Who: Fred and Penny What: Confrontations Where: Penny's flat When: After this but before this Rating: A glass case of emotions
She'd given Fred her address, but they hadn't set a date or time, and it wasn't as though she was about to bother him to actually confirm, especially not when she didn't even know if he was planning on coming to see her in the first place. Which meant that Penny had spent the last couple of days worrying about whether or not he was even planning on showing up, and, if he was, what they were even going to say to each other. Merlin, there had been so many strikethroughs on both their parts that it would be a miracle if they could get anything spoken aloud at all. And now things had become even more complicated. She could only imagine that if George had told anyone at all about what had happened, it would be Fred, and how he'd respond to that...
Still-- they were going to have to learn how to work together sooner than later, right? She wanted to help them. There was a reason, after all, that she currently had lacewing flies already stewing on her kitchen counter, Penny getting up to anxiously check it again every few moments before returning to her book-- the book she had increasing trouble concentrating on. Still, it wasn't until the buzzer for entry into her flat rang out that she nearly jumped out of her skin, Penny rushing to the door, hesitating, and finally just opening the door once she was certain it was who she thought it was.
"Hi," she muttered softly, her own voice suddenly sounding foreign to her own ears.
&
Fred had put off his visit as long as humanly possible. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Penelope Clearwater, it was just that… he didn’t want to see Penelope Clearwater. She was a living reminder of the brother he had lost and the idea of talking to her about Percy terrified him. The memories weren’t buried that deep, but they were buried enough to ignore them.
Of course now he had to come. Now things had changed. George had seen to that.
His fingers had brushed the buzzer a dozen times before he’d actually mustered up the courage to press it. What would Percy say? He’d probably say Fred was being stupid, that all this was closure for a girl who had lost her fiancee. He’d tell Fred that he was being selfish and stupid, and that he wanted George and Penny to be happy. He had always been the sensible brother. Percy would have told him that, but he wasn’t here to tell him that.
“Hey,” Fred replied, shoving his hands into his pockets. His fingers wrapped around an old bus ticket that offered a way for him to ground himself and try to mask the little bubble of anger that started to swell up the moment he saw her. “Sorry I.. didn’t come before. Got delayed...”
&
"Right," she muttered softly, stepping back and opening the door fully to let him in. "Of course." She could only imagine what would have delayed him. It was exact same thing that would have likely delayed her, had they not agreed on a time in advance.
"I'll put the kettle on," she finally heard herself say, stepping into her kitchenette if only for something to do, suddenly desperate for anything at all with which to occupy her hands. "Sorry I didn't have anything ready; if I had known that you'd be by..."
What on earth would she have done then? Prepared so she could stupidly sit there without something to do? Merlin, this was dreadful.
"How have you been?" She blinked up at him, finally willing to actually meet his gaze. "The hair… is surprising." It had been with George, too.
&
Fred’s hand crept up to the mop of unfamiliar brown as she mentioned his hair, and he brushed his fingers through it, leaving it messy and spiked up in their wake.
“Oh, yeah,” Fred agreed, pulling a few strands down to look at, as if he needed to check the colour was still there.
Surprisingly, Muggle dye had proved to be rather reliable. Charms could be broken or shaken loose but this seemed pretty determined to stay in place, though now he’d showered a few times he was convinced there was a slight fiery tinge to the brown.
“Still takes me by surprise when I look in the mirror,” He told her, and he took up a spot in the kitchen, leaning back against the worktop in front of some cupboards. “You look.. Fine…” His words were clipped and he was trying, really trying, not to immediately start ranting at her about sleeping with George.
&
"It's..." She shook her head, briefly trying to find the right words for it only to come up empty. "Disarming." She'd been expecting to get the same tightness in her chest that always seemed to come alongside any unexpected wash of red hair, but… this was different. Unfamiliar territory, as it were. Everything had changed, in so short a time.
And yet, judging by the awkward silence between the two of them, nothing was really all that different.
Flinching as she heard the kettle start to whistle, Penny turned back to take it off the stove.
