ʙᴀʀᴛᴏɴ (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} cauterising) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} somerealityrpg,@ 2019-09-28 00:22:00 |
 |
|||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Entry tags: | active: clint barton, active: natasha romanoff |
WHO Clint Barton & Natasha Romanoff
WHERE Nat's (and Clint's) room
WHEN [backdated] after this
WHAT Clint finally sleeps, and Natasha wakes up to octopus Clint.
WARNINGS Feels, light reference to mind control, pg-13 smooching.
WHERE Nat's (and Clint's) room
WHEN [backdated] after this
WHAT Clint finally sleeps, and Natasha wakes up to octopus Clint.
WARNINGS Feels, light reference to mind control, pg-13 smooching.
Clint had been feeling the effects of sleep deprivation for a while. Insomnia was an old time friend of Clint’s, he’d long since gotten used to running on minimal hours of sleep and still being somewhat functional. It’d gotten worse since the incident, and he knew Natasha had seen it when she’d dragged him back to the compound. He hadn’t exactly caught up on things before he was pulled into Goodland.
And then everything here just piled up and on and Clint wasn’t even pretending to sleep anymore. Natasha knew, of course Natasha knew, but she also didn’t say anything because he wasn’t at the point of actual damage to himself. He knew she’d say something when that time came. He was pretty sure Wanda suspected something too, but she had enough to contend with right then and opted not to mention his reliance on caffeine to at least get through a few hours without yawning constantly.
It was when he figured out the kid on the network asking about FRIDAY was Stark’s kid that he figured he needed to deal with this. He’d sort of met Christine during the bullshit with the nightmare creatures, after Tasha had talked him down and back to the apartment to pretend to sleep, he’d almost gone to talk to the nurse about doing something to get his brain to shut up and keep Loki and the blue tinge out of his peripheral. But she looked dead on her feet and he side stepped to go out for coffee instead.
But there was no denying it now. He needed to sleep, or his mood was going to get worse, he was probably going to snark at the wrong time and just fuck something up. So Christine felt bad enough about his utter lack of sleep to give him something akin to an elephant tranquiliser and Clint was practically out the second he got to Natasha’s room (of course he went to Natasha’s room, he was going to be comatose for the duration of the night and frankly he was not doing that in a room where strangers were ever present, with Natasha it was safe to do these things).
He didn’t even make it to the little nest on the floor beside her bed, just planted on his face in the middle of her bed, nose in her pillow, only semi under the covers. Tasha would take care of anything that needed taking care of.
Natasha had gone out to pick up a few things at the store but she knew that Clint had planned on talking to Christine. Neither of them had been sleeping really well but he had not been in the best shape when he got here. When the fear monsters or whatever they had been had shown up, he’d had an encounter with them but she hadn’t. She hadn’t asked him what he saw but she could imagine and she had been doing her best to be there for him. He’d seemed more himself on his birthday than he had in a good while but then Wanda had come back and Nat had seen Morgan’s post on the network while she was out. She hadn’t met her, Morgan hadn’t been born at the point in time that Natasha came from but she had heard about her from the others and no doubt seeing her had brought back a lot of memories for Clint, for all of them really. Nat was happy for Tony and Pepper though, they’d get the chance to know their daughter and that was something very special.
When she got back to the apartment, the door to her bedroom was partially open and she glanced inside to Clint quite literally passed out on the bed. She smiled and went to put the stuff she’d bought away before returning to her bedroom. Shutting the door behind her, she contemplated what to do next but since he seemed dead to the world she went with her normal routine, taking a shower, towelling her hair dry and getting into bed. That was when she figured out that this wasn’t going to work.
Clint was lying in such a way that his nose was somewhere near her armpit when she lay down and the rest of him was pretty much everywhere. Nat didn’t want to wake him up but she elbowed him slightly and he didn’t stir so she was pretty sure he wouldn’t notice if she shifted him. Sitting up a little she gave him a gentle shove and stuffed the other pillow under his head. He made a little noise but then moved enough to let her settle into her spot. Chances were that he had no idea what he was going but it was,, dare she say it, cute. She smiled and squirmed down in the bed, turning the light off as she pulled the sheet over her.
Five minutes later she was just drifting off to sleep when an arm flopped over and pulled her close. She wasn’t about to complain since it felt nice and she just closes her eyes and was out within a few seconds.
It was a hazy night, and normally that wasn’t restful, Clint having a semi-awareness of the night through sleep bursts, but the meds kept him under the blanket of sleep, even when he’d wormed his way along Natasha’s side, drawn in to the heat and company, arm wrapped around her waist and his nose pressed to the back of her neck.
If anything, it kept him in the soft sleepy state, enough that he just kept going back under any time something sparked at his awareness, enough that he could almost roll over and sink back into another cycle and actually get some rest.
By the time morning came, and he’d gotten as close to eight hours of sleep that he’d ever gotten before, Clint had practically ended up wrapped around Natasha, the scent of her shampoo filling his senses, arm still wrapped around her, a little higher than her waist, knees tucked into the back of hers.
He was honestly a little surprised she hadn’t elbowed him in the ribs for some space. But he was in no rush to pull away, the cloudy haze of the drugs in his system keeping him lethargic and sleep silly, to the point where he just nuzzled deeper into Natasha’s back.
Usually Natasha would wake up at least once during the night but she hadn’t last night. Maybe it was the fact that she knew Clint was finally getting some sleep or maybe it was that she had started to wake up but she was far too comfortable to move with him wrapped around her. It felt good and she had scooted back a little closer so they were perfectly fit together and gone back to sleep. It had been a long time since she’d shared a bed with anyone, platonic or otherwise and having someone there felt good.
