Zeiss Manifold: Judging from the title, this chapter is going to be Ono's foray into experimental noise rock. InkWeaver: What... InkWeaver: the fuck. InkWeaver: They're just InkWeaver: standing there InkWeaver: like some sort of grotesque statue Delcat: I love that nobody's noticing this. As usual. Delcat: GUYS Delcat: I'VE GOT IT Delcat: THEY'RE GHOSTS Zeiss Manifold: oh my god that makes so much sense Delcat: They're ghosts, so no one sees them fucking, and their memories are slowly corroding now that they're away from their physical bodies, so they believe crazy things about toilets and that they have cocks. InkWeaver: I halfway expect that a pigeon is going to come and shit on them. Zeiss Manifold: The more I look at that title, the more I imagine Rolf from Ed, Edd & Eddy reading it InkWeaver: LMFAO InkWeaver: And then he'd yell InkWeaver: THAT'S MY HORSE! InkWeaver: and slap someone with a fish Zeiss Manifold: THEY SING FOR THE GREAT YESCHMEERK InkWeaver: you know, why do I think Rolf from Ed, Edd, & Eddy would actually make this better. Delcat: This would explain things I did not need to know about Rolf. Delcat: I read an angstfic about Rolf once. It unfortunately proved that his presence alone cannot make something stop sucking. Zeiss Manifold: *HNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG* Zeiss Manifold: ATTENTION READERS: FROM NOW ON YOUR MIND WILL READ EVERY PAGE OF THIS COMIC IN ROLF'S VOICE Zeiss Manifold: Yasuko's also going all Yaranaika on us judging from that face Delcat: Does she seriously have just the one ball? Maybe the fuss in the last one was that dickgirls couldn't have ballS, plural. Zeiss Manifold: fuck can't unsee
InkWeaver: OH GOD InkWeaver: I AM GOING BACK IN MY MIND InkWeaver: THINKING OF ROLF READING THIS InkWeaver: AND LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY. Delcat: I can see the magic sex toilet being part of his nonsensical cultural things. InkWeaver: so InkWeaver: here's my bet InkWeaver: they're going to do some stunt to sell comics InkWeaver: and by stunt, I mean have public sex. Delcat: Ono's really putting himself out to make this coincide with the New Year. Is he going for a Japanese Christmas Miracle? Zeiss Manifold: for once I agree with the angry doomsday guy InkWeaver: LOL InkWeaver: THE FUTURE OF JAPAN IS BLEAK InkWeaver: Yes, Japan is going to be put in time out if it keeps drawing these icky comics Zeiss Manifold: I like how there's just one guy in a Hawaiian shirt looking very nonplussed at this Delcat: Why are they so pissed off about this, anyway? It means there's plenty of customers. InkWeaver: hawaiian shirt guys is like InkWeaver: "How the fuck did I get here, seriously." Delcat: Had I been Ono, I wouldn't have been able to resist shout-outs in the crowd. Zeiss Manifold: It's another one of Ono's laconic observations of Japanese culture. Delcat: He's wondering why all of the pretty ladies have boy bits. Delcat: He just gave the guy he had modeling for the panel one of his books.
Zeiss Manifold: Inky, you were so close in calling it Zeiss Manifold: what are they supposed to be cosplaying as anyway Delcat: So when are they going to realize the place is actually on fire? Delcat: Is that a Fat Chocobo in Panel 3? Zeiss Manifold: I think it is. Zeiss Manifold: DEPRESSED~ InkWeaver: WTF Zeiss Manifold: oh come on inky InkWeaver: Seriously InkWeaver: HOW DID I CALL THAT InkWeaver: I HAVE BEEN ANALYZING THIS COMIC FOR TOO LONG Delcat: My body makes that noise when I'm depressed. Delcat: I'm on some goooood drugs, though. Delcat: Guys, I think the manga is making you cranky. Calm down and have some pie. Some cock pie. InkWeaver: BUT I DON'T WANT COCK PIE IN MY MOUTH Zeiss Manifold: Mmmm, cock pie Zeiss Manifold: just like mom used to make InkWeaver: .... Delcat: WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE IT IN YOUR ASS? Zeiss Manifold: Second panel: HER ASS IS TALKING InkWeaver: BUT THAT IS WHERE IT WILL COME OUT OF Zeiss Manifold: IT'S MARK TRAIL ALL OF A SUDDEN InkWeaver: my dad has this saying InkWeaver: "Do you like the food?" someone may ask InkWeaver: and he'll reply, "It'll make a turd." Delcat: ...your father is a charming man. Zeiss Manifold: your dad is going to be so ashamed if he googles that and this comes up InkWeaver: LOLLL InkWeaver: nah InkWeaver: I think he wouldn't know it was me. Zeiss Manifold: WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT Delcat: I think he'd be more worried about his daughter making fun of dickgirl loli porn. Zeiss Manifold: better than his daughter being in dickgirl loli porn, at any rate
