Sophie Ropher-Lestrange (footinmouth) wrote in snitchers, @ 2017-07-25 18:56:00 |
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Entry tags: | char: alec vaisey, char: andrew mcphail, char: sophie roper |
Who: Andrew McPhail, Sophie Roper, and Alec Vaisey
When: Tuesday, July 25th, Around 8:30 pm
Where: Sophie's flat then Alec's flat
What: Heartbreak. Tears. Etc.
Warnings: None
Rating: Low
Status: Partially logged/In Progress
The week in Spain had done wonders for Andrew's health. His skin took on a golden glow under the sun and his mind had actually shut itself off long enough that he could rest. There had been no headaches since the last awful one nearly two weeks prior. He always enjoyed time with his sister, but Andrew had found himself laughing more and letting go of the little things. Not worrying about what anyone thought or stressing over what he couldn't control at work. And then Sophie had agreed to join them for dinner on Saturday night. It would be filed away as hands-down one of his best memories. There was no awkwardness or discomfort, only he and his two favorite women, enjoying a beautiful night in an old, exotic city. He'd been able to pretend, for a few hours, that he had (almost) everything he wanted. It was a dangerous thing to do. Still, she'd hugged him at the end of the night, after he'd seen her back to the temporary floo. He overruled his better intentions and kissed her forehead before he let her go.
He turned to England riding the high it left in him. After all, he got to see Sophie and talk to her and work with her every day. That was far better than nothing at all, and he was very glad the weirdness between them seemed to have passed. Keeping his feelings for her in check, because there was no denying their existence, wasn't easy, but he had to do it. Even if she reciprocated and something came of it, Andrew feared the worst. He only had to remember his brief career with the Magpies to be reminded that the things he wanted most tended to go spectacularly wrong.
Back at the office on Monday, things were normal again. Better, maybe. Sophie was smiling and happy. Andrew delivered his apology to the girl he'd yelled at during his low point - a weekend getaway to the shore - and felt that the week was starting off perfectly. The only dark cloud was the fact that though the League Head was back, he looked in terrible shape. He'd told Andrew first thing that they needed to meet later in the day. A time was arranged, and Andrew got to work. Ten minutes prior to their appointment, Andrew left his desk and headed for his superior's office. He arrived in time to overhear one of the man's friends, from another department, chuckling. He knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but rather than make the trip twice, Andrew stayed.
"Yes," his boss said, in seeming agreement with something, "I think he'll make a fine choice. He's been running the place for a while now, what with all my absences. It's only a shame that he won't have the Roper girl to step into his position. He seems to depend on her a great deal."
"I've heard great things," the friend quipped. "Where has she decided to go?"
"The Floo Network, of all things. I can't make sense of it, but it's her choice. She'll still be with us briefly. I've called McPhail in to give him the good and bad news at once."
What. Andrew's stomach dropped like a stone. His chest felt as though there might be an elephant sitting on it. He fisted a hand against the wall and bowed his head into the beginnings of panic. Sophie was leaving? For the Floo Network? None of it made sense. Why hadn't she said anything on Saturday? Was she not planning on telling him? Just...not showing up to work one day? He'd known it was coming. Expected it. He just couldn't believe it. She'd seemed satisfied with her work. Unhappy with him, sometimes, sure, but not enough to leave.
It took everything he had to school his expression when he finally walked into his employer's office. Hearing the news a second time didn't make it any clearer. He barely heard as he was unofficially promoted to Department Head. Andrew nodded a few times and could later remember answering several questions on autopilot. That ache was back behind his sternum and he felt...betrayed. He was going to go back to work and go on as though everything was as usual, to see if Sophie would come and tell him herself, but he couldn't focus. He found an excuse to leave the Ministry for the remainder of the day, visiting three of the pitches to talk with coaches and managers about the upcoming season. Andrew didn't sleep that night, and fought a headache all of Tuesday. Still, nothing from Sophie except her normal activity. He stayed in the office for an hour after she'd gone home before he couldn't take it any longer.
Andrew apparated to Diagon Alley and walked the rest of the way to the flat she shared with two other girls. He barely saw anything of his surroundings. He couldn't remember whether he'd knocked the first time, so he did it again.
---
Making the decision to transfer departments had been the best thing Sophie had done for herself. The moment the letter was delivered to her boss, Sophie felt all the weight on her shoulders vanish. There was a light at the end of the tunnel and Sophie could walk towards it confidently. A career change wasn't planned, but she'd researched which departments were in the worst state and chose one where she knew she could advance quickly. Her heart would miss Quidditch, miss working alongside her colleagues, especially Andrew, but she simply couldn't do it a moment longer.