When the sun started to peek in the window, she slowly regained consciousness and was surprised to find that neither of them had moved. She smiled when she felt his breath on her neck and reached back to pull her hair out of the way a little so that he wouldn’t smother himself. Moving her hair just served to move his lips closer to her skin and she sighed, enjoying the new sensation.
She moved enough so that she could rest her hand on top of his where they rested and closed her eyes again. Despite what a lot of people thought, Natasha was a cuddler, she loved feeling warm and safe with someone’s arms around her. Truthfully though, the arms that she wanted around her the most were the ones that were around her right now and she wasn’t going to do anything to break the spell.
While he was semi-awake, the movements from Natasha at least stirring something that made him aware that he was wrapped around her, it wasn’t exactly enough to pull him from the cocoon of sleep and warmth and safety and comfort and rest. It felt like the first decent sleep in five years, which was saying something, and he wasn’t quite ready for it to be over.
Natasha didn’t seem to have a problem with it either, so Clint nuzzled closer, his nose pressed into the curve of her neck up to her ear, lips against her throat, his arms just tightening a little around her. If she wanted out of the hold there were numerous ways she could break his arms if she wanted -he was banking on her not wanting to do that though.
The only thing was his body’s reaction to being safe and warm, to Natasha’s presence, because there was no mistaking it was Natasha, from the scent of her shampoo to the underlying scent that was just Natasha. Something he was acutely aware of and had been for years. It was second nature for his body to just shape to hers, curling around her hips, legs bending to slot between and alongside her legs, his torso instinctively curving around her back to curl around her.
But as consciousness kept poking at him, warmth and comfort not enough to keep his brain from firing up, Clint groaned a little against Natasha’s neck. “Please say we don’t need to get up.” His voice was sleep rough and low, almost a whisper, lips brushing her skin with every word, because he was worried talking too loud would change something.
He hadn’t forgotten, she thought. It was as if their bodies knew exactly what to do, what position to be in, how they were supposed to fit together and the feel of his lips against her neck made her smile. This was so much better than waking up holding a pillow or just waking up and staring at the ceiling which she had done a lot of over the past several years. Whatever miracle or magic or Entity had arranged this, Natasha was grateful for it. It was perfect and when he spoke, she gave a little laugh.
“Oh hell no, we don’t have to get up. I don’t have anything I need to do today. I’m moving taking over the world to a week from Tuesday so we’re good,” she twisted her head around so that she could see him over her shoulder and smiled. It had been a long time since she’d been this close to him in any situation that didn’t involve fighting or sparring and she had forgotten how blue his eyes were. They had been one of the first things she’d noticed about him, just before she kicked him in the nuts. “Is it possible that your eyes are bluer than they used to be or that I haven’t seen them this close in a while,” normally she wouldn’t have said that but she was sleepy, they were wrapped around each other and it all seemed like a really wonderful dream but she knew it was real.
If neither of them had anything they had to do, it meant they could stay in the warmth of the bed and just ignore the world a little bit longer. It was unusual, even for Clint at this point, to find comfort and relaxation when someone else was around. It'd been long enough since he'd shared a bed, or even been somewhere he felt secure enough to let the guard down. It was where the insomnia had really kicked into high gear.
As Natasha twisted a little towards him, Clint shifted to accommodate the movement, curving in towards Natasha still, arm loose around her waist, almost nuzzling into her neck. “‘S the meds.” It might be those, it might be the sleep, it might just be Natasha’s imagination, it wasn’t like Clint checked on his eyes all that much after all. “And a good nights sleep, prob’ly.”
He’d need to thank Christine for the quick fix, even if he needed to opt for a more long term thing now that he wasn’t running on no sleep for weeks, he could build on that kind of thing. “And probably the company too.” Which was the truth, he wouldn’t have been comfortable enough to be that vulnerable with anyone but Natasha.
She smiled. “Must be.” He’d actually slept last night which meant that she had too. Natasha knew he wasn’t sleeping, because she slept with one ear open, a habit from years of being on constant alert. She never said anything because he’d tell her she was fine and to go back to sleep. There were nights when neither of them slept more than a few hours and just lay there in the dark, being content that they were in the same place.
She brushed her lips across his forehead and moved closer, curling into him. It felt good and safe and wonderful and she wondered how long they could stay in the apartment without anyone noticing Probably a good while since she didn’t have anything to do today and Jim generally left fairly early to go to they Youth Center. “Let’s not get up until tomorrow,” she said. “That seems like a good plan.”
Right then, he could ignore his body and it’s demand for coffee -he wasn’t literally addicted to it, really, he could cope without coffee for a day (maybe not a full day) but it wasn’t exactly good for his mood when he did it. He could even ignore the need for food, because Natasha wasn’t allowed to cook and he couldn’t really work up the desire or energy to extract himself to make anything either.
So short of bodily functions and possibly needing to shower at some point, he didn’t really think they needed to rush out of bed. Or the room. Or the suite in general. “I approve this plan.” So he nuzzled deeper into Natasha’s neck, breath ghosting over her throat, while he was almost cushioned between her chin and breasts and surrounded by her body heat.
“Y’member that time in Moscow? We were on recon for a week and the shitty safehouse didn’t have heating?” Because apparently Russian’s were cold blooded or something. They spent the week living in that crappy place, with no heating and not enough blankets and snuggled every night with no qualms because it was depressingly cold. “Reminds me of that, without the whole freezing my ass off.”
She laughed, enjoying the closeness and starting running her finger lightly over his back because it was there and she was comfortable and it was the most natural thing in the world to do. “I do remember that and you gave me shit because I slept in one of those big Russian fur hats,” It had been in the safe house for some reason and it really did help keep her warm. “I would’ve shared it with you if you’d asked. Probably. After you stopped laughing at me.”
