Who: John & Helen Dawlish When: Sunday, June 18th, 2002 Where: The Dawlish residence, and then the West End What: John tries to be a good uncle. Helen feels an unimaginable amount of guilt. Warnings: N/A
El was feeling incredibly guilty as of late, considering the fact was intent on joining with the rebels. Had it not been for her Uncle, she would have been long gone months before now... but his presence kept her stationary. Because while she was more than convinced it was his cowardice that kept him loyal to the ministry, that didn't mean he was a bad person. He seemed to genuinely like her, and he put a roof over her head, and food in her mouth. And Ellie still cared. Hell, she still loved him even, but that didn't make her resolve disappear.
So, deciding that it was worth it to leave on a positive note, Helen got dressed and made her way downstairs, searching for her Uncle and eventually finding him in his office. Leaning in the doorway, she crossed her arms, clearing her throat in order to make herself known.
"So... uhm.. you want to go to a movie or some shit tonight? I feel like we both need to get out." That was innocent enough, right? Wouldn't have any inkling of her plans beyond that moment..
&
Talking to Max had truly accomplished very little, and John remained at a regrettable loss as to what to do about the... situation he was in with Ellie, if that was even an appropriate thing to call it. Was it? She didn't want to talk to him, she spent all her time up in her room, it was a miracle if he could get her to eat... anyone would have been worried, right?
At least he had his work to focus on and keep him busy. More often than not the absolute silence meant that concentrating was incredibly easy. It also made it easy to hear it when someone was stepping into that silence and disturbing it, John looking up at the sound of footsteps.
Pulling his glasses off to lay down, he blinked for a moment. Was she serious? Did... did she want something?
"Well-- are you sure that you really want to go with me? Don't get me wrong, I'd like nothing more than to spend the evening with my niece, but I don't want you to do something just because you feel like you have to." Not when she'd rather go out with her friends.
&
El wasn't entirely surprised by her Uncle's reaction. After all, she had spend a vast majority of her time fighting with him, or ignoring him. That wasn't exactly conducive to a healthy relationship with her last living family member. But instead of rolling her eyes, like she really wanted to do, El remained mostly neutral, giving him a small shrug.
"Since when have I ever done anything because I felt like I had to do it?" she asked with emphasis, shrugging her shoulders. After all, how many times had he asked her down to dinner, or to vacate her room, or to spend time with him, and she had refused? "Besides, it's not like I have anyone else to do things with. If you turn me down, I'll just rot away in my room. And neither of us wants that, right?" After all, getting her out and about is what he had been trying to accomplish all along, right?
"I want food. And a movie."
&
"You do make an excellent point," he agreed, nodding as he turned to open the drawer beside him. Even if she was acting extremely suspicious. "Although I will add that I primarily just want you to be happy, Ellie, so if you want to rot away in your room, I've learned to stop fighting you on it."
Fishing out two scraps of paper, he closed the drawer once more, moving to stand. "We can go to see a movie if you'd like, of course. But a coworker of mine had tickets to see a muggle play on the West End... he and his wife were going to go, but last-minute complications arose, so he offered them to me. I wasn't going to go by myself, but... I know you like theatre." Rounding his desk, he let himself sit back against the edge of it, holding the tickets out to her. "The Woman in Black. It's supposed to be a horror story... and the second longest-running play on the West End."
&
"I have those from time to time," She admitted with a shrug, her interest suddenly peaked at whatever he was rummaging around for in his desk drawer. And though she tried really hard to keep the slight excitement off her face when he explained the tickets, she failed miserably. Because her uncle was right, El absolutely loved the theater.
"Oh.. well... I mean.. sure. We could do that instead.." She managed, inching close enough to take them from his hands, looking them over with a greedy look in her eyes.
"I'm going to have to change then. And can we still eat?" Her hunger strike was clearly getting to her and she wanted to indulge in sometjing greasy and horrible.
&
The hint of a smile ghosted across his features at the sight of her expression. He supposed he'd done well, then, just this once? Well, it was better than nothing. Now, if he could make this a regular occurrence... that would be another thing entirely.
