Loki (hamrammr) wrote in spinningcompass, @ 2013-07-06 13:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | !plot, ~john mitchell (oe) |
Who: Mitchell (oe) and Annie Sawyer
Where: HH
What: The aftermath of a vision - generally LOADS of emotions
When: Saturday, the 6th
Rating: TBD
Open: Nope
Status: Logged
Mitchell was going crazy. The visions - the first and now this - it was too much. The future was fucked up. It was impossible, literally. But then, since he had seen Annie die, nothing was too impossible anymore. It was still fucked up. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to believe what he had seen in his last vision or if he didn’t. Over the cause of the day, the vision hadn’t left his mind - it had even made him forget Bond for a bit - something nothing else had been able to do these past few days. He had entered the house again in a shitty mood. He pushed off his boots, threw them to the other shoes and trudged upstairs. Annie was already in their room. Mitchell didn’t even look into her direction as he threw the pack of condoms on the bed. “We have to start using them,” he said with a sigh in his voice and let himself fall onto the bed. Fucked up - it was all fucked up. Annie rose from the bed, trying not to be angry with him. This was not her fault but he was sort of behaving like it was. Then again, since when was that a change, it had been her fault that she’d felt like he didn’t give a crap about her when he nearly got herself killed, because she should have been psychic and ask. “Considering you won’t even look at me Mitchell, we don’t really have to worry about it.” There was a flash of anger, deep and bitter in her voice which she quite simply couldn’t control. She was worth more than this, or she should have been. “Or would it just be easier for me not to be here at all?” Mitchell looked up confused. What the fuck was wrong now? “I’ve got a lot to deal with right now. I’m just a bit tired, aren’t I allowed to be in a bad mood occasionally?” He was trying to keep harm away from her and then he was suddenly faced with her anger. It wasn’t fair. He could really need her support right now but she only saw herself. “We both have to deal with it...and I’m always the last thing...You’re treating me like he did at the beginning, when you promised me no one ever would again, what I think isn’t important, telling me you’re putting yourself in harms way isn’t important, not that you’d have listened if I’d asked you not to go, because I don’t actually matter do I...you’re tired, so it doesn’t matter that I’m terrified to go to sleep in case I don’t wake up, because this time dead might really mean dead...I don’t need condoms, I need you to actually tell me what the fuck is going on in your head so I know what I’m supposed to help you with, because I’m not actually...I don’t deserve this Mitchell, all the time...because I’m pretty sure you actually used to love me rather than just throwing condoms at me and expecting me to soothe you, without really knowing why...I want to take care of you...always, but when all I get is this...I don’t know how.” Annie knew she was crying, waiting for whatever she had to take. She was so tired she could barely think and she felt sick and dizzy. She was so bloody lonely...and he didn’t care because he was the big I am in this place. He still had the power and she didn’t. She actually found herself more likely to flinch away from this human version of Mitchell than she ever had the vampire. “You’re frightening me...please...Mitchell...tell me...I might be able to help.” Her words felt like a slap in the face. He couldn’t even react right away. Had Annie just seriously compared him to the man who killed her? He opened his mouth and shut it again. He blinked but the confusion was still there, slowly mixing with anger. “You want to know what’s going on in my head right now? Yes? I’m mad as hell.” He had gotten up from his position on the bed and glared at her. “I would fucking die for you and you compare me to the man that killed you? The fuck, Annie. I’ve always been fucking there for you.” Purgatory, the Spire, her death and now he was trying to save his own skin for her and this was what he fucking got? He was frightening her? She had never fucking seen his frightening side. “How dare you even say that?” “Would you Mitchell? You won’t even talk to me...you won’t tell me what you’re seeing...you won’t tell me anything...you never consider me in anything that you do, you went to war without speaking to me, took on a kid without speaking to me...” She shut her dark eyes. “I dare because, I remember how this felt, walking on eggshells, getting cursed at for speaking, blamed for things that aren’t my fault...watching you run around after everyone else then laughing at me for worrying...I lost you too remember, and seem to want to put me through that again...I’m bored and it’s Saturday, I could go to the pub with my girlfriend and actually remember I’m meant to be getting married or go to the fucking trenches...so how dare you swear at me...you want me to help, then tell me what I’m helping with...after you went there you needed blood...and I wanted to help you and I didn’t care if I died to do it...for you, and I felt like I let you down because I couldn’t, but that doesn’t matter