Nat had to give this Entity one thing and that was that he, she, or it had good taste. “This place is pretty swanky although the fact that it was stocked with things that were clearly made for us and that it knew our tastes was weird but it’s better than the back ass end of nowhere and we’ve both been there.” Usually together, although not always. “I’m really glad you’re here,” she said softly, her lips in his hair. “Maybe not the circumstances that brought you here but it’s easier having you here.”
“You were ridiculous,” which wasn’t the only word he’d used at the time, because while they had been so bundled up in clothes it was still stupidly attractive -Natasha’s stark red hair against the white fur, but it wasn’t exactly surprising since she was damn good looking in most things. “I don’t think we’d have both fit in it anyway.” Body heat had worked just fine after they managed to get comfortable.
It was weird that it was suited for them, but it wasn’t like they’d stumbled into it by chance, it wasn’t a mistake with technology or magic or whatever. They ended up there because of something, so it stood to reason that It was going to try and make things comfortable for them. It was the least this Entity could do.
Even if part of him wasn’t keen on being in such a place, in being some kind of pawn, he wasn’t sure this was bad anymore either. His arms tightened around Natasha’s middle, face pressed closer to her throat, “Me too.” Because she was here and it would be the only place she’d have a future, and frankly he wasn’t too interested in living his without her. “I don’t really care how we got here, I’m just glad we both are.”
She had known Clint long enough to realize that he didn’t say something he didn’t mean. If he had nothing to say, he just didn’t say it. Natasha had fought her feelings for him since his marriage, she wasn’t going to be that person, and he was happy but at the same time, they never went away. Their relationship had morphed into something else, something that might have seemed strange to people on the outside looking in but it worked. Now they were in a place where she didn’t have to hide her feelings although she still wasn’t sure that she was ready to really let them go but right now, she was enjoying the closeness and the feel of his lips so close to her throat.
“Me either. It doesn’t matter how it happened, like you said, I’m just glad that it did.” Dealing with all the strangeness could be exhausting but having him to laugh about it with or to just sit next to when one or the other of them had had a bad day or a bad dream, it was something that she’d always wanted but had never had the chance to experience except for brief snatches when they weren’t somewhere on a mission. She pulled his face up so she could see him and kissed his forehead. “I think we should cancel today’s activities and stay here.”
Leaning into Natasha wasn’t hard. She was one of few people who could quiet everything, make the world stop and go away for a while. Even when they had that distance, when they couldn’t be more, it was always there. If anything, they just orbited each other, in various different forms, ever since he convinced her to join SHIELD, give them a chance, make something better with her life.
He’d loved her almost as long as he’d known her, and it wasn’t something easily dismissed, given the level of trust and faith they needed to have in each other.
It was probably why watching her die was so hard. He’d never thought he’d ever have to see it, or know a world without her in it.
Sighing lightly, still drowsy from the drugs and warm in the cocoon of Natasha and comfort and sleep and safe, Clint pressed a slightly sloppy kiss against her throat in return, “I like that plan.” The longer they could stay there, the better.
Natasha caught her breath when he kissed her throat. She loved it and he knew it and she wondered if he’d even thought about it before he did it. Truthfully she didn’t care if he did or not, he’d done it and she moved as close to him as she could get, which was pressed against him from head to toe and she closed her eyes and took one of her legs and draped it over his so their legs were tangled together.
“If you’d like to do that again, I wouldn’t complain,” she said, running her nails lightly down his back. God, it had been so long since they’d been this close and she was loving every minute of it. Even without the physical closeness she loved every minute they spent together, he made her life a better place to be, and regardless of what people might think, he was the only man she’d ever truly loved. Or ever would love.
Truthfully, Clint rarely really thought about his actions with Natasha, it was always easier to just do, to let things go where they went. Although the closeness did encourage a little more risk, or even just to let go of the worry and concerns about elsewhere. But as Natasha shifted to connect them head to toe, leg tangling with his, Clint smoothed his palm across her back, slipping under her sleep shirt to press against her warm skin.
His nose nudged at her jaw, just before he pressed another kiss over her throat, trailing them from her jawline to her shoulder, nipping the smooth curve of her shoulder lightly. “I don’t remember you ever having complaints about my mouth.”
“No, I never had any complaints about your mouth,” she said, her voice a little breathless. “Especially when you’re doing that.” It felt good, so good, and she clutched his back a little tighter. She had not expected this when they woke up this morning but damn, it was wonderful. Shifting slightly so he could get better access to her neck, she made a little sound, not a moan exactly but definitely a hum of pleasure. She wasn’t about to tell him to stop, not yet, not while she felt so good and it was warm and cozy and it felt like home. Being with Clint always felt like home.
It was really like a barrier was just removed, whatever they’d been avoiding slipping right back into was gone right then. Natasha’s throat was always an engine starter, which Clint perfectly understood, it was a vulnerable spot, somewhere that should be protected, so obviously it would be a sensitive point.
Raising his hand to push a few strands of Natasha’s hair back from her cheek, Clint followed the arch of Natasha’s throat back up to her jaw, a soft kiss to her cheek, one to the corner of her mouth, shifting back a little, his thumb stroking her cheek lightly.
The bubble was all the more comforting, like a familiar blanket just wrapped around them both. Like they were just always going to end up right back here, tangled up with each other in ways neither of them wanted to change.
It was so easy to move just enough to press her lips to his,, to kiss him softly, slowly and then pulling back to catch his bottom lip with her teeth, nipping it just a little. Then she moved her hands to his neck, sliding her fingers into his hair, her lips parting beneath his, teasing him with the tip of her tongue. She had thought about this a lot in the intervening years, more than she probably should have but she had never forgotten what it was like to kiss him or touch him or be touched by him. He was the first man she’d ever been with who treated her as if she were something special, that she was more than just a body, that this was real, that beneath it all, there were feelings and while it had scared her at first, he was patient with her and they built something special. She had wished so many times that she could have given him what he wanted, a normal life, safety, things that she had no idea what to do because she’d never known them. None of that mattered now though, not in this place, where they could discover again what she had thought was lost forever.
