"Because I came in here to talk about your conduct, Valentin. If I wanted to sit and talk about James and how he behaved, it would be counterproductive. I'm sorry that what he said upset you but you can't go around acting like a complete victim in what transpired between you and him. I never once said it was okay for him to speak to you that way, so where you're getting that from? I don't know," Rafe returned and then he waited, letting Valentin express his anger and frustration more.
No, Rafe doubted it would have been that way had James been in here. Thus far Valentin had proven himself wholly incapable of admitting fault until he sort of admitted that his words were harsh. That was probably the first time since the conversation started that Valentin had taken any sort of responsibility for what he'd done, and that was something of a step in the right direction.
Valentin finished and proposed a good question. Rafe sat quiet for a moment, not at a loss of words but for Valentin to breathe a moment.
"Yes," he said, "That's exactly the sort of attitude I expected both of you to exhibit to one another." Valentin could not say he'd gone the high road if he'd said what he did to James. Rafe moved around to the other side of the desk and sat down in the empty chair next to Valentin's. His anger dissipating for the most part and looking directly at Valentin as he spoke.
"There is plenty of blame shared between the two of you, Valentin and I want you to hear me clearly this time. I am not taking sides but I can't talk to James about what he said without talking to you about what you said to him. This isn't about choosing a side but to fix what wrongs were done. If both sides feel like they're excused or justified in poor behaviour, then there's no possibility to improve or remedy it. I don't expect you and James to be the best of friends, but I expect you and him to address each other as equals.
"The fact that it's come to this, where these sorts of situations transpire in private conversations is hiding symptoms of a larger problem that working as mentors alone cannot fix."
He took a tissue from the desk, holding it out for Valentin just in case, "I've handled things poorly before and I'm sorry if my attempts to be objective have come off as being preferential. I'll do better in the future. I know you're a smart and compassionate person, Valentin, but what I saw in those comments shocked me. It felt extremely out of character coming from you. That—" he motioned to the computer, "—is not the Valentin I've seen with other students, but it is part of who you are. You get angry and defensive and when you feel attacked, you defend yourself. Unfortunately, in the process of doing this, you've only escalated matters further. We all have a part in this mess.
"I don't expect an answer for what I'm going to ask you but I want you to go and think on it. Take yourself out of the situation. It's hard to do that for anyone, but there's a lot of pain in the world. Was your reaction moving toward fixing things or was it worsening it? It's not hard to hurt another person. It's actually very easy to do and some people make an art of it. But how satisfied can a person be knowing that they've pushed someone emotionally vulnerable closer to the edge? Oft times we need to remove our emotions from the equation to evaluate it another way. Emotions are good and it's not wrong to feel something, but when we feel so strongly that it blinds our judgement? Everyone hurts and there is no winner."
He stopped, "Take some time to think. Let your mind mull over it from time to time. Like i said, I'll be speaking to James too. For now, it would be best for us to end this conversation here. I know you don't like what I've said and you may think I'm still siding with James. That's alright. I'll accept that. I just can't defend or justify what you said to James because I couldn't justify it said to any other student here, even with provocation. I hope that one day you'll understand that."