Thor | Peter I don't think I'm the right person for this, but I don't want to not reply because you seem really upset, and I
The thing about failure is it's a learning opportunity. We all fail. Repeatedly. And it isn't the failures that define us but what we do after we fail. Do we get up? Do we try again? Or do we let failure define us?
I'm not saying this to motivate you, and I don't think you really want to read words of how awesome I think you are (even if you are). I don't think I'm motivational, and I get that, sometimes, you don't feel well. Sometimes you feel like shit. But you aren't the only one who made mistakes. I almost got a lot of people really, really hurt. I went afterI couldn't stop More than once. And I think about it, you know? I can't change it, only try to learn from it. But it's still something I did. It's something I'm responsible for.
I'm not even a hero, not really, so I don't even know why
I think, sometimes, we stumble to find who we are. I thought so much that I could be a hero, that I could be an Avenger like all of you when Tony asked for my help. I'm not going to bore you with all the details, but I thought "This is how it's supposed to be done!" And it wasn't! And I kinda found out that maybe that's not what I was supposed to do yet. I wasn't ready. I thought I was supposed to do certain things because I could do them, not because I should. But I realized what I thought I was supposed to do wasn't who I was. It wasn't who or what I was supposed to be. It wasn't who I was or am. And I'm still finding out who I am. It's a process, you know? But I know a bit more about me now. And I think I'll keep finding that out.
I don't know if I'm making sense, but maybe I am? Maybe it's like that for you in the end. All your ideas about should have, would have, could have versus who you really are. I don't know who you really are in the end. But I think that person, whoever he is when you find him, I think he's a good person. He makes mistakes, and it sucks, and he stumbles, and it sucks more. But then he's got friends who are there for him like Korg and Meik who let him lean on them when he can't stand on his own. Because we all need that to help us be who we are in the end.
I'm sorry to just word vomit all over your post. I just didn't want you to think you were alone with the crappy feelings. And everyone's trying to lift you up, which is great! But I thought maybe you'd like to know others feel like this, too. And if you ever just want to sit and be not alone with the crappiness, I'm here. You don't have to talk about the crappiness, either. You just don't have to be alone while you feel it.