Azari (lightonmyfeet) wrote in somerealityrpg, @ 2020-05-01 18:30:00 |
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The thing about Azari was that he was practically incapable of sitting like a normal person and he’d been that way since he could walk just ask- Well, you couldn’t ask their Tony, but it was a fact nonetheless. Evident in how when tracking Francis down he perched atop a large pile of junk metal on the tips of his toes and at an angle that should have been nearly impossible to hold steady and yet he was doing exactly that.
“Keeping busy I see,” he remarked as he lifted a hand in greeting.
He picked up a piece of metal on his right and tipped it ever so slightly to take a closer look before he merely put it back down and did so gently as the last thing he wanted to do was cause an avalanche.
Azari had a feeling that would be bad, really bad.
“Still got nothing better to do than hang around making sure I’m not about to leap off the edge of a building?” Francis deadpanned, not glancing up from his table where he was carefully welding two pieces of metal together. His fingertips were covered in plasters and the sparks were hitting his skin but it was no worse than he’d had before, so he wasn’t really all that fussed.
He glanced up at Azari, perched precariously on a nearby pile and offered the other a small smile. “You’re lucky you didn’t make me jump. Mighta sliced off a finger.”
Putting down the makeshift machinery that had definitely seen better days, Francis shifted his attention to his friend and lifted his shoulders. “You know this isn’t the best place to see in Goodland, there’s a lot of better looking places.”
“Don’t think you need me to do that,” Azari pointed out as he gestured to all the plasters covering Francis’ fingertips. The now older Azari came out of his crouch and with all the grace of circus performer slash olympic champion he flipped off the pile to land on his feet beside Francis.
He peered around the other to see what he was doing because curiosity came naturally to him.
“Not here for the scenery, Francis.”
Francis rolled his eyes and pulled a large metal crate out from under the table, sitting down on it. His shoulders lifted into a shrug and he rested his elbow on the table, then leaned to the side, resting his fist against his temple. He conveniently ignored Azari’s dig at his finger plasters. It was either that or they just didn’t heal for even longer.
“So… you’re here to see me? Bored of Torunn already?” The tease was half-hearted, but it was still a tease. “It’s a mind-fuck that she’s so much younger than we’re used to.”
Azari was grateful for the fact Francis had stopped his work to actually talk to him and swept his gaze over the now younger man, noticing the slump to his shoulders and the slightly weary look to his overall demeanour.
“Don’t be an idiot,” he remarked lightly and playfully as he settled on the crate next to Francis. “She’s still got her head on right though so that’s reassuring.” She was younger sure but she was still the Torunn he knew and loved.
Azari tipped his head to look over at Francis. “How long have you been out here?”
“Uh,” Francis squinted up at the sun, then at Azari. “What time is it?”
“About four,” Azari replied.
“Huh.” Francis cleared his throat and turned his attention to the table, swinging his legs underneath it just so that he didn’t have to look at Azari to see the disappointed look he knew would be on the guy’s face. “It was dark when I came out here.”
Azari tsk’ed softly and shook his head, folding his arms across his chest. “You know avoiding the world doesn’t mean the world goes away.” In fact it made integrating a lot more difficult. “When was the last time you ate?” He didn’t need to ask when the last time Francis had slept was because he’d been there and he doubted the other had gotten much sleep since then.
“I’m not avoiding the world. If I didn’t want you to find me you wouldn’t be able to,” Francis pointed out. He’d hidden from Ultron for years, there was no way he’d be found. No, he wasn’t avoiding the world. He was… well, he was processing. And badly, at that.
A shrug answered Azari’s next question because it had probably been before he went to see James the day before. Which. Fuck. “I just didn’t wanna be around everyone. There’s so much happy fucking family that happens here. It’s a lot.” And he’d been left alone to just take the space given to him and make it a chasm. And now it was so big he didn’t know if he even wanted to try and breach it.
“How was James last night?”
“I’m not here to talk about James,” Azari answered smoothly. “Pretty sure there’s enough people talking about him without me adding to the mounting list.” He’d seen James in passing, he’d crashed on the couch, and Torunn had been buzzing around him but Azari hadn’t felt any need to do the same. “Besides, it’s clearly evident from his exchanges with most that he doesn’t want anybody’s help so I’m preserving my energy.”
He tipped his head to look over at Francis.
“Well no need for happy family to grab a bite to eat.”
“You know they locked him up?” Francis asked. Because Azari might not have been here to talk about James (which was a weird one on him because no one ever talked to him about anything but, usually) but Francis needed to. “They put him in some kind of facility and he didn’t fucking tell me. He just- just fucking vanished.”