Nodding readily, he gestured vaguely to the stairs. "By all means, take all the time you need. Well-- within reason. We don't want to be late for the show..." Glancing down at the tickets, his smile widened. "There is a kebab stand right around the corner from the theatre, if memory serves... might be a bit mismatched in terms of activities, but... if you're up for it..." He certainly wasn't about to drag her into some stuffy five-star restaurant. Didn't really seem her style, after all.
&
"Yeah, that sounds great lemme just..." She didn't even finish her sentence before she was off, running up the stairs. There was no sense in trying to mentally plan an outfit, instead she threw half of her closet on the bed, tossing things she wasn't interested in on the floor, contemplating for a moment, then doing it again. Eventually though she managed an outfit she didnt completely hate, and took a few moments to put her hair up and find shoes until she flew back downstairs.
"Okay. Ready. You ready? Let's go..."
&
She was surprisingly swift, and John smiled at the sight of his niece's return downstairs. Holding his arm out for her to link with hers, John waited only a short moment before apparating them to the alleyway beside the theatre with a loud crack.
"All right. Kebabs?"
&
For probably the first time, El didn't hesitate as her Uncle held out his arm, sliding her own through his before appearing none too far from food. She could smell it the minute they popped into the city, her mouth nearly watering. Sometimes... El was more bloodhound than human, especially when it came to food. "Yes. Dear fucking god, yes," she managed, immediately taking off in the direction of the scent, only stopping once she was directly in front of the stand, her eyes wide.
"Two... I want at least two. Maybe three. Because four would be ridiculous, right, Uncle John?"
&
John couldn't help but laugh, a bright smile on his face as he followed his niece, pulling his wallet out of his pocket. with a nod to the man working the stand. "We'll start with three, and then we'll see how many more we'll want from there." For all she knew, she would eat two and feel full to bursting. But if she finished her two and still felt ravenous... then who was he to complain? This was the first time in... god, had it been years? It had, hadn't it? But she really actually seemed to be enjoying herself.
"Mm," he started, taking a moment to swallow a bite of his own kebab, "only in London is the local food truly outmatched by everything else to be found."
&
By the time El had one in her hands, it was already half gone, her eyes nearly rolling back in her head. She was quite the sight, she was sure, but she didn't really care much about the perceptions of others in that moment. Instead she had half a mouth full of food when her Uncle spoke, and she nodded her head, half talking with her mouth full. Manners... she had them. Sometimes.
"And in Japan..." she said, though it was a bit muffled. After a moment she swallowed, giving herself a moment to breathe. "Have you ever been to Japan? Mum and Da took me a few times. The food there is crazy good, but you have to be adventurous."
&
The sight of her eating was almost... graphic enough to make him avert his gaze, John's eyes suddenly fixated mostly on his own food and nothing else. At least she was enjoying it? That really was the most important thing...
She piqued his attention with her comment about Japan, however, John slowly shaking his head. "No, never. I would like to, though My job... well, let's just say it doesn't allow a great deal of time devoted to travel outside of where I'm supposed to go. Though I have chased death eaters into St. Petersburg before. That was nice. I could see Russia and get paid at the same time!"
&
It took everything, literally everything for El not to make a shitty comment at that. Something along the lines of ‘did those death eaters happen to work for our government now?’ But instead, she but down on more of her kebab and kept it to herself. See? She could be decent when she wanted to be. And show self control.
Instead she nodded, finishing off her first kebob and side eyeing the other. “You should really consider taking a vacation sometime. Like honestly, Uncle… what about you? You should get out more.. have fun. Hell. Maybe find a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Whatever, I’m not judgmental.”
It wasn’t as though her Uncle sent out any vibes to make her think he was anything but heterosexual, but she had never seen him with a woman. Or a man. So she just honestly had no idea! Not that it would matter either way.
&
He had been expecting a glib comment, but when it didn't arrive, he was downright impressed. Of course, that was when she changed the topic of conversation completely, John's eyes widening for a moment as he licked a bit of tzatziki sauce off his fingers.
