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healthespirit (healthespirit) wrote in somerealityrpg,

"I couldn't have written, being taken from the point in time I was. I would have reached out to you, when I felt I could." He froze up a little at the mention of Fenris, but tried not to show it too much. The two of them would always be on opposite sides of the field, fence, what have you. He could sort of understand the elf's opinion and why he had it, but they would never be friends. The moment was quickly over as she continued, Anders blinking twice in a row before shaking his head. There was no way he could avoid her here, not when they lived in the same quarters. There would have been a type where that would have been a little scandalous, but here? Everything seemed different and not what he expected.

There had been a larger smile at the mention of Isabela, imagining the tanned woman in his mind, looking exactly as Hawke had said. Proud, at the helm of a ship she called her own, still vulgar and unapologetic. If he would miss anyone else, it would be her and Varric at the top of the list.

At the talk of the fade once more, however, the smile dimmed and he shrugged a little. "I can imagine." Some of the ones he saw when he closed his eyes, at times, were different sizes. What they presented themselves as in dreams and what they actually looked like? It would be very different. In dreams, they were trying to seduce the mage in question, coming in all forms, big or small, anything that would work. From the few that had shown their actual size, they were something. "The Nightmare demons are the most powerful of the fear demons. Rare and few. From what I've researched, they feed from the fear brought by the Blight." From anyone that feared it, humans, mages, elves, the Wardens. "It makes sense that it would help Corypheus." Anders trailed off as he thought about it, his eyes looking through his friend for a moment before shaking his head again. He'd been babbling and he didn't want to think about that too much. Not right now.

With that note of pain in her voice, Anders felt guilt like he hadn't before. "I didn't want it to be on your head, only mine." She had helped him, true, but she had so much already." He fell silent as she continued, and continued more. He hadn't known her to be one to ramble, like he did sometimes, but a damn had broken. It was her chance to tell him everything she had wanted to, all these years, and he stayed silent until she stopped, eyes a little wide. "What I told you then is still true, Hawke. It would never have changed unless something drastic happened." With a pause, the mage took a step forward, circling his arms around the rouge before pulling her in close to him. A rare hug he wasn't sure had ever happened like this. "I didn't leave you out because I didn't trust you. It was because Justice and I wanted to take the blame squarely on our shoulders."

As if on cue, his skin sparked and died, a second of difference that was barely there. Justice didn't agree with Anders' relationships with other people, said they were a distraction to what they needed to do together, but Anders pushed through when he needed to, ignored him where he could. "I'm sorry Hawke, I really am."