Azari frowned when Francis said something about James being locked up. “Why would they lock him up?” He knew from speaking to Francis on previous occasions that James was suffering with some form of depression but he didn’t understand why that would mean he needed to be locked up.
It was clear however that this was something Francis needed to get off his chest.
“Because of the whole… thing with his head.” Francis didn’t really understand. He didn’t understand what was really going on with James, he didn’t understand why he needed medication to help him get better and he didn’t understand why he couldn’t do anything to help his best friend who was clearly in need. Why he wasn’t enough to have helped make things better. Though, not being ‘enough’ was a running theme in his life. “I don’t really- he just told me he was in some ward and they’d locked him in there for nearly a month and he fucking knew he was going in before he went in and he just told me he ‘needed some space’ and then I found out that he didn’t want to tell me because he doesn’t trust me and because he thinks it’s ‘weak’ to need help or admit to needing help and-”
Fuck.
He kicked a piece of scrap, having gotten to his feet at some point, watching it skitter away.
“I don’t blame Clint and Natasha for not telling me. But, like, James should have done. If I kept shit like that from him he’d lose it. Or maybe not. He hasn’t cared about shit since I’ve been here.”
His voice definitely didn’t hitch. Nope, not his.
Azari was quiet throughout as it was clear that needed to happen. It had definitely been building up and it was like the pressure had just been cranked up until it could no longer be contained.
He tracked Francis’ movements closely and could recognise the obvious signs of emotional distress from the tension that riddled the other’s shoulders and most importantly the way his voice wavered and it was clear he was struggling. More than he probably wanted to admit.
Azari waited for the right moment before he stepped up and lightly clasped Francis’ shoulders in his hands, grip firm but not unrelenting so if Francis wanted to break away he could. “What James decides to do isn’t on you, Francis. Whatever is going on with him is what’s going on with him. I haven’t been here long but from what I’ve seen he’s got a lot of people here that care about him and a lot of support so if he chooses not to reach out for that? Then that’s on him.”
It sounded harsh but some tough love certainly wouldn’t go astray.
“You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”
Francis stiffened, Azari didn’t do this where he came from, so he had to assume that they were much closer friends in the future. The touch was unexpected and it was very clear that Francis still wasn’t used to being touched, even here in this relative paradise no one was touching him, or getting him used to the physical contact that he desperately needed and craved.
“Yeah all the adults are tripping over themselves to make sure that he’s okay and for all that he’s been saying no one cares or whatever, Clint asked him to move in. Tony considers him family and I know he fell out with Sam or whatever but the guy still cares about him. He’s got- well, he had a boyfriend too. I don’t think Nate knew either, by the way. I mean- fucking hell.”
He leaned into Azari’s hands for a moment before he pulled away, kicked another piece of scrap like that would help him.
“I know it’s not on me but I- I’ve tried so fucking hard since I got here to help him even though he’s got a family to do it. Nothing ever felt like enough and I didn’t need that fucking reminder.”
Azari let his hands fall to his sides where they remained loose and empty as he respected Francis’ decision to pull away and take his frustrations out on a nearby piece of scrap.
“James clearly has a narrative,” Azari offered with a shrug. “What that narrative is I’m not exactly sure as I’ve not been here long and he’s already snapped at me, but it’s clear that it doesn’t matter what the actual reality is he’s clearly too lost in his own narrative to realise what he has here.”
Sad but true and honestly he never thought he would see the day when James Rogers became this whatever this was. It made no sense to him at all especially with everything they’d been through together and everything that had happened.
“You can only do so much before you need to figure out if you want to keep giving or actually take care of yourself. There’s nothing wrong with caretaking your mental and emotional health especially if all you’ve been doing is trying to take care of him since you got here.”
Francis shrugged. It wasn’t like anyone really cared what he thought. Or how he felt. He was used to that, but it still stung, especially somewhere like this which was meant to be some sort of paradise.
“I don’t get how it works here,” he added. He’d never known anything like this, “I don’t understand and I don’t fit anywhere and it never bothered me before but I just-”
Ugh.
“Never mind. Fuck it. You said you were hungry, right?”
“Still working that out,” Azari remarked with a nod of his head. “I mean I did just get here.” And a lot had already happened. Some of it was way more confusing than dealing with killer robots which was saying something.
He hadn’t actually said that he was hungry but Azari knew when to hold his tongue and so he did, some battles weren’t worth the war,
“Yeah, let’s go grab something to eat.”
They could figure out the rest as they went.