Zeiss Manifold: WHY IS HE HAVING A PERIOD InkWeaver: mmm mm I love me some boys with mini-tits InkWeaver: ...also... that was my first thought as well. Zeiss Manifold: This just reminds me of that South Park episode. Delcat: I think it's just going in with the school thing. I THINK. Oh God Zeiss, did I block it out? Zeiss Manifold: Shit, he does have tits. And club foot. Zeiss Manifold: yay InkWeaver: Oh, honey, you don't hold in the bleeding like that. That just won't do. Here, these two items will help you - they're called a pad and a tampon, respectively. Delcat: Or a cup, if you're environmentally aware...and disgusting. Zeiss Manifold: Don't distract him, he's too busy being wan.
Zeiss Manifold: Sing the happy happy happy happy happy happy song Delcat: What are your natural scents, guys? Delcat: Mine are gingerbread and vampire sparkles. Zeiss Manifold: If she gets to be chocolate, can I be almond tea? Delcat: Sure thing, honey. And you, Inky? Zeiss Manifold: I swear, if that stuff tasted as good as it smelled I'd never drink anything else. Zeiss Manifold: Wet Hot American Nursing. Delcat: I think her pleasure song is flatlining. InkWeaver: WTF InkWeaver: WTF IS WRONG WITH HER HIPS InkWeaver: they're like big flabby whale lungs or something Delcat: Why, what OH GOD I LOOKED STRAIGHT PAST THEM Zeiss Manifold: Her pelvis is trying to break free. Delcat: SHE LOOKS LIKE A CONCENTRATION CAMP VICTIM InkWeaver: They look sort of like putty. Zeiss Manifold: Putty that's collapsing inward. Zeiss Manifold: Maybe there's just a singularity in her womb. Delcat: Hey Inky, let's speak in Femian so we can tell secrets in front of Zeiss! Delcat: /\--//--\--//\ Zeiss Manifold: MR. T IS A GENIUS AND YOU DON'T DARE INSULT HIM YOUNG LADY InkWeaver: ><><}}<<<-----\\\\|||\\\\////// Delcat: HOW DO YOU KNOW FEMIAN Delcat: ...Zeiss Delcat: ...are you secretly a dickgirl Zeiss Manifold: not that I know of Zeiss Manifold: I have sisters Zeiss Manifold: I absorbed it as a youth Delcat: Your girl parts or the language? Zeiss Manifold: the language, duh Zeiss Manifold: you can't absorb a vagina Zeiss Manifold: unless you're in Soviet Russia InkWeaver: Actually, I was feeding you Femweed. InkWeaver: You just didn't know it. Zeiss Manifold: oh well that explains it
Zeiss Manifold: It also explains why I seem to have downloaded every Tori Amos album. Delcat: That...divide, on her stomach...what IS that, even. Zeiss Manifold: Some sort of half-finished thong Zeiss Manifold: Ah yes, let's cure childhood traumas through RAEP Delcat: You know, I feel nasty too. Am I a femboy? Zeiss Manifold: If I'm a dickgirl, then you're a femboy Delcat: You know, you see dickgirls all the time, but you hardly ever see vagboys. It's weird. Zeiss Manifold: HEY, GUESS WHAT FETISHES THE AUTHOR HAS Delcat: ALL OF THEM?? Zeiss Manifold: yeah pretty much Delcat: So he's going to be underage forever. Lovely. InkWeaver: Okay, what did I miss in the snark? didn't they already have sex? Zeiss Manifold: uh, kinda Zeiss Manifold: well they didn't go in-and-out Delcat: No, she jerked off in front of him and he jizzed his pants. Zeiss Manifold: yeah, what del says InkWeaver: "I sensed an old childhood trauma. Therefore, the only way to help him overcome it is to have sex with him, thereby adding more trauma. IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE!" Delcat: And he sucked her tits. Delcat: We haven't seen his dick yet. Zeiss Manifold: BUT WILL WE? Delcat: All OVER the fuckin' place. Zeiss Manifold: IT'S A RHETORICAL QUESTION GEEZ Delcat: HOW IS "WILL WE SEE HIS DICK" EVER A RHETORICAL QUESTION Zeiss Manifold: OH, CAN IT NOT BE A RHETORICAL QUESTION?