Zeiss Manifold: THAT WOULD BE A MUCH BETTER PLOT ACTUALLY Zeiss Manifold: I would so totally pay to see that Delcat: Oh, conscience like SENTIENCE. I thought they were going to go off on a moral rant about how the doujins are vanilla now so nobody wants their freaky lolicon. Delcat: Loli...voice actors...are we going to do a Puni Puni Poemi crossover? InkWeaver: you know InkWeaver: who else thinks InkWeaver: they SNUCK INTO this comic market Delcat: Me. I don't think they even have a booth inside. InkWeaver: like, they're insane and have been banned before but act like they have no idea InkWeaver: and that's why no one will approach them. Delcat: They have a card table and hope. Zeiss Manifold: that might be it Zeiss Manifold: I have no idea what Yasuko and Hikari's history with each other is InkWeaver: also InkWeaver: they have mentioned the existence of parents. InkWeaver: WTF WHO LETS THEIR KID HANG OUT WITH A LADY LIKE THAT. Zeiss Manifold: Maybe they just think their kids are on a field trip or something Delcat: Jeffrey Dahmer? Delcat: Albert Fish? Zeiss Manifold: they'll show up at the end and kill everyone in a blind rage Zeiss Manifold: I was thinking more Myra Hindley, but those work too
Delcat: ACK Zeiss Manifold: HLARGRLBRARGLEBRARGLE Delcat: THE DOUJINSHI REALLY IS SENTIENT AND IT'S TRYING TO ATTACK Zeiss Manifold: Is that Mario at the bottom right? InkWeaver: okay awesome Delcat: "I wonder when I will become just like here, with my pupils wandering in opposite directions?" Delcat: Mario with a Space Invaders hat and a pedophile expression. Great. Zeiss Manifold: She's either having a seizure or is trying to fly Delcat: Or both. Delcat: Is that a wedding ring on the dude's finger at the bottom there? Does his wife know his horrible secret? Not the one about the loli, the one about appearing in this manga. Zeiss Manifold: The bottom left panel seems to indicate that Yasuko has wandered into an Escherian subspace. InkWeaver: Oh my god InkWeaver: that IS Mario InkWeaver: MARIO WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THIS FANFIC InkWeaver: HURRY InkWeaver: RUN InkWeaver: GO DOWN A PIPE OR SOMETHING JUST GET AWAY AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN Zeiss Manifold: oh I think he's enjoying himself Delcat: ...I have a doujinshi where Mario rapes random chicks. Delcat: It's horrible. Zeiss Manifold: GUYS GUYS YOU'RE FORGETTING THAT THIS MIGHT BE AN INTERESTING NEW CHARACTER Zeiss Manifold: LET'S MEET HIM
Zeiss Manifold: I think the manga just gave up. InkWeaver: okay so InkWeaver: that girl just walked up InkWeaver: and pulled out her dick? Delcat: I think she actually just finally noticed the Inexplicable Background Penises. Zeiss Manifold: We've got some otaku nonsense, someone screaming, and a giant cock out of nowhere ALL ON THE SAME PAGE Zeiss Manifold: or maybe the cock is talking InkWeaver: I have no idea what is going on here. Delcat: "Please, can you tell me where the non-magical-sex toilet is? Gotta drain the me." Zeiss Manifold: What is "Patorashu Odou" Japanese for anyway Zeiss Manifold: LET'S FIND OUT
Zeiss Manifold: okay, NOW it's given up Zeiss Manifold:TETSUOOOOOO Delcat: Boy howdy he really put some time into that shading. That's nice. It gives me something that isn't confusing and terrible to pay attention to. InkWeaver: Well. InkWeaver: It's... InkWeaver: artistic? InkWeaver: well-rendered? InkWeaver: Um? InkWeaver: Er? Zeiss Manifold: Look at that poor robot. Zeiss Manifold: LOOK AT HIM InkWeaver: oh my god InkWeaver: I had to look again InkWeaver: I didn't see him initially Zeiss Manifold: hey guys they're a gelatinous mass now InkWeaver: HE DOESN'T WANT YOU FILTHY HUMANS STOP MOLESTING HIM
