Luke Castellan | Percy Jackson (familyluke) wrote in somerealityrpg, @ 2020-01-10 23:29:00 |
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Entry tags: | inactive: thalia grace |
WHO: Luke Castellan and Thalia Grace
WHERE: Their apartment
WHEN: Jan 8
WHAT: Talking
STATUS: Complete
Fighting with Luke was exhausting, and Thalia hated it. Every time it happened, it opened up old wounds she thought she’d healed from, and it made her desperately long for the days when they’d been friends. When it had been them against the world, not them against each other. But despite her best intentions to not have every interaction with Luke turn into a fight, somehow they’d ended up arguing over the same thing every single time: her sacrifice and his resulting destructive streak. Thalia still believed she’d done the right thing - she never did like to admit she was ever wrong - but Torunn’s comment that Luke might’ve gone a little crazy after her sacrifice had gotten her thinking. She’d been so sure that her sacrifice would’ve led to a better life for him, and she’d felt bitterly disappointed and betrayed that he’d decided to almost destroy the world instead. But if she thought about how she might’ve been affected if Luke had been the one who’d died… She still wouldn’t have allied herself with Kronos, but she might’ve gone a little crazy herself. With a sigh, she let herself back into their apartment. Even though Luke wasn’t in the living room, she knew he was home. She’d always been hyperaware of his presence. Back when they’d been on the streets and fighting monsters, it had been immensely useful to know where he was and what he was doing: it helped them coordinate their defenses and attacks. Now, it just filled her with a sense of longing and sadness she didn’t know what to do with. “I’m home,” she announced, shutting the door a little harder than she could’ve. “And I’m not in a mood for a fight.” *** Luke was in the kitchen, scrounging together the ingredients for a sandwich. He’d heard when Thalia came inside - he was hyperaware of her as well - but hadn’t said anything, because he didn’t want to fight either. He was tired of fighting. That was something he hadn’t had to deal with in Elysium and more than once since he’d arrived here he’d wished he could go back to that peace. It was anything but peaceful here. He hated remembering Thalia dying. He hated remembering what he’d done after she had. He wasn’t proud of allying with Kronos. He wasn’t proud of the people he’d help kill. He knew he’d done a very wrong thing, but there was no taking it back. He couldn’t change what he’d done, and even giving his life to stop Kronos hadn’t been enough. It would never be enough. Why the gods had forgiven him enough to send him to Elysium in the first place didn’t make a bit of sense to him. He finally came into the living room with a sandwich in his hand, and looked at Thalia in silence for a very long moment. “Okay,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. *** Thalia looked back at him in that silence, wishing desperately they could somehow go back in time, before it had all gone sideways, when they’d been best friends and could talk to each other about anything. Tartarus, she would even take being a kid again, and having Luke buy her ice cream and watch TV with her under their blanket fort. Not that he remembered any of that. When he spoke, she just nodded jerkily and headed to her room. What could she say? Any time they opened their mouths around each other, they seemed to just end up fighting again. And she could tell he was as tired of it as she was. Maybe she’d reach out to Diana after all and see if the Amazon wanted a roommate. She’d been hanging on here, from pride and from hope, but maybe there was no need for either anymore. *** Luke sighed as she headed towards her bedroom, and against his better judgement, called out to her. “Thalia, wait.” He really didn’t want to fight. He was tired of fighting. His whole life had been nothing else; he couldn’t remember a time when he was really happy. Except maybe those few years with Thalia and Bethie...that was the closest, at least. “We can’t keep living like this.” *** She stopped; turned around. She would have never admitted it, but she was glad he’d said something. In some ways, the silence was even worse than the fighting. At least when they fought, they were still talking to each other. Silence seemed a much more permanent and frightening rift. “Then what do you want to do?” There was no anger in her voice anymore, just tiredness. But she waited for his response. *** “I don’t know,” he said, tiredly. “We were friends once.” He didn’t say it hopefully, though. He felt that there was little hope of returning to that, after all that had happened between them. A literal chasm had fallen between them, and she’d pushed him into it. Yeah, yeah, maybe he sort of deserved it, but it didn’t change the facts. “This place has put us together here for a reason. Maybe it wants us to stop fighting.” If they could just be civil to each other, Luke would consider it a win. *** “This place also took you away just when we were starting to get along and then brought you back without any memories of that, so I don’t think it wants anything other than to screw us up,” Thalia muttered. It was the first time, however, she’d given details about his past time here. She knew that