Just remember, no matter what, you're not alone. We're here for you, whatever you need.
[Ben]
I didn't know
The only thing I'm afraid of is what it does to you.
I don't want to be like Dad. I don't want to say we should experiment and have it turn into any of the things he did. However, I do think you and it and the relationship between you two should be studied. Not in a clinical way. A safe space, yes, but not some glass box where you're being observed. Trying to communicate could be a good place to start. I don't know how to even begin doing that, but if you know it's there, maybe that awareness goes both ways. Maybe it knows you're there, too. You could try talking, directing your words toward it, and see if it responds. And there's music. Music is pretty universal. I have a guitar, and I'd be willing to play a few songs, but there's always music applications. There's one called Spotify that's nice. You can get it on your phone and see if it likes music. And read out loud.
Maybe it isn't about controlling it so much as creating a symbiotic relationship with it and understanding each other.