gryffinrebel (gryffinrebel) wrote in snitchers, @ 2017-10-04 09:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | char: helen dawlish |
Who: Helen Dawlish and Adam Savage
What: Helen is pouting and taking serious risks
Where: John's house
When: Tuesday evening, backdated to the 3rd
Rating: Low
Helen shouldn't have been outside, she knew that. Part of her staying with John, and staying safe, meant she had to stay inside, away from prying eyes. She by no means wanted to get her uncle, or his new woman, in trouble, but fuck, she needed to breathe. She needed fresh air. She needed to just… get away for a moment. And since she couldn't actually go anywhere, the only place she could manage was the backyard of the darkened house. It was evening time, and the sun had mostly set, casting large shadows over the dark green of the bushes and flowers that lined the back patio. Helen sat there, on her fourth or fifth beer, she honestly couldn't remember, and she stared up at the stars beginning to peek out of the sky.
In that moment, she was silent. But inside, she was fighting a war within herself. A war that Neville Longbottom began the moment he offered to take the fall for her bad decisions. On the one hand, he offered freedom, and Merlin, she wanted that. But on the other, her pride was just too great to give into his need to be a self sacrificing hero. Neville was convinced that he was the reason for her problems, the decisions she had made. But that simply wasn't the case! He was being utterly ridiculous and he knew it! They both knew it. And it was unfair that he would go behind her back and offer such a deal to the one person who would want it. Her Uncle. He craved her freedom if only because he cared about her well being more than she cared about her own.
This was just… such shit.
Taking another long pull from the bottle, she shifted in her spot on the steps. It was cold, and she probably should have put on long pants, or even a jacket, but she liked the cold right in that moment. It at least made her feel something other than anger. It calmed her raging temper. And Helen knew that she needed to keep her wits about her if she were to make a smart decision. Because in that moment, it was all on her. Either continue to be a prisoner of her own house, or let the man who loved her take the fall for something that wasn't his fault.
Neither option seemed appealing. Honestly, she just wanted to run away and never come back.
~~~
The upside of living a few blocks over from his best friend meant that Adam could stumble home when he'd had too much to drink. The downside of this convenience was that it gave Adam even more of an excuse to get rip roaringly drunk and he had a horrible tendency of leaving things behind. Thankfully, three decades of friendship meant that John trusted him enough to give Adam access to his home. Truthfully, he expected John to be home that evening, but found the door locked. Shrugging, Adam dug out his keys and found the one to John's house, quickly turning the lock and stepping inside. It was easy enough to assume John and Renee were at work or out being (rather adorably) in love and so Adam intended to slip inside, retrieve his coat, and slip out again.
Walking into the living room, Adam noticed the light was burning which struck him as rather odd. John was compulsive about being tidy and it wasn't like him to leave lights burning if he was out for the evening. Reaching into his jacket, Adam's fingers wrapped around his wand and his eyes narrowed. Someone was in the garden and they were about to be very aware they'd picked the wrong house to trespass in.
With his wand at the ready, Adam stepped into the garden, a stunning spell on the tip of his tongue before he quickly dropped his wand. "Fucking hell, Helen," he said and ran a hand over his face. "You could've been fucking stunned, you know that? What the hell are you doing out here? And where the hell are your clothes? Get inside, you're going to catch your fucking death or the attention of Wandholders and just WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE?"
His questions came pouring out of his mouth, one latching onto the other and leaving her no time to answer until his voice had raised and his expression had darkened. The idiot girl was back? Merlin, he was going to smack her for all her adolescent stupidity.
---
Helen didn't hear anyone open the back door, which was probably a very bad thing considering the fact she was known as a rebel. But fuck, she was tired of hiding, tired of being on edge all the time. And this was supposed to be her home, not some public muggle or magical place where she had to continually look over her shoulder. So when Adam suddenly materialized, his wand pointed directly at her, she had to admit she was a bit surprised. But only for a split second. Adam was John's absolute best friend in the entire world, he had known Helen since she was a fucking baby. If he turned her in? Well then, he was a pretty shitty friend after all. So even though her eyebrows were raised, and her beer poised against her lips for a split second, she eventually returned to her relaxed position, taking a long drink as he lectured her.
Eventually though, she rolled her eyes, waving at the air around her. "Oh come on, I have a warming charm going," she said, setting down her beer next to her and making absolutely no move to put on more clothes, or go inside, or move. After all, he wasn't her bloody father.