"What about me?" A soft chuckle left him, though it surprisingly didn't sound bitter in the least. "I'm forty-two, Ellie. And-- not in that charmingly handsome way that George Clooney somehow manages. Women aren't exactly busting down my door for dates, you know. Don't get me wrong-- I'm not complaining; it's really just a fact. My brother, wonderful as he was, found the perfect woman to marry. That really was all the family I've ever needed."
Well, used to, anyway. Now it was just him and Ellie. And still, nothing had changed. He still made do. His now rather small family was still a good one, even if the world was a bit less bright without his brother and his sister-in-law in it.
&
Rolling her eyes at her Uncle’s lack of confidence, Ellie sighed. What on earth was she going to do with him? He worked too much, never took off time for himself, and didn’t have a girlfriend. This was just… Merlin, this was bloody unacceptable. “Don’t give me that, Uncle. I’ve seen people who resemble mountain trolls get decent girlfriends, and you’re nowhere near that bad. You’ve got… I don’t know… that bookish charm going on or something. You’d find someone if you just tried.” She purposefully added extra emphasis to the last word, beginning on the second kebob.
And though she was well aware he didn’t mean to upset her by bringing up her parents, El truly couldn’t manage the twinge it caused in her chest and deep in the pit of her gut as he spoke about them. She… missed them so much. Looking down for a moment, El took a few breaths to pull herself together, not wanting to turn into a blubbering mess at that exact moment. Plus, it really would make her feel guilty because his mention of them shouldn’t have illicited such a response. Couldn’t she just talk about them like a normal person instead of bursting into tears every time?
“She was perfect, wasn’t she?” she finally managed quietly, a small, sad smile on her features as she finally looked up. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t look for perfect too. At the very least,” she shrugged then, “Could be fun. And it would give you something to do other than worry over me.”
&
"I'll admit, I am relieved that you don't think I've reached mountain troll-levels just yet," he nodded, swallowing another bite of kebab. Damn, she ate quickly. "Although I doubt you're supposed to see anything about me as charming, so I'm going to assume you're humoring me, and I do admit the sentiment, I really do." A soft chuckle left him.
"I don't know... it would hardly be necessary, this whole girlfriend business. I've got my work, I'm content with my life..." Sure, he thought about it sometime, what it would be like, just maybe, to find someone, but... then he thought about the responsibility that was Ellie, and remembered that she was the most important thing in all of this, bar none.
"She was," he admitted softly. "I never did figure out how your dad managed that one." Finishing off his kebab, he wiped his hands on his napkin with a small smile in her direction. "Now, why would I want something perfect to worry about other than you? You're a full-time job as it is!" He was being tongue-in-cheek, of course. But the point stood. Right now, she came before everything else in his life.
&
“You can be charming when you want to be. Because honestly, let’s be realistic, when would I ever humor you just to be a decent person? We both know I’m not about sugar coating shit, Uncle John. Unless it’s like… actual candy that needs to be sugar coated,” she mentioned with an eyebrow raise. Merlin, now she wanted something sweet. She had been at this starvation thing for far too long, apparently.
But now wasn’t the time to be focused on her. Now was the time to be focused on her Uncle, who clearly needed some life help, and she had a very small window of time to offer it. And the more they spoke, the more she felt guilty about her decision. That did not mean she was going to change her mind though, regardless of how… okay this all was. He was still working for a regime that she was convinced killed her parents, and El just couldn’t get past that.
“Listen to yourself though. I have my work… There was really nothing else to that. You have your work, but there is more to life than that. I’m just saying.” Maybe if he separated himself from his job every once and a while, he might actually be capable of seeing the truth…
Once again, she found herself rolling her eyes, a half scoffing at his remark. “I’m eighteen, you know. Not a child anymore. You really shouldn’t worry about me half as much as you do. Besides, what happens when I… get a job and my own place?” Alright, now she felt even shittier, because neither of those things were going to happen. Well, maybe they would, but they’d be while she was on the run, and there would be little stability. Still, she felt it pertinent to continue to act as though she was planning a future.