It was easy to be herself again. Sophie laughed and smiled throughout the day and worked hard to ensure all her work was done so leaving wasn't going to be as devastating. She even left around seven that evening, two hours earlier than she normally would. Sophie headed home and changed into her pajama's and made herself a bite to eat. The knock on the door was a surprise and Sophie emerged from the bathroom, toothbrush in hand. She padded barefoot towards the door before opening it, half expecting a visitor for one of her flatmates.
What she hadn't expected was Andrew. Her eyes widened and her face reflected just how shocked she was to see him there. He'd never shown up like this before and she was surprised he remembered where she lived. "Andrew... what--" Oh. Oh, gods. He knew. Sophie took a step back from the doorway, as though she could remove herself from this awful encounter.
"I can explain."
---
Andrew was so out of sorts when Sophie opened the door that all he could do for several moments was stare at the bare patch of skin showing at her midriff. His mouth was dry and his throat actually clicked when he swallowed. He repeated the motion and finally met her eyes. So it was true, then. He wasn't immediately sure which hurt more - that she apparently hadn't planned on telling him, or that she'd been acting like everything was fine on top of it. What was he supposed to say? Had they ever really been friends, or had she just been humoring him? She was the first person he'd have told about the promotion, if it hadn't come on the heels of this. The craziest part was, he shouldn't have cared beyond being proud of her for going after what she wanted. Sophie was his employee. She wouldn't have made the move if it wasn't in her best interests. So why was he so bothered?
"I...you don't have to explain," he murmured, shaking his head. "I just want to know. Were you ever going to tell me, or were you just not going to show up for work one day? Let Peter tell everyone?" He paced a step to one side and back, pulling at his robes in frustration. "How long have you...? Did you already know, Saturday?"
There was no need for all this. He should've just let it go. Gone home. Andrew rubbed at his forehead, as though that might help the situation sink in faster. He'd already been knee-deep in processing for twenty-four hours. Now he wanted...what? The truth was, he wanted Sophie to stay. Couldn't bear the thought of not seeing her. Not having her in his life daily. He was being stupid. It was a different kind of hurt settling in than that that had come in the hospital after he'd woken up, following the accident.
---
His questions felt like hexes hitting her heart, one after the other. If he had any idea how long she'd labored over this plan or how much it hard hurt to turn her request in officially. It wasn't what she wanted, but it was the best option she currently had in front of her. Even now with Andrew looming over her looking angry and betrayed, Sophie loved him. She loved him too much to be able to cope, too much to be able to pretend. He couldn't understand the reasoning behind her decision and she hadn't planned on telling him. Why submit herself to future embarrassment?
But he demanded so much of her. Questions that she had to answer, that she needed to answer. "I couldn't tell you," she said with a small voice. "You're the reason I'm leaving, Andrew. How am I supposed to tell you that? There isn't a box on the transfer request for why I'm leaving." Sophie hated herself in that moment. If she hadn't gotten attached, if she hadn't allowed herself to entertain the idea of something more with the man in front of her then none of this would've happened.
Sighing, Sophie ran a hand over her face. "I didn't know on Saturday Saturday decided it for me."
---
You're the reason I'm leaving.
Andrew reeled back like he'd been slapped, his face beginning to drain of all its color. He was suddenly very grateful for the dim lighting outside Sophie's door. What exactly had he done or not done that drove her away? What was awful enough that she'd run to the Floo Network? It wasn't exactly the future he'd seen for her when he thought of where she might go when she left him.
"I assure you, that was all you needed to say." Bitterness was something he was good at, and it rose in his throat like acid, burning the whole way. "Regardless of what my sister seems to think, I am an adult and can handle the truth, no matter how difficult it might be to hear." He thought she'd known that. He wasn't some sensitive, sniveling infant. Yes, it hurt like hell. No, he didn't have to tell Sophie that. Eventually, he would get over this loss like he'd gotten over losing Quidditch - by shoving it down so deep that it barely ached anymore. So why was he still standing there, torturing himself? "Would you be so kind as to tell me what about myself was the most problematic, so that I can rectify it and avoid repeating the same mistakes in future?"
He was an idiot. Walking away would've been the better idea. Not driving the knife in deeper.