"You done yelling yet, Savage?" she asked in a bored tone, finally sitting up a bit, her dark hair falling over her shoulders. "And what does it look like I'm doing here. For fucks sake, you have eyes. You can clearly see I'm enjoying a beer in peace, and then you had to fucking go and ruin it." Giving him an annoyed glance she looked over him once more. He was clearly far more wasted than she was, which did pull a small smirk from her lips.
"You want another one?" she asked, pushing the remaining beer of her nearly empty six pack in his direction. "Maybe it'll help calm you down. Or maybe it'll do the opposite. Can never really tell with you," she said with a shrug.
---
"One of us is a grown adult capable of making our own bad decisions and dealing with the consequences," Adam pointed out as he fell into a chair and reached down to rub his leg. It fucking hurt. But, then again, it always hurt. Adam didn't know life without pain these last few years. "The other one is a petulant child who is stubbornly pouting because her life didn't work out the way she wanted. So, little one, maybe don't look at me with such judgment in your eyes," he said and reached over to pluck the beer out of her hand, finishing it off in several large gulps.
For a moment, he was a bit hurt that John hadn't told him about Helen's arrival. But, would he have told John if the roles were reserved? No, no he wouldn't have. Keeping information close to the vest was how they'd survived this long and he couldn't blame his friend at all for being overly cautious. At least one Dawlish knew the meaning of discretion, after all.
Running a hand through his hair, Adam looked Helen over before shrugging off his jacket and tossing it over her bare legs. "Talk," he told her. It wasn't a question, it wasn't even a request. It was a command, tinged with the expectation that she would follow it.
---
"I'm not a child anymore, asshole," she reminded him, scowling a bit as he took the beer from her grasp. Then again, she supposed she had offered. Watching as he sat down, Helen noticed the way he tended to his leg, wanting to actually be nice for a moment and ask if there was anything she could do, but she knew Adam would only see such an offer as pity, and that would piss him off far more than he was currently. Plus, in the back of her mind she wasn't stupid, there was nothing she could do, or Adam would have already done it himself. Apparently, she cared about the older male a lot more than she did other people, but he had been part of her life for years now. That was expected at this point.
Opening her mouth suddenly, she really wanted to argue with him when he mentioned something about her life not working out, and wanted to ask him when the last time someone he loved was blown up, but instead she leaned back against the step, grumbling under her breath as she looked out over the yard. She missed this place… she was happy to be back. She just also wished she wasn't a prisoner. The feeling of the warm jacket on her legs snapped her back though, and she started silently up at him for a moment, not wanting to give him what he wanted right away.
Instead she slipped the jacket over her bare, thin shoulders, snuggling into the warm material that nearly swallowed her thin frame. He smelled nice… even if it was a grumpy alcoholic.
"They're all morons. And I couldn't stay with them knowing there was no changing that. Sure, a handful of them have brains and try to make good decisions, but there's too many fucking assholes playing hero or vigilante, which just ends in disaster. I couldn't stay and watch everyone get captured. Or killed. And no one would listen to me and just thought I was a cunt." She shrugged then, grabbing the other beer and opening it with the wooden stair, taking off a small chip as well. "You're torture a wandholder once and you're a black sheep forever," she added under her breath.
---
"Being of age doesn't suddenly make you stop being a child," Adam pointed out. "How you carry yourself, the way you speak to others, the decisions you make… those are what propel you into adulthood, Helen. Not some arbitrary number of trips around the sun."
Yes, Helen was legally an adult. But her actions and attitude were those of a child. A child at the cusp of being an adult, but not quite ready to make the last step. He had no doubt she would find her way, but until such a time, Adam had no intention of speaking to her as though she were already grown.
"You can be a cunt," Adam pointed out bluntly. "You think you're smarter than everyone and the problem is that that you're a great deal smarter than most. But you're reckless and impatient. You force others to meet your standards and don't care that they are impossibly high. So when people fail, you can blame them for not meeting your expectations. Setting people up to fail doesn't mean they've failed. It means you've rigged the system. And, sure you won't get hurt, but it's awfully lonely."
In a way, Adam understood Helen's desire to shield herself. He saw what she had gone through and the impact it had on her. But being an adult meant moving beyond pain and loss.