&
He couldn't help but chuckle. "Now you're starting to make me worry that I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop..." And then she'd be back to normal. Well. It would have been fun while it lasted, but a part of him genuinely hoped that it would be longer than... this. At her mention of candy, though, he placed another few euros on the counter beside them to get her a dessert kebab, too. "Evidently still growing," he smiled. "At this rate you're going to end up being taller than me, you know."
Her concern was sweet, but it did make him start to worry. God, was he really as pathetic as she seemed to think he was? He'd always just considered himself to be devoted... maybe he'd ask Max. He seemed to have a well-balanced life. Not like Adam, who... well. Fit Ellie's description far more than he did.
"I'm afraid I'm a bit late in that particular game. I've spent so long working that..." He shook his head with a soft shrug. "Besides. I never needed a family beyond you three. And now that you're my family..." His smile widened. "Why would I want for anything else?"
Her remark about a job made him smile, though, and he shook his head. "You know, I've been thinking about that. If you stayed at my place-- not that you have to, just want you to know it's an option, and all-- you'd be able to save up for a bit while you got acclimated. And I'd be able to get you a pretty good job at the DMLE. Then you'd be able to investigate your theory yourself. See, there are some benefits to have an uncle that's such a devoted workaholic. You'd probably even start out with your own office. A small one, sure, but an office nevertheless..."
&
John was always so incredibly happy when El managed to be the slightest bit decent to him, and Merlin, it was making her feel bad. Most of that just had to be a guilty conscience though, knowing what was coming, and how it was going to blindside him so badly. She’d have to leave him a letter or something and tell him not to blame himself, because he probably would. He’d get over it though, right? He had to. Yeah. Totally.
Her eyes might have got a bit wide at another food item being placed in front of her, and well, it didn’t take all that long to finish the second kebab so she could get her hands on the dessert one. Though she offered some to her Uncle as well, because sharing is caring, and all of that crap. “Never too late,” she finally managed, knowing that if he just tried, he could find someone. But… maybe he didn’t really want to try. Not that she understood that logic, at all, but it wasn’t her life. That wasn’t going to stop her from being annoyingly encouraging though. But shit.. his words about her being the last family, and even going as far as to offer her a job. Did he know? Fuck… Like he had to know. That was the only explanation. Well that, or her John was a legitimately good dude when he wasn’t being the Ministry’s trained lapdog. Why did he have to go and make this so difficult for her?
Swallowing a lump in her throat, El managed to keep her cool, unable to stop herself from shaking her head at him. “I get you’re trying to be helpful but… I can’t… I don’t want to work for them. No offense, Uncle John but… I’d feel like I was betraying myself and my parents.” Which sort of implied he was doing the same thing, but there was no way around that. “I’m sure I’ll manage a plan. I always do.” Or she had already managed one, and when he found out, he was going to hate it.
&
"We should do this more often," he said slowly, still licking sugar off his fingers from his bit of their dessert. "I mean, I'm enjoying myself, I don't know about you, but if you were... you know, just every once in a while, doesn't have to be a nightly thing... or even a weekly thing..."
He was trying to throw her a bone or two or ten, in the hopes of getting literally anything back at all in the way of commitment, because, well, god, he really was enjoying himself and was already dreading the moment the night would end.
At her explanation of her rejection, though, he shook his head. "No, no, I completely understand, and you have nothing to answer for-- and certainly not to me, of all people. I know how you feel about all of this; I just thought it might be a nice gesture, or... I don't know, help you feel more proactive about following this lead of yours? Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to start, but I'd hate to cut off the connection when it could be so useful to you..." He threw her a smile. "Well, the offer does stand. The living situation part, especially, seeing as you haven't mentioned that just yet... I'd hate for you to feel like-- well, gosh, like your father and I did when we were your age. Nowhere to go, nowhere to turn, no one to support us or help us along... so if you want any help, any help at all, I've been at this a lot longer than you, and you know I'd be happy to give it."