he was aware he’d been here before, but once she realized he didn’t remember it, she hadn’t said anything more about it. It was clear that while she had just begun to move on and accept him again, the memory wipe had undone any progress he’d made while he was here. And Thalia had been too disappointed and hurt to try again. “But fine.” She put up her hands. “We did it before, even if you can’t remember, I’m sure we can do it again.” She deliberately didn’t mention the blanket forts, or the few days she’d spent being happy around him. She didn’t want to open herself up like that when he couldn’t remember any of it. “Just quit accusing me of betraying you, because that’s not what happened.” *** Luke frowned when she told him about being here before. He didn’t remember any of it, and it annoyed him. He screwed up his face, like he was tryingto remember, but nothing happened. The memories simply weren’t there. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry, but it wasn’t his fault, was it? He hadn’t asked to be brought back with no memories of being here before. “Maybe not,” he said softly. “But that’s what it felt like.” How could he explain to her how broken he was after she was gone? They’d had their family, the family he’d never known, and in his pain at losing all that, it had felt like she’d thrown herself away. Truthfully, Luke would have been happier dead than with nothing left of the family they’d put together. Bethie had never needed him at Camp, and he’d tried to live, but he’d always been broken after that. *** “I thought I was making the best choice out of all the crappy ones we had.” There was an edge of defensiveness in her voice; it had been a painful decision to make, and it hurt that not only did Luke not seem to appreciate it, but he was turning the blame of everything he’d done on her. Her voice softened slightly, though, because she was starting to see just how badly her choice had messed him up. “I didn’t realize how important I was to you.” *** Luke gave her a look, like she was totally crazy. How could she not have realized how much losing her broke him? How could she not have realized how much she meant to him? He’d been little more than a kid himself, and still sorting out his own feelings, but at the very least, she was his best friend. She was family. And Luke had never had family before. “How could you not have known that?” *** “Because you were the strong one!” Thalia threw up her hands, letting the gesture show her frustration. “You were always the one that took care of us. You helped me keep it together no matter how hard it was, and you always made sure we were taken care of. You were the heart of our family, and I thought you’d be able to stay strong.” *** “You were wrong!” he said back to her. “I was strong because I had the two of you. Because I had my family - the family I’d never known before. You and Bethie - you were everything to me. That’s why I was strong. Not because of something special inside of me. There’s nothing special inside of me!” He was nearly shouting by the end, but he stopped himself and instead ran his hands through his hair, almost in a panic. *** “I always thought there was.” Thalia let out a short, humourless laugh and looked away. “I always thought you were special.” That was why she had sacrificed herself: because she thought a world with Luke in it was better than one with her in it. Because she couldn’t imagine a world without his impish smiles and his amazing hugs. Because she didn’t want him to suffer because of her. Apparently all those things had happened anyway. *** “You were wrong. I’m just screwed up. I always have been. You made me want to be better. You made me want to be good. When you were gone…” He shuddered. He didn’t even want to think about those terrible times right after he’d arrived at Camp without Thalia. *** Thalia didn’t need him to finish the thought. They both knew what had happened when she had gone. It was why they were at odds now. But they’d been in this same place ever since they had arrived here, and Thalia sensed that he was as sick of it as she was. “Yeah, well, that happened,” she said heavily. “And it sucked for everyone involved. The question is what we’re going to do now.” *** “I don’t know,” he said. And it was the truth. That was a big part of the reason they’d been ‘here’ for so long...because Luke didn’t know where to go next. He had no idea. “I don’t know how to fix this.” *** The problem was, Thalia didn’t think this could be fixed. They had been a time when she’d desperately hoped they could get back to the way they’d used to be, but too much had happened since then. But maybe it didn’t have to be as broken as it was now. “Let’s just start with not yelling at each other all the time.” That was probably going to be hard enough as it was. *** “I’m too tired to yell anymore,” he said, and he was. Fighting with her was exhausting, and he didn’t want to do it. In truth, he wanted to be friends again, but he was afraid to even say that, afraid she’d laugh at the very thought. Taking a deep breath he held out a hand. “Truce?” *** Thalia hesitated, but only because she’d developed some strange self-consciousness when it came to touching him before everything had gone wrong, and like it hadn’t gone away. But she took that step forward, and she took his hand. (When has his hand gotten so big?) “Truce.” |