Zeiss Manifold: And now it's time for a little game called "Spot the awkward social commentary". Delcat: That first panel is just so much D: Zeiss Manifold: aaaaand we have dick sighting. Zeiss Manifold: throb! Delcat: Although the little hearts are a nice touch InkWeaver: Throb! InkWeaver: Throb! InkWeaver: That's what happens when I get turned on, guys. InkWeaver: I MEAN -- Zeiss Manifold: OH SO YOU ARE A DICKGIRL Zeiss Manifold: I KNEW IT Delcat: As a side note, I hate when they spell it "Ratchet". It's "Ratched", dudes, for srs. Zeiss Manifold: That dick looks goddamn diseased, man Delcat: NOOOO IT'S ~*BEAUTIFUL*~ Delcat: Maybe she wanted to cut them off because they were incurably gangrenous. Zeiss Manifold: FEMMINS ARE MADE OF FOUR FOREST ANIMALS Zeiss Manifold: I'd rather give him the jaws of life, seeing where this is going. Delcat: Yeah, may I illustrate that with a pertinent webcomic? Zeiss Manifold: sure Delcat:Over to you, Bob. InkWeaver: If you deny your sexual nature, you go out and murder EVERYONE guys Zeiss Manifold: Y'know, I don't think "peter" has been in the sexual parlance since 1973. Zeiss Manifold: This kid must be older then he looks. InkWeaver: Guys, Peter is CLEARLY a southern word. Zeiss Manifold: It is? InkWeaver: A dude in my class used to sing "There's a skeeter on my peter, whack it off" InkWeaver: all the time Zeiss Manifold: Well then, THE MORE YOU KNOW Delcat: His willy? His particular? His filthy sin-stick? Delcat: Inky, is that to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It"? Zeiss Manifold: I guess this whole thing is a lesson on why drugs and MS Paint don't mix. Zeiss Manifold: oh my god guys Zeiss Manifold: it's like a Chick tract from an alternate universe Delcat: Nah, there's no Fang.
Zeiss Manifold: No Fang YET. InkWeaver: Yes it is to that tune ,Delly. Zeiss Manifold: Holy shit, they actually said "turgid". Delcat: Protip: "Turgid" is not a sexy word. Ever. InkWeaver: TURGID Zeiss Manifold: C'mon Nyar, they can just kiss and we'd get it InkWeaver: it sounds like some sort of drain cleaner to me Zeiss Manifold: There's no need for like sinus magic and stuff Delcat: uniball wut? Delcat: Does he have girl-hips or is it just me? Zeiss Manifold: WET TONGUES SLITHER AND SLOSH Zeiss Manifold: 'Cause he's a femboy duh Delcat: They look like a pair of leeches humping. Zeiss Manifold: There's probably a Very Hungry Caterpillar joke somewhere in here. Zeiss Manifold: oshit she's going to lay her eggs inside him Zeiss Manifold: she IS a wasp Delcat: Is he attempting to penetrate her navel? Zeiss Manifold: Well, she's trying to penetrate his nipple. Delcat: They're just going to absorb each other, like slimes. InkWeaver: I just cannot get over how badly drawn this manga is. I'm just taking a moment to marvel at how completely badly this is drawn. Zeiss Manifold: It's like a perfect synergy of gangrenous art and turgid writing. Delcat: Is that our word of the day, now? Turgid? Zeiss Manifold: Yes, it is! Zeiss Manifold: *Balloons*
Zeiss Manifold: *GLARGLE FLAP SPWAFF QUAMP* Delcat: You know, we really should come up with a solid name for that mysterious fluid that emanates from all orifices and every inch of skin that hentai characters get. Zeiss Manifold: Spornma? Delcat: That works. Zeiss Manifold: Okay then. Zeiss Manifold: That kid's spornming like he's from Ariake or something. Delcat: Man, the first time I was kissed my boyfriend dang' near tried to fit my entire head in his mouth and we STILL didn't get that messy. Zeiss Manifold: Her boobs keep growing every page. Zeiss Manifold: EVERY PAGE. InkWeaver: SPLUT. InkWeaver: THE SEXIEST NOISE IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND. Delcat: Splt-splut, now, children! Zeiss Manifold: Next to "throb!", that is! InkWeaver: Let us please take a moment to honor the sexiest noise I have ever heard of. Splut. InkWeaver: The sound of jizzing. The sound of love. InkWeaver: THE SOUND OF THE CENTURY. Zeiss Manifold: I'm spooshing so hard just thinking about it. Delcat: Is he wearing underwear or not? It's like he started to draw it in and then decided against it and was too lazy to erase. Zeiss Manifold: THE FEMS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF SPLUTTING Zeiss Manifold: I think his nipple is trying to leave the page.