&
Fuck, she should have been a bloody actress with how neutral she was having to keep her face tonight. Or at the very least, keeping the obvious look of ‘I am planning a thing that is really going to break your heart’ from her features. It was harder than she thought it was going to be, and a small part of her was starting to regret going out with him. Not because it wasn’t perfectly lovely, but because it was. “Yeah… I’m sure we can do it again. I mean, especially if you’re just going to go and spring tickets to the theater on me like that,” she teased with an eyeroll, her stomach rolling over, and not because of the food she had just eaten. No, there was guilt again, rearing its ugly head. Sometimes she wished she could shut it off.
So instead of focusing on it, she attempted to focus on his explanation for his offer. Part of her felt as though he was patronizing her or something, but El knew that was all in her head. But still… For some reason, she just couldn’t see how useful working there could really be. They blew up her father for a dissenting opinion. What happened when someone caught her snooping around in files? What would they do? Pluck out an eye? Chop off a hand? Would she be the next of her family to die in a not so mysterious accident? She didn’t trust it, or being anywhere near the DMLE. It seemed they were on the opposite ends of this one. Her uncle saw working for them as an opportunity, El saw it as an eventual ticket to Azkaban. Plus, she lacked subtlety. Did he honestly think she could pull something like that off?
“I know,” she managed then, giving him a reassuring smile. “But I promise… I’m all good right now. I’ll let you know if I need anything though.” Forgiveness. She was going to need forgiveness. Merlin help her.
“Should we head towards the theater then?”
&
"I really would like that," he nodded. "I'll talk to my coworker again. Or-- even better, we can take a walk around the West End and you can tell me what shows you'd all like to see and we'll go to those. Work our way through 'em, one by one. Musicals, plays..." He shrugged. "I enjoy most all of it. Well-- except for Cats. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like them just fine in real life, but the musical..." He knew he was rambling. Or, at least, he had been, before an idea struck him. "I can't believe I've never asked-- god, no wonder you never came downstairs; I really am the worst uncle, huh?" He laughed. "If you'd like to have a pet around, just name it. So long as it reasonably fits into the house, I'd be more than all right with that. We never used to have pets growing up, and I always envied those kids that did get to... I'd hate for you to have to deal with the same thing."
There were memories there, long untouched, but those were much darker stories, meant for another time, not one nearly as joyous as this one. So he threw her a smile, instead, and held his arm out to link with hers. "Yes. Let's."
&
El just smiled, nodding her head at the ideas John was presenting. She would admit, all of it did sound so good. Bonding with her last remaining family member, just trying to move on and be happy… She so desperately wanted that. It was all she ever thought about. But deep down, El knew she’d never be content with the way things currently were. With Death Eaters in charge. It didn’t matter that they were trying to make the world a better place. No, El saw right through that. People never really changed. Once evil, always evil. Maybe that was a naïve view to have, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was incredibly wrong. And her gut rarely led her astray. Really, it was her own father who commended her instincts, and told her never to ignore what intuition was telling her. Well, since he was gone now, all she could do was continued to live by the lessons he provided.
Though she had to admit, she was thrown off a bit at the latter part of his rambling. “A pet?” she asked, thinking on the idea. Merlin, that would be awesome, but… unfair, really. Get a pet, be around all of one to two weeks, and then bounce. The idea of it was nice though… “So like… I’m guessing a cheetah or giraffe is out of the picture then?” she asked with a smug smirk. Because who wouldn’t want a cheetah or giraffe?
Taking his arm, they walked in the direction of the theater, trying her best just to not think about tomorrow, or the next day, but just the evening at hand. “Do you like dogs or cats better?” she asked, once they were standing outside with a small group of people, the line filing past the workers checking tickets.
&
"Well," he chuckled, his smile widening at her suggestion, "Well, I doubt the giraffe could fit into the house, but I think we might just be able to make the cheetah fit into the house."