does it...because you don’t wanna tell me, because...what I’m too weak, too worthless to know?” Annie replied. She wasn’t shouting, she was too tired, in too much pain to raise her tone, and now without even realising she had flinched back from him. Mitchell didn’t even asked himself why she had guessed right. He didn’t even care, the anger took all questions away and made him go cold. He wasn’t a fucking monster. He tried so hard not to be one and here she was slapping those words into his face. She had flinched, she had fucking flinched. “You wanna know, yeah? You do? Let me see… hmm, I’m going to die. So there, you want to have the wedding now? Maybe tomorrow so you can call yourself a widow soon or would you rather just go back to being a normal single? Oh, and if we are already on it. You are going to be pregnant as well and you can guess what’s going to happen once you turn back into a ghost. There, having a wonderful evening? Because I’m having a ball… it’s such a liberating conversation.” He spit the last words. He had tried to shoulder the world on his own, keep her as happy as possible and do the fucking right thing. Annie took a step away from him, looking for something to put between the two of them. “So why didn’t you tell me...why? Rather than just hating me for what I haven’t done?” He really was scaring her now. She hadn’t even known she’d flinched away from him, but the next words hit her and she felt herself stumble. The only thing she’d ever wanted...a baby with Mitchell...and he... “Pregnant...and you didn’t want that?” She felt horror washing over her. He didn’t want to even think there was another way. “Because we couldn’t have talked to Isabelle, the Dresden’s, Tony... about a way for me to stay human until I had the baby, no you just had to see bad...If you can see the future you might be able to change it, but not big butch Mitchell, because you have to do it alone...well here’s news, you aren’t alone...and we might have got a shot at having a family.” She moved back towards him. “You have to start telling me things...like you know, stuff that massively impacts my life. I...love you, more than anyone I’ve ever had in my life...ever, but you’re not on your own any more, which means you have to start trusting me not to fall apart...or this happens. I love you, and I know that you love me, but you have to stop thinking I can’t cope...I can, I did and I want to help you...secrets are killing us.” Annie said softly. “Look at me Mitchell, really look at me, you know me...I can be a bit wobbly, but I’m not a coward, and I can help.” The anger still stayed. It was there and made him watch her stumble. Right now, he didn’t care. She had no right to behave as if he was the one hurting her as long as she compared him to a fucking monster and mocked him about a decision he had only made to protect her. But then her tone took on a more soothing ring and he actually calmed down. He swallowed, letting her word fill his ears. His eyes looked up at hers, his gaze fixed on her eyes. “You think I do this because I don’t think you can take it?” His voice was thick with emotions and his upper body trembled. “Fuck, Annie. I do this because I love you more than anything and would fight the world to not see you hurt. And it will hurt you. “ “This is hurting me...Because, you don’t need to fight the world...especially not this one...a lot of people here care about you, not a single one of them more than me and we can help you. I want to help you...I need you Mitchell, and we can stop this somehow...or...there’s a way to bring vampires back...Herrick...we can find it...together.” Annie took a step closer and touched his face. “I need my Mitchell back, especially if this is going to happen....because I need to protect you too...I failed the first time...and I have to try this time.” More tears slid down her face. “We need each other.” Her eyes dropped to the condoms on the bed. “And we don’t need them...I want to at least try to have this baby with you, while we have the chance.” She looked up into his eyes. “I never ever gave up on you John Mitchell...this time’s no different.” “I don’t know, Annie. I don’t know how to do it. I already asked my other self, he doesn’t know.” He let himself sink down onto the bed again, his shoulders sinking in a defeated manner. “Desmond said there’s no way of avoiding it. It’s going to happen. I... there might be one way to find out. I don’t know... there are DVDs, there are books about the people here. Sophia, she’s in a TV show. I don’t know if there’s one about us. I never wanted to check. It might be worth giving google a try.” He snorted at the thought but what were their other options really? “Then do that...” She sat on the bed beside him. “We can’t give up...I don’t do that, I can’t do that if it means losing you, because I do know, and we got another chance, and we have to use that...who kills you? Can we just lock them in a cupboard for the rest of their lives?” She reached out to stroke his dark hair, fitting her body to his. If she was honest if she knew she’d definitely be aiming to kill them and save him. “And in future, tell me...two heads are better than one and I know what’s going on...Can’t help unless I know and I want to know...before it gets to this.” She leaned into