Who: Eddie and Richie What: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen Where: Derry, Bassey Park and the Kissing Bridge When: Nov. 12 Closed/Ongoing/Warnings for internalized homophobia and possible homophobic language
Richie knew he had to do this. He’d already forced himself to send the message telling Eddie to meet him. So if he didn’t do it now, he wasn’t sure he ever would. And he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life like this. It was one thing before, when he couldn’t remember his childhood or his friends beyond dreams he didn’t really remember and feelings he couldn’t place. He’d spent so long just...going on. He went through his life, and made it into some semblance of something. He would have said he had a good life, that he was happy. And he supposed he was, in the sort of superficial way that made it easy to smile and joke and be the life of the party while never really knowing what it meant to feel that happiness all the way through, deep in his bones and his heart and his soul. And he never knew why. He just thought that maybe that was how it was, and the idea of deep, true happiness was a myth. Something you read about or saw at the end of a cheesy rom-com but that never really happened in life. Like finding an affordable apartment in LA or simultaneous orgasms.
Then he got back to Derry. And he remembered. He remembered what it was like to have friends. Real friends who told you to shut up but only when it was for your own good and who showed up when you needed them whether you asked them to or not. He remembered Eddie. And suddenly he knew why it hadn’t been as hard to leave Sandy as he thought it would be. Why every time he thought he could love someone it just never came; hookups were easy, but relationships were impossible. Because he already had loved someone and he’d never dealt with that feeling. Because he’d forgotten about it.
So he knew that, one way or another, he had to do this. He needed to either tell Eddie or lie to him and to himself for the rest of his life. He hadn’t had the chance last time, but they were the lucky ones this time. People had died and it was so close to being either one of them or Bill, and if whatever being or force was involved in getting them to the station, also got them out of that fight, together this time, he supposed he owed it something. And he owed it to Eddie, and the sacrifices made, and maybe even himself.
So he stood at the edge of Bassey Perk, just before the bridge, waiting, looking anywhere but at that hideous statue. He had his phone in his hand even though it made him look out of place, just in case Eddie sent him a message (despite the fact that their weird brain-talking meant he didn’t really need it anymore). And because if he didn’t have something to hold on to his hands would shake. He didn’t know what would happen if Eddie hated him for this. He thought he’d be alright if his feelings weren’t returned, they could just go back to the way they were now and he would at least know. That was the outcome he expected and had been preparing himself for, and he genuinely thought he’d be able to live with that. But if Eddie turned him away, didn’t want to be near him anymore...that he wasn’t sure he would survive. Even Eddie’s death had been something he could work though, sort of, but knowing that his friend hated him? That might just break him. And he wanted to tell himself that he knew it would never happen, that Eddie would never be that cruel or bigoted, but that fear had been buried so deep in his chest for so, so long. He couldn’t shake it.
He dropped the phone when he first saw Eddie, walking down the sidewalk toward him. “Fuck.” he mumbled and bent to pick it up, shoving it deep in his pocket without even checking to see if it had broken or not.
“Uh. Hi.” he said, once his friend was in front of him.