InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Just a wild stab in the dark"

James (lt_america) wrote in somerealityrpg,
@ 2020-08-27 18:28:00

Entry tags:

active: james rogers, active: tony stark

Who: James Rogers and Tony Stark
What: James is blowing off some steam
Where: Eventually Tony’s farm.
When: Thursday afternoon.

It wasn’t Nate’s fault that James’ didn’t know things, it wasn’t anyone's fault really, but it just illuminated how little he knew about his mother's life in Goodlands. He knew that Steve and Natasha were not together, Steve had mentioned that pretty early on, but he didn’t mention how quiet she was, or how she was living with another family. It made sense that she wouldn’t want some kid from another galaxy messing around with the family that was from her own, the family that she already knew.

James was angry at himself for not knowing how to communicate with her, she’d only left one solitary comment after he’d reached out to her. He was hurt that she would rather spend time with kids that were not her own. But he felt guilty in doing so, at the end of the day, she wasn’t his mother. And he had been in and out so often, that what right did he have to make her go through all of this again. It left James feeling like a pinball, he was angry and energetic and he had nothing to pour any of that into.

He’d been running for… he didn’t really know how long. He’d taken turns to avoid overly busy roads, and had twisted him all around the still unfamiliar city. He would find his way back, he was confident about that, but at the moment he just needed to run. When he did finally slow down, his heart beating, he was walking along a fenced off property. He might not have paid it any attention if it weren’t for the Llama that was laying in the middle of the field, he smirked. Llamas weren’t typical farm animals.

James hoisted himself over the fence to join the fluffy animal in its den. It tilted his head at him, eyeing the new visitor warily, but paying him little mind elsewhere. Tentatively, he reached out a hand to touch the creature, scratchy and soft and comforting all at the same time. He didn’t even know when it was that he started crying there, with the soft animal companion. He sat next to the creature, who still hadn’t bothered to get up from it’s napping spot in the shade, and he didn’t know how long he’d sat there until the Llama started to get up and James spotted Tony bringing it out what seemed to be a bucket of food.

He didn’t know why he had just assumed Tony just paid someone else to look after his farm instead of doing it himself. But it amused him. He stood up as Tony came closer, brushing the dirt off his shorts. “You’re missing the straw hat.” He tried to tease, but it fell short of his eyes which were still red and agitated.

(Post a new comment)

notyourplayboy
2020-08-27 10:42 pm UTC (link)

Tony felt mixed emotions while tending the farm. He'd asked for it because Harley wanted a llama and, while it was a nice respite from the city, it's existence now reminded Tony of a really hard loss. He knew the boy was home with his sister and mother, but that didn't mean Tony didn't want his son with him. It was selfish, he knew, especially with how unpredictable Goodland was, but he just couldn't help wanting his little family together.

It was funny James thought Tony hired someone to help; he was actually considering that now that Harley was gone. Oh, he'd still visit and make sure the animals were well taken care of, but he could use the extra time to hang out with his other kids, which included a new baby.

Tony wasn't surprised to find someone on his farm. He'd given Nate and a few others blanket permission to visit when they wanted; however, he was surprised to find James, especially an obviously upset James.

"Farmer Tony," he replied, but immediately set the bucket down and walked over to James. He knew the llama, like her siblings, would help herself to dinner. "What's wrong, kid?" He held his arms out.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

lt_america
2020-08-27 10:57 pm UTC (link)

“It’s just this place. I’m fine.” James said, and he’d tried to stand up straighter. He was Captain America after all, and he told himself that he shouldnt be reacting so wildly to news he didn’t like. But it stung to know that Nathaniel was closer to his mom then he was, that she was being a step-mother figure to them. He knew it was unreasonable.

But the gesture from Tony was so familiar, that James found himself folding into it despite himself. Thats what made things harder. It was easy for him to excuse Natasha for not being his mother, to logic that she was from a different universe all together and that she owed him no loyalty…. But when the Tony and the Steve from that universe, who were also not his parents were so easy to hand him their affection as if they had been missing him without knowing… it just made him feel like he had done something wrong. Perhaps a past version of him had made her angry. How could he atone for that?

He rested for just a second against Tony and let out a breath. “I wish I knew what the old me knew.” He said finally, for good or for bad, he was just tired of not knowing.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notyourplayboy
2020-08-27 11:03 pm UTC (link)

Tony wondered what was going through James' head, but he knew pushing wouldn't get him anywhere so he let the boy divulge what he wanted in his own time. He squeezed him tightly and rubbed his back, the action now second nature to a man who once shunned touch. People he loved had always been his exception. And his kids? He loved them more than anything. "What brought this on, hmmm?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lt_america
2020-08-27 11:37 pm UTC (link)

James took another steadying breath and pulled away after a moment, rubbing his face with his hands. "Nate told me that Mo-- Natasha is dating Clint. Which... is fine. I knew Steve wasn't with her, he'd told me that already, and that they just thought of each other as friends but..." He took a pause there, his eyes tracing patterns on the ground.