&
Fred watched her impassively. He wasn’t sure what to say or what to do. This was deep into unknown territory for him. He’d never been the most emotional person and this was going to be an evening of facing emotions. His first instinct was to dive in, face it head on as if it were a bludger coming to meet his bat, but perhaps that wasn’t the best course of action.
“You know.. I never expected you to come back,” He said suddenly. Thoughts of her and George had fallen into second place in his mind. Looking at Penny made Fred think of one thing and one thing only. Percy. “I mean it’s not like we asked you to leave, but..”
&
Sighing at his words, she moved to sit, shaking her head as she reached for her cup of tea as though seeking solace in the comfort it could provide. "You didn't have to."
It wasn't as though she didn't understand where they were coming from. She was an ever-present reminder of all things Percy, just as they had been the same for her. Looking up at him, absently noting how the heat emanating from her mug was slowly searing her palms, a lovely distraction from her present surroundings.
She was quiet for a long moment, Penny swallowing hard as she finally looked up at him, her voice soft. "Do you have any idea how much it hurt to see all of you?"
&
Fred was struggling. He ignored the tea as he fought internally whilst Penny stayed silent. He wanted to make a joke, to try and lighten things up between them. He wanted to joke to dispel the topic of the conversation and turn it away from the brother he’d watched die, or his twin’s apparent mistake. But he couldn’t. Not now. A joke had practically killed his brother. If he hadn’t distracted him, if he hadn’t approached the battle like it was a game…
No, he couldn’t think like that. He’d been through that once before, faced that grief head-on after the battle-
Penny’s words cut through his thoughts with a jarring wrench. Fred felt a swell of anger, almost like a bodily response to the grief that had been buried, the way endorphins would flood the bloodstream during pain. And it wasn’t her fault, but with everything going on, and with the revelation that she and George had been together, and everything dragged up by her appearance, Fred’s anger channeled towards Penny like a lightning rod. “Sorry seeing us makes you feel bad,” He said sardonically, “I’d have put on a mask if I’d known.”
&
Penny could feel her pulse thumping in her ears, almost impossibly loudly, until it was all she could hear. Was he seriously talking to her about this in that tone? For a long moment, the only sensation that was really reaching her was the heat of her tea, Penny staring, unfocused, at the ground as she tried to process his words.
Looking up at him, she just stared. For a very long moment, disbelief coloring her features.
"Really?" she finally asked, her voice soft, and yet no less firm than it might have otherwise been, if she wasn't as utterly flabbergasted or insulted by his behavior. "You're really talking to me like that? About this?"
Because if he was going to backpedal… the time to do that would be right about now.
&
Fred crossed his arms, his tea well and truly ignored. He knew he should stop, that he should apologise and explain, but he couldn’t bring himself to. With everything going on around him, Fred felt like a swollen bottle, his emotions pressing against the cork, driving it millimeter by millimeter out the top. Fred Weasley was a ticking timebomb, and he wasn’t sure he was one Penny would be able to diffuse.
“Well how do you want me to talk to you?” He asked, “What do you want me to say? It’s-- It’s been four years. Four years and you were still wearing black.” He gestured to her clearly not black ensemble, made a face, and added, “Metaphorically. Until George apparently.”
&
Penny blinked. Whatever had crawled up Fred Weasley's rectum had apparently lodged itself fairly tightly inside of it.
"Am I supposed to apologize to you? For-- for what-- for not fucking more guys that aren't Percy? For not using my time in Luxembourg to slut it up so that you'd feel more comfortable whenever I did come back? Why-- so you wouldn't feel guilt? Guilt, I should add, which I just told you to stop carrying around like a ball and chain?"
It was a terrible argument to use on someone presently so hot-headed and tempestuous. It would likely only serve to upset him further, how calm her voice was remaining-- for now-- but she couldn't bring herself to non-organically change her behavior for his sake.
Setting her tea down, she moved to stand, only the kitchen counter separating them at this point.