Zeiss Manifold: Again with the splutting. InkWeaver: A RICTUS InkWeaver: of ... InkWeaver: ewwww InkWeaver: god the mouth noises InkWeaver: even in text, mouth noises bother me. Delcat: If your eyes roll back in your head, you are officially doing it too hard. Zeiss Manifold: Look's like someone's got a thesaurus. InkWeaver: That poor Strunk and White. What did it do to deserve such abuse? Zeiss Manifold: And his nipples are "painfully" erect Zeiss Manifold: that doesn't happen to guys too mcuh Delcat: Mouths don't work like that. They just...they just DON'T. Zeiss Manifold: but he's a femboy so hey who knows. Zeiss Manifold: Is he leaking ectoplasm as well? Delcat: hey guys she's holding an invisible lunchtray Delcat: and spilling her invisible macaroni Zeiss Manifold: That vein...just wow. Delcat: Did he jizz a pair of fried eggs onto the floor of the last panel? Delcat: maybe I'm just hungry Zeiss Manifold: It's like the artist was trying to draw a tree, and just gave up and drew whatever the hell that is on top of it.
Zeiss Manifold: Oh boy, a new font. Delcat: "Tired out 'n ready for bed", because we have not gone over the creepy childishness enough. Zeiss Manifold: No, he won't have "milk". Zeiss Manifold: That. doesnt. happen. Zeiss Manifold: Unless you're suffering from famine. Zeiss Manifold: Does he really need to spornma from another orifice? InkWeaver: Guys InkWeaver: this is almost unsnarkable in its ridiculousness InkWeaver: who the fuck thinks of this shit InkWeaver: ... this is ono's cousin isn't it Zeiss Manifold: I can imagine. Zeiss Manifold: Maybe someone who like read all of Ono's books in high school Zeiss Manifold: and it screwed him up for life. Zeiss Manifold: It gets better later on, though. InkWeaver: NEXT PAGE PLEASE InkWeaver: LET'S KEEP IT MOVING RIGHT ALONG
Zeiss Manifold: IT'S AWWWWWWWWWRIGHT Delcat: you HAD to beat me to it Zeiss Manifold: ha ha ha Delcat: Seriously, his face is identical to mine right now. Zeiss Manifold: These people look like MANNEQUINS InkWeaver: WHAT? I HAVE TO BREASTFEED A BABY? InkWeaver: Oh, okay, I guess that's cool as long as you keep touchin' my penis. Delcat: Or, in the case of the kid, one of those anatomically correct "where-did-he-touch-you" dolls. Delcat: It's convenient, he'll be able to point to himself later. Zeiss Manifold: And all sense is moot as things go sploot, IN FEMBOY'S LAAAAB InkWeaver: Zeiss, you did not just ruin Dexter's Lab for me. InkWeaver: The way to a man's compliance is through his penis. RIGHT ZEISS? Zeiss Manifold: Oh don't involve me in this. Delcat: No, it's his balls. Watch this. *VICEGRIP* InkWeaver: Ohhh. Thanks, Auntie Delcat! Zeiss Manifold: That's not very effective over the internet you know. Delcat: B-but I used asterisks!
Zeiss Manifold: Is kissing really that hard to draw? Delcat: Have you guys seen the Doctor Who chibi fanart where they're slapping their tongues together to rainbows and a LOL GAY caption? Yeah, it looks like that. InkWeaver: I think the default for bad porn is to draw them with their tongues lolling out slobbering all over each other. This is like dog porn. Zeiss Manifold: Everyone just horfs. Delcat: They keep drawing her like she'd be boning him if she was a dickgirl. InkWeaver: Also, all the "mommy" stuff is really hurting me. Zeiss Manifold: We might need several horf bags for this. Delcat: It only gets worse, unfortunately.
