Ginny Lestrange (bigbadwitch) wrote in snitchers, @ 2017-06-13 09:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | char: ginny lestrange, char: neville longbottom |
Neville,
It’s been six months exactly since the last time I saw you. In the entire time we’ve known each other, this is the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing you. I have to admit, I’m not fan. Even when things were at the worst (which point was the worst?) I at least got to see your face and it helped. Now, I don’t have so much as a picture and every day it seems like I remember what you look like a little less. I’m worried that you’ll slip further and further away from me each day until I wake up one morning and you’re just a shadow of a memory from a time when I was free.
I know you’ve all promised that you’re coming from me, but I think it’s a promise you’re all going to wind up breaking. There’s no escape from this place. I’ve tried. Nev, you can’t believe how often I’ve tried. Each time I run the magic here brings me back into the house, locked away in the attic or trapped in a closet. I keep running and I will never stop trying to get away, but I know deep down that it’s hopeless. Lestrange has no intention of letting me go and he’ll kill anyone who tries to get to me.
So, this is my fate. Dusting, scrubbing, and attending Session. I read a great deal. Hermione would be proud. But nothing, no amount of distraction, can dull the ache I feel when I think of you. Because, Neville, it’s you. I miss you more than anyone else. More than my brothers or my dad. More than I ever missed Harry. I miss you constantly. You’re the thought in my head when I fall asleep and when I wake up.
People always think I’m Harry’s. Strange notion, isn’t it? He’s been gone for so long. Over three years now. And yet, I’m still “his.” Even Lestrange sees me that way. I know Ron does. And, part of me thinks that you do, too. That has to be the reason, right? The reason you never… that we never..
I’m not Harry’s. Not just because he’s gone. I wasn’t his long before he died. I stopped being his during my sixth year, it just took me awhile to realize it. I’m not anyone’s Neville, but if I were to be someone’s then I’d hoped it would’ve been you. There. I said it. Not that it matters though, does it? I’m gone and I can’t even send this to you. Like everything else between us, it’ll go unsaid. Tucked away in my fancy room and unable to get to you.
I don’t think I’ll ever see you again. When the Prophet comes each morning I tear through it, scanning for any news on you. I listen to the Wireless with the hopes that I’ll hear something, but with the fear that I’ll hear the worst. I think one of us will die before we see each other again. If it’s me, if I’m the one who goes, then I need you to promise me something.
Don’t you dare stop being the wonderful person I know you are. You’re gentle and kind and compassionate and so brave. You’re the bravest person I know. I know you’re going to have an amazing life once this is all over. I have to believe that. I have to believe that you’re going to win and find a perfect life with a perfect woman and have a perfect family. I wish it could be with me.
There’s so much more I could say, but some words are best kept to myself. I can hold onto the last few words and let them keep me warm on the coldest nights. Just know that I miss you and I think of you every day. You are, and always will be, my best friend. Think of me and play some checkers, would you? Keep smiling. Fly through some clouds and grow the most perfect plants. Live your life, Nev. Promise me you’ll do all the things I can’t do.
Yours always,
Ginny