InsaneJournal

Hawke was born the (

It did say a lot, and she understood the explanation. Mostly anyway. So she sighed," well. I...it's not alright but I understand. You did what you felt you had to. I can't really say much about it, considering I've done that too." It had been more or less her Kirkwall life. Everyone seemed to want to have her make the decisions, even if she was unqualified. "It worried the hell out of me, but again understandable from your point." She had had five years to consider it all. In his shoes she would have done the same. She had, in parts. "Do I wish you'd written? Sure but I can see why you didn't. Can't be too fun to keep writing 'dear Hawke, still hiding' all the time." She tried to make it into a joke, "but counterpoint? Even Fenris wrote, and literally all that is is 'dear Hawke, still killing Tevinter slavers'." She rolled her eyes, showing what she thought of Fenris' very peculiar way to earning himself more enemies. Then she shrugged. "And that is all I will say of it. Please don't do it again."

As broken as Kirkwall and the rest had made her, she'd never stop being herself. Which included an easy forgiveness around those she cared for, and easy acceptance. "She's calling herself an Admiral now. Helping the Inquisition. Has a really dumb hat, but don't tell her I said that because apparently it's just the style." She gave in explanation to Isabela and smiled to the recollection. She missed her other sisters. She missed them all, really. Kirkwall had been awful and stripped her to her bones and left very little behind but there had been good moments. It had been a home, because it had been the people. Now she was wandering again.

At his explanation of the Fade she turned to listen. "Well it's shit. Tell them to redesign it. Oh and water too? Like lots of it." She'd liked green too. As much of a fuss as she'd put up whenever her mother had all but dragged her to fancy parties she had known what colours flattered her. Green had always been one that looked striking on her. She'd never wear it again now, and it was an odd sort of thing to lose. "It was unimaginable. Big. Like nothing I've seen before. How do they get so big? I've seen demons before, they've always been smaller." She was curious about that.

She'd almost mentioned she'd offered to stay behind when he deflated again. "Not enough," she didn't hide the pain in her voice and she kept looking at him. "I was involved with the underground same as you. I have the same stakes in that game Anders. Beth's a Warden, and that's the only thing keeping her out of a Circle right now and I still worry it won't be enough, that someone'll drag her to one of those prisons and make her feel terrible about her magic. And that'll just be the least they could do to her. My Father spend his entire life looking over his shoulder, and never spoke of his time in the Gallows, and that was even before Meredith even came to power. If I'd had children," a regret there and she'd taken the choice from Beth too. The Hawke's would die because of her, "the chances of them being mages would have been high. And there hasn't been a world invented I'd have let them come to any harm. There isn't a world now where I'd let anyone hurt Beth, or you, or Merrill. I smuggled people out, I tried using my influence to curb Meredith." She frowned, "is it because she had me working for her?" That she could see. "It wasn't like I waltzed into the Gallows and said 'hello Meredith my pal, let's join forces'. She held you and Merrill over my head. She knew where the two of you were. And even then, even then I made sure those poor souls she send me to find found a way out. I'll give it to you that it was like fighting a flood, and with Elthina not lifting a finger it wasn't exactly making it easy. And yes there needed to be change, and something had to change but there could have been another way." She sighed, "I had a point with all that. Think it's that I don't think you see how much I'm on your side."

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