---
The more Adam spoke, the more he grated on her nerves. After all, she had come out here for some bloody air, and maybe a hint of freedom for just a moment, and instead she found berating lectures. Her grip on the glass bottle in her hand became impossibly tight, her knuckles white as she tried to reign in her fiery hot temper. A temper that continually got her in trouble and she was trying desperately to get a handle on. But it was so much harder than it seemed.
"So what," She started, her voice tight as she turned to look at him, "Then I should have stayed and let all the dumbfucks get me killed? That I left too soon and made another mistake on top of the mistake of leaving? Go, stay, what the fuck is the right answer here? And what exactly is your point of telling me personality flaws I already fully know about? Is it just because you like to be a know it all, or hear yourself talk?" Getting up she shrugged out of his jacket, throwing it back on his lap as she leaned closer to him, her hands on either sides of the arms of his chair.
"Thanks, daddy. May I have another? You do know how much I like being told I'm a bad girl. That I'm too high maintenance for the rest of the world which will ultimately mean I end up alone. Though guess that means I'll be just like you." Squeezing her hands for a moment around the wood she finally let go, backing away and walking into the yard, away from Adam. He was annoying her and even though she was walking away from her warming charms, she didn't care. At least if she was cold she'd feel something other than anger and disappointment.
---
"You think I'm alone? Hardly. I have your uncle, I have my friends, I have my children. I'm not alone, Helen. And the reason I'm telling you all of this is because you need to break the cycle. You need to start thinking first before you're trapped in an endless loop of impossible situations."
He rolled his eyes as she stomped away, knowing full well that teenaged girls weren't the best at controlling their emotions. His own daughter was barely older than Helen. Though, thankfully, she hadn't inherited his Gryffindor temperament.
"You're the only one who can know what is the right call here. No one else can decide that for you. But if you want to sit down and run through the various pros and cons with me, I'll gladly listen and offer you some know it all and fatherly advice."
----
"You have friends? Huh. Didn't know people could actually like you," She said out loud, not bothering to look back at him as she did so. Instead she looked up at the sky for a moment, wishing that things were different. She had spent a great deal of time doing that recently, if only because she didn't have much else to do when trapped inside the house.
And while Helen wanted to scoff at his offer, if only because she didn't want him to have the satisfaction of feeling as though he helped her, she also knew it could be nice. Maybe. Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she made an audible annoyed noise as she walked back, if only to grab the rest of her beer.
"There's no right call. The world isn't that fucking simple. I have 3 choices. I go back, and eventually get arrested or killed. But hey, at least I stuck to my guns and made a decision, right? Option 2, I stay here, in the house, forever. Basically as a prisoner while my Uncle fucks his new fiance and I have to hope I don't walk in on it. Option 3, I let the boy who is in love with me, whose heart I also stomped on when I left, lie and say he coerced me into doing what I did. And if you know anything about me, you know I can't fucking live with myself if I let him do it." Taking another swig she sighed in a frustrated fashion.
---
Adam listened, though the flaws in her logic were obvious immediately. There was always another option, if one was smart enough to create it.
"The world isn't simple, no, but it can be at times. You're only focused on the negative outcome of each scenario. And you're allowing your pessimistic side to run rampant with your reasoning. So, let's start over."
It was cold outside without his jacket and Adam could feel the autumn chill settling into his bones. He would ache later that night, for certain. But, in the present, Helen needed some advice and that need took precedent over his own injuries.
"Going back isn't the smartest course of action for numerous reasons. I would advise against it for no other reason than it would devastate your uncle. And hiding in this house also strikes me as a limiting option which will only result in your losing your temper over and over. So those choices are clearly out. Now, with regards to this boy and his feelings for you… Well. You cannot make anyone do anything for you. If he wants to sacrifice himself for you, let him. He's making that choice. You're not holding a wand to his neck, are you?"
----
"Can you honestly fucking blame me for being a pessimist, Adam. Like… honestly?" Her parents had been blown up. Her life irreversibly changed, and she had gotten to experience first hand the prejudice of Death Eaters while being a young muggleborn at school. She could still remember Amycus Carrow. He was a little too good at Crucio.
Taking a breath as Adam moved to join her, she didn't stop herself from moving in close to him. He was warm and familiar, even if sometimes she hated him. Like right now.