"Have you ever been so in love with someone that the thought of not spending the rest of your life with them made you wonder if it would even be worth it at all? What if you lost your other half-- what if you lost George? Would you really just, what, get over it? Stop caring specifically for the sake of those around you? Or would you see him every time you looked in the mirror? You have say in when it would or wouldn't be appropriate for me to get over this!"
&
“I’m not guilty-” Fred lied, his response quick and clipped the moment he was accused of it. He glared at Penny over the counter as she spoke. What had Percy seen in her? Well, that much was obvious. Of course bossy, workaholic Percy would like someone equally as bossy and workaholic.
“Seriously? Are you seriously implying that Perce-- that his death was worse for you? He was your boyfriend! He was my brother! I might’ve made jokes about him but he was my family!” Fred said, his voice getting a little louder than strictly necessary. He stomped around the kitchen counter until he was level with her. He needed to be so his pointing finger had the impact he wanted it to. Every word was a jab with his index at her.
“I’m not telling you to stop caring about him. I never said that. I never told you to run away. I never told you to fuck around. I’m telling you to stop sitting around acting like he’s coming back! He’s not coming back! He’s DEAD!” Fred froze, the word hanging in the air between them. He felt the hot prick of tears in the corners of his eyes, and he scrunched up his nose to push them away.
&
"Liar," she whispered sharply, her voice just this side of hushed as she glared daggers in his direction.
Boyfriend. Fred was calling Percy her boyfriend. The hand that was still wrapped around the handle of her tea was starting to tremble, Penny feeling tears gather rapidly in her gaze as she suddenly heard and felt the mug shatter beside her, hot tea rushing over her bare skin. It had been a very long time since she'd inadvertently affected something because of her emotions, and even as her fingers curled on the counter at the sudden shock of pain, Penny fought-- hard-- to keep her expression level.
Finally, her hand still trembling, she reached over to pull off her engagement ring to hold up for Fred to see.
"Boyfriend?" she whispered almost downright venomously, Penny swallowing thickly. "Why the bloody hell do you think your father apparently still considers me family? Because I was dating your brother? Because I'm pretty sure when someone gets down on one knee and asks you to marry them, that makes you their bloody fiancée!"
Evidently, her hand wasn't the only thing that was trembling now, Penny taking another step toward Fred. "Not that I'm surprised to find out you didn't know, considering that you're not the one that was with him the last four years of his life! Otherwise you might have known that I was the one that finally convinced him to make up with all of you! And you'd know that we broke up for a short time because he wasn't willing to just swallow his pride and apologize for what an arse he'd been!"
Her hand was turning an angry shade of red, but Penny was angry enough not to notice, her own voice rising in pitch as she took another step closer. "You have no right to tell me what to do! Especially when I know perfectly fucking well that he's dead and not coming back! How dare you!" She'd had half the mind to slap him, Penny amazed even at herself that she'd simply settled for swearing-- something she really didn't usually do. At least not under normal circumstances.
But then, these were hardly normal circumstances.
&
Fred jumped in surprise as the mug shattered. Startled as he was, his thoughts were scattered. He opened his mouth to ask if she was ok, though he couldn’t see any blood, when she turned on him. Fiancée? He blinked. Of course. George had mentioned- A look of shame passed over Fred’s face and he stepped back slightly as she continued to admonish him. Well it wasn’t like Percy had kept them all up to speed on his life, and Fred had been anything but willing to listen to Penny after Percy’s death.
Desperate to avoid facing the swirling emotions threatening to tear him apart Fred lashed out once again, but even as the words left his lips Fred was desperate to pull them back.
“So it’s your fault then! It would’ve been better if he’d never come back! If he’d stayed away he’d still be alive!”
He looked appalled at himself, at the stab he’d taken at a girl who was just as hurt as he was. He clenched and unclenched his fists at his side, and glanced away in shame. His anger ebbed away as quickly as it had washed over him.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean that,” He said softly, attempting to blink away his tears, “It’s not your fault, it’s not— It’s not anyone’s fault. I’m not-“ He trailed off, his throat tightening, voice threatening to crack. Percy’s body might as well have been lying on the floor at their feet for how heavily he rested between them. Fred could picture it so viscerally; Percy’s eyes open and glassy and staring unseeing through his broken glasses.