him, hiding her face in his arm. “We’re not beaten yet.” Mitchell shook his head. “No, Desmond said there is no way to avoid it. You can delay it for a bit but it will happen.” He swallowed and took a shaky breath. “Are you sure about the kid? I might not be around, you might turn back into a ghost before it’s born. You might stay human if you ask Isabel or anyone else.” The last part was a bigger concern than he would like to admit. He knew how much she longed to be normal again but he didn’t want it. It stripped him off his ‘forever’ and he wanted a ‘forever’. Annie tried not to shake. “Since when do you listen to other people Mitchell? And yes, I’m sure, my mum raised me alone and I raised Eve with an OCD vampire and the world’s nicest werewolf...Mitchell...” She raised her head to look at him. “What if we could bring you back and this works...don’t you want to at least...see...you could be a dad, with me.” She took his hand and kissed the palm. “I’m scared too, the idea of losing you...Again...destroys me...but the idea of losing this chance through fear...the only chance that we might ever have...You really want that?” Annie murmured. “You asked me to marry you and I...if it’s going to happen...then I don’t want it...to end with us fighting, because whatever happens, you...are always going to be the person that I love...and we will find a way. I don’t care whatever anyone else says.” Mitchell listened - listened and nodded. It was a mere shadow of a nod but it was there. “I just - I -” He shut his mouth again, tugging at his gloves absentmindedly. He didn’t even know why he wore them. His heart was beating, he wasn’t freezing his arse off. It was just a habit. “I just... I don’t want you stay human. And it will die - we will watch that kid die.” George, Maryanne, Sophia, they would all die. It was horrible. It was far away. But somehow it was bearable. He knew it would come and he mostly pushed that thought away. But he didn’t know if he could ignore the it with Annie or his own flesh. “Yeah, I know...George died, Nina died, you died...but while we had them, had each other...It was worth it, plus there are a hell of a lot of ghosts around...so the kid dies...so did I, remember, before we met, we know how to avoid doors. And we can have maybe eighty years...ninety, and that kid’ll have kids, and they’ll need us. It will still be worth it, and I’m not dead, neither of us are yet...let’s just hope they get my temper.” Annie teased. She leaned in and kissed him softly. “See the good in this chance...our chance.” Mitchell still wasn’t convinced but he didn’t openly show it. She seemed happy with it and he might not even be around to see that kid anyway. “Okay,” he murmured, leaning into her kiss. If she wanted to have that kid, she should have the kid. Sophia had grown on him. It had only been a couple of months since she had moved in - a year since they had met but he regarded her like an adoptive daughter. It was a good feeling, being there for someone, having someone so innocent that needed him. Someone so good that he could help and be good to. Maybe if he could do it with her, he could do it with someone else as well. “I love you Mitchell...and we can...do this, somehow we can, because...I will not let you die, not again.” Annie murmured. “If...there’s anything...” Mitchell shook his head, lost in his own thoughts. “No. I don’t want to die,” he whispered, staring into space while the image of Bond cutting his throat was all too visible in front of his inner eye. “Okay, come on. Let’s do this.” He got up and combed his hair back. A deep breath and he was ready to reach for the laptop on the sideboard. He took it with him to the bed, sat down next to Annie again and pressed the ‘on’-button. His heart began to race in his chest. Fuck, he hoped he could find something and dreaded it at the same time. What should he type in? His own name? No, he didn’t want Annie to see the more gruesome details of his life. Herrick, he would take Herrick’s name. Now only the computer had to hurry. Annie leaned into him, watching, trying not to worry. She breathed him in, loving the fact he carried a more definite, human scent. She decided she had to take lots of photos of them while they were human, while she could. She stroked the nape of his neck, trying to keep him calm, to soothe him. Though he did not notice it, his muscles relaxed a bit as he felt Annie’s hand on his skin. His attention was solely focused on the screen in front of him and as Windows had finally loaded he clicked the button for the browser almost immediately. The network was discarded as unimportant and he typed in google’s address. The search for ‘William Herrick’ resulted in quite a few matches. He scrolled down to the pictures and swallowed. There he was. He remembered that face all too well. It was odd seeing an actual picture of him. There had never been one so far. Invisible Herrick. Mitchell’s eyes skipped over the entrees. The first one already seemed like a hit. ‘Vampire’, Herrick’s name and his own was all he needed to see. He clicked on the link and there was that hated face again. He skipped over the lines as quickly as he could, not wanting to let see Annie more than she needed and wanting to get to the part about his death as quickly as possible. There were links