It took me a long time to figure it out but, there was a man who saved me from a hell. From a messed up family. I owed him everything and he trained me. He sent me into SHIELD after telling me the whole story.
Looking back on it after a long time and some clarity, he'd basically conditioned me. It doesn't excuse a damn thing I did and I did a lot of bad things. More than most Hydra agents if I'm honest but, it's what happened.