There was something about kissing Natasha, almost like a homecoming, how simple it was falling right back into the rhythm they had. Following Natasha’s lead, Clint met her kisses with just as slow and steady a pace, his hands resting against her back and hip.
She hadn’t been his first, although she was the most prolific, but for most of his life, Natasha was the one to measure up to -in a sense, no one ever would. He’d been young enough when he fell for her to have never really loved that intensely before Natasha, and he’d never found the same connection with anyone else. Not even Laura.
He had to break the kiss, nuzzling into her neck again, just breathing while practically holding her in a hug. Of the pair of them, he was definitely the cuddler, but she rarely really pushed him away.
Natasha held onto him as she caught her breath. A very large part of her didn’t want to stop but they needed to. Things had never been just physical between them, there had always been another layer and they were still rebuilding that layer so it was best that they not push anything.
She shifted so that she could look at him and touched his face and smiled. Natasha wasn’t a sentimental person by nature or rather she hadn’t been but that had changed over the years, largely in part to the man she was lying next to. She hadn’t believed in soulmates either but if such a thing existed, Clint Barton was surely hers. “Well, that answers that question,” she said kissing his shoulder as she wrapped an arm around his waist, still not ready to stop touching him. “We’ve still got it.”
They both knew, fundamentally, that there wasn’t a rush to them. There never had been, everything had a natural flow, even when it parted ways for a while, it always came back to them.
“Babe, it’s not like we ever didn’t have it.” Which was true. They didn’t stop being them. There was no break up, no surly parting of ways, there was no falling out of love. It just … it just stopped for a while, in certain aspects, but it didn’t change who they were, or what they felt. Not for a second.
But he understood, in a way, what she meant. That deep spark that kept them coming back to each other, that love rooted so deep in both of them that it was impossible to dig out, it still burned as strong as ever. But it didn’t need to burn right that second, right then.
“‘s always gonna be there.”
“I know,” she said softly. He was right, it was never going anywhere, they were connected in so many ways, no one understood her the way he did and she could understand him in ways that only someone who had gone through a similar experience could. He had seen it from the start when he had spared her life, given her a chance to have the life she’d never be able to have in Russia. Even though it wasn’t the typical life, it was a life that she was familiar with and the two of them had become one person almost. They’d always been in sync, they still were, and he was right, that connection would always be there.
“I was thinking,” she said, dropping a kiss on his nose. “The floor is bound to be hurting your back by now. It’s a lot more comfortable up here and I wouldn’t mind the company.” She knew that he wouldn’t take it as an invitation for sex, even if a lot of men would have, but he would take it for what it was, a sign of trust and a sign that she understood that they were building something here and they had time to move at their own pace. She loved him as much as she had ever loved him, maybe even more. He was a part of her life that she never wanted to be without,, the one person that she would always trust without question and trust didn’t come easy for her. Or for him but they trusted each other, what they shared wasn’t easy to explain but it didn’t matter, it was real and she was grateful for it.
It wasn’t impossible to sleep on the floor, not entirely, although he hadn’t really been sleeping a lot until now. But it was definitely more comfortable to be in the bed, and with Natasha. “I could definitely stand to enjoy more mornings like this,” and no, it wasn’t just about sex, it never really was just about sex with them.
Sex was something that you could do with anyone and it could be meaningless, there was so little between them that was meaningless. The beginning stages of their relationship hadn’t even been about sex -even though most of SHIELD thought they were fucking long before they were.
“I definitely prefer waking up with you than not.” Least of all if he could spend his mornings with her, cosy and uninterrupted.
She nodded. “Me too. It’s nice not waking up by myself and I feel the same way. I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather wake up with.” This was the perfect way to start the day, nice and warm wrapped in his arms, without anyone expecting her to be anywhere. Nat was sure that Jim was getting a little curious about the two of them but he hadn’t asked and he seemed to have accepted it. She liked Jim, he was a nice guy and he cared about the kids as much as she did, so if he ever did want to know she’d tell him. Even though exactly what she and Clint were to each other wasn’t easy to define. Some things didn’t need a definition.
“There’s only one problem with staying here like this,” she said with a sigh. “I can’t magically make coffee appear so someone has to get up. Sadly the ostriches don’t supply room service or else we could just phone them to bring some up.”
If there was one thing that Clint was willing to forego coffee (for a while) for, it’d be Natasha. “We can get that in a while.” Even if it was just pulling themselves to the kitchen to make some coffee and then resuming their sleep-cuddle-ignore the world antics.
“We could always drag the covers out and make a fort on the couch.” Cuddling on the couch was almost as appealing as cuddling in bed. “Turn on the tv and call today a mental health break.” Because god knows they needed something.
“That sounds like a great idea,” she said. “Good thing about being self employed. The boss can’t fire you for not showing up. So I like that idea, a mental health break is never bad.” They certainly never got very many in their previous line of work and if they did, it usually involved talking to some sort of therapist and what was the point? A mental health break meant that you didn’t have to think of anything.
“So who moves first? I need to go to the bathroom so I guess that would be me and you can make coffee since you’ll want it strong enough to climb into the bup by itself.” She leaned over and kissed him lightly. “We are so bad, spending the day on the couch like a couple of slugs but hey, I think we deserve it, don’t you?”
The fatal flaw in their plan was definitely the part where they needed to move, but that was most likely the best course of action, at least then they could claim that they did something. Getting from the bed to the couch was definitely a something.
