FFVII/Vincent Valentine: Wake Up Call
Title: Wake Up Call (A Better Future) Album: Heretic, David Bowie Claim: Vincent Valentine Characters: Vincent, Cloud Rating: PG Summary: Not fluffy. Crossposted to my fic archive.
Dear Cloud,
I know it's bad form to leave someone to wake up alone. I hope you will understand why I couldn't stay and tell you in person. I'm really not very good with confrontations that don't end in gunshots.
You know I hardly sleep. You probably haven't noticed how little it really is. I can go days without it, but I like sleeping. I like it too much.
Anyway, I woke up before dawn this morning with your arm over my chest. I couldn't bring myself to move, so I just lay there thinking about - well, things I shouldn't really think about, and listening to the birds outside getting ready for sunrise.
My good arm fell asleep, and I shifted so the blood would start flowing again. You curled up closer to me, close enough that I could feel your breath on my neck and how hot your body still is from all the makou in your blood.
Close enough that when you tangled your fingers in my hair, I heard you calling me Sephiroth under your breath.
It's not that I hold this against you. I don't know everything about your relationship with him, but you've told me enough. I saw you after Aeris died, after you had to kill him. You don't forget easily.
I know all about unhealthy grief patterns, believe me.
But this isn't about grief or any of that. This is about you and me. If I were a better man, I'd ignore it or I'd wake you and that would be the end of it.
I'm not a better man. I can't be that. I'm what my past made me, just like you are.
When you said his name, my breath caught in my throat and my bad arm twitched. I almost --
I calmed myself down, got out of the bed, all that. Now I'm just sitting here thinking, watching the sunlight crawl in the window. But I could have hurt you.
I can't ever really be what you need. I think you can find the right person, but they'll be totally different from Sephiroth. Someone who fills something else, instead of the wound he left. Someone with fewer scars than you, instead of more.
You aren't what I need either, and I need to stop pretending. There's shit I have to deal with before I have the right to be in a relationship with anyone.
I'm going to do that.
I won't have my PHS on, but you can leave me a voicemail. If you really need me, I'll find you.