Zeiss Manifold: "ONE OF US. ONE OF US. ONE OF US." Delcat: ...I don't THINK I dropped acid before I signed on. Zeiss Manifold: no we're just diving into Ono's subconscious Delcat: Did the blonde chick wet herself in the lower-right panel? Zeiss Manifold: that girl seems to have no problem talking despite the large penis in her mouth Zeiss Manifold: literally Zeiss Manifold: ^ I hope not. This manga is already terrible enough without a pee fetish Delcat: Yeah, but the alternative is that she's getting turned on, so we're fucked either way, aren't we? InkWeaver: I don't think she wet herself InkWeaver: I think she's getting turned on InkWeaver: because Ono likes fluids, like any upstanding Japanese man Zeiss Manifold: Knowing Ono, it's probably both
Delcat: Yeah, I think that piece of dialogue is creepier than the Tetsuo sex blob, really. Zeiss Manifold: "THESE ARE MY CUM DUMPS. THEY FALL UNDER MY PROVENANCE. YOU WILL UNHAND THEM, EVILDOER." InkWeaver: NO ONE SHALL TRESPASS UPON MY CUM DUMPS Zeiss Manifold: MY CUM DUMPS. NOT YOURS Zeiss Manifold: she's being awfully apologetic for a blob monster Delcat: Hm...this scene came right the fuck outta nowhere, presumably has little to no bearing whatsoever on the plot, is way over the top in terms of ridiculousness (even in the context of the manga), and now that it's happened, I get the feeling that no one will ever speak of it again. Inky, care to do the honors? Zeiss Manifold: she's gone at the moment but I can do them if you wish mmmmBIG-LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT Delcat: Ah, it never gets old.
Zeiss Manifold: No wonder they're so preoccupied with sex; they're bored immortals. InkWeaver: How can you tell? Zeiss Manifold: it's the "27564th" event Zeiss Manifold: assuming that this occurs biannually, which I think Comiket does Zeiss Manifold: then this has been going on for millenia Zeiss Manifold: and everyone is frozen in time Delcat: This is loading really, really slowly, but apparently the toilet seats like twelve people? InkWeaver: I've just assumed that these folks are aliens InkWeaver: because there's no human way they can make sounds like that Delcat: In English AND katakana. Zeiss Manifold: I think it's more like there are 12 toilets and they don't know which is the right one Zeiss Manifold: Delcat, would it be possible for you to translate the sound effects for us? Delcat: What, there isn't a sign? Delcat: "YES, THIS IS THE MAGICAL SEX TOILET RIGHT HERE" Zeiss Manifold: What would be like the little stick figure sign for "Magical Sex Toilet"? InkWeaver: Oh dear. InkWeaver: I'm sure it would be disgusting to the eye InkWeaver: as if its very phrase, no matter what language, radiates a putrescence Zeiss Manifold: I was thinking it would just be a simple toilet surrounded by sunrays Zeiss Manifold: but hey
Delcat: I don't speak moonrunes. I'm assuming it's something like ARRRUGGHUGHUHU. Zeiss Manifold: HLARGLBLARGLBLARGL Zeiss Manifold: THEY'RE FUCKING IN A TOILET Zeiss Manifold: HOW ROMANTIC InkWeaver: Oh InkWeaver: sorry you misunderstood me InkWeaver: when my penis popped out to greet you so enthusiastically InkWeaver: here let me just manhandle it back under my coat Zeiss Manifold: "It's just his way of saying 'I like you!'" Delcat: I'm reminded of the guy from Sexy Losers whose cock could talk and constantly got him beaten up. InkWeaver: omg I love that comic, jsyk Zeiss Manifold: I think everybody likes that comic Delcat: This whole thing has gotten so weird and silly I'm not sure it ISN'T Sexy Losers. Zeiss Manifold: it could teach Ono a thing or two InkWeaver: No. SexyLosers is funny. Delcat: True. Delcat: I'm surprised the sex isn't spilling into the hall. It's your last chance to try a whacked-out creepy legend, people, what's wrong with you? Zeiss Manifold: Maybe they're in the wrong restroom hall. InkWeaver: to be sexylosers, needsmoarnecrophilia Delcat: NO, INKY. NO. InkWeaver: WAT Delcat: THAT IS THE LAST THING THIS COMIC NEEDS. InkWeaver: WHAT InkWeaver: THAT IS THE FIRST THING THIS COMIC NEEDS Zeiss Manifold: AS IF THE PEE FETISH WASN'T ENOUGH InkWeaver: AT LEAST THEN IT WOULD BE SO ABSURD IT WAS AMUSING InkWeaver: CAN YOU IMAGINE ONO AND NECROPHILIA? InkWeaver: HILARITY ENSUES! Delcat: NOOOOOO I'M GETTING IT MIXED UP WITH ELECTRIC TALE OF PIKACHU AND PICTURING MAROWAKS Delcat: CURSE YOU INKYYYYY Zeiss Manifold: "If you fuck in a cemetery, you will be rewarded with good fortune!" Zeiss Manifold: No, you know what this really needs? Zeiss Manifold: Sharks. InkWeaver: as in jumping them or just in general? Zeiss Manifold: Just have a page of people fucking in a bathroom and then SHARKS Delcat: Gyo would be a great end to this manga.