as well - his name, Ivan, Daisy and right down there Annie herself. But the distraction was easy: ‘Resurrection’ - there, the part he had been looking for. He skipped over it once, only to read it more thoroughly for a second time. Vampire blood - vampires bleeding on him. “That’s doable, right?” “Yes...there are other vampires here...we can do that.” Annie’s tone was almost giddy. They’d found it. In the weirdest way. “There are actors, right...who play us...I suppose that explains why so many people seem to show up here with the same face, or are the same person with different faces.” Annie mused, still stroking the back of his neck. “Part of me wants to see it...Part of me is so...weirded by the fact it exists at all.” Annie murmured. “No - I don’t know,” Mitchell mumbled, still staring at the page. Why didn’t it hold more details about the resurrection? “Other vampires work differently. I-” Herrick had once told him that an heir was important. Cara - she was recruited by him but Daisy wasn’t. So, no heir. Just a vampire. A vampire from his world - he doubted anything else worked. They were too different. But everyone from his world was dead. How could someone from his world bleed on him? He was the only one left. He clicked on Cara’s name, scrolling down - no useful information. He clicked back. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “OK...we need...someone you bit? Turned?” Annie asked softly, feeling the joy she’d felt before begin to drain away. “There has to be...some way...one of those doors, like the war door?” She knew she was clutching at straws. “Or could you turn someone...then we could wish them back or something once they’d saved you.” Mitchell shook his head. “No, I’m not going to turn someone.” He had done it already a few months ago. No. He couldn’t destroy the life of another being. Especially not when Herrick’s face was looking up at his. “I don’t think that Isabel’s wishes are reliable. Less people would die if they were.” And then he had an idea. “We’ll take my blood. We store it now and we can use it later. I guess it should be as fresh as possible so I’ll just store a bit everyday.” A huge bit. Everything that would take him to survive. “We could take some to Tony...see if he could synthesis something....a back up, might not work, but it might be worth a try too.” Annie murmured. “And maybe ghost you...I mean, I know neither of us are his favourite people, but he might be able to help now we know what to do to try and fix this.” Annie suggested. “Yeah, Tony is a good idea. I’ll ask him.” He nodded absentmindedly. “I don’t know if the synthetic blood would work. But we should try every option we have though I don’t think my other self can help. He’s proper dead after all.” And Mitchell wasn’t keen on another conversation with himself. Sometimes it seemed they got along. He liked teasing him but other times... there was clearly some sort of tension between them. “I’ll go and see Tony...he did say if I ever needed anything, and I really am going to need him now.” Annie murmured. “And in future...no bitching, just tell me.” “Hey, I didn’t bitch.” He wasn’t a girl. “You were the one comparing me to fucking Owen.” It still hurt. He wouldn’t admit it and the only way it was displayed was through the anger in his voice. “I’m sorry, but you were blaming me, for something that I can’t change, but I can help with, you weren’t treating me like a person who’s been through it all fucking with you...either get used to including me...or don’t, because you were the one who taught me I’m not a doormat. I’m proud of everything that you do here and I want you to be proud of me too...and not to think you need to hide things.” Annie murmured. “I need you and it’s time you admitted to yourself that you need me.” Annie said softly. “Woah, I never said that I blamed you for anything. I was fucking angry and I think I have the right to be angry when someone is about to cut my throat open. Just because Owen blamed you for everything, doesn’t mean I do.” If she demanded that he changed his behaviour, then she should open up a bit herself and give him a chance to be Mitchell and not Owen. “I felt like you did...and that’s probably my fault, but I didn’t know why you were angry because you wouldn’t tell me, and maybe my past makes me automatically think that it must be my fault. It didn’t start when he threw me down the stairs...it started with snapping, not looking at me when he spoke, spitting words at me...and I was scared...Because if you’d got like that and there was no reason it had to be my fault right...because I didn’t know it was anyone elses.” She turned away from him, feeling herself beginning to cry again. “You have a right to be angry, course you do...but didn’t I have a right to know...wouldn’t you have wanted to know if things were reversed?” “Annie, there will always be times when I’m moody.” He stared at the opposite wall, thinking how he should phrase it. “I’ll always have bad days. It’s rarely got to do with you, you make it bearable. But they are not going to go away.” “I know...it’s because you’re a person, but if you talk to me, I might be able to help.” Annie said softly. Mitchell laughed softly. There was barely any humour in his voice. “No, Annie. God, no. It’s because I’m usually a fucking