InkWeaver: Wow. It's like staring into the abyss. InkWeaver: Or is the abyss staring into me? Zeiss Manifold: OH FEMMYBOY Zeiss Manifold: THE VAG, THE VAG IS CALLING... Delcat: stop making your pussy talk man that's just silly Zeiss Manifold: Apparently, that pussy is backlit. InkWeaver: You think if I tell my boyfriend to put his penis where it's warm and safe, he'll find it really sexy? Delcat: If a PENIS THIEF IS ABOUT Delcat: His head is just kind of floating randomly in the first panel. Look, it's not attached at all. Delcat: What's with the panel of a random room? Did she just make him jizz through a portal into someone else's room just to mess with them? InkWeaver: I'll not be having penis thieves in my country! InkWeaver: I wouldn't put it past her with her wasp genes. InkWeaver: Also - wasp the animal or WASP the acronym InkWeaver: Hmmm. Delcat: BOTH?? Zeiss Manifold: That is a conundrum.
Delcat: Ladies and gentlemen, when Shatner has sex. Zeiss Manifold: This manga has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. Zeiss Manifold: fucking hell Del I can't unhear it. Zeiss Manifold: I CAN'T UNHEAR IT Delcat: :D Zeiss Manifold: Sigmund Freud actually exploded upon seening this. 'Tis a historical fact. InkWeaver: HELP InkWeaver: SHATNER IN MY BRAIN InkWeaver: HAVING SEX IN MY BRAIN InkWeaver: DEL InkWeaver: THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS Delcat: Wanna be unable to UNSEE something? Delcat: Fourth panel: Tits are eyes, vagina is mouth. Zeiss Manifold: LOOK DEL NOW YOU'VE CORRUPTED INKY Delcat: and it's going "say WHAAAA?" Zeiss Manifold: LOOK WHAT YOUR FURTIVE QUEST FOR REVENGE HAS WROUGHT Delcat: BWAHAHAHA InkWeaver: OH DEAR GOD HOW DID YOU EVEN MAKE THAT CONNECTION OH MY GOD OH MY GOD InkWeaver: THE GAPING MAWWWWW Zeiss Manifold: No, tits are eyes, vagina is snout, anus is mouth Zeiss Manifold: IT'S A REINDEER InkWeaver: *sobs brokenly* InkWeaver: SANTA WOULD NEVER EMPLOY THAT REINDEER Delcat: Ahh...my work is done.
Zeiss Manifold: And he dies. THE END Delcat: Dude, you should've started worrying about premature ejaculation THE LAST EIGHT EJACULATIONS AGO. Zeiss Manifold: It's okay, it happens to a lot of femboys. InkWeaver: Wow. Cunt-blocked. InkWeaver: I'd feel for this lady if she wasn't fucking a kid. Zeiss Manifold: I'd feel bad for the kid if his balls weren't filled with frosting. InkWeaver: Also, there is a gob of semen headed for her open eye in the first panel. InkWeaver: that might sting, lady. Zeiss Manifold: You ever go eye-to-mouth! Delcat: It's okay, they genetically engineered him with No-More-Tears semen.
InkWeaver: Oh Johnson and Johnson, what whacky inventions will you come up with next? Zeiss Manifold: LILYWHITE LILITH Zeiss Manifold: SHE GONNA LEAD YOU TO THE TUNNEL OF VAG InkWeaver: She's so... InkWeaver: cheerful. Delcat: And as the sun is setting deep into the wood, my mother humps my little leg and tells me I'm so good. Zeiss Manifold: Okay Del, stop writing Faulkner novels. Zeiss Manifold: The poor kid's an everlasting gobstopper. InkWeaver: Ho ho hee hee! I'll just dryhump his leg a bit until he's awake! InkWeaver: She's like a leprechaun or something Delcat: Oh man, I got an infestation of dryhump leprechauns once. Delcat: Took ages to get all the nests sprayed. InkWeaver: Dude, Orkin is not up for that task. InkWeaver: It might just be an Ono Boat Scene, if you know what i mean. Zeiss Manifold: Is the second panel a hint at a possible werewolf twist? Delcat: She's a...WEREDICKGIRL