Funny how just a week or so can feel like a year, isn't it? I've stared at this parchment for two days, trying to find the words to explain to you where I am, why I haven't come to see you. I wish I could say that I'd come see you if I were able, but that's a lie. I know you're safe, I know you're with people who love you and I know you're with your son. I want to be happy about all of those things, but happiness doesn't seem attainable any longer. Not really.
I want you to know why I did what I did. I did it because you're worth saving. You are one of the most extraordinary men I've ever met. Knowing you was a gift and one I'll hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life. Some love stories aren't epic tales and some don't have happy endings, but I don't think that makes them any less important. Being with you for the months we had together was magical. It will always be one of the happiest times in my life and I'll never regret it, not for a single minute.
There is more I want to say, words that live deep in my heart, but I can't put them to paper. There are moments that matter so much more to one person than they did to the other. And rather than shatter the illusion, maybe it helps to hold tight to the dream of what might have been if the world were just a little different.
I'm so glad you're safe, Remus. I would do it all again for you, you must know that. You're a good man, a worthy man. Worthy of my affection, worthy of another chance, worthy of the life you have. It is my hope that you'll be able to see that one day. It's my hope that you'll see yourself as I did, as I still do: a man who has the ability and the gifts to make the world better. Don't doubt yourself. You are worth more than you can possibly know. You matter more than you'll ever realize.
We won't see each other again. I can't lie... knowing that we never got to say goodbye will haunt me for years. But being near you again would bring danger to you and I won't do that, I can't. The most important thing is for you to be safe, to be happy. If the only thing I ever accomplished in my miserable life was saving you then my life had some meaning after all.
Believe me when I tell you that I'm safe. I'm finding a way to start a new life, one free from the mistakes of my past. I've been given another chance at life and I had to take it, I hope you'll understand. Thank you for being one of the only people who ever saw the good in me. I'll do my best to find some sort of happy ending for myself. Please do the same for you.