vampire. You can’t help me with the addiction. It can’t be talked away. God, I wished it could.” “You’ve always been a vampire while I’ve known you Mitchell...loved you anyway. You have an addiction and you should be proud you’re fighting...I am.” Annie said softly. Mitchell nodded, confusion visible on his face. “I know. I’m just saying that I’m sometimes in a bad mood.” All he wanted was that she tolerated it and didn’t try to go Oprah on him everytime he frowned or raised his voice. “And that’s fine...and if it’s just a general grumble, fine, but this wasn’t. You didn’t even tell me you could see the future you stupid sod.” This time her tone was teasing and she eased her arms around him. “Okay, so if I had a vision about you wearing something incredibly sexy tonight and fulfilling my every wish, I should tell you about it so you can help me make this vision come true?” he purred into her ear, avoiding the general subject. Annie kissed him softly. “I’d need to find something first...I don’t really have clothes.” She murmured. “So I might need some descriptions...a clue or two.” She knew he was avoiding the subject and she let him, she was too upset and tired to push it any further, and if he really was going to leave her again, she wanted to make the time they had worth it. Mitchell was quite proud that he was getting away with it so easily. It was nice to know he had that effect on women - on her. He bit his own lips shortly before his eyes travelled down her body. “Lace, yeah. I could definitely see that...” It didn’t really matter, seeing her in something other than her grey clothes was an appreciated change. He hadn’t even thought it about it so far. Okay, once or twice. Maybe a little bit more. Imagined Annie in all the short clothes Maryanne always wore - when she did wear anything at all. “Means I need to go shopping...I used to really like red.” Annie smiled, her mind straying back to how she used to dress when she was still confident. Mitchell had given her back a lot of her confidence, but she hadn’t been able to change. “Mitchell...if I stay human...I could have a wedding dress...” The thought hadn’t hit her before and she smiled. So much for spoiling the mood. He still didn’t like the thought of her staying human and the way she had said it implied an ‘forever’. “How about we’ll see that when it’s time for the wedding... you do look nice with your normal clothes on as well.” Annie nipped his lip. “But there is stuff that goes under the wedding dress...we could practice, if I get to wear the dress or not...now, what do you think about red...or black?” Her tone was teasing and low. She knew he thought he’d won, and she needed to feel him, close and warm. From the first time they’d had sex here, their connection had deepened and she really needed that now. Mitchell raised his eyebrows. “Both are good...” he said, slightly feeling his way back into the conversation. Annie smiled. She was winning. “And stockings...are they really that good? I never tried them...they looked like fun though.” She hadn’t actually tried much, and she was warming up to the idea of it. “They are nice, yeah...” he said. Not that he had ever seen much of them or taken much notice of them. The only real relationship he had ever had had been decades ago. He had had sex, plenty of it, but it had rarely been about the sex itself. The blood had always been so much more interesting. “But you might just have to cope with me like this for now.” Annie murmured, kissing him softly. “If you want to...no more having to worry about the cold.” “I rather worry about the cold than killing you,” Mitchell said with a sigh. He didn’t even give the possibility that he would stay like this a chance. If he would, he would die for good and that was not an option. “How about we just worry about right now...where no one’s killing anyone and we’re both warm...then tomorrow, we’ll deal with tomorrow.” Annie suggested softly. “One day at a time?” Mitchell nodded. She was right and god, he was starting to behave like George. Worrying didn’t get you anywhere. “Okay, yeah. Do you wanna contact Tony?” “I will.” Annie said softly. “And we’ll be OK, there will be a way to fix this, somehow.” She didn’t know if that was true, but she had to pretend it was, so she could get through this without breaking down. Again, Mitchell nodded. “Yeah.” He snorted shortly. “Immortality has to be good for something, eh?” “Works for us.” Annie replied, softly teasing, glad he’d calmed down. “Seeing as I can actually drink it I fancy a cup of tea, dya want one?” Tea had become less of a habit for Annie, she had bigger fish to fry, but when she needed a comfort blanket she returned to the Brit’s favourite cure all. “Err... coffee?” He was really more of a coffee drinker. He drank tea, sure but if there was a choice he preferred coffee. “Sure...Mitchell...” Annie murmured. “We’ll be OK, right?” Mitchell nodded. “Yeah... yeah, we will be.” His eyes stared into space before he blinked and looked at Annie, now more focused. “Can you go down and prepare them? I’ll contact one of the docs.” Annie nodded and kissed him softly. “We can do this.” She murmured, before turning to leave the room. "Yeah," Mitchell mumbled. They had to. He wouldn't leave her. He wouldn't leave them all. He wasn't ready to. |