&
It had been a long time since Penny had actually, genuinely cried over Percy's death. She wasn't a crier. Not usually, at any rate.
But there had always been that tiny little voice in the back of her head that had echoed precisely the same sentiment that Fred was expressing now. It had been one of the many reasons she'd left, a part of her unable to keep herself from feeling guilt over the fact that it had happened at all, unable to look any of his family members in the eye not only because she'd see him reflected back at her, but also because he would have never died if she'd just kept her mouth shut.
Which meant that Fred's words struck her like a backhand of her own creation, Penny's hand coming up to cover her face as she felt herself crumble, a harsh, visceral sob leaving her as she attempted to hide herself. Her arm had wrapped around herself almost protectively, and for a moment Penny felt like she was folding in on herself, shrinking in the face of her memories and her guilt, which Fred had now so easily laid bare for her. An overdue reminder.
He was apologizing-- his voice sounding distant, as though echoing around her-- Penny just shaking her head. There was no point to apologize when he was right. Of course, even if she tried to respond now, she couldn't, her throat too thick with tears she'd held in for years as she tried to hold herself together just enough so that she could remain standing.
&
Fred knew that look all too well. He’d worn a similar expression the days after Percy’s passing, when he had gone over the moment again and again trying to figure out what he could have done different. The thousand other possibilities that didn’t result in Percy dying in the school corridor had been played and replayed in his mind.
Fred swallowed the thick lump in his throat and wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand, smearing away the tears that hadn’t yet fallen.
“Penny,” His voice was strained, “Penny I’m sorry. I’m sorry I... I’m sorry I never spoke to you. I know everyone else they… they comforted you but-” Fred blinked hard again, his eyes darting around the kitchen, looking every which way but her as he spoke. “I’m sorry I never told you what he did in those last few minutes. How.. how he died smiling.”
His shoulders shook with the effort to not sob. For a second he was a screwed up ball of choked back tears. Except they weren’t holding back anymore. He realised his cheeks were wet. This was a conversation they should have had four years ago, but Fred had been too hurt and too stubborn to care what Percy’s girlfriend had wanted to talk about.
He reached out and stroked the top of her arm, “It wasn’t your fault.”
&
Penny let herself slump forward slightly-- just far enough to rest her forehead on his chest as she did her best to pull herself back together. It had been such a very long time since she'd even had to, it was as though she'd forgotten how to do it.
Running away had meant repressing so many of these feelings, not wanting to deal with the grief as it dwelled steadily just beneath the surface. Life had felt unreal away from England, and now that she's returned, it was as though she'd returned to pick up from where she'd left off.
But she had healed-- of course she had. She remembered how numb she'd felt for months on end after it had happened, how she couldn't stop thinking about how he'd died, and how she'd been denied the chance to say goodbye-- but he'd died smiling. She could only hope that he'd been happy. Happy to have gotten his family back, happy to finally have everything fall into place...
It didn't hurt as much anymore. She just hasn't learned how not to punish herself anymore for what had happened. The guilt she'd buried deeply, resurfacing only the night before this one. Was she allowed to move on? Did she even have to ask for permission?
Fumbling for a tissue off to her side, Penny's hand finally found purchase, blowing her nose before she tried to dry her eyes even as fresh tears kept coming.
"I'm sorry-- I'm not usually like this--"
&
Penny pressing close to him wasn’t something he had expected or really prepared himself for. For a second he stood looking down at her before raising his hands to rub her shoulders and arms slowly to comfort her. He couldn’t bring himself to hug her, at least not yet, and really he wasn’t so sure the gesture would have been welcomed.
“It’s ok,” Fred replied, quickly wiping his cheeks with his sleeve in a much less dignified manner. He exhaled slowly through his lips, using the motion to momentarily calm himself and push back any more crying. That wasn’t why he’d come here. He hadn’t wanted that again. He hated mourning.
He stepped back away and leaned against the kitchen cupboards behind him, his eyes slightly red rimmed, and gave Penny a few moments to get herself back together. Percy was only part of the reason he’d come here. “So… you and George huh?”
