INCARNATE 03, PART IV InkWeaver: FOR THOSE ABOUT TO SKLGT WE SALUTE YOU Zeiss Manifold: LAST TIME ON INCARNATE: LINES THERE WERE LOTS OF LINES Delcat: LINES ARE A BUTT ALL EXISTING IN TWO DIMENSIONS AND JUNK InkWeaver: UM ZEISS THIS ISN'T REALLY JOGGING MY MEMORY. Zeiss Manifold: SOME WERE SQUIGGLY, SOME WERE POINTED, OTHERS WANDERED HALF-HEARTEDLY THROUGH THE PAGE LIKE SULLEN, DEADBEAT MATHEMATICAL FUNCTIONS InkWeaver: OH OKAY I SORT OF REMEMBER NOW Zeiss Manifold: Characters, too, but they wandered in much the same way, prisoners on the hellish half-stolen coordinate plane that is Incarnate. InkWeaver: i wish this comic had a patchy or something for me to cuddle Delcat: It has dirt clod
Zeiss Manifold: The battle has ended, but 20 pages remain? What antics shall occur? Zeiss Manifold: Talk to your kids about Jell-O slap fights. Delcat: "I AM COVERED IN PHOTOSHOP FILTERS AND THIS MAKES ME ANGRY. ANGRY!!!" Delcat: "Mot? I'm just gonna massage your shoulder with my spider hand, is that okay?" Delcat: "NO >(" InkWeaver: Oh boy look nothing's happening. InkWeaver: EXCUSE ME SIR YOUR SPINE SEEMS TO BE ON THE OUTSIDE InkWeaver: SIR?
Zeiss Manifold: *TPTs away petulantly* Delcat: Zeiss where did you get the script for this Zeiss Manifold: "Fuck you guys, I'm finding the vowels *myself*!" Delcat: And does the next panel read "Horrible perspective crash, none survive" InkWeaver: HOW InkWeaver: TALL InkWeaver: CAN HE BE? InkWeaver: He is seriously like ten feet tall. Maybe he has gigantism? Delcat: I just...I just wanna grab Applesauce's layer with my mouse and eeeeeench him up until the picture makes sense. Zeiss Manifold: Why are Kenpucci's pants so damn baggy? Dude, you have FOUR BELTS. Delcat: Well he also has NO WAIST so he kind of needs them Zeiss Manifold: oh yeah my bad Delcat: They look more like seatbelts. Maybe he's actually in one of those Uncle Sam stilts getups and he's safely buckled in? Zeiss Manifold: i should be more sensitive towards the needs of our longtorsoed brothers Delcat: Guys. Look at his hand. He could squish his OWN HEAD like a GRAPE.
InkWeaver: OH GOD AND NOW GIANT WHITE SPIDERS ARE ATTACKING THEM BOTTOM LEFT PANEL Delcat: Okay, I can actually totally parse the last panel. See where the staff inexplicably stops foreshortening? That's where the event horizon starts. He fell into a black hole. That's why the panel inexplicably terminates into useless dark space. Zeiss Manifold: Why do I get the feeling that Kenpucci only installed a blade in that skull so it would stop going MWAP MWAP MWAP MWAP at inoppurtune moments? Delcat: It sings showtunes, and nobody wants that. InkWeaver: That would ruin his image. Little does he know showtunes are the only cure to his debilitating gigantism. Zeiss Manifold: How does that work, Inky? InkWeaver: SCIENCE ZEISSEKIAH InkWeaver: SCIENCE InkWeaver: I believe Mot has unhinged his jaw to swallow Kenpucci.
Delcat: See those shoulderplates? Those are load-bearing shoulderplates. Without them, his head would just plain wither into his neck. InkWeaver: Little Demon? Is that his... petname? InkWeaver: Like "oooohhhh yes little demon fuck me harder" InkWeaver: I dunno that's all I got outta that man Zeiss Manifold: Better than "Bon Mot", at any rate. Zeiss Manifold: ZING Delcat: I think that in this relationship it is not the little demon doing the fucking. Delcat: ...YOU WERE ALL THINKING IT Delcat: It must be hard either way, what with one being a demon and one having a crucifix carved into his face. Or is that vampires? InkWeaver: Wow this is not only a tracing but also a complete character ripoff. InkWeaver: The whole "not until I kill you myself" is an old anime trope yes, but Kenpachi Zaraki specifically says that to Ichigo. Delcat: It's code, Inky InkWeaver: So the fact that Zackary Kenpucci says that to the main character, and he is in fact Kenpachi shitty ripoff, just makes this even worse. Delcat: When his Bleach buddies hear that, they'll realize he's stuck and come rescue him Delcat: Second panel: oh my God he could reach around and fist himself up to the shoulder he is an orangutan Delcat: a fistutan Delcat: Not to be confused with Fistula-tan, that was a short-lived series Zeiss Manifold: They're already ripping off the arc where Kenpachi got back implants. InkWeaver: I REMEMBER THAT -- ...wait.