"I can't even get her to talk to me. I reached out to her once even, and she'd said Hi. And that she thought Peter had a good idea of what I would need for school and then she stopped. That was it." James sort of deflated. "I just feel like if I remembered whatever last me knew, what ever he'd done to make her not want me than maybe I could fix it. Whatever it is that has her not wanting to talk to me but live and be a happy family with Clints kids."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notyourplayboy
2020-08-27 11:53 pm UTC (link)

Ah. That was it. Tony shook his head. "Jamie, kid, you didn't do anything wrong. I promise." He nuzzled the llama that was now sniffing him, but his eyes remained on the teen. He wondered how much he should say. He wondered what was best for James and what was just piling on history he'd never really understand because he didn't live it. "James from before...we were close, but he was...toward the end...he really had a hard time here. He couldn't reconcile the easiness of this place with the destruction from his home, you know? But he...he was close to the Barton kids for a while. He never really got to know his parents, Natasha or Steve, how he might have liked." Tony released the animal and sighed. He really didn't want to piss anyone off, but he'd do anything to make his kid feel better. "Nat...she is not really into the mom thing, I don't think. I think she was their aunt so long in their time that...that is the relationship you are seeing. Not really the sort of thing...I don't know how much she is able to give you, James. I'm sorry."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lt_america
2020-08-28 01:41 am UTC (link)

James’ hand reached out to sink into the fluff of Llama hair on the animals back. It was comforting, though he didn’t quite meet Tony’s eye yet. He wasn’t sure how much of it Tony meant, and how much of it was just comforting James, but he appreciated the effort.

“It’s like… say you have this shiny bike that you’ve always wanted but you couldn’t have it. It was discontinued. No more bike. And then you find one, right, in the ruins on Ultra City. And maybe… maybe it isn’t the bike you wanted, cause it’s a little dinged up and the tires are flat, but you still want it, you’ve always wanted it. You’ve dreamed about it and then like…. It rolls away from you before you could get to it. It was in your sight, even if it wasn’t the same parents at least it was them and they were alive and it just… stings.” James was frustrated, “And its not her fault. She’s not my mom, she’s just… someone who… is just like her.” He took another breath.

“What if she didn’t even want me at home?” He asked him, “People always say that I act like my dad but I look like her. But what if she didn’t want that anyway.” His shoulders sagged a little. “Dad-- Steve has been great. And you. I just… don’t want to be anyone’s burden. Everyone keeps talking about how I’ve been here before and I just feel like I have these shoes to fill, but they’re mine and I’m somehow doing it wrong.”

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notyourplayboy
2020-08-28 01:55 am UTC (link)

"You can call him dad," Tony assured James, not sure if he backpedaled because of Tony's feelings or just because he wasn't used to calling Steve by the title. Either way, Tony was glad James and Steve had each other. The kid deserved to know some form of his father, even if it wasn't exactly the same. "Something tells me, they definitely did," Tony reassured. "Torunn has mentioned the stories your Tony told you, stories about Steve making sure you kids were safe with...me. It is obvious they loved you, Jamie. Who couldn't?" He reached a hand out to cup James' cheek. "You are not a burden and you don't have to live up or down to anyone's expectations. You are good all on your own."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lt_america
2020-08-28 03:41 pm UTC (link)

“I mean. But I know he isn’t really. He’s been really great. We’ve spent a lot of time together. But he would probably tell me if he didn’t want me around, right?” James said softly, even though Steve had been nothing more than pleasant and fatherly to him, there was now this thought in his head. He was trying to push it away.

He felt better though, hearing Tony’s words. Awkwardly, James rubbed the back of his neck, thinking about what Tony was saying. He gave him a soft smile. “Thanks, Tony.” He said after a moment. “It’s sort of… a mess here, isn’t it?” He chuckled a little. “You’re still… the same old Tony though, I guess.”

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notyourplayboy 2020-08-28 05:37 pm UTC (link)
	"You guess?" Tony winked. "My hair is better though, right?" He clamped his hand down on James' shoulder. He hoped he helped the boy even a bit. "It's dysfunctional," he admitted, "but my life has always sort of been like that." He shrugged. "At least here I get you and my other kids." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lt_america
2020-08-28 08:00 pm UTC (link)

"It's shorter and less grey," James said with a smirk, pointedly not saying that it was better. James was feeling better, even if he was still a little unsure about his place at the moment.

"I mean, I've met more people in my time here than I have... in literally my entire life. So." He shrugged his shoulders, "I know a little about strange I guess. But thanks, Tony."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notyourplayboy 2020-08-28 09:19 pm UTC (link)
	Tony nodded along as James mentioned knowing about strange places. He definitely came from a hard one. "Anytime," Tony said sincerely. "Now, how about a tour? You want to meet the rest of my animals here?" (Reply to this) (Parent)