Zeiss Manifold: STOP PROJECTING YOURSELF ONO Zeiss Manifold: STOP IT Zeiss Manifold: BAD ONO InkWeaver: Awww that's so cute of you, Hikari! InkWeaver: Here, let me spear you upon my girly prod! Delcat: I like how they're all so excited that even the cock starts talking about success. Zeiss Manifold: IT IS SEXYLOSERS Delcat: The line of her stomach in that panel makes me uneasy, though. She looks a bit preggers.
Zeiss Manifold: We've gone so long without a page of nothing but nondescript fucking that the sight feels oddly comforting. InkWeaver: Zeiss, it is time for me to tell you to get ahold of yourself. Zeiss Manifold: I CAN'T HELP IT InkWeaver: DELLY InkWeaver: WE'VE LOST HIM Zeiss Manifold: THE LAST SEVENTEEN PAGES HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT MAGICAL TOILETS AND PEOPLE TURNING INTO BLOBS Delcat: *SMACK SMACK SMACK* Delcat: PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, SOLDIER Zeiss Manifold: UNHAND ME WOMAN Delcat: I WILL TWIST OFF YOUR FIGGIN IF YOU PERSIST IN THIS NONSENSE Zeiss Manifold: NOT MY FIGGIN Zeiss Manifold: I NEED THAT FOR FIGGIN-RELATED PURPOSES InkWeaver: NOOO InkWeaver: THE FIGGINS InkWeaver: AS WELL AS THE GRAPEINS InkWeaver: AND THE LIMEINS Zeiss Manifold: I'm sorry Del, but it's you who's gone too far Zeiss Manifold: Just look what you've done to poor Inky Delcat: I JUST CAN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE InkWeaver: =D InkWeaver: FIGGINS Delcat: I'M THE ONLY SANE MEMBER OF THIS UNIT ANYMORE InkWeaver: FIGGINS Zeiss Manifold: You were practically begging to join us Zeiss Manifold: It's not all fun and games, you know InkWeaver: ...f InkWeaver: figgins? Delcat: YOU CONTRACTED ME Zeiss Manifold: WE HATES THE THIEF FIGGINS InkWeaver: *sob* Delcat: WE CAN GET THOUGH THIS, GUYS, WE JUST NEED TO HOLD TOGETHER Delcat: KEEP GOING ZEISS LET'S BULLRUSH THIS MOTHERFUCKER InkWeaver: HOLD IT TOGETHER MEN Zeiss Manifold: THIS MANGA IS TURNING US AGAINST EACH OTHER Zeiss Manifold: ALRIGHT INKY Zeiss Manifold: ALRIGHT DEL Zeiss Manifold: LET'S PISS SOME SHIT INTO THIS BITCH Delcat: oh ew InkWeaver: did that already InkWeaver: then saw a doctor
InkWeaver: he said it wasn't cool if I was pissing shit InkWeaver: .... InkWeaver: they're InkWeaver: getting married. Delcat: ...MAZEL TOV! Delcat: *shoots self in head* Zeiss Manifold: I TOLD YA PEOPLE InkWeaver: klsjfklsdfj;dsklfjd;slkfjivkmi oeklsjrfmovkjl,mdfkljgf InkWeaver: *dead* Zeiss Manifold: IF WE ALLOWED THE HOMOSEXUALS TO GET MARRIED, THIS KIND OF THING WOULD HAPPEN Zeiss Manifold: Delcat: I was reading a manga that said the only way for gay people to get married in Japan is to adopt their partner into the family like a kid. Zeiss Manifold: Hikari doesn't seem to have ties to anyone else at all, so at least there's that Delcat: I'm on the fence between thinking that's insane and they made it up and thinking "Well, it IS Japan..." InkWeaver: adopt them InkWeaver: into their family InkWeaver: as a kid InkWeaver: And then InkWeaver: marry them InkWeaver: PLEASE TELL ME I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE DRAWING CONNECTIONS HERE. Zeiss Manifold: JAPAN, YOU WACKY SO-AND-SO Delcat: oh God how can there be fifty more pages of this