He was dreading the end of this evening already, because god, this had been ever so lovely. Then again... maybe this could change things for them, this one singular evening. If only he'd known sooner that all it would take would be tickets to the theatre and some kebabs. Then again... she had approached him first-- still suspicious, really-- so maybe this was all meant to happen tonight. Maybe they'd end up lucky and come out of this with an actually semi-functional relationship. One could only hope.
"I'd hate to leave a dog all cooped up in the house all day-- or out in the yard, but a cat might be nice, don't you think? I did always want a bunny... ah, well, there's no rule that you can only have one pet, right?" He threw her a smile, handing their tickets to the gentleman checking them one by one. "Would you like to head to the shelter sometime this weekend? Or... maybe I could even take a day off work, and we could make a day of it." There was no reason this had to end tonight, right?
&
“Why a bunny?” she asked curiously. Not because she was judging the pet choice, but because it seemed an interesting pet wish for her uncle to have. “It’s the floppy ears, isn’t it,” she said in a knowing voice, unable to judge him too hard for his animal preference. After all, rabbits were bloody adorable. She could only imagine the cuteness overload if she managed to make one wear a collar.
“You know, I heard if you raise a kitten and a bunny together, they’ll get along when they’re older, so you don’t have to worry about any kind of fighting,” she said with a shrug as they made their way inside the theater. What really surprised her though wasn’t his pet preference, but his offer to take a day off work. Because she honestly didn’t remember the last time her uncle had taken a day off work, and she had only lived with him for a little over two years. But still! He seemed to be the type with perfect attendance.
“Sure your bosses wouldn’t get salty at their star pupil ditching for the day?” she asked, her voice a tad more bitter than she would have liked. But hey, she wasn’t perfect. She was bound to slip up at some point.
&
"Definitely the floppy ears." He threw her a smile. "They are extremely adorable. And, truth be told, it was the largest animal I ever thought that our parents would let us have, and it's small enough where letting it sit on your chest is quite comfortable." Maybe those were silly reasons. But-- well. "I also happen to like the way they wiggle their little noses."
Holding the door open for her so they might find their seats, John shook his head. "You know, I've never heard that before, but it does make sense. I suppose that would be the case for most animals, though, wouldn't it? All those instances where certain animals are raised from birth amongst another group, like a dog who thinks he's a cat, or a pig who thinks it's a dog..."
Moving to sit, he just barely resisted the urge to ruffle her hair. So damn cheeky. "I think I've just about accrued a year's worth of vacation time by now. I imagine they'd survive just this once."
&
"Never would have thought your animal of choice was a rabbit, Uncle John,” El said with a smile. Apparently, she learned something new every day. Though she wasn’t going to contest the cuteness factor. El was a lover of most animals, as it were. Not enough to be a vegetarian or some shit, but she enjoyed a rabbit, or dog, or cat, just as much as anyone else.
“Maybe I should get a cat, and you should get a bunny, eh?” Yep, just don’t look towards the future, El. Don’t do it. It would just be far too complicated.
“Yeah… well… if you say so,” she finally managed. He was taking time off work… that was new. She wasn’t sure how to respond, so instead, she let it go. She was willing to let a lot of things to tonight apparently. Looking over at him then, El gave him a smile, hoping that it was enough to make him happy, for once. To give him this. Before she ruined everything.
A few moments later the lights began to dim to signal the start of the play.
&
"I think you'll find that there are a lot of things you don't know about me. Though I have become quite used to the misconceptions over the years... so most of the time I just play the part they want me to play. Fit into their tiny little boxes. People prefer it when the world makes sense, and it makes my job easier for me." It also led to him being confunded a good deal less often when people either under- or overestimated him. A win/win regardless.
"Who knows, if we do that, maybe they'll even grow up and learn to get along better than we ever did." He did always think that maybe, just maybe, if he'd been around more often, if he'd taken more time off, that maybe there wouldn't be this rift... but he supposed that didn't matter all too much anymore. It was what it was, after all.
Throwing her a smile at the sight of the lights' dimming, he leaned back in his seat. This had been a wonderful evening. The more he thought about it, the more he thought that he really, truly, wouldn't have changed a thing, even if he could have.