---
In all their years working together, Andrew had never used a tone like that on her before. Sophie winced, taking another step back from her doorway as though she'd been struck. While normally she was articulate beyond measure, Sophie felt all her words fail her as Andrew bitterly questioned her. She didn't want to tell him again. Hadn't she humiliated herself enough for his satisfaction? Why did he have to push when the answer would only serve to hurt her more? Sophie wanted to be angry with him. Anger would be so much easier to handle than the crushing devastation of unrequited love.
She didn't have the strength or ability to hide the emotions painted across her face. Her heart ached, her fingers itched with the desire to reach out towards him. Sophie swallowed against a lump in her throat, wondering when it had appeared.
Andrew didn't need an answer, she told herself. And she didn't deserve this. Not after everything she'd done for him. Merlin, she dedicated years of her life to being by his side and giving everything she had to the department. Aside from the one gross misstep at the Gala, Sophie had been the perfect colleague and now she was being snapped at without any warning. She should have slammed the door in his face and told him to go to hell. But she wasn't cruel. And she wasn't a liar. And he asked. Sophie looked down for a moment. trying to erase the hurt from her face before she met his gaze again.
"I'm leaving because I fell in love you," she finally said, barely more than a whisper and felt tears threaten to fall down her cheeks. "That's why. Because every single day I go to work and I see you there and it hurts. It hurts to see you, to hear your voice, to not be able to be anything by your assistant. And I can't do it anymore, Andrew." At some point during her response, Sophie felt wetness on her cheeks and the aforementioned tears had made an appearance as well. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ruined everything."
---
In the time it took Sophie to answer, Andrew's brain produced a hundred reasons why she might be leaving him. None of them fit with the emotions he saw warring in her eyes and on her face. She looked absolutely heartbroken - just as hurt as he was. It simply didn't compute. She was leaving. Why was she hurt? It had been her choice, after all. In the morning, he knew he would regret causing her pain. Hurting people was never something he enjoyed. Despite the lack of affection and compassion in his own upbringing, Andrew had a wealth of it. He liked to see those around him happy and smiling. It made for a better environment, whether that was at work or on some random city street. He stood there, waiting, hoping for something that might make his heart stop in its quest to crack right down the middle. Andrew hated this; hated that he'd managed, against every better judgment and wish and hope, to lose his heart to the girl standing in front of him. He'd never stood a chance, had he?
And then, she yanked the ground from beneath his feet. There was white noise in his head and then nothing at all. She loved him, so she was leaving? Rather than just telling him so, and letting him decide what to do with it, she'd took it upon herself to walk away from a career and, he'd thought, a friend. But then that meant that at the Gala...
Andrew shook his head. He couldn't be hearing her correctly. For months, he'd have given everything he owned to have Sophie say something like that. Now, it almost felt...he couldn't even describe it to himself. Did she think he couldn't be professional about it? Or that he might not respond in kind? She just hadn't given him the chance. Instead, Sophie was walking away. She was crying. Part of him was overcome by the need to pull her into his arms, comfort her, tell her she didn't have to leave, because didn't she see? He felt the same. The other part was disappointed in her, for the rest of it. He was too stunned, too overwhelmed by it all to say anything. There were no words sufficient for the moment.
If he'd been pale before, his face went bright red to the point that even his ears burned. His jaw clenched. He couldn't have said whether it was a harsh bark of laughter or a choked-off noise of anguish that left his throat. All he could do was nod. He couldn't look at her anymore. It was stupid and childish and taking the coward's way when he twisted into the night to apparate home.
---
Her heart pounded in her chest, waiting for Andrew to say something. She had a moment of hope that maybe, just maybe, he was going to realize the potential of them. Sophie would have given her magic away for the chance to be loved by Andrew and for a few silent moments, he held her heart in his hand.
She watched his face, the tears flowing faster as Andrew's face darkened and his jaw tightened. She'd angered him. Sophie had the answer she'd been dreading. Andrew couldn't possibly look that angry if he shared her feelings, even a little. The final nail in the coffin had been hammered in an as Andrew vanished from her sight, Sophie took a step forward to close the room. She sank against it, her shoulders shaking with sobs as she the finality of the situation washed over her.
Sophie didn't remain on the floor long. She couldn't be alone, not with this grief. Pulling herself off the floor, her body still wracked with sobs, Sophie went to her bedroom to grab her wand and apparated herself into Alec's flat.
"Al-- Alec," she cried. "Alec?"