&
She was still trying to catch her breath enough for it to even out and ward off any more crying in the process. She was just grateful it was working at all in the first place, Penny actually feeling calm enough to speak once more following several deep and occasionally shaky breaths.
Clearing her throat, she mentally made the decision right then and there that she was done crying. She could will herself to calm down. Just took a bit of self-control, Penny balling up the tissue before tossing it in the rubbish.
"If you're here to ask me whether I plan on sleeping my way through your family, the answer to that is no. This has nothing to do with blood relation, just so you know, and if you imply otherwise I will be a tad annoyed."
Leaning back, she let her hands wrap around the edge of the counter behind her, as if for something, anything to hold onto at all to keep her grounded.
"I like him. Being with him felt natural. And I'd quite like to see where this goes, provided that he'll still want the same." Pursing her lips somewhat, Penny sighed. "I assume that if he spoke to anyone about this, it would have been you, and I also know that I'm not exactly your favorite person in the world." She could put one and one together. "So I'm asking you, right now, to please not take this away from me. I've been celibate for four years, and this is the first time that doing anything else felt right. And I don't say that lightly, because Percy was the only person I'd ever slept with before this."
&
Fred sighed and crossed his arms. He looked down at the floor as she spoke, but his eyes darted up as she described being with George, reading the expression on her face as she talked about his twin. When she was done, Fred reached up and rubbed his chin with his knuckles.
“I came here to be angry at you,” He confessed slowly, “I didn’t like the idea of you and George. I thought..” He shook his head. It didn’t matter in the end and it wouldn’t benefit Penny to put the thought in her mind. His doubts were his own. Reluctantly, Fred started listening to the little voice in the back of his mind.
“Percy was always the most sensible of us,” He said, “I think he’d tell me I was being stupid. I think he’d tell me.. It was stupid to get in the way if you really have feelings for George cause… well he’s not coming back.. But you’re still here, and you deserve to be happy. You both do. And I want George to be happy.” Fred offered her a weak but genuine smile, “But just make sure you’re, you know, sure. Don’t hurt George or you’ll have to deal with me.”
&
Listening to Fred, Penny couldn't have said that she was surprised by what she was hearing here, her hand moving up to rub gently at the back of her neck with a slow nod.
"You thought I was trying to find a replacement for Percy," she sighed. "I know. But… I'm not. Trust me, my conscience felt guilty enough after what happened to give me plenty of time to think about whether that's what this was." Soul-searching, really. Susan had helped, of course, but… the final verdict had naturally come down to Penny.
She, too, had had the same thoughts that he'd evidently had about what Percy would have said about all of this-- that he would have wanted her to be happy. At least, of anyone in the world, he would have been able to know for certain that his brother would treat her properly, and vice versa.
Had Fred been trying to get in the way? Was that what this visit was about? Or had he already spoken to George about all of this at length? She could only imagine that it was both, not that she blamed him, Penny smiling as her gaze fell to the ground for a moment. "I know. I won't hurt him. But I'd hope that if I did, you'd be willing to hit a girl." Chuckling, she looked back up at him for a short moment, seemingly debating within herself as to how to best proceed from here. "I'm sure he values your opinion more than anyone else's. So… if you were trying to get in the way, I doubt I'd get very far trying to make him happy. But… I would like to try, if I have your permission."
&
The tension that lingered between them seemed to be abating. Fred could almost feel the pressure of it ebbing away like a heavy tide drawing away. It wasn’t gone, and he wasn’t sure if it would ever be gone entirely, but for now they weren’t drowning in it anymore. He hoped it would feel less strange over time. The idea of Penny and George together seemed so foreign to him, but just like everything else that acted as a lingering reminder of his deceased brother, Fred knew the association would fade.
He smiled at her joke, which, at least to Fred Weasley, was a sign of acceptance more than anything else. He nodded, “Yeah, ok. Go for it. So long as you’re both happy. I promise not to stick my nose in too often and not to purposefully give him terrible dating advice.”