“Okay, okay, we’re getting up,” slowly and probably with far more effort than it should’ve taken. Dropping a last kiss to Natasha’s shoulder, Clint started to extract himself. “You do what you gotta do, I’ll start the coffee and just move everything to the couch.” They could stay comfortable, and even with some coffee in their system they’d likely doze off again for a while.
“We definitely deserve this break and I will continually repeat it all day.” And just for badness, and to make sure she moved her butt and got into the living room to cuddle on the couch, Clint took the covers with him as he exited the room, not even bothering to grab clothes at all. “Chop chop or I’ll drink all the coffee and hog all the blankets.”
Definitely deserved this, after everything.
And then everything here just piled up and on and Clint wasn’t even pretending to sleep anymore. Natasha knew, of course Natasha knew, but she also didn’t say anything because he wasn’t at the point of actual damage to himself. He knew she’d say something when that time came. He was pretty sure Wanda suspected something too, but she had enough to contend with right then and opted not to mention his reliance on caffeine to at least get through a few hours without yawning constantly.
It was when he figured out the kid on the network asking about FRIDAY was Stark’s kid that he figured he needed to deal with this. He’d sort of met Christine during the bullshit with the nightmare creatures, after Tasha had talked him down and back to the apartment to pretend to sleep, he’d almost gone to talk to the nurse about doing something to get his brain to shut up and keep Loki and the blue tinge out of his peripheral. But she looked dead on her feet and he side stepped to go out for coffee instead.
But there was no denying it now. He needed to sleep, or his mood was going to get worse, he was probably going to snark at the wrong time and just fuck something up. So Christine felt bad enough about his utter lack of sleep to give him something akin to an elephant tranquiliser and Clint was practically out the second he got to Natasha’s room (of course he went to Natasha’s room, he was going to be comatose for the duration of the night and frankly he was not doing that in a room where strangers were ever present, with Natasha it was safe to do these things).
He didn’t even make it to the little nest on the floor beside her bed, just planted on his face in the middle of her bed, nose in her pillow, only semi under the covers. Tasha would take care of anything that needed taking care of.
Natasha had gone out to pick up a few things at the store but she knew that Clint had planned on talking to Christine. Neither of them had been sleeping really well but he had not been in the best shape when he got here. When the fear monsters or whatever they had been had shown up, he’d had an encounter with them but she hadn’t. She hadn’t asked him what he saw but she could imagine and she had been doing her best to be there for him. He’d seemed more himself on his birthday than he had in a good while but then Wanda had come back and Nat had seen Morgan’s post on the network while she was out. She hadn’t met her, Morgan hadn’t been born at the point in time that Natasha came from but she had heard about her from the others and no doubt seeing her had brought back a lot of memories for Clint, for all of them really. Nat was happy for Tony and Pepper though, they’d get the chance to know their daughter and that was something very special.
When she got back to the apartment, the door to her bedroom was partially open and she glanced inside to Clint quite literally passed out on the bed. She smiled and went to put the stuff she’d bought away before returning to her bedroom. Shutting the door behind her, she contemplated what to do next but since he seemed dead to the world she went with her normal routine, taking a shower, towelling her hair dry and getting into bed. That was when she figured out that this wasn’t going to work.
Clint was lying in such a way that his nose was somewhere near her armpit when she lay down and the rest of him was pretty much everywhere. Nat didn’t want to wake him up but she elbowed him slightly and he didn’t stir so she was pretty sure he wouldn’t notice if she shifted him. Sitting up a little she gave him a gentle shove and stuffed the other pillow under his head. He made a little noise but then moved enough to let her settle into her spot. Chances were that he had no idea what he was going but it was,, dare she say it, cute. She smiled and squirmed down in the bed, turning the light off as she pulled the sheet over her.
Five minutes later she was just drifting off to sleep when an arm flopped over and pulled her close. She wasn’t about to complain since it felt nice and she just closes her eyes and was out within a few seconds.
It was a hazy night, and normally that wasn’t restful, Clint having a semi-awareness of the night through sleep bursts, but the meds kept him under the blanket of sleep, even when he’d wormed his way along Natasha’s side, drawn in to the heat and company, arm wrapped around her waist and his nose pressed to the back of her neck.
If anything, it kept him in the soft sleepy state, enough that he just kept going back under any time something sparked at his awareness, enough that he could almost roll over and sink back into another cycle and actually get some rest.
By the time morning came, and he’d gotten as close to eight hours of sleep that he’d ever gotten before, Clint had practically ended up wrapped around Natasha, the scent of her shampoo filling his senses, arm still wrapped around her, a little higher than her waist, knees tucked into the back of hers.
He was honestly a little surprised she hadn’t elbowed him in the ribs for some space. But he was in no rush to pull away, the cloudy haze of the drugs in his system keeping him lethargic and sleep silly, to the point where he just nuzzled deeper into Natasha’s back.
Usually Natasha would wake up at least once during the night but she hadn’t last night. Maybe it was the fact that she knew Clint was finally getting some sleep or maybe it was that she had started to wake up but she was far too comfortable to move with him wrapped around her. It felt good and she had scooted back a little closer so they were perfectly fit together and gone back to sleep. It had been a long time since she’d shared a bed with anyone, platonic or otherwise and having someone there felt good.
When the sun started to peek in the window, she slowly regained consciousness and was surprised to find that neither of them had moved. She smiled when she felt his breath on her neck and reached back to pull her hair out of the way a little so that he wouldn’t smother himself. Moving her hair just served to move his lips closer to her skin and she sighed, enjoying the new sensation.
She moved enough so that she could rest her hand on top of his where they rested and closed her eyes again. Despite what a lot of people thought, Natasha was a cuddler, she loved feeling warm and safe with someone’s arms around her. Truthfully though, the arms that she wanted around her the most were the ones that were around her right now and she wasn’t going to do anything to break the spell.