Zeiss Manifold: Featuring characters originally whittled from soap. Delcat: I'M FALLING AT A 45-DEGREE ANGLE REFUTING ALL LAWS OF PHYSICS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH InkWeaver: If his hand wasn't a rare white snapping tarantula, that could be a sexy shot. Delcat: Also he is stretching his forehead to a Jon-from-Garfield degree InkWeaver: LOL GIRL FIGHT ISN'T THAT SO CUTE HOW SHE GRABBED CHADOUCHIGORAPTOR InkWeaver: ISN"T THAT SO CUTE Delcat: They keep making the horrible mistake of putting things where they can be compared to other things with disastrous results. Her hand is only twice the size of his nipple! Her waist is EXACTLY the width of his neck! HE COULD FIT HER ENTIRE RACK IN HIS MOUTH Zeiss Manifold: "Yeah, I'm just gonna leave even though there's been a giant supernatural battle just now and the yard is filled with craters and that one guy disappeared without us defeating him, don't mind me." Are the lawyers already on his tail? Get your shit together, Ken! Delcat: Seriously, I was about to ask where the hell everyone else always disappears off to when these epic fights happen. Maybe it's like Gantz and they're invisible. InkWeaver: I don't need Gantz ON TOP of this shit, Delcat. I just don't. ):< Delcat: Name: Applesauce Points: -12 t00 wh1ny
Zeiss Manifold: "...And gentlemen, I *like* war." InkWeaver: OH MY GOD IT IS GANTZ IT REALLY *IS* InkWeaver: That soldier. Has a slenderface. ): Delcat: I love perspective changes. I love long torsos. I love plagiarism. I love whining, moping, I love wishing I was dead, and bitching. Delcat: Gentleman...all I ask for is a rip-off, a rip-off so blatant as to make Japan itself tremble. Gentlemen, I ask you as fellow bastards-in-arms, what is it you really want? Delcat: Do you wish for further plagiarism as i do? Do you wish for blatant, unmistakable stealing? A rip-off whose panels are built with Photoshop filters, action lines, and facelessness? Do you ask for plagiarism to sweep in like a lazy musician's son, leaving not even DeviantArtists to scavenge from this earth? Zeiss Manifold: SKGLT SKGLT SKGLT Delcat: Very well. We shall have skglt! InkWeaver: *hip hip hoooraaaay!*
Zeiss Manifold: The thing is, if you read Kenpucci's lines in Brock Samson's voice, he's actually tolerable. Delcat: DARP DARP I TALK IN HAND WANT EAT SHOE WHY CORNBREAD ITCH IN UNDERPANTS InkWeaver: DURR HURR GEORGE WHERE'D ALL THE MOTSES GO Delcat: no seriously what massive head blow did he sustain when we were not looking that is golden InkWeaver: He is fixated on some mark on the General's face. Zeiss Manifold: "Please show respect! You are in the presence of the giant Cassingle!" Delcat: Is that what that is? I figured the Monster in the Dark from Order of the Stick. Delcat: Dude, was his desk built in the Mystery Spot or what? The papers should totally be falling, and yet they're not! TOTALLY WORTH $7.50 OF TOURIST MONEY InkWeaver: I think Kenpucci just came
InkWeaver: Uh InkWeaver: uh sir? Sir you seem to have charcoal on your face sir? Delcat: "Yes, sir! By the way, do you know why I sprouted another head on the last page but it's gone now?" Delcat: So, uh...does it count as a big reveal if we have no idea why it's relevant? InkWeaver: The chair in the last panel looks like someone's shoulder and arm, and it took me a minute of squinting to understand. Delcat: WAIT OH MY SHIT IS IT DOCTOR CLAW IS THAT WHY THE DARKNESS AND WHY THE ONE HAND HELD BEHIND HIS BACK AND THE CHAIR InkWeaver: I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME GADGET Zeiss Manifold: "Really? Then let me wipe it off with this onion i keep in my ribcage." Delcat: I AM SO... ...underwhelmed :| Delcat: He should at least be wearing a pirate hat :| InkWeaver: I think it was supposed to be ironic. Like OH MAH GAWD HE HAS RAPE EYES and then no. Why was Incarnate so funny at first? Delcat: I think you're giving them too much credit, if only because they've done that like EIGHT TIMES ALREADY. InkWeaver: This last issue has just been :| -Fest 2010 Zeiss Manifold: No no guys you're missing the REAL reveal Delcat: Because we hadn't had it shoved down our throats for ninety pages? Zeiss Manifold: HE'S NOT TRACED FROM ANYONE RECOGNIZABLE AAARGH Delcat: AAAAAAAAAAAH InkWeaver: :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| :| Zeiss Manifold: thank you for that series of angry dominoes inky Delcat: somewhere, Integral realized someone sniped one of her cigs, and there is going to be all kinds of hell to pay InkWeaver: WAIT GUYS HE HAS A CAMERA IN HIS TIE Delcat: OH GOD Delcat: IT'S ALL BEEN A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT, THE WHOLE THING EFFECT OF PLAGIARISM ON COLLEGE STUDENTS IN CAPTIVITY Zeiss Manifold: AND THEIR TORSOS InkWeaver: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: InkWeaver: GUYS MY TORSO FEELS FUNNY IT'S IT'S HAPPENING Delcat: OH GOSD THE TRANSFORMATION IS COMPLETE Zeiss Manifold: oh shit DEL BOIL SOME WATER
InkWeaver: Since nothing happens on this page can we just -- WAIT DON'T TELL ME THIS TURNS OUT TO BE FALLOUT Zeiss Manifold: Oh come on, they didn't even TRY to hide the copy/paste on Kenpucci Delcat: They take ONE LOOK at this bullshit and go back to their Radroach-infected lives Zeiss Manifold: I'm expecting him to just slide out of the page "NOTE: Kenpucci died on the way back to his home planet." InkWeaver: i'm expecting the doctor to diagnose his very bad case of Jaundice soon. Delcat: wait Geesh geesh? His shoes go geesh geesh? Delcat: DARP DARP BOOTS FULL OF PUDDING DARP InkWeaver: WAIT THEY'RE THE MEN IN BLACK?!?!!? Zeiss Manifold: They're also ducks, by the looks of it. or possibly GEESH Delcat: *rimshot* Zeiss Manifold: seriously, what the fuck is GEESHis he wearing moon boots InkWeaver: ZEISS }: MOON BOOTS MOON BOOTS TRACE-POWERED ANTI-GRAVITY BOOTS MOON BOOTS MOON BOOTS Delcat: In space, they can't hear you GEESH
Zeiss Manifold: Meanwhile, on the Akira set InkWeaver: Seriously, how the fuck is this going to end? Delcat: Inky, you thinking what I'm thinking? Creepy old guy keeping some kind of "specimen" in a vault and apparently way too attracted to it? InkWeaver: I mean... they're unveiling more shocking shit so how do they close this off? This'll be like Waiting for Godot. RAPE TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME Delcat: JUST LIKE AUNTIE HOJO USED TO MAKE
InkWeaver: WARM OUT OF THE PANTS Delcat: Well, remember, this was originally supposed to be a series before the whole fucking WORLD called foul. oh gawd I was kidding JENOVAAAAAA >( InkWeaver: OH GOD HE TURNED INTO THE HUNCHBACK Zeiss Manifold: ACTUALLY I refer you back to this *wavy flashback* Zeiss Manifold: Part 1 of 3, plain as day. And how ARE they going to tie it all together? By shifting it into Eva, of course! Delcat: ...point. Yeah, how ARE they gonna wrap this shit up? InkWeaver: Estuans interius Ira vehementi INCARNATE INCARNATE Delcat: oooh, gives me shivers every time Zeiss Manifold: Yeah, just keep two guns near the eldritch abomination, that'll be enough Zeiss Manifold: "...And our 'smuggle posterboard in our backs' plan has also succeeded!" Delcat: "Mother...together we will--wait, the hell is THIS shit? Am I in the wrong lab again? Damnit!"
Only ten pages to go…will our gang make it? Find out next time!