and, even though the sun had disappeared behind the treeline, Tanek could still read the letters on the grave marker, though his eyes were actually examining the shape of the letters rather than anything else. He knew exactly what it said, in any case. The name of his brother, his lover, his friend - and right below that, his date of birth and his date of death. One year ago.
One year without Sorin.
For the occasion, Tanek had bought some expensive bourbon. He poured some of it in the soil on top of the grave before sitting down among the flowers others had left behind. The pale, skinny boy put down a drawing, making sure that the wind would not flick it away by weighing it down with a rock. It was a sketch of Sorin – happy, carefree – playing with one of his summonings.
Tanek sat down, crossing his legs. He had dressed up for the occasion, though, in typical Tanek-style, it felt odd and mismatched. Red checkered pants, a black waistcoat, a white shirt and a jaunty black bowler hat. He took a swig from the bottle.
“I have been doing better,” he said, speaking in their shared language. “On the bad days, I think about ways on how to join you, and on good days, I just miss you. But the bad days have not been as much lately. I have not shoplifted for a long time, I have only been taking drugs that are actually meant for people and my grades are…”
He shrugged. “…I do not know. I will not be inventing my own language or anything, but I think I will graduate this year.” A sigh. “And then I will not be here anymore.” He fingered at the hem of his shirt. “That is how you would want it, right? You would want me to leave, to grow, to be… to try and be better. To try and be…”
Tanek blinked furiously. There was a croak in his voice. “I just wished you were here. I want to show you my drawings and tell you about Van. I want to hear you laugh when I say something stupid and I want you to be proud of me when I do something good. I want you to help me figure out what I should do after this… After the Academy. I don’t have…”
He shook his head. “You could have been my home. You should have been my home. And now all I have is…”
Silence. Tanek, frowning, poured some more bourbon on the grave before taking another huge swig. “During the summer, the school always feels empty. That’s how the whole world feels without you. You left this void and it does not matter what I sinkinto it, it still swallows everything whole. They always say that the pain fades, but I do not believe that is so. I think you just get used to it.”
He sighed. “I promise, next time I will be happier. For when you visit on Halloween, I shall try and make the best of it.” He got up, wobbling slightly now. His cheeks were wet. “I still draw you, Sorin. Almost every day.”
Tanek touched the tombstone before picking his path back to his dormitory. The ocean breeze rolled in over the cliffs, disturbing fallen leaves as it blew over the graveyard. The picture flapped in the wind, but for now, it stayed put.