While he was semi-awake, the movements from Natasha at least stirring something that made him aware that he was wrapped around her, it wasn’t exactly enough to pull him from the cocoon of sleep and warmth and safety and comfort and rest. It felt like the first decent sleep in five years, which was saying something, and he wasn’t quite ready for it to be over.
Natasha didn’t seem to have a problem with it either, so Clint nuzzled closer, his nose pressed into the curve of her neck up to her ear, lips against her throat, his arms just tightening a little around her. If she wanted out of the hold there were numerous ways she could break his arms if she wanted -he was banking on her not wanting to do that though.
The only thing was his body’s reaction to being safe and warm, to Natasha’s presence, because there was no mistaking it was Natasha, from the scent of her shampoo to the underlying scent that was just Natasha. Something he was acutely aware of and had been for years. It was second nature for his body to just shape to hers, curling around her hips, legs bending to slot between and alongside her legs, his torso instinctively curving around her back to curl around her.
But as consciousness kept poking at him, warmth and comfort not enough to keep his brain from firing up, Clint groaned a little against Natasha’s neck. “Please say we don’t need to get up.” His voice was sleep rough and low, almost a whisper, lips brushing her skin with every word, because he was worried talking too loud would change something.
He hadn’t forgotten, she thought. It was as if their bodies knew exactly what to do, what position to be in, how they were supposed to fit together and the feel of his lips against her neck made her smile. This was so much better than waking up holding a pillow or just waking up and staring at the ceiling which she had done a lot of over the past several years. Whatever miracle or magic or Entity had arranged this, Natasha was grateful for it. It was perfect and when he spoke, she gave a little laugh.
“Oh hell no, we don’t have to get up. I don’t have anything I need to do today. I’m moving taking over the world to a week from Tuesday so we’re good,” she twisted her head around so that she could see him over her shoulder and smiled. It had been a long time since she’d been this close to him in any situation that didn’t involve fighting or sparring and she had forgotten how blue his eyes were. They had been one of the first things she’d noticed about him, just before she kicked him in the nuts. “Is it possible that your eyes are bluer than they used to be or that I haven’t seen them this close in a while,” normally she wouldn’t have said that but she was sleepy, they were wrapped around each other and it all seemed like a really wonderful dream but she knew it was real.
If neither of them had anything they had to do, it meant they could stay in the warmth of the bed and just ignore the world a little bit longer. It was unusual, even for Clint at this point, to find comfort and relaxation when someone else was around. It'd been long enough since he'd shared a bed, or even been somewhere he felt secure enough to let the guard down. It was where the insomnia had really kicked into high gear.
As Natasha twisted a little towards him, Clint shifted to accommodate the movement, curving in towards Natasha still, arm loose around her waist, almost nuzzling into her neck. “‘S the meds.” It might be those, it might be the sleep, it might just be Natasha’s imagination, it wasn’t like Clint checked on his eyes all that much after all. “And a good nights sleep, prob’ly.”
He’d need to thank Christine for the quick fix, even if he needed to opt for a more long term thing now that he wasn’t running on no sleep for weeks, he could build on that kind of thing. “And probably the company too.” Which was the truth, he wouldn’t have been comfortable enough to be that vulnerable with anyone but Natasha.
She smiled. “Must be.” He’d actually slept last night which meant that she had too. Natasha knew he wasn’t sleeping, because she slept with one ear open, a habit from years of being on constant alert. She never said anything because he’d tell her she was fine and to go back to sleep. There were nights when neither of them slept more than a few hours and just lay there in the dark, being content that they were in the same place.
She brushed her lips across his forehead and moved closer, curling into him. It felt good and safe and wonderful and she wondered how long they could stay in the apartment without anyone noticing Probably a good while since she didn’t have anything to do today and Jim generally left fairly early to go to they Youth Center. “Let’s not get up until tomorrow,” she said. “That seems like a good plan.”
Right then, he could ignore his body and it’s demand for coffee -he wasn’t literally addicted to it, really, he could cope without coffee for a day (maybe not a full day) but it wasn’t exactly good for his mood when he did it. He could even ignore the need for food, because Natasha wasn’t allowed to cook and he couldn’t really work up the desire or energy to extract himself to make anything either.
So short of bodily functions and possibly needing to shower at some point, he didn’t really think they needed to rush out of bed. Or the room. Or the suite in general. “I approve this plan.” So he nuzzled deeper into Natasha’s neck, breath ghosting over her throat, while he was almost cushioned between her chin and breasts and surrounded by her body heat.
“Y’member that time in Moscow? We were on recon for a week and the shitty safehouse didn’t have heating?” Because apparently Russian’s were cold blooded or something. They spent the week living in that crappy place, with no heating and not enough blankets and snuggled every night with no qualms because it was depressingly cold. “Reminds me of that, without the whole freezing my ass off.”
She laughed, enjoying the closeness and starting running her finger lightly over his back because it was there and she was comfortable and it was the most natural thing in the world to do. “I do remember that and you gave me shit because I slept in one of those big Russian fur hats,” It had been in the safe house for some reason and it really did help keep her warm. “I would’ve shared it with you if you’d asked. Probably. After you stopped laughing at me.”
Nat had to give this Entity one thing and that was that he, she, or it had good taste. “This place is pretty swanky although the fact that it was stocked with things that were clearly made for us and that it knew our tastes was weird but it’s better than the back ass end of nowhere and we’ve both been there.” Usually together, although not always. “I’m really glad you’re here,” she said softly, her lips in his hair. “Maybe not the circumstances that brought you here but it’s easier having you here.”
“You were ridiculous,” which wasn’t the only word he’d used at the time, because while they had been so bundled up in clothes it was still stupidly attractive -Natasha’s stark red hair against the white fur, but it wasn’t exactly surprising since she was damn good looking in most things. “I don’t think we’d have both fit in it anyway.” Body heat had worked just fine after they managed to get comfortable.