"You don't get it though. No one gets it. Letting him take the fall for me means I can't take responsibility for my own actions. But that's just it… they were my actions. And my decisions. Letting someone else erase that just because they feel guilty, or some inherent need to be the hero and rescue the damsel in distress.. it feels wrong. And demeaning." Helen was far too proud to let someone else rescue her. That was blatantly obvious. Her Gryffindor was showing rather brilliantly in that moment, and logic couldn't quite worm it's way into her brain.
---
"So, then," he said and once again put his jacket around her shoulders, "do you want to hear the fourth option? Because it's rather simple. You simply turn yourself in and you allow your Uncle to make a deal for you. Hell, kid. This isn't complicated. You're young. You did a dumb thing. You'll get off easily enough if you make it happen."
The Ministry wanted people of value, people of significance. And, he hated to say it to her and wouldn't, but Helen didn't matter. She was a young kid who mouthed off. That was it.
Putting an arm around her lightly, Adam squeezes her shoulders and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Own up to what you did, but let others help you. We're family, kid. That's why you have us."
---
"I don't want to give up my magic," She said sadly, almost desperately as she refused to look at him. And while the moment before she had been relaxed, her body tensed at the very idea. Helen couldn't handle the idea of not being able to protect herself.
"How would you feel if given that choice? Especially as an ex auror. Your abilities with your wand made you. It protected you. Would you willingly give that up the the very people you find it difficult to trust?" It wasn't fair. It wasn't possible. Her magic was hers. Her wand was her birthright.
"It's just Purists trying to take magic from Mudbloods all over again." Her voice shook in just the slightest bit, and her eyes burned, but Helen could not cry. It simply wasn't something she was capable of doing in front of others, least of all Adam. Who was probably thinking about how much of a fucking baby she seemed right now.
---
"No, I wouldn't give up my magic. And you don't have to either. Because you are still protected. Your Uncle has power, you know. And I can sway the public however I see fit. So, why are you insisting on believing we're going to let something bad happen to you?"
Putting his hands on her shoulders, Adam turned Helen to face him. His fingers curled under her chin and lifted her face to meet his, not missing the glossiness of her eyes.
"Have faith, kid. And learn to trust. You're going to need both of those things in life, El."
She looked so broke in that moment, helpless and distraught. Adam felt a pull in his stomach to hold her close, but that was a line he wasn't willing to cross. Some betrayals were worse than others and crossing lines with John's niece was the worst of them all.
"Come on. Do you trust me? Do you trust your Uncle?"
----
"Because my life is characterized by bad things happening. Expecting the worst makes it easier to survive," She said quietly, momentarily surprised by her own honesty. "And he can't always protect me, neither can you, Adam," she told him as she stared up at him, his finger under her chin so she couldn't avoid eye contact any longer. So instead, she hardened her own features, putting on a much braver face than she actually felt.
His words though about trust… she found it difficult to swallow, unable to stop herself from biting her lower lip, finding control not to argue and take his words for face value. It was truly some sort of miracle on her part, or maybe even growth. At least for the moment, she found a bit of control. Helen didn't trust anyone anymore. It was just how she managed to survive, and how she stopped herself from constantly being let down, but she had an urge to trust again, longed for it even. So instead of giving him the positive answer he wanted, Helen did the best she could.
"Guess I'm going to have to since I have no other choice, right?"
---
With a smirk, Adam pulled his hand away and pushed her shoulder lightly. "Begrudging acceptance over the shiftiness that is life," Adam said with a grin. "Maybe you are an adult."
Shaking his head, he had to wonder how John dealt with Helen at all. His own children had been much easier to manage, quite possibly because he wasn't around much. But he'd never been the most parental sort of person anyhow.
"Are you done sulking enough that we can go inside? It's fucking freezing tonight and you have my jacket," he reminded her before turning and heading for John's living room. "Come on kid," he said over his shoulder. "And cover your damn legs. I may be old, but I'm not dead."
----
Rolling her eyes, Helen finally smiled. It wasn't much, but it was something. Especially since she hadn't done much except scowl or frown since she had been home.
"You're not getting it back. You'll have to fight me for it," She said in a half sing song voice and she hurried up to walk right in front of him, making her way into the warmth of the house as she moved towards the staircase to change.
"And don't lie… you enjoyed the show. Perv," She said with a laugh over the banister, disappearing upstairs.
---