Zeiss Manifold: THE BANHAMMER Zeiss Manifold: IT'S COME TO SAVE US Zeiss Manifold: ...I think that's a hammer InkWeaver: omfg so we finally know what age she is Delcat: Oh fff. She is like EIGHT. Zeiss Manifold: Is Ono promoting abstinence all of a sudden? InkWeaver: I don't think so InkWeaver: wtf is that really a hammer InkWeaver: I honestly can't tell Delcat: Anyway, there are laws? Everyone's fucking everyone regardless of age IN PUBLIC. Are there just not any cops? InkWeaver: QUIT WITH THE CLOSE UPS ONO InkWeaver: THEY ARE YOUR WEAKNESS Delcat: I think they're sounding the New Years bell. Zeiss Manifold: Ahhh. Zeiss Manifold: I was figuring it was either a hammer or some part of the Death Star Delcat: At the strike of twelve, her cock's going to turn into a pumpkin. Delcat: Screaming will ensue. Zeiss Manifold: ...ow. Delcat: Am I the only one that doesn't want to see these two breed? Zeiss Manifold: tl;dr - PEDOPHILIA IS A FUN SEXUAL WONDERLAND
Zeiss Manifold: "...because you're...BATMAN." InkWeaver: "because you're... a potato" Delcat: "Because you're...the one that I want, ooo-ooo-ooh!" Zeiss Manifold: "Because you're...THE CHOSEN ONE." Delcat: "Because you're...there and I'm horny." InkWeaver: "Because... I hiccuped" Zeiss Manifold: "Because you are a Jedi, like my father before me." Delcat: "Because you're...so vain, you prob'ly think this cock is about you." Delcat: "Because you're...good to Mama, so she's good to you!" Zeiss Manifold: "Because you're...a mean one, Mister Grinch. InkWeaver: "Because you're... " uh InkWeaver: guys InkWeaver: I'm not good at this.
Delcat: It's okay, it just means you're going to hell at a slower rate than the two of us. InkWeaver: dude how many pages is there of this InkWeaver: are we gonna see them get married? Zeiss Manifold: Is "cum dump" supposed to be like this manga's catchphrase or what Delcat: Wow. "Let's get married, my little cum dump!" How romantic. InkWeaver: OMFG InkWeaver: I InkWeaver: KNEW InkWeaver: SHE WAS GONNA SAY THAT Zeiss Manifold: we all knew Zeiss Manifold: we were just having fun with it InkWeaver: oh InkWeaver: /uncool Delcat: ...oh hell oh hell. What is happening in the bottom panel? Which body is which? OH MY GOD THEY'RE MELTING TOGETHER. That's why having sex in the Ariake toilet keeps you together forever, YOU MELD INTO A SINGLE ORGANISM. Delcat: ...that's actually a pretty cool idea for a Be Careful What You Wish For story. I kinda want to do that now. Zeiss Manifold: SHE IS THE KWISATZ HADERCOCK InkWeaver: OH GOD InkWeaver: DUUUUUUUUUUUUNE Zeiss Manifold: SPICE MUST FLOW InkWeaver: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO DUUUNE
InkWeaver: Only Japan. Zeiss Manifold: Why are they holding a comic convention in the NERV Geofront? Delcat: whooo I almost clicked up the last page as my father went by that would've been fun InkWeaver: LOL I ALMOST DID TOO InkWeaver: as my father went by, I mean Zeiss Manifold: i'm in yur AIM, ruinin' yur life InkWeaver: my brain went, "Oh god LITTLE GIRL VAGINA ALL OVER THE SCREEN EXIT EXIT" InkWeaver: ...what has my life become Zeiss Manifold: you have entered Delcat: So does the legend thing work if she pulls out? It doesn't seem in the spirit of the thing. Zeiss Manifold: the Ono Zone Zeiss Manifold: or "Zono" Zeiss Manifold: as we call it Delcat: God, look at her arms. Her tiny uncooked spaghetti arms. InkWeaver: BETTY SPAGHETTI Zeiss Manifold: AMELIA BEDELIA Zeiss Manifold: RUDY PATOOTIE Delcat: They're like...shrivelling off her shoulders. InkWeaver: betty spaghetti InkWeaver: was this doll from my youth Delcat: I remember the commercials. All their bits came off. Delcat: Is that's what's happening here? Is that where her hands went? Zeiss Manifold: it doesn't even look like she has hands Zeiss Manifold: her wrists are joined together Zeiss Manifold: her arms and chest are like a giant square Zeiss Manifold: or a loop of a christmas tree ornament