It was weird that it was suited for them, but it wasn’t like they’d stumbled into it by chance, it wasn’t a mistake with technology or magic or whatever. They ended up there because of something, so it stood to reason that It was going to try and make things comfortable for them. It was the least this Entity could do.
Even if part of him wasn’t keen on being in such a place, in being some kind of pawn, he wasn’t sure this was bad anymore either. His arms tightened around Natasha’s middle, face pressed closer to her throat, “Me too.” Because she was here and it would be the only place she’d have a future, and frankly he wasn’t too interested in living his without her. “I don’t really care how we got here, I’m just glad we both are.”
She had known Clint long enough to realize that he didn’t say something he didn’t mean. If he had nothing to say, he just didn’t say it. Natasha had fought her feelings for him since his marriage, she wasn’t going to be that person, and he was happy but at the same time, they never went away. Their relationship had morphed into something else, something that might have seemed strange to people on the outside looking in but it worked. Now they were in a place where she didn’t have to hide her feelings although she still wasn’t sure that she was ready to really let them go but right now, she was enjoying the closeness and the feel of his lips so close to her throat.
“Me either. It doesn’t matter how it happened, like you said, I’m just glad that it did.” Dealing with all the strangeness could be exhausting but having him to laugh about it with or to just sit next to when one or the other of them had had a bad day or a bad dream, it was something that she’d always wanted but had never had the chance to experience except for brief snatches when they weren’t somewhere on a mission. She pulled his face up so she could see him and kissed his forehead. “I think we should cancel today’s activities and stay here.”
Leaning into Natasha wasn’t hard. She was one of few people who could quiet everything, make the world stop and go away for a while. Even when they had that distance, when they couldn’t be more, it was always there. If anything, they just orbited each other, in various different forms, ever since he convinced her to join SHIELD, give them a chance, make something better with her life.
He’d loved her almost as long as he’d known her, and it wasn’t something easily dismissed, given the level of trust and faith they needed to have in each other.
It was probably why watching her die was so hard. He’d never thought he’d ever have to see it, or know a world without her in it.
Sighing lightly, still drowsy from the drugs and warm in the cocoon of Natasha and comfort and sleep and safe, Clint pressed a slightly sloppy kiss against her throat in return, “I like that plan.” The longer they could stay there, the better.
Natasha caught her breath when he kissed her throat. She loved it and he knew it and she wondered if he’d even thought about it before he did it. Truthfully she didn’t care if he did or not, he’d done it and she moved as close to him as she could get, which was pressed against him from head to toe and she closed her eyes and took one of her legs and draped it over his so their legs were tangled together.
“If you’d like to do that again, I wouldn’t complain,” she said, running her nails lightly down his back. God, it had been so long since they’d been this close and she was loving every minute of it. Even without the physical closeness she loved every minute they spent together, he made her life a better place to be, and regardless of what people might think, he was the only man she’d ever truly loved. Or ever would love.
Truthfully, Clint rarely really thought about his actions with Natasha, it was always easier to just do, to let things go where they went. Although the closeness did encourage a little more risk, or even just to let go of the worry and concerns about elsewhere. But as Natasha shifted to connect them head to toe, leg tangling with his, Clint smoothed his palm across her back, slipping under her sleep shirt to press against her warm skin.
His nose nudged at her jaw, just before he pressed another kiss over her throat, trailing them from her jawline to her shoulder, nipping the smooth curve of her shoulder lightly. “I don’t remember you ever having complaints about my mouth.”
“No, I never had any complaints about your mouth,” she said, her voice a little breathless. “Especially when you’re doing that.” It felt good, so good, and she clutched his back a little tighter. She had not expected this when they woke up this morning but damn, it was wonderful. Shifting slightly so he could get better access to her neck, she made a little sound, not a moan exactly but definitely a hum of pleasure. She wasn’t about to tell him to stop, not yet, not while she felt so good and it was warm and cozy and it felt like home. Being with Clint always felt like home.
It was really like a barrier was just removed, whatever they’d been avoiding slipping right back into was gone right then. Natasha’s throat was always an engine starter, which Clint perfectly understood, it was a vulnerable spot, somewhere that should be protected, so obviously it would be a sensitive point.
Raising his hand to push a few strands of Natasha’s hair back from her cheek, Clint followed the arch of Natasha’s throat back up to her jaw, a soft kiss to her cheek, one to the corner of her mouth, shifting back a little, his thumb stroking her cheek lightly.
The bubble was all the more comforting, like a familiar blanket just wrapped around them both. Like they were just always going to end up right back here, tangled up with each other in ways neither of them wanted to change.
It was so easy to move just enough to press her lips to his,, to kiss him softly, slowly and then pulling back to catch his bottom lip with her teeth, nipping it just a little. Then she moved her hands to his neck, sliding her fingers into his hair, her lips parting beneath his, teasing him with the tip of her tongue. She had thought about this a lot in the intervening years, more than she probably should have but she had never forgotten what it was like to kiss him or touch him or be touched by him. He was the first man she’d ever been with who treated her as if she were something special, that she was more than just a body, that this was real, that beneath it all, there were feelings and while it had scared her at first, he was patient with her and they built something special. She had wished so many times that she could have given him what he wanted, a normal life, safety, things that she had no idea what to do because she’d never known them. None of that mattered now though, not in this place, where they could discover again what she had thought was lost forever.
There was something about kissing Natasha, almost like a homecoming, how simple it was falling right back into the rhythm they had. Following Natasha’s lead, Clint met her kisses with just as slow and steady a pace, his hands resting against her back and hip.
