When I went through the door at Christmas, I went to talk to Hadley about everything. Her advice was that I should try to somehow learn to be okay on my own before I get fully involved with anyone again. I've never been on my own. There's always overlap. I don't really like my own company very much. But you know, it makes me a kind of shitty person to be with because I guess I need constant validation, I get all of my self-worth from the other person in the relationship. I don't know how to generate that from within. I don't know if it's too late to learn.
She's usually right about these things, too.
I do want to be your friend, and I'm not saying I'll never want it to be anything more than that. I'm not even saying wait the eleven years. I just want to remove the sex from the equation for now, because right now it feels a lot like I'm just jumping from alcohol to sex. I need to find something healthier to make me feel okay. I'm not sure what that is yet
I hope you understand, and I'm sorry for screwing you around all over again.