The pain from Lee’s nails barely registers. It’s just a blip, like the little pings coming over the broadcast from ground control. Her words are harder to take; they leave Michael reeling with how quickly he’s pulled under and into himself.
Since the spring, Mars has become confusing and depressing for him to think about. He tries to keep his mind away from it, but all the space exploration going on makes it impossible to forget where he’s from, which makes it impossible to forget where he’s really from. On bad days he still gets those two confused, and Lee can’t always say something to help get them the right way around again. The transmissions are stubborn. Mars stays awake when Lee falls asleep.
The thought of a Mars exploration has occurred to him before; sometimes the idea has inspired longing or anticipation, other times worry and horror. Lee mentioning it now sends his thoughts spiraling madly in different directions: What if the aliens kill them? What if there’s nothing alive there? What if no one is supposed to go there? What if the astronauts go but I never get to go? What if it makes me forget the truth? What if I’m supposed to forget the truth? What if it’s ugly and terrible and dark just like—
He feels sick. “I don’t wanna think about that, don’t say that,” he says, holding her close.