She hadn’t been his first, although she was the most prolific, but for most of his life, Natasha was the one to measure up to -in a sense, no one ever would. He’d been young enough when he fell for her to have never really loved that intensely before Natasha, and he’d never found the same connection with anyone else. Not even Laura.
He had to break the kiss, nuzzling into her neck again, just breathing while practically holding her in a hug. Of the pair of them, he was definitely the cuddler, but she rarely really pushed him away.
Natasha held onto him as she caught her breath. A very large part of her didn’t want to stop but they needed to. Things had never been just physical between them, there had always been another layer and they were still rebuilding that layer so it was best that they not push anything.
She shifted so that she could look at him and touched his face and smiled. Natasha wasn’t a sentimental person by nature or rather she hadn’t been but that had changed over the years, largely in part to the man she was lying next to. She hadn’t believed in soulmates either but if such a thing existed, Clint Barton was surely hers. “Well, that answers that question,” she said kissing his shoulder as she wrapped an arm around his waist, still not ready to stop touching him. “We’ve still got it.”
They both knew, fundamentally, that there wasn’t a rush to them. There never had been, everything had a natural flow, even when it parted ways for a while, it always came back to them.
“Babe, it’s not like we ever didn’t have it.” Which was true. They didn’t stop being them. There was no break up, no surly parting of ways, there was no falling out of love. It just … it just stopped for a while, in certain aspects, but it didn’t change who they were, or what they felt. Not for a second.
But he understood, in a way, what she meant. That deep spark that kept them coming back to each other, that love rooted so deep in both of them that it was impossible to dig out, it still burned as strong as ever. But it didn’t need to burn right that second, right then.
“‘s always gonna be there.”
“I know,” she said softly. He was right, it was never going anywhere, they were connected in so many ways, no one understood her the way he did and she could understand him in ways that only someone who had gone through a similar experience could. He had seen it from the start when he had spared her life, given her a chance to have the life she’d never be able to have in Russia. Even though it wasn’t the typical life, it was a life that she was familiar with and the two of them had become one person almost. They’d always been in sync, they still were, and he was right, that connection would always be there.
“I was thinking,” she said, dropping a kiss on his nose. “The floor is bound to be hurting your back by now. It’s a lot more comfortable up here and I wouldn’t mind the company.” She knew that he wouldn’t take it as an invitation for sex, even if a lot of men would have, but he would take it for what it was, a sign of trust and a sign that she understood that they were building something here and they had time to move at their own pace. She loved him as much as she had ever loved him, maybe even more. He was a part of her life that she never wanted to be without,, the one person that she would always trust without question and trust didn’t come easy for her. Or for him but they trusted each other, what they shared wasn’t easy to explain but it didn’t matter, it was real and she was grateful for it.
It wasn’t impossible to sleep on the floor, not entirely, although he hadn’t really been sleeping a lot until now. But it was definitely more comfortable to be in the bed, and with Natasha. “I could definitely stand to enjoy more mornings like this,” and no, it wasn’t just about sex, it never really was just about sex with them.
Sex was something that you could do with anyone and it could be meaningless, there was so little between them that was meaningless. The beginning stages of their relationship hadn’t even been about sex -even though most of SHIELD thought they were fucking long before they were.
“I definitely prefer waking up with you than not.” Least of all if he could spend his mornings with her, cosy and uninterrupted.
She nodded. “Me too. It’s nice not waking up by myself and I feel the same way. I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather wake up with.” This was the perfect way to start the day, nice and warm wrapped in his arms, without anyone expecting her to be anywhere. Nat was sure that Jim was getting a little curious about the two of them but he hadn’t asked and he seemed to have accepted it. She liked Jim, he was a nice guy and he cared about the kids as much as she did, so if he ever did want to know she’d tell him. Even though exactly what she and Clint were to each other wasn’t easy to define. Some things didn’t need a definition.
“There’s only one problem with staying here like this,” she said with a sigh. “I can’t magically make coffee appear so someone has to get up. Sadly the ostriches don’t supply room service or else we could just phone them to bring some up.”
If there was one thing that Clint was willing to forego coffee (for a while) for, it’d be Natasha. “We can get that in a while.” Even if it was just pulling themselves to the kitchen to make some coffee and then resuming their sleep-cuddle-ignore the world antics.
“We could always drag the covers out and make a fort on the couch.” Cuddling on the couch was almost as appealing as cuddling in bed. “Turn on the tv and call today a mental health break.” Because god knows they needed something.
“That sounds like a great idea,” she said. “Good thing about being self employed. The boss can’t fire you for not showing up. So I like that idea, a mental health break is never bad.” They certainly never got very many in their previous line of work and if they did, it usually involved talking to some sort of therapist and what was the point? A mental health break meant that you didn’t have to think of anything.
“So who moves first? I need to go to the bathroom so I guess that would be me and you can make coffee since you’ll want it strong enough to climb into the bup by itself.” She leaned over and kissed him lightly. “We are so bad, spending the day on the couch like a couple of slugs but hey, I think we deserve it, don’t you?”
The fatal flaw in their plan was definitely the part where they needed to move, but that was most likely the best course of action, at least then they could claim that they did something. Getting from the bed to the couch was definitely a something.
“Okay, okay, we’re getting up,” slowly and probably with far more effort than it should’ve taken. Dropping a last kiss to Natasha’s shoulder, Clint started to extract himself. “You do what you gotta do, I’ll start the coffee and just move everything to the couch.” They could stay comfortable, and even with some coffee in their system they’d likely doze off again for a while.
“We definitely deserve this break and I will continually repeat it all day.” And just for badness, and to make sure she moved her butt and got into the living room to cuddle on the couch, Clint took the covers with him as he exited the room, not even bothering to grab clothes at all. “Chop chop or I’ll drink all the coffee and hog all the blankets.”
Definitely deserved this, after everything.