Thalia Grace (wasatree) wrote in somerealityrpg, @ 2019-12-18 15:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | inactive: thalia grace |
WHO: Luke Castellan and Thalia Grace
WHERE: Their apartment
WHEN: Backdated to Thanksgiving Day
WHAT: A long-needed conversation
STATUS: Started in gdocs;continued in comments
When Thalia had been younger and much more optimistic than she was now, she’d fantasized about a future where she would have a home of her own, somewhere safe from monsters, somewhere she could sleep every night without having to be aware that she’d have to go on the move the next day. She’d have a big television to watch bad horror movies on, furniture she didn’t have to pack and haul with her, and parties with her friends and family. And she’d have Luke living with her. Her twelve year old self hadn’t gotten much further past that idea; she’d only known that no place, however nice, could be home without Luke in it. That had been a long time ago, before they’d tried to kill each other. Now, despite Thalia getting everything she’d fantasized about - complete with big Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends - it wasn’t anything like she thought it would be. And yet, at the same time, it was frighteningly similar to it. It wasn’t the domestic bliss she’d envisioned, but it was domestic. And despite her and Luke still circling each other like wary sharks, she couldn’t deny that it didn’t suck to have him around. Especially when it came to cleaning up after a big party. “I’m going to run the dishwasher,” she told him. “Is there anything else that needs to go in?” *** Luke had enjoyed the whole Thanksgiving thing, despite the awkwardness that came from hanging around Thalia. He hated that it had to be that way, and he’d hoped that somehow things had gotten better when she’d been younger. But he wasn’t exactly sure if it had. Things didn’t seem great between them, still. Although maybe she didn’t seem like she was going to kill him anymore? He felt terrible about it all. He’d had a lot of time to think about all the things that he’d done, and it hadn’t been fun. He wasn’t proud of what had happened with Kronos, and even giving his life to fix it hadn’t been good enough. Looking around him, he grabbed a glass that wasn’t in the dishwasher yet and handed it to her. “Um, that was fun, right?” *** “Yeah, it was fun,” she agreed. Thalia took the glass, careful to not let their hands touch. Once, they’d hugged and even snuggled up for warmth without a second thought. Now, they took as much care around each other as they would around a live wire. She wanted it that way, she told herself. Too much had happened since those happy, casual days. Besides, she was a Hunter of Artemis now. She really couldn’t go around touching boys. “What do you think of Diana?” That was a safer topic. “Think we can trust her?” It still blew her mind that she’d had Wonder Woman in her kitchen, teaching her and Nico how to cook. The Amazon had been kind and helpful from the start, treating the demigods like her own family. But Thalia had been burned enough times to know that sometimes when someone seemed too good to be true, they usually were. *** “Too soon to say,” he said. Like Thalia, he didn’t trust easily and it would take more than one meeting for him to honestly trust her. Even if she was Wonder Woman. He had to admit that was cool, though. “She’s kind of like a Hunter, isn’t she? I mean, not exactly, but sort of. She’s badass like you guys.” Hey, what could he say? It was the truth. “We need to get to know her better, though.” He had a feeling that he could lose Thalia’s company to her quite easily, ,and that made him a lot madder than it should. *** “Yeah.” Thalia focused on getting the dishwasher started. It still took some concentration to figure out what buttons to press; she’d never run before. When she was a little, a maid would do all the dishes for her. And of course, once she’d run away, there were no dishwashers to be used. “She asked Nico to move in with her. She asked me, too.” *** Luke just blinked at that, unsure what to say for a while. He didn’t want her moving out although he couldn’t exactly say why. Or, he could, but he just didn’t want to. “Oh,” was all he said for the longest time. “What did you say?” *** The silence seemed to drag into eternity, but Thalia didn’t let herself turn around. Whatever expression was going through Luke’s face right now, she knew she wasn’t ready to see it. His careful, neutral response only intensified the feeling that they were standing on a minefield, and the slightest misstep could set it off. She tread carefully, knowing she didn’t want to set off an explosion any more than he did. “I said we haven’t killed each other yet,” she finally said. It was the truth, and it was a neutral enough statement that it didn’t commit her to anything either way. Thalia wasn’t ready to admit that she wanted to stay, but she knew she was definitely not ready to leave, either. She hoped - she wanted - things to get better. *** Luke couldn’t stop the sigh of relief, but he tried. He didn’t want her moving out. Sure, things weren’t going great between them at the moment, but he also hoped that things would get better. That they could find their way back to the way that they were. “No, not yet,” he said. “But of course, I’m already dead, so.” *** “I wouldn’t bank on that if you’re planning on jumping in front of any speeding bullets,” Thalia said drily. Sarcasm was much easier to deal with than honesty. “I think you’re just as alive as any of us here.” No longer able to stall in front of the dishwasher now that it was running, she took a step away - and nearly ran into him. She hadn’t realized how small this kitchen was until then. For a moment she stood, frozen. When had he gotten so tall? He’d always been taller than her, being several years older, but she didn’t remember him like this, over half a head taller than her, with his lean frame filled out. She felt like she’d just stepped on one of those landmines she’d been trying to avoid. Desperate to find a way out, she ended up poking him in the chest. “Yeah, plenty alive.” *** “Am I?” Luke honestly didn’t know. He remembered dying. He remembered being in the Underworld. That meant that he was dead, didn’t it? Yeah, whatever this place was had brought him back, but did that he was alive? He didn’t know how that worked. There was a lot of stuff he didn’t know. “Hey,” he said, when she poked him in the chest. He put his hand over the place where she’d poked him, as if it had hurt him a lot. Even though it hadn’t. “I just wish we could go back, you know?” *** “Me too,” Thalia muttered. She moved away to put more space between the two of them. The kitchen was definitely too small. “But unless time travelling was actually a thing, we can’t. So we gotta move forward.” She just didn’t know what that looked like, or how they would get there. *** Luke turned towards her, but didn’t close the distance. He could see that she wanted space, and he wasn’t going to force her to be close to him. “Yeah, I guess it isn’t. So...moving forward, do you think you can ever stop hating me?” There it was, the question he’d been afraid to ask. *** Now it was Thalia’s turn to be silent for a time. Once, her answer would’ve been instantaneous: she would’ve said that she could never, ever stop hating him for what he’d done. But now she could see that answer for what it was: a knee-jerk reaction to the disappointment she’d felt over his betrayal and her inability to stop it. “I don’t hate you,” she said heavily. But even as she spoke, she felt a weight lift off her. It was as if by saying the words, she shed some of that bitter disappointment. She held up her hand, just in case he got any ideas that he was forgiven. “I’m still mad at you, but I don’t hate you.” Maybe she never had. Maybe she just wasn’t capable of outright hating him. Not after all they’d gone through together. *** The expression on Luke’s face made it clear that he didn’t entirely believe her when she said that. She could say it all that she wanted, but he was fairly certain that she did, indeed, hate him. She had every reason to, after all. “I’m mad at me too,” he said softly. “I hate what I did. It made sense at the time but later...I knew it was wrong while I was still stuck in it, no way out. I didn’t want Kronos using my body…” He shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about those things. “I didn’t mean to hurt any of you.” *** In some ways, this was harder to take than the defiant anger he’d displayed when she’d first arrived. When he’d been defiant and unrepentant, she could yell at him and stay mad at him. His quiet contrition, however, she didn’t know how to react to. And it was dangerous: it made her think that she had the old Luke back. It made her think that maybe she could have her best friend again. “I wish you could’ve seen that earlier,” she said quietly. “I wish you’d come back when I asked you to.” But wishes did them no good now; it was too late for that. “I just hope you really do make the best of this second chance,” she continued, just as quietly. “And be the great guy I used to think you were.” *** Luke didn’t know if he was that person any more. He didn’t know who he was. He’d been shocked to gain admission to Elysium, and still didn’t really believe that he belonged there. But the gods had seen something in him that he didn’t see himself, so maybe there was some sort of hope. Maybe. “I was so angry, Thalia. So furious. That’s all. I wanted everyone to pay for what I’d been through because of them.” It wasn’t an excuse and he knew that, but it was really the only explanation that he had. *** Over the years, Thalia had often thought about what she’d say to Luke if she ever saw him again. She’d come up with whole speeches she repeated herself before she went to bed so she wouldn’t forget them if she died and went to Elysium. They were full of righteous indignation and anger over what he’d done and who he’d hurt. But now that he was in front of her, and they were finally having this conversation, Thalia just felt tired. Tired, and sad. She could hear the regret in his voice and the weariness behind his words, and they mirrored how she felt. “Did you learn anything from this?” That was really the gist of it. If he really did regret his decisions, if he understood how many people he’d hurt and knew that he couldn’t go there again...maybe - just maybe - they had a path forward. But if he didn’t...if he would still callously go down such a destructive route...Thalia didn’t want to think of that possibility. *** “What do you mean, did I learn anything? I learned a lot. A lot about evil. A lot about things I shouldn’t have done. A lot about how far I can sink when I start feeling sorry for myself.” Luke wasn’t proud of what he’d done, and he hoped that Thalia understood that. He wasn’t happy about what happened. Even while he’d been in the middle of it, he’d wanted a way out, but there wasn’t any way to get out. He’d been trapped. He wondered if she could understand that. *** Thalia wanted to, but this was the first time they’d talked - really talked - about what had happened. And the last time they’d addressed it, they’d ended up yelling at each other over who had abandoned whom. While Thalia was thankful it hadn’t devolved to that argument again, this was just as painful to get through. “Good.” She picked up a cloth and wiped vigorously at the table, although it was already clean. “Then it means you’ll never do it again.” She turned to him, and despite her attempts to stay distant, she couldn’t help herself. “You won